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Bachelor Finale

BBs! We are finally here! The finale! Praise be. I’m so tired of Zach. He’s so boring and problematic! More on that later. Let’s dive in…

We start in LA where Ariel comes out looking stunning! A says she’s hurt because at her last Rose Ceremony she didn’t know Zach had gone back on his word and had sex with Gabi. A didn’t find out until she watched it on tv! And apparently Z had AMPLE time to tell Ariel all about his mess up, but he didn’t. Zach comes out on stage and Ariel confronts him. She is SO poised and elegant. She wants to know why he wasn’t honest with her when his whole brand is honesty. A dresses Z down so well I applaud her! You’re better off without him sweetie!

Back to Thailand. We are treated to yet ANOTHER shower scene starring Khaki Zach and no soap! COME ON ABC. He’s not even that ripped! Ugh. Anyway, Zach’s family is in Thailand ready to meet his women. We have mom, dad, and 2 sisters. Gabi meets the fam first but before they go inside she and Z sit down for a chat. G says she feels guilty and conflicted after the last Rose Ceremony when Z confesses that they had sex in front of God and the world, WITHOUT G’s consent!!! G says she feels like a mistake. Z reassures her and halfheartedly apologizes and they go inside to meet the family. Personally I feel like she let him off the hook too easily.

Family time goes great and afterward Gabi tells Z she’s in love with him.

The next day it’s Kaity’s turn to meet the family. K gets all emotional talking with Z’s parents. And afterwards, unsurprisingly, K tells Z she’s in love with him.

Next up are the final dates. First Kaity and Zach hike to a waterfall and make out. You can see straight through the back of K’s white pants. That night they make out and chat about their feelings. The next day Z and Gabi go horseback riding to the beach. Z keeps talking (his fatal flaw) about his big decision and how he doesn’t know what he’s going to do. G gets v emotional about the whole thing. Why doesn’t he know yet? Why doesn’t he pick her first?

Both girls wear v cheeky swim suits. Is this the style now? To have your tush out for the world to see?? Back in my day (says the old lady), we dug our swim suits OUT of our bums!!! I digress.

That night Zach tells Gabi he’s falling in love with her, but he tells the camera he’s still not sure who he’s going to pick.

Proposal Day

Jesse helps Zach pick out a stunner of a ring. Guess Neil Lane couldn’t make the trip.

Gabi arrives first looking amazing. She has killer legs. She gets to Zach and he’s talking about how great she is then says “BUT” and Gabi knows right then that it’s not her getting a ring today. Zach keeps talking (UGH, what did I tell you) even though G has turned away and is crying and is saying I don’t want to hear it. He just keeps going until she says “stop” and it’s like he can’t help himself. ALL she wants to do now is leave and here Z is following her talking talking talking when G does. not. want. to. hear. it!!! He walks her to the car and my heart is breaking for her. Just SHUT UP Zach!!!

LA

Gabi is crying on stage with Jesse. She said in the car leaving the proposal site that there’s something wrong with her (SO UNTRUE) and she’s unlovable (AGAIN, FALSE) and that she’s humiliated (WAY TO GO ABC). Gabi looks amazing but is still upset. And rightfully so. Z comes out. G says that on their Fantasy Suites date Z said that their sex was just between us. Then he turns right around and broadcasts it to the world! SO SELFISH. Gabi tells Z “I wish you would have just sent me home when you knew”. Z apologizes but between you and me, it’s not enough. I HATE how they (Z & ABC) humiliated her on tv just to get back to the old formula. Z should have sent her home when he knew!

Thailand

Zach proposes to Kaity and while I like K a lot I’m still upset with Z over Gabi so I’m a bit salty.

LA

Z & K say they are moving in together in Austin and planning for a 2025 wedding. Congrats! Jesse asks Zach when did Z know that K was the one and Z says it was on their last chance date. BOOM. So he could have sent Gabi home instead of stringing her along and making her suffer through one last date and the proposal day. But he didn’t. UGH. I hope Khaki Pants Zach is better to you Kaity, than he was to Gabi.

Well BBs, thank the LORD that’s over and we can move on to Charity’s Bachelorette season! See you in June!!! xo ๐ŸŒน

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Bachelor Week 9 Fantasy Suites

BBs- this week is Fantasy Suites, or as Khaki Zach calls it, SEX WEEK!!! Bahahaha! At least we are able to see some stunning views of Thailand while we watch!

Us lucky, lucky viewers are treated to yet another soapless shower scene with Khaki Zach. Then Z tells Jesse he’s decided any and all sex is off the table this week. Good luck with that Z! Even Jesse tells Z he’s going to be tempted.

First lady to date sexless Zach this week is Ariel. They have the best date of the week and go to a Night Market where they eat all manner of bugs and worms and crickets. At Fake Dinner Z tells Ariel there will be no sex and she’s visibly disappointed, but at this point she’s already spilled to Z that she’s falling in love with him so she’s stuck with him for the night. The next morning they look happy and talk about their cuddle sesh the night before. So that’s one down, 2 to go!

Next up is Gabi and before she even meets up with Khaki Zach she’s spiraling. Gabi is ALL in her head about being chosen second and being cheated on in the past, etc. So after G & Z take a cool pirate ship to a private island G gets super emotional and starts crying about looking ugly and crusty and feeling gross in front of Z. Z reassures G that she’s beautiful and she feels better. Over Fake Dinner, Z tells Gabi there will be no sex and she’s shocked, especially because she just told the man she’s falling in love with him. G says “I won’t seduce you”. They go to their v cool suite over the water where…..they have sex! So Z’s iron resolve didn’t stand a chance against G and her wiles!

The next day Z tells J he had sex with G and he’s feeling all this guilt now and wants to tell the other girls. Uh, NOT a good idea there Zach! But Z goes and tells G that he wants to tell the other girls and G is NOT happy about this turn of events at all. She feels like it’s their personal business and it shouldn’t be shared. Z tells G he’s falling in love with her.

Kaity’s date is next. They paddle around in a jungle river in a kayak in the rain for a while. Sexy! Then they sit on this rando bench in the jungle river to talk. That’s where Zach spills the beans to K that’s he’s had sex this week. K gets understandably V V upset at this news. She knew it was a possibility but why spell it out for her Z? What did he expect? A fist bump?? K wants to go home. That night Kaity shows up for Fake Dinner even though she was NOT happy, but she somehow manages to rally and has a great attitude! We don’t get a morning after shot so who knows what happened, or didn’t.

Rose Ceremony

Kaity & Ariel look stunning in their brightly colored dresses, but Gabi’s dress looks kinda cheaply made. Shame, because she’s a gorgeous girl. Kaity, the obvious favorite, gets the first rose. Then Gabi. That means Ariel is going home. And just to rub salt in the wound, Zach for some reason, feels the need to talk about how he said he was going to abstain this week and failed. So Ariel knows he knocked boots with at least one of the other girls! UGH Did Zach learn NOTHING from stupid, stupid Clayton??

Z walks Ariel out and while A says she’s deeply hurt, our girl doesn’t shed a single tear! He’s not worth it anyway Ariel!!! He’s khaki pants come to life!

While Z is attending to Ariel, Kaity turns to Gabi and says I know you are the only one. Gabi says she feels like she’s wearing the Scarlett Letter. Nice reference!

Next week- the finale BBs!!! Until then! xo ๐ŸŒน

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Bachelor Women Tell All

BBs- it’s time for one of my favorite episodes! All of the season’s drama condensed into one episode. But this season has been a bit of a yawn fest, so am I expecting too much??

We start with Jesse and Zach gate crashing Bachelor viewing parties, which does not bode well for the Women Tell All part of the evening. Finally Jesse introduces the women and I swear there are ladies there I’ve never seen before! Night one girls who were sent home before we could learn their names I suppose.

They show a montage of all the drama that took place this season, then the ladies just start in on each other! Everyone is talking over everyone else and it’s pure chaos. Also, there is so much highlighter, bronzer, and fake tanner on that stage it looks like a herd of oompa loompas exploded!

The first subject of the ladies’ ire is Christina Mandrell. Cracks me up how she’s the only woman allowed a last name. We GET it. You’re famous adjacent! Anyway, the girls are talking about how mean Christina was on the show and she’s just sitting there with her orange hands (you gotta wear gloves when you apply the fake tanner, sweetie) not saying a word. Finally she says she isn’t used to people saying she makes others feel uncomfortable and she just needs to learn to shut up. And BBs, that’s the last we hear from her all episode!

Jess takes the hot seat and Jesse makes sure to mention her body glitter! Bahaha!!! It WAS blinding, but you do you Jess!

Greer is next and Jesse says we have to address the controversy surrounding Greer’s tweets defending a friend who wore blackface. Jesse notes that the show hasn’t done a good job in the past addressing racist behaviors and boy is he right! Greer apologizes and says all the right things so let’s hope she (and others) have learned.

Kat & Charity follow Greer’s turn in the hot seat (separately) and their interviews about their journeys are v emotional but otherwise unremarkable.

Then it’s time for some deleted scenes and finally here’s the content I’m looking for! A twerking lesson! A tortilla slap fight! SO funny!

Zach comes on stage and the girls address him and their heartbreak and he’s just so blah. He offers some generic platitudes and we move on to bloopers. Zach is apparently a V sweaty man!

Next week is Fantasy Suites, or as Jesse delights in saying, SEX WEEK. Apparently Z decides there will be no sex but fails to hold up his end of the bargain so many, many tears ensue. Honestly, will he please just go ahead and pick Kaity and let’s be done with it? Why put Ariel and Gabi through all the heartache?

Finally, after hinting all night that he’s going to change one lady’s life, Jesse tells Charity that she’s the next Bachelorette! Yay! I called it! She’s so poised and beautiful, the Disney princess of Bachelor Nation.

Until next week BBs, xo ๐ŸŒน

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Bachelor Week 8 Hometowns

BBs it is Hometowns week!!! I love this episode because we get to see where these people come from and their families AND we get to watch the Bachelor squirm a bit!

Gabi- Vermont

Gabi’s hometown is up first and it’s all v LL Bean with flannel shirts and crunchy leaves and tapping a tree for maple syrup. OF COURSE the sexual innuendos are flying whilst Zach and Gabi are boring a hole into a tree, trying to get syrup. “Is it sticky?” “It’s kind of warm.” Lord help us all! Later they meet up with Gabi’s family, including her look alike older sister Chloe. Everyone is super nice to Z and no one is hard on him or too skeptical about the whole deal. Gabi tells Z she’s falling in love with him, natch.

Ariel – NYC

Zach and Ariel take a food tour around the city, stopping for pizza, and a cow tongue sandwich. Then later A & Z meet up with A’s family at what looks like a restaurant. We find out that Ariel’s parents escaped religious persecution in the Soviet Union. But it is A’s brother Bobby who’s the toughest on Zach. “Why should Ariel pick you? When’s her birthday? What’s her middle name?” And of course Z doesn’t know the answers to these basic questions because he’s only spent a cumulative 45 minutes with Ariel and 39 of those minutes were spent making out!!! Z says he’s looking at the bigger picture and they’ll have years to learn all the “small details”. Hmmmm. Ariel also tells Zach that she’s falling in love with him.

Charity – Columbus, GA

BIG family gathering. Like 20 people big. Charity’s family is SUPER nice to Zach, even though they are all scared she’s going to be hurt again. Later Z & C go line dancing and Charity tells him she’s falling in love. Z, ever the silver tongued devil, responds with “Wild. I know, it’s crazy.” Which is totally Z code for “You’re going home”.

Kaity- Austin, TX

I bet you that Z & Kaity knew of each other before the show. I’ll also bet she’s been his favorite since day 1 and will be his pick. Z tells K he missed her when they reunite. They have a gasp!, normal, date. They go grocery shopping then back to her place to put together an IKEA bookcase. Later they go see her family. By this part of the show, K has mentioned numerous times that she’s been let down by men in the past. But even K tells Z she’s falling in love with him and his smile looks the most genuine.

Back in LA, Sean Lowe shows up to counsel our man Z again! Does Z not have any other friends??

Rose Ceremony

Ariel gets the first rose. Then Kaity, then Gabi. What did I tell you??? Charity is going home. She’s instantly in tears and Z walks her out, spitting out a bunch of platitudes like “I’ve been sick to my stomach all day over this”. Z says he can’t give her the love she deserves. Once in the car, Charity repeats this and says “I don’t even know what that freaking means”. I do! I bet it means she’s the next bachelorette!!!

Next up is the Women Tell All. Let’s hope it’s more exciting and far less formulaic than this entire season has been!!! Until then BBs. xo ๐ŸŒน

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Bachelorettes Season Finale Part 2 & ATFR

It’s finally the finale of the finale BBs!!! ABC kept me hostage for what felt like 3 years watching this today!!! Let’s dive in!

We open back with Gabby and Erich talking. Remember he JUST said he wants to date her. But they leave it on good terms.

Rachel goes to Tino’s room and tells him he’s the only one here. UGH. He looks like a mob kid.

ABC is broadcasting this live from LA so they cut to G & R. Gabby is wearing a tiny TINY dress! And Rachel looks shell shocked! That girl has SEEN things!

Back to Mexico, where R is in the proposal spot looking beautiful. Tino comes out and proposes and they ride off (awkwardly) on a horse!

The whole time R is watching the playback and she does NOT look happy. Neither does her father, Big Tony. Rachel tells us that Tino cheated on her! Say WHAT NOW??? He couldn’t keep it in his pants for 3-4 months until After The Final Rose??? Men are GARBAGE. NOT ONLY did he cheat on her… he had the audacity to ask her to not tell anyone about his cheating so they could fake it through ATFR!!! I mean!!!

Jesse then says they have footage of R confronting T about the cheating and we might need some wine to watch it, that it’s hard to watch!!! Why?? Is there waterboarding involved?? Tino comes over to this little house where R is and he’s brought with him a notebook. What’s in the book T? Your hopes and dreams?? T says “the moment I kissed another girl I knew I belonged with you.” VOMIT. He also keeps saying that it was a “tiny” thing. TINY? Cheating is tiny??? Lawd help me!!! Oh, and he keeps referencing his notebook where he’d transcribed conversations between himself and Rachel!!! UNREAL!!! Plus, he keeps walking off out of the house and covering his mic, complaining to producers that he is looking bad. He comes back in and R says she is done and hands him the ring. He leaves.

In LA Tino comes on stage. He and R continue to talk in circles, but he does apologize. Then….Aven comes out!!! He asks Rachel if he could take her somewhere so they can catch up and she says yes! SWOON!!!!

Back in Mexico, Gabby is waiting with her boobs mostly out in a mesh top dress for Erich. He comes and proposes! I really hope things work out for them! I’m shocked he proposed after just wanting to date, but good luck you crazy kids!

In LA, Gabby and Erich come on stage and discuss the texts that E’s ex released (WHY are people keeping all this “evidence”???). E is accused of only wanting to go on the show to further his career. NO MENTION of his blackface yearbook photo. I love G & E but I’m disappointed in you ABC. You gotta ask the hard questions!!!

The last 45 minutes of this hellscape is the announcement of the new Bachelor! It’s Zach! The physical embodiment of khaki pants!!! YAWN. I’m already bored. They bring on 5 women to meet Zach and let America choose by tweet who he should give the first impression rose to. The women are 3 blonde ladies who could be triplets, a dark haired girl, and a black girl. LOADS of diversity ABC. The black girl, Brianna, wins the first impression rose and she deserves it, she is super cute with her introduction.

And that is it BBs!!! Until next time when I see you in Paradise!!! xo ๐ŸŒน

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Bachelorettes Week 11

My BBs!!! I hope you’re ready for 2 whole weeks of 1 finale featuring 2 bachelorettes!!! Jesse Palmer told us to gird our loins last week in preparation for this finale so I’m expecting a cage fight or something!

We pick back up with Rachel and Zach talking outside of the rose ceremony. Their body language is screaming that SOMETHING happened in the Fantasy Suite that they are not sharing with us and I WANNA KNOW!!! Zach says “I got Bachelorette Rachel and not real Rachel. I really loved you. I need to go.” Rachel just kind of stands there with no emotion. It’s all v odd. Zach leaves.

Back in LA- Rachel and Gabby both look STUNNING. But their facial expressions say they have SEEN SOME STUFF. Zach comes on stage with R and they both apologize to each other and leave it on good terms but it’s still v stiff and strange.

In Mexico, R’s family is here including her parents and 2 bffs. Aven meets R’s family first. He brings dad a cigar but Dad is tough on Aven! Dad basically yells “No one is going to take my daughter away from me” at Aven. Take it down a notch Dad. No one is absconding with your precious daughter!!! Good grief. Then Aven tells the BFFs that he’s not ready to propose in 5 days. YIKES. WHAT is going on with the men this season??? Does NO ONE want to get engaged?? WHY are they on the show??? I’m so confused. And so is Rachel! She and A sit down to talk about things and R is v confused as they argue. R thinks A lied to her about getting engaged. She is laser focused on a ring and dammit you better produce one!!!

Gabby’s family is here too including Grandpa John! G brings Erich to meet them and everything goes great. Fam LOVES E and they all get emotional about G finally settling down with her person.

Tino meets R’s family and swears his family will come around and love R. R’s family buys it but I DO NOT. I saw T’s family and their skepticism and dislike! Good luck Rachel, you’ll need it!!!

R has her last date with Aven and she goes to his hotel room. They immediately get into the whole thing about R wanting an engagement and A not being ready. A insists he loves R and wants to spend his life with her but give them some time. But Rachel isn’t hearing the logic of what he’s saying. And we all know R just wants the proposal. R says she can’t move forward and it’s over. A is clearly heartbroken. He says he failed. R leaves in tears. Aven for Bachelor!!!!

In LA, Aven comes on stage and apologizes to Rachel and she to him. Uneventful except that Aven just is soooo cute. Swoon.

Gabby’s final date with Erich starts out great then Erich says he doesn’t want to rush things and he wants to date G. Gabby, who also has engagement rings dancing in her eyes, does NOT take this well. G starts crying and walks away and boom, that’s it for this week!

So we have to wait until next week to see what happens! Until then, BBs. xo ๐ŸŒน

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Bachelorettes Fantasy Suites Part 2

BBs!!! It’s time for part 2 of this week’s emotional hostage situation!!! I’m exhausted from it all so you can imagine how our bachelorettes feel!!!

We pick up with Gabby walking back up to Erich and hugging him. As you probably remember, E is feeling insecure and told G that this Fantasy Suites week feels like cheating. Things are tense for sure between the two of them. Side note- the more E is on camera, the cuter he becomes, even with that horrible hair do!!!

Gabby & Jason’s Fantasy Suite date

Before their date even begins, Jason is busy talking to Jesse about how he’s not ready for an engagement. Jason’s talking more right now than he has all season! But why wait until now Jason?? For the free trips?? Hmmm Not only is he not ready to commit to an engagement, he doesn’t have that strong of feelings for G! YIKES. ๐Ÿ˜ฌ

G&J play tennis. Apparently J played in college and G wanted to have a fun day that he’d relate to. Oh, and that J might be the ONE. They swim and make out afterwards and NOT ONCE during this time does J speak up! That night J finally says he’s “not there yet” and he’s not ready for an engagement. G walks away in tears and J follows her after a looong beat. He keeps telling her things like “I’m here for you” but he still doesn’t want to get married any time soon. He even says he doesn’t know G that well!!! AND SHE STILL let’s him go to the Fantasy Suite with her!!! GIRL. The next morning the music changes and there’s all these shots of a made bed, a dead bee in a champagne glass. It’s weird and ominous. G says she and J were talking in circles and at one point she said โ€œthis just isnโ€™t meant to be,โ€ and Jason replied โ€œyeah, definitely.โ€ YEAH, DEFINITELY. OMG. He’s just asking to be shivved in the yard!!! G goes to J’s room for another talk and I swear that girl has YET to wear a bra. Gabby- trust me when I tell you that you and your boobs will regret these days in a few years!!! Anyway, they break up and G leaves in big time TEARS. Sobbing over this emotionally unavailable guy. Poor thing!!! She feels so unlovable.

Rachel & Zach’s Fantasy Suite date

Rachel and Zach tour the little town. They drink tequila and eat chips and get a tarot card reading. That night Z tells R that he’s in love with her and wants to spend his life with her. Everything seems to be going well and they go to the FS. The next morning something seems off. Z&R seem stiff and formal with each other. Z says that they spoke about religion and politics and those things were eye opening. That R is worried about his age. They are just a few months apart! WEIRD. Z goes to talk about all this with Jesse and even says R was inauthentic!!! Z is in tears!

Meanwhile Gabby is journaling and saying that her person might not even be here! What about Erich I scream! G must have heard me because she goes to see E and they are chatting and she tells him she loves him. WHICH- is nice and all but 2 seconds ago she didn’t know if her person was here!!! Don’t settle for the last man standing! BUT I do really like them together. They have WAY more chemistry than any of her other men did. Anyway, E is elated and smothers her with kisses and love yous.

Rachel’s Rose Ceremony

Aven (swoon), Tino (ugh), and Zach (who looks like his dog just died) arrive for the ceremony. Z tells Jesse he needs to talk to R. Just as R is about to hand out the first rose, Z stops her and asks to speak. They walk outside and that’s it!!! ABC cuts to Jesse in LA. WHUT?!? Jesse says we won’t get to see the rose ceremony! That we all need to take some time. He literally says “Prepare yourselves”. What in the holy cheese puffs is going on???

Until next week BBs!!! I’m off to prepare myself!!! xo ๐ŸŒน

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Bachelorettes Week 9- Fantasy Suites!

Well my BBs, it’s Fantasy Suites time!!! Week 9, and if you remember, this is the time the proverbial sh!t hit the fan for Gabby and Rachel with Clayton. Well G&R sure haven’t forgotten about it! They open up the show rehashing their “journey” with Clayton and then they go through all their remaining guys, discussing their feelings for each guy.

Fantasy Suite #1- Gabby & Erich

Erich has become my favorite for G, even with his awful fauxhawk! They go to Lover’s Leap- a swimming hole with this rickety wood structure they climb and jump off of. G is in a TEENY TINY bikini. Like, so miniscule that ABC blows their entire black box budget trying to cover her rear end!! That night E tells G that his family is obsessed with G. He says he’s in love with G and doesn’t want to leave there without her. It’s v sweet. They go to the Fantasy Suite. The next morning E is talking about how hard it is for him thinking about G with the other guys. G tells him to be patient with her. I mean, WE all know E is her number one guy, but I guess E doesn’t know that yet.

Fantasy Suite #2- Rachel & Aven

Rachel and Aven take a yacht out on the water and we are all treated with the sight of beautiful, beautiful, Aven shirtless and sweaty in the sun. SWOOON! That night R&A are making out and get R’s lipstick ALL OVER HER FACE. They continue to speak but I am so distracted by the lipstick I have no idea what they said! Kidding- Rachel tells Aven she’s falling in love with him. Remember he’s already told her he’s falling in love with her. They go to the FS. The next morning Rachel says Aven is the FULL PACKAGE. She says it twice. She also looks like she’s just been thrown out of a tornado so you KNOW they had a good night!!!

Fantasy Suite #3 -Rachel & Tino

Before their date, Jesse goes to visit Tino because Tino has been crying like a baby about Rachel and other guys and the Fantasy Suites this week. Ugh. Have you not seen the show???

Anyway, Rach & Tino go horseback riding and swimming. That night Rachel tells Tino she’s really nervous about his parents because they ripped her to shreds at Hometowns. Tino keeps saying “they’ll come around. You’re my future.” Keep telling yourself that T!!! Tino tells Rachel he loves her and she replies with I love you too!! But what about Aven??? Dang it!! I guess I’ll have to date yummy Aven then!!! FINE.

Fantasy Suite #4- Gabby & Johnny

Gabby and Johnny go for a sailboat ride then talk on the beach. Johnny admits he won’t be ready to propose in a week, so G breaks up with him and it’s all v chill and v casual.

Later, Erich sends G a note to meet him. They meet up and E says he’s having a really hard time thinking about G doing things with other men. G says (basically) “Dude, didn’t we discuss this already?? WHY are you rehashing this?!?” She ends up in tears and…..

…..that’s it until tomorrow!!! Stay tuned BBs!!! xo ๐ŸŒน

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The Bachelorettes Week 8 Men Tell All

BBs! It’s week 8 and that means it’s time for what used to be one of my v favorite Bachelor/ette episodes- Men Tell All!!! But before we get to that we have one last hometown to visit!

Aven’s hometown with Rachel

We are in Salem, Mass for Aven’s hometown and if history repeats itself, things do not bode well for a lady in this town! Before we meet the parents, though we stop in and consult with a Love Witch! Rachel and Aven go into the Love Witch’s shop and Rachel gets SO excited that they have half priced crystals- it’s almost more excited than she gets for her guys!!! The LOVE WITCH puts a spell on R & A and just as they are about to leave the glass table the love witch was working off of completely tips over! Candles and crystals everywhere!!!

That night R & A go to a seafood restaurant (why not someone’s house I want to know!!!) to meet cutie Aven’s parents. Mom has this long blonde-ish wild hair and a nose ring. Dad is more conservative looking AND acting- he’s v skeptical. But after chatting with R for a while he warms up nicely! Both parents are supportive of R & A, which a HUGE relief for Rachel since Tino’s parents ripped her apart!

After the parental meeting Aven tells Rachel he’s falling in love with her and she feels the same way. It’s v sweet!

Men Tell All

Jesse Palmer starts the show by telling us that no one went home from hometowns, and everyone got a rose.

Then Jesse makes me so jealous by telling everyone that everyone in the audience gets a Virgin cruise!

Finally the men tell all part starts. Roby (who dyed his hair that yellowy bleach color) has lots to say for a magician who was sent home the first night!

Hayden (who said all those hateful things about G & R and called them b!tches) isn’t there. GOOD. I don’t want him to get any airtime!

Logan is there though and he denies any wrongdoing (with the switching from R to G) and he’s still SO douchey!!! I loathe him and I hate that he’s going to Paradise where I’ll have to watch him even more!!! So then we are treated to a preview of BIP.

Nate is in the hot seat for a WHILE. First they make him rehash his “journey” with Gabby then Jesse addresses some social media rumors that apparently Nate dated a couple of women at the same time and kept his daughter a secret from them. He apologizes and says he’s a different man now than he was then. I still adore Nate!

Gabby and Rachel come out and sit on the hot seat. Jacob apologizes to Gabby for being so rude and while he seems sincere I still can’t stand him or his man bun!!!

Bloopers are funny and then more advertisements!!! Billy Eichner (who I LOVE) and some guy I donโ€™t know come out to promote the movie Bros. Then to top off the night, Meatball douses himself with marinara again. And it’s gross. Again!

And that’s it BBs! No big secrets, no major drama. Just 2 hours of my life I’ll never get back!!! ๐Ÿ˜‚

Until next week, xo ๐ŸŒน

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The Bachelorettes Week 7 Hometowns

Wow. Wow wow wow BBs. I just finished watching week 7- Hometowns and I am emotionally WROUGHT!!! I am spent I tell you! We have a LOT to unpack so let’s go!!!

First up is Gabby and Jason in New Orleans. They meet up with Jason’s dad at a park and Dad is crying from the get go! He just loves his son so much! It’s really v sweet. That night G meets mom, sister, etc. Mom is giving me major Elvira vibes with her high hair and black eye makeup. Mom is super emotional too. The most surprising thing that happens is when Jason tells Mom that “I can’t see myself getting engaged at this point.” Um, excuse me? Gabby does not know this information AND have you not seen the show??? The end game is marriage! There’s an engagement ring in the logo for Pete’s sake!!!

Next we go to Anaheim, CA with Rachel and Zach. They meet the family and Z’s uncle is Patrick Warburton! I love that guy!!! He’s hilarious! Zach seems super nice and all but it’s all v khaki, you know? Z’s dad even says to Rachel- you go to romantic places and you’ll fall in love with a monkey! Ha!!! He’s not wrong. Z tells Rachel he’s in love with her.

Then we head to Palm Beach, FL with Gabby and Johnny. Not much exciting to report here either. Johnny’s family seems nice enough and they seem v supportive of both Johnny and Gabby. BUT- Johnny tells his mom he’s not sure if he’s ready for an engagement!!! Does NO MAN want to marry poor Gabby??? WHY go on a show where if you “win” you get married??? I do not understand men!

Wildwood, NJ is our next destination with Rachel and Tyler. Apparently Wildwood is on the Jersey shore and R & T have the entire deserted boardwalk to themselves. It’s a bit creepy! Also, T seems to own one of the carnival boardwalk games?? Get back to me on the specifics, will ya ABC? So after running into some of Ty’s friends, T & R sit down on a bench and chat. Poor, delusional Ty is running off at the mouth about how incredible Rachel is and how he’s in love with her and this has been the BEST DAY EVER!!! And the whole time, poor teary eyed Rachel is waiting for Tyler to TAKE A BREATH so she can tell him that she just doesn’t think she can “get there” with him and she respects him too much to bring his family into this. R is shaking like a leaf and Ty is soooo sweet about the whole thing and just smiles through his pain. I want to hug him so bad! Then, just when you think ABC couldn’t be more cruel, we cut to Ty’s family sitting around in their living room waiting for him to come in. Tyler walks in with a big smile and even though he looks like he’s about to burst into tears, he tells his family Rachel isn’t here. Where is she, Ty?? OH MY HEART!!!

Before I can even catch my breath we move on to Bedminster, NJ to see Gabby meet Erich’s family. Gabby (who’s favorite word of all time is YEAH- I swear she sounds like the Usher song!!!) meets Erich’s mom, I think a brother, grandma and grandpa, and Erich’s dad. Dad has been battling terminal cancer for 3 years now and isn’t doing so well. But he totally rallies for this visit and I swear Gabby and Erich better get married and honor dad of Erich for the rest of their earthly years!!! Dad chats with G & E then G chat’s with mom, who’s also super emotional. Mom is Dad’s caregiver and they’ve been married almost 35 years. BTW I AM A WRECK at this point!!! Just sitting here doing the ugly cry!!! Erich’s family is just so lovely. G & E ride off on a motorcycle to a tavern where E says I’m falling in love with you and G says I’m also falling in love with you.

Finally we go to Santa Clarita, CA to witness the bloodbath that is Rachel meeting Tino’s family. Tino’s fam is V V skeptical about Rachel, about the Bachelorette, about the timeline of their love, about EVERYTHING and they are NOT holding back!!! Not 5 minutes after T & R walk through the door, Tino says he’s planning to propose in a couple weeks and Dad of Tino is all THE HELL YOU ARE, BOY!!! Mom grills Rachel. R is almost in tears. Then Dad grills Rachel. These people are TOUGH.

Tino and Rachel go outside at the end of the night to chat and T has the audacity to say “They adored you!” Bahahaha!!! No they certainly did not! Rachel can tell that his parents did not like her or anything about this process . Tino says I’m falling in love with you and can’t see a future without you. Rachel says I’m falling in love with you too.

And that is that! Next week we have Aven’s hometown then Men Tell All. I can’t wait!!! I love the hometowns episode so much because you get to see where (and who) these people came from and it’s v eye opening. ABC did not disappoint tonight!!!

Until next week BBs!!! xo ๐ŸŒน