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Bachelorettes Season Finale Part 2 & ATFR

It’s finally the finale of the finale BBs!!! ABC kept me hostage for what felt like 3 years watching this today!!! Let’s dive in!

We open back with Gabby and Erich talking. Remember he JUST said he wants to date her. But they leave it on good terms.

Rachel goes to Tino’s room and tells him he’s the only one here. UGH. He looks like a mob kid.

ABC is broadcasting this live from LA so they cut to G & R. Gabby is wearing a tiny TINY dress! And Rachel looks shell shocked! That girl has SEEN things!

Back to Mexico, where R is in the proposal spot looking beautiful. Tino comes out and proposes and they ride off (awkwardly) on a horse!

The whole time R is watching the playback and she does NOT look happy. Neither does her father, Big Tony. Rachel tells us that Tino cheated on her! Say WHAT NOW??? He couldn’t keep it in his pants for 3-4 months until After The Final Rose??? Men are GARBAGE. NOT ONLY did he cheat on her… he had the audacity to ask her to not tell anyone about his cheating so they could fake it through ATFR!!! I mean!!!

Jesse then says they have footage of R confronting T about the cheating and we might need some wine to watch it, that it’s hard to watch!!! Why?? Is there waterboarding involved?? Tino comes over to this little house where R is and he’s brought with him a notebook. What’s in the book T? Your hopes and dreams?? T says “the moment I kissed another girl I knew I belonged with you.” VOMIT. He also keeps saying that it was a “tiny” thing. TINY? Cheating is tiny??? Lawd help me!!! Oh, and he keeps referencing his notebook where he’d transcribed conversations between himself and Rachel!!! UNREAL!!! Plus, he keeps walking off out of the house and covering his mic, complaining to producers that he is looking bad. He comes back in and R says she is done and hands him the ring. He leaves.

In LA Tino comes on stage. He and R continue to talk in circles, but he does apologize. Then….Aven comes out!!! He asks Rachel if he could take her somewhere so they can catch up and she says yes! SWOON!!!!

Back in Mexico, Gabby is waiting with her boobs mostly out in a mesh top dress for Erich. He comes and proposes! I really hope things work out for them! I’m shocked he proposed after just wanting to date, but good luck you crazy kids!

In LA, Gabby and Erich come on stage and discuss the texts that E’s ex released (WHY are people keeping all this “evidence”???). E is accused of only wanting to go on the show to further his career. NO MENTION of his blackface yearbook photo. I love G & E but I’m disappointed in you ABC. You gotta ask the hard questions!!!

The last 45 minutes of this hellscape is the announcement of the new Bachelor! It’s Zach! The physical embodiment of khaki pants!!! YAWN. I’m already bored. They bring on 5 women to meet Zach and let America choose by tweet who he should give the first impression rose to. The women are 3 blonde ladies who could be triplets, a dark haired girl, and a black girl. LOADS of diversity ABC. The black girl, Brianna, wins the first impression rose and she deserves it, she is super cute with her introduction.

And that is it BBs!!! Until next time when I see you in Paradise!!! xo 🌹

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Bachelorettes Week 11

My BBs!!! I hope you’re ready for 2 whole weeks of 1 finale featuring 2 bachelorettes!!! Jesse Palmer told us to gird our loins last week in preparation for this finale so I’m expecting a cage fight or something!

We pick back up with Rachel and Zach talking outside of the rose ceremony. Their body language is screaming that SOMETHING happened in the Fantasy Suite that they are not sharing with us and I WANNA KNOW!!! Zach says “I got Bachelorette Rachel and not real Rachel. I really loved you. I need to go.” Rachel just kind of stands there with no emotion. It’s all v odd. Zach leaves.

Back in LA- Rachel and Gabby both look STUNNING. But their facial expressions say they have SEEN SOME STUFF. Zach comes on stage with R and they both apologize to each other and leave it on good terms but it’s still v stiff and strange.

In Mexico, R’s family is here including her parents and 2 bffs. Aven meets R’s family first. He brings dad a cigar but Dad is tough on Aven! Dad basically yells “No one is going to take my daughter away from me” at Aven. Take it down a notch Dad. No one is absconding with your precious daughter!!! Good grief. Then Aven tells the BFFs that he’s not ready to propose in 5 days. YIKES. WHAT is going on with the men this season??? Does NO ONE want to get engaged?? WHY are they on the show??? I’m so confused. And so is Rachel! She and A sit down to talk about things and R is v confused as they argue. R thinks A lied to her about getting engaged. She is laser focused on a ring and dammit you better produce one!!!

Gabby’s family is here too including Grandpa John! G brings Erich to meet them and everything goes great. Fam LOVES E and they all get emotional about G finally settling down with her person.

Tino meets R’s family and swears his family will come around and love R. R’s family buys it but I DO NOT. I saw T’s family and their skepticism and dislike! Good luck Rachel, you’ll need it!!!

R has her last date with Aven and she goes to his hotel room. They immediately get into the whole thing about R wanting an engagement and A not being ready. A insists he loves R and wants to spend his life with her but give them some time. But Rachel isn’t hearing the logic of what he’s saying. And we all know R just wants the proposal. R says she can’t move forward and it’s over. A is clearly heartbroken. He says he failed. R leaves in tears. Aven for Bachelor!!!!

In LA, Aven comes on stage and apologizes to Rachel and she to him. Uneventful except that Aven just is soooo cute. Swoon.

Gabby’s final date with Erich starts out great then Erich says he doesn’t want to rush things and he wants to date G. Gabby, who also has engagement rings dancing in her eyes, does NOT take this well. G starts crying and walks away and boom, that’s it for this week!

So we have to wait until next week to see what happens! Until then, BBs. xo 🌹

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Bachelorettes Fantasy Suites Part 2

BBs!!! It’s time for part 2 of this week’s emotional hostage situation!!! I’m exhausted from it all so you can imagine how our bachelorettes feel!!!

We pick up with Gabby walking back up to Erich and hugging him. As you probably remember, E is feeling insecure and told G that this Fantasy Suites week feels like cheating. Things are tense for sure between the two of them. Side note- the more E is on camera, the cuter he becomes, even with that horrible hair do!!!

Gabby & Jason’s Fantasy Suite date

Before their date even begins, Jason is busy talking to Jesse about how he’s not ready for an engagement. Jason’s talking more right now than he has all season! But why wait until now Jason?? For the free trips?? Hmmm Not only is he not ready to commit to an engagement, he doesn’t have that strong of feelings for G! YIKES. 😬

G&J play tennis. Apparently J played in college and G wanted to have a fun day that he’d relate to. Oh, and that J might be the ONE. They swim and make out afterwards and NOT ONCE during this time does J speak up! That night J finally says he’s “not there yet” and he’s not ready for an engagement. G walks away in tears and J follows her after a looong beat. He keeps telling her things like “I’m here for you” but he still doesn’t want to get married any time soon. He even says he doesn’t know G that well!!! AND SHE STILL let’s him go to the Fantasy Suite with her!!! GIRL. The next morning the music changes and there’s all these shots of a made bed, a dead bee in a champagne glass. It’s weird and ominous. G says she and J were talking in circles and at one point she said “this just isn’t meant to be,” and Jason replied “yeah, definitely.” YEAH, DEFINITELY. OMG. He’s just asking to be shivved in the yard!!! G goes to J’s room for another talk and I swear that girl has YET to wear a bra. Gabby- trust me when I tell you that you and your boobs will regret these days in a few years!!! Anyway, they break up and G leaves in big time TEARS. Sobbing over this emotionally unavailable guy. Poor thing!!! She feels so unlovable.

Rachel & Zach’s Fantasy Suite date

Rachel and Zach tour the little town. They drink tequila and eat chips and get a tarot card reading. That night Z tells R that he’s in love with her and wants to spend his life with her. Everything seems to be going well and they go to the FS. The next morning something seems off. Z&R seem stiff and formal with each other. Z says that they spoke about religion and politics and those things were eye opening. That R is worried about his age. They are just a few months apart! WEIRD. Z goes to talk about all this with Jesse and even says R was inauthentic!!! Z is in tears!

Meanwhile Gabby is journaling and saying that her person might not even be here! What about Erich I scream! G must have heard me because she goes to see E and they are chatting and she tells him she loves him. WHICH- is nice and all but 2 seconds ago she didn’t know if her person was here!!! Don’t settle for the last man standing! BUT I do really like them together. They have WAY more chemistry than any of her other men did. Anyway, E is elated and smothers her with kisses and love yous.

Rachel’s Rose Ceremony

Aven (swoon), Tino (ugh), and Zach (who looks like his dog just died) arrive for the ceremony. Z tells Jesse he needs to talk to R. Just as R is about to hand out the first rose, Z stops her and asks to speak. They walk outside and that’s it!!! ABC cuts to Jesse in LA. WHUT?!? Jesse says we won’t get to see the rose ceremony! That we all need to take some time. He literally says “Prepare yourselves”. What in the holy cheese puffs is going on???

Until next week BBs!!! I’m off to prepare myself!!! xo 🌹

pop culture, tv

Bachelorettes Week 9- Fantasy Suites!

Well my BBs, it’s Fantasy Suites time!!! Week 9, and if you remember, this is the time the proverbial sh!t hit the fan for Gabby and Rachel with Clayton. Well G&R sure haven’t forgotten about it! They open up the show rehashing their “journey” with Clayton and then they go through all their remaining guys, discussing their feelings for each guy.

Fantasy Suite #1- Gabby & Erich

Erich has become my favorite for G, even with his awful fauxhawk! They go to Lover’s Leap- a swimming hole with this rickety wood structure they climb and jump off of. G is in a TEENY TINY bikini. Like, so miniscule that ABC blows their entire black box budget trying to cover her rear end!! That night E tells G that his family is obsessed with G. He says he’s in love with G and doesn’t want to leave there without her. It’s v sweet. They go to the Fantasy Suite. The next morning E is talking about how hard it is for him thinking about G with the other guys. G tells him to be patient with her. I mean, WE all know E is her number one guy, but I guess E doesn’t know that yet.

Fantasy Suite #2- Rachel & Aven

Rachel and Aven take a yacht out on the water and we are all treated with the sight of beautiful, beautiful, Aven shirtless and sweaty in the sun. SWOOON! That night R&A are making out and get R’s lipstick ALL OVER HER FACE. They continue to speak but I am so distracted by the lipstick I have no idea what they said! Kidding- Rachel tells Aven she’s falling in love with him. Remember he’s already told her he’s falling in love with her. They go to the FS. The next morning Rachel says Aven is the FULL PACKAGE. She says it twice. She also looks like she’s just been thrown out of a tornado so you KNOW they had a good night!!!

Fantasy Suite #3 -Rachel & Tino

Before their date, Jesse goes to visit Tino because Tino has been crying like a baby about Rachel and other guys and the Fantasy Suites this week. Ugh. Have you not seen the show???

Anyway, Rach & Tino go horseback riding and swimming. That night Rachel tells Tino she’s really nervous about his parents because they ripped her to shreds at Hometowns. Tino keeps saying “they’ll come around. You’re my future.” Keep telling yourself that T!!! Tino tells Rachel he loves her and she replies with I love you too!! But what about Aven??? Dang it!! I guess I’ll have to date yummy Aven then!!! FINE.

Fantasy Suite #4- Gabby & Johnny

Gabby and Johnny go for a sailboat ride then talk on the beach. Johnny admits he won’t be ready to propose in a week, so G breaks up with him and it’s all v chill and v casual.

Later, Erich sends G a note to meet him. They meet up and E says he’s having a really hard time thinking about G doing things with other men. G says (basically) “Dude, didn’t we discuss this already?? WHY are you rehashing this?!?” She ends up in tears and…..

…..that’s it until tomorrow!!! Stay tuned BBs!!! xo 🌹

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The Bachelorettes Week 8 Men Tell All

BBs! It’s week 8 and that means it’s time for what used to be one of my v favorite Bachelor/ette episodes- Men Tell All!!! But before we get to that we have one last hometown to visit!

Aven’s hometown with Rachel

We are in Salem, Mass for Aven’s hometown and if history repeats itself, things do not bode well for a lady in this town! Before we meet the parents, though we stop in and consult with a Love Witch! Rachel and Aven go into the Love Witch’s shop and Rachel gets SO excited that they have half priced crystals- it’s almost more excited than she gets for her guys!!! The LOVE WITCH puts a spell on R & A and just as they are about to leave the glass table the love witch was working off of completely tips over! Candles and crystals everywhere!!!

That night R & A go to a seafood restaurant (why not someone’s house I want to know!!!) to meet cutie Aven’s parents. Mom has this long blonde-ish wild hair and a nose ring. Dad is more conservative looking AND acting- he’s v skeptical. But after chatting with R for a while he warms up nicely! Both parents are supportive of R & A, which a HUGE relief for Rachel since Tino’s parents ripped her apart!

After the parental meeting Aven tells Rachel he’s falling in love with her and she feels the same way. It’s v sweet!

Men Tell All

Jesse Palmer starts the show by telling us that no one went home from hometowns, and everyone got a rose.

Then Jesse makes me so jealous by telling everyone that everyone in the audience gets a Virgin cruise!

Finally the men tell all part starts. Roby (who dyed his hair that yellowy bleach color) has lots to say for a magician who was sent home the first night!

Hayden (who said all those hateful things about G & R and called them b!tches) isn’t there. GOOD. I don’t want him to get any airtime!

Logan is there though and he denies any wrongdoing (with the switching from R to G) and he’s still SO douchey!!! I loathe him and I hate that he’s going to Paradise where I’ll have to watch him even more!!! So then we are treated to a preview of BIP.

Nate is in the hot seat for a WHILE. First they make him rehash his “journey” with Gabby then Jesse addresses some social media rumors that apparently Nate dated a couple of women at the same time and kept his daughter a secret from them. He apologizes and says he’s a different man now than he was then. I still adore Nate!

Gabby and Rachel come out and sit on the hot seat. Jacob apologizes to Gabby for being so rude and while he seems sincere I still can’t stand him or his man bun!!!

Bloopers are funny and then more advertisements!!! Billy Eichner (who I LOVE) and some guy I don’t know come out to promote the movie Bros. Then to top off the night, Meatball douses himself with marinara again. And it’s gross. Again!

And that’s it BBs! No big secrets, no major drama. Just 2 hours of my life I’ll never get back!!! 😂

Until next week, xo 🌹

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The Bachelorettes Week 7 Hometowns

Wow. Wow wow wow BBs. I just finished watching week 7- Hometowns and I am emotionally WROUGHT!!! I am spent I tell you! We have a LOT to unpack so let’s go!!!

First up is Gabby and Jason in New Orleans. They meet up with Jason’s dad at a park and Dad is crying from the get go! He just loves his son so much! It’s really v sweet. That night G meets mom, sister, etc. Mom is giving me major Elvira vibes with her high hair and black eye makeup. Mom is super emotional too. The most surprising thing that happens is when Jason tells Mom that “I can’t see myself getting engaged at this point.” Um, excuse me? Gabby does not know this information AND have you not seen the show??? The end game is marriage! There’s an engagement ring in the logo for Pete’s sake!!!

Next we go to Anaheim, CA with Rachel and Zach. They meet the family and Z’s uncle is Patrick Warburton! I love that guy!!! He’s hilarious! Zach seems super nice and all but it’s all v khaki, you know? Z’s dad even says to Rachel- you go to romantic places and you’ll fall in love with a monkey! Ha!!! He’s not wrong. Z tells Rachel he’s in love with her.

Then we head to Palm Beach, FL with Gabby and Johnny. Not much exciting to report here either. Johnny’s family seems nice enough and they seem v supportive of both Johnny and Gabby. BUT- Johnny tells his mom he’s not sure if he’s ready for an engagement!!! Does NO MAN want to marry poor Gabby??? WHY go on a show where if you “win” you get married??? I do not understand men!

Wildwood, NJ is our next destination with Rachel and Tyler. Apparently Wildwood is on the Jersey shore and R & T have the entire deserted boardwalk to themselves. It’s a bit creepy! Also, T seems to own one of the carnival boardwalk games?? Get back to me on the specifics, will ya ABC? So after running into some of Ty’s friends, T & R sit down on a bench and chat. Poor, delusional Ty is running off at the mouth about how incredible Rachel is and how he’s in love with her and this has been the BEST DAY EVER!!! And the whole time, poor teary eyed Rachel is waiting for Tyler to TAKE A BREATH so she can tell him that she just doesn’t think she can “get there” with him and she respects him too much to bring his family into this. R is shaking like a leaf and Ty is soooo sweet about the whole thing and just smiles through his pain. I want to hug him so bad! Then, just when you think ABC couldn’t be more cruel, we cut to Ty’s family sitting around in their living room waiting for him to come in. Tyler walks in with a big smile and even though he looks like he’s about to burst into tears, he tells his family Rachel isn’t here. Where is she, Ty?? OH MY HEART!!!

Before I can even catch my breath we move on to Bedminster, NJ to see Gabby meet Erich’s family. Gabby (who’s favorite word of all time is YEAH- I swear she sounds like the Usher song!!!) meets Erich’s mom, I think a brother, grandma and grandpa, and Erich’s dad. Dad has been battling terminal cancer for 3 years now and isn’t doing so well. But he totally rallies for this visit and I swear Gabby and Erich better get married and honor dad of Erich for the rest of their earthly years!!! Dad chats with G & E then G chat’s with mom, who’s also super emotional. Mom is Dad’s caregiver and they’ve been married almost 35 years. BTW I AM A WRECK at this point!!! Just sitting here doing the ugly cry!!! Erich’s family is just so lovely. G & E ride off on a motorcycle to a tavern where E says I’m falling in love with you and G says I’m also falling in love with you.

Finally we go to Santa Clarita, CA to witness the bloodbath that is Rachel meeting Tino’s family. Tino’s fam is V V skeptical about Rachel, about the Bachelorette, about the timeline of their love, about EVERYTHING and they are NOT holding back!!! Not 5 minutes after T & R walk through the door, Tino says he’s planning to propose in a couple weeks and Dad of Tino is all THE HELL YOU ARE, BOY!!! Mom grills Rachel. R is almost in tears. Then Dad grills Rachel. These people are TOUGH.

Tino and Rachel go outside at the end of the night to chat and T has the audacity to say “They adored you!” Bahahaha!!! No they certainly did not! Rachel can tell that his parents did not like her or anything about this process . Tino says I’m falling in love with you and can’t see a future without you. Rachel says I’m falling in love with you too.

And that is that! Next week we have Aven’s hometown then Men Tell All. I can’t wait!!! I love the hometowns episode so much because you get to see where (and who) these people came from and it’s v eye opening. ABC did not disappoint tonight!!!

Until next week BBs!!! xo 🌹

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The Bachelorettes Week 6

BBs- it’s week 6 and we’re in Amsterdam! First off though, as a cruise junkie, I am in awe that the Bachelorette peeps have this entire cruise ship to themselves!!! I’d be running amuck!!!

Nate & Gabby 1-1

Nate and Gabby walk around Amsterdam a bit and then G bursts into tears! They sit down on a bench and G sobs as she explains that she doesn’t know if she wants to be a mother. That she’s not ready to be a mom. I think this is SO mature of Gabby! Thank goodness she did the hard thing NOW instead of going to hometowns and meeting Nate’s daughter and bringing a child into all this mess, and THEN breaking up with him. I hate to see Nate go- he’s been one of my faves from the start. But I’m sooo proud of Gabby for realizing she’s just not in the place he needs her to be. Gabby’s crying, Nate’s crying (but being SUCH a gentleman about the whole thing and it makes me love him even more!!!), and I’m crying!!!

Zach & Rachel 1-1

Zach and Rachel’s second 1-1 includes frolicking through tulip fields (stunningly beautiful!!!), riding bikes, and sitting and making out in a hot tub. At Fake Dinner Zach tells R that he used to be 85 lbs heavier and he’s a big fan of therapy. He gets the rose. It’s a nice date and all but I don’t see a lot of chemistry there.

Gabby Group Date

G and her guys go to see a Mistress sex expert. It’s all very odd. The Mistress asks the guys a bunch of questions like “Do you know how to please a woman”. Then the guys are forced to take their shirts off, are blindfolded, and are made to lay on a carpet in a circle while Gabby slaps them in the chest with a whip, drips hot wax on them, and randomly makes out with them. That night the mood is tense with the guys because there’s a rose on the table and next week is hometowns. Before G can arrive to the cocktail party, Jesse visits her to let her know that Logan has Covid and is out! Then Jesse goes to see the other guys and instead of saying “Logan has the rona”, Jesse is all vague and weird about it saying there’s a situation with Logan. Strange. Jesse cancels the cocktail party “to be safe”, but I thought Covid quarantine lasted a lot longer than one night!!!

Rachel Group Date

R and her guys go to the Cheese capital of the world and the guys enter a cheese lifting competition, shirtless of course. TIno wins cheese king! That night Tyler gets the group date rose and Tino FLIPS out! I don’t know why either! Rachel practically swoons every time he’s near her- let the little guy get a rose for a change TIno!

Rose Ceremony

Gabby says she’s only comfortable handing out 3 roses. Erich, Jason, and Johnny get roses. Spencer is going home.

Rachel gives roses to Aven and Tino. Ethan is going home.

Next week is hometowns! Can’t wait BBs!!! Until then! xo 🌹

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Bachelorettes Week 5

It’s Week 5 BBs and Rachel is STILL crying! But who could blame her??? ABC has thrown her into this romantic hellscape with no relief in sight! Poor girl!

You may remember from last week that Logan decided he wants to pursue Gabby instead of Rachel. AFTER he’s accepted 5, count em, 5 roses from Rachel!!! Shady McShadester!!! So before the group date, Logan goes to speak with Rachel and tells her that he has feelings for Gabby. Logan bows out of the group date. Rachel asks him why did he accept her rose last night, which Logan conveniently “doesn’t hear”. He leaves and poor Rachel is in tears. She feels like a failure as the Bachelorette. Jesse comes to see Rachel then goes to see Rachel’s guys, who are walking around Bruges, Belgium. Jesse tells the guys that the group date is canceled. Poor guys are REALLY disappointed. But, Rachel says she’ll see them later.

Meanwhile, Logan goes to see Gabby. He tells her “I was on fire for you!”. Seriously? Stop speaking now Logan.

Later, Rachel goes to see her guys for the Group Date After Party, wearing a hideous dress. She breaks my heart when she tells her guys to leave if they want. Then she has alone time with each of the guys and when she’s with Tino he says “I’ll take any piece of you any day.” Swooon!!! Love Tino!!! Tino gets the group date rose. As he should!

Gabby’s Group Date

Gabby and her guys tour around Bruges, play soccer with local kids, eat waffles, and play roshambo (rock, paper, scissors) with some locals. But in Belgium, when you lose, you get slapped in the face with a fish! It’s pretty entertaining! I can think of quite a few people I’d like to fish slap!!!

That night Logan joins the group and the other guys are NOT HAPPY. They are all questioning their connections with Gabby. G is looking super cute in a tiny lime green dress. Nate gets the group date rose.

Rachel 1-1 with Aven

The 2 of them tour around Bruges and make out. At Fake Dinner Aven talks about some Mommy drama he has and gives Rachel a bracelet his mom made. They make out some more and R gives Aven the rose. He is soooo cute.

Gabby 1-1 with Johnny

Johnny and Gabby go to a brewery, taste beer, get in a bathtub full of beer, and slap each other with eucalyptus branches. Honestly, before this I didn’t even know who Johnny was. Or why a grown man is still named Johnny. Or that he was on this show. At Fake Dinner Johnny admits he struggles with depression, which is pretty woke of him. Gabby gives Johnny the rose.

Cocktail Party

Gabby’s group is still fuming over the addition of Logan.

Rose Ceremony

Logan gets Gabby’s last rose. Gabby has 5 guys left and I think Rachel has 5 left too. Going home: Michael, Mario, and Meatball. We’re 2 weeks away from Hometowns already. What a dumpster fire this season has been!!!

Next week we’re going to Amsterdam!!! Until then BBs!!! xo🌹

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Bachelorettes Week 4

It’s Week 4 BBs, AND my birthday!!! 🥳🥳🥳 I’m late posting because I’ve been busy with festivities and couldn’t watch until early this afternoon. But let’s get into it!!!

First of all… I can’t believe Meatball is back!!! He does redeem himself, but more on that later. They don’t make an announcement or anything, he’s just back. At the mansion, all the guys are milling about and chatting and Hayden is saying some really terrible things about our lovely Bachelorettes!!! Remember, he’s the same guy who told Gabby she was too “rough around the edges to be his wife” last week. Well this week he takes it WAY too far!!! Hayden says “they (the bachelorettes) don’t hold a candle” to his ex. And then…AND THEN!!! He actually says out loud!!! “My dumb ass uses the verbiage that Gabby uses to describe herself, and she f-ing didn’t like that. Well, bitch, maybe you shouldn’t use that word to describe yourself then.” I am SHOOK again!!! Did he just call the Bachelorette a bitch?!?! I loathe that word!!! Oh and he totally said the F word, I just cleaned it up for y’all.

Jesse Palmer comes in and tells the guys that they are going to France!!! This is a HUGE deal, because normally when they say the guys are going somewhere romantic, it’s to Boise, not Paris!!!

Tino’s 1-1 with Rachel in Paris.

It’s a rainy day in Paris, but that doesn’t stop T&R from making out while walking around the city of Love. They make crepes and they seem to really be getting along. At Fake Dinner they seem to have great chemistry and you can tell Tino (is that his real name or a nickname? I have questions ABC!!!) is really into Rachel. THANK GOODNESS because last week was such a sh!tshow for her!!! Rachel even admits to Tino that she really likes him! Yay!!! He gets the rose.

Jason’s 1-1 with Gabby in Paris

Jason is so quiet. Like a mime, he’s so quiet. When he does speak he peppers his speech with so many “likes” I feel a drinking game coming on!!! Jason and Gabby get fitted for berets and go wine tasting. Over Fake Dinner G asks J why he’s so reserved and he says he has tennis trauma. You read that right. Tennis. Trauma. No idea what that’s supposed to mean. BUT when G tells J about her absentee mom and how her mom just doesn’t have the tools to love her like a mom should, Jason is genuinely empathetic, actively listens, and openly talks about his therapy and how it’s helped him. Points for that J!!! He gets the rose.

Meanwhile, the other guys have made it to France and board a Virgin cruise ship. Y’all know I love a cruise so I’m excited about this! Also, who knew Jesse Palmer could speak French??? Impressed!!!

Gabby Group Date

French Boxing. Say what now??? Seriously ABC??? You’ve flown all these people to France and all you can come up with for them to do is hit each other??? G’s guys warm up and learn some French boxing techniques, then they are ready for the big fight! Rachel and her guys come to watch. But NONE of R’s guys come to sit with her, or can even be bothered to look her way!!! It’s pitiful!!! Meanwhile Rachel has to sit there listening to Gabby’s guys professing their love for G before their matches. My heart breaks for R!!! Spencer wins the boxing match and gets 1-1 time with Gabby. Poor Rachel is feeling so insecure and is crying and even says that Clayton (yes, that scummy underbite sporting dbag) made her feel more secure and loved than her guys do!!! Again, pitiful!!! Rachel confronts her guys when they all get back to the cruise ship and tells them she’s disappointed in them. Way to go R!!! But it’s sooo sad that the freaking Bachelorette has to practically beg her guys to pay attention to her!!!

Rachel Group Date

Rachel takes the guys to see romance experts and boy do they need expert help!!! But instead of anything really helpful, the experts instruct the guys to flirt with Rachel (which goes terribly because no one seems to know how to flirt). Then they make out with their fists. I can’t make this stuff up! And the icing on the cake is they blindfold Rachel and make her sniff the guys’ armpits!!! I’m so confused and so sad for Rachel! Meanwhile, Logan (one of R’s guys) tells producers he really has feelings for Gabby! So this is a train wreck a’coming down the tracks!!! Poor Rachel can’t catch a break!!! Tyler somehow wins 1-1 time with R and they make out and he gets the rose.

Cocktail Party

Hayden is telling Rachel about his dog Rambo, who has a brain tumor and is allegedly clinging for life back at home. I say allegedly because Hayden is the kind of guy who would totally make this up if he thought it would serve him well. He’s all y’all and yes ma’am until you turn around and he trashes you to his friends. I hate him. Anyway, Tino interrupts Hayden’s story and Rachel apparently doesn’t react sadly enough for Hayden. Hayden rejoins the group and tells anyone who will listen that R should have been sobbing over Rambo.

Meatball tells Rachel all about the nasty things Hayden said back at the mansion. Way to go Meatball! Never thought I’d utter those words!!! 😂 Rachel pulls Hayden aside to talk but that narcissist thinks she’s come to speak to him about Rambo!!! R tells H what Meatball said and H denies denies denies. Hello! You’ve been recorded saying this stuff you moronic donut!!! So Rachel sends him home. She should have been allowed to push him overboard. Wasted use of a ship if you ask me.

R’s so upset it’s drama every day and she’s getting beaten down. She’s crying. Jesse cancels the rest of the party.

Rose Ceremony

Gabby sends Quincey and Kirk (who??) home.

Rachel gives Logan the last rose and he accepts it!!! Even though he’s all hotsy totsy for Gabby!!! This will not end well!!! Jordan gets sent home.

We have to wait until next week to see what other emotional Olympics ABC is planning on putting poor Rachel through while Gabby has a great time finding love in Europe!!!

Until then my BBs!!! xo 🌹

pop culture, tv

Bachelorettes Week 3

BBs! I am SHOOK! The men this week hath shooketh me!!! The audacity! But we’ll get to that. It’s week 3 btw.

1-1 Rachel & Zach

We start out with a normal seeming 1-1. A limo picks Zach up and he joins Rachel in Hollywood. They walk into a tent where they see Karamo! Love him! K says that R & Z are going to be attending a movie premier, but first they have to get all glammed up! Z & R seem really excited and Z looks v cute in his tuxedo, but the horrible green/gold lame dress they put Rachel in is a crime against nature!!! R is a gorgeous, gorgeous woman and that dress is tacky beyond belief! Into the limo they go and they are off to the movie theatre. There’s a red carpet and a step and repeat and fake paparazzi calling their names and snapping pics. They go into the theatre and the “movie” is called Me & You and it’s basically a video montage of childhood photos and home videos, plus a message from both of their moms. By the end of it both R & Z are crying and making out and they both seem really into each other. So that’s good! Zach gets the rose.

Meanwhile, Gabby decides to drop by the guys’ house to casually hang with them during Rachel’s date. But none of the guys seem to really care that she’s there! In fact they keep on playing football and stay in their conversation groups while Gabby mills around literally looking for a bit of attention! It’s sad really! So she leaves and can you blame her?? I mean!

1-1 Erich & Gabby

Gabby arrives the next day to pick up Erich for their date and who else walks in?? Grandpa John! Yay!!! The 3 of them go to a yurt and have a sound bath. Then they go bowling and Gabby finds a Grandma to hang with Grandpa John. It’s v cute. She and Erich make out a bit at the bowling alley.

Fake Dinner

It’s just the two of them now and they are talking about their families when G tells E about how she’s estranged from her mom. Now, Gabby is already having a rough week with the failed hang at the guys’ house and she’s starting to wonder if she should even be the Bachelorette. So she breaks down into tears about her mom not loving her (which is totally heartbreaking) and Erich is just sitting there looking at his plate like “Please stop crying. Please stop crying.” G gets up from the table and walks off to collect herself and when she gets back to E, he halfheartedly consoles her. For some reason Gabby gives him the rose.

Group Date

This week’s group date they actually leave the house and there are 19 (!!!) guys on the date. They go to an outdoor photo shoot with G&R where the guys all dress up in silly costumes. There’s a baby costume, Adam (of Adam and Eve), cowboys, little kids, a pregnant man, etc. I don’t know which producer came up with this idea but they need a stern talking to! It is just so lame! BUT everyone seems to have a great time!

Afterparty

The group goes to SoFi stadium to hang out after the photo shoot. One after another, guys are telling Gabby that they are really here for Rachel. But “you’re so fun and such a great girl”. Poor G is in tears. And some of the guys take it too far. Hayden says TO GABBY’S GORGEOUS FACE, that she’s too rough around the edges to be his wife!!! Then Jacob tells G that if it were only Gabby as the Bachelorette, he’d leave. BYE then!!! What total jerks these guys are!

At the end of the night everyone gathers and Rachel gives cutie Aven the Group Date rose. All eyes turn to Gabby and she announces she’s not giving out a rose and to that I say good for you Gabby! Those jackasses don’t deserve your roses!!! Even Rachel is shocked that Gabby doesn’t give out her rose. Afterwards, G fills R in on what went down and R is horrified for G!

Cocktail Party

The next night is the pre- Rose Ceremony Cocktail Party and the guys are all sitting around trying to decide who THEY want to date. They clearly have forgotten that the women are in control here!!! Jesse comes in and tells them all that the party has been canceled. That they are going straight to the Rose Ceremony and that they will be divided into 2 groups from here on out- Gabby’s guys and Rachel’s guys. No more joint group dates AND if they accept a rose tonight they are committing to dating ONLY that woman from here on out.

Rose Ceremony

Everything is going well and normal, well, except the guys with roses are all outside calling themselves the Winners’ Circle (VOMIT). Then Termayne declines his rose from Rachel and says he is here for Gabby. Poor Rachel! To be rejected like that in front of everyone is mortifying! To make matters worse, Jesse walks in and TAKES THE ROSE AWAY saying now Termayne has to get back in line and hope for a rose from G and R loses that rose!!! UGH!!! Then Alec (with the world’s ugliest dangly earring) declines Rachel’s rose. THEN! (you know things always happen in 3s!) Meatball, MEATBALL!!!!!, declines Rachel’s rose! He’s a guy named Meatball and he’s rejecting a goddess??? I tell ya, I’m shook!!!

Going Home: Meatball, Termayne, Alec, and Jacob. Can’t say I’ll be missing any of these losers!!!

So this means Gabby has 9 guys: Michael, Erich, Nate, Johnny, Spencer, Jason, Mario, Kirk, and Quincey. Rachel has 8 left: Tino, Logan, Tyler, Ethan, Jordan, Hayden (WHY???), Aven, and Zach.

During the credits we see Meatball telling producers he made a mistake (YA THINK???), so he goes back in and grabs Rachel, who’s too gracious, and asks for a second chance. End scene. We’ll have to wait until next week to find out if Meatball comes back (LORT I hope not)!!! The balls on that guy! See what I did there??? 😂😂😂

Until next week BBs!!! xo 🌹