Bachelorette Week 10- Fantasy Suites!

Week 10- Fantasy Suites! This week we are in Crete, Greece. A place with beauty that knows no bounds and far better of a locale than Alabama Hannah’s creeps deserve!
We start with Peter. OH PETER!!!! You were my favorite from night one and now I’m so disappointed with you! Because you are (allegedly) a lying, cheating, jerk. Sigh. Peter and AH go sailing and he shows up to the boat…in jeans! Could he not pack a pair of shorts? Or borrow a pair of manpris from Tyler? Such an odd fashion choice! That night Peter hems and haws for soooo long while trying to tell AH that he loves her that I practically scream at my tv- just say it already!!!! He finally gets it out and they retire to a real live windmill. FINALLY, the infamous windmill we’ve been hearing about for weeks! It’s actually pretty cute! The next morning AH wakes up with a red nose and in fact, her whole face is red! Peter seems pretty pleased with himself.
Next up is Tyler. AH arrives to their spa date wearing Daisy Dukes and high heeled sandals. It’s an odd combo. They get a couples massage and halfway through Ty kicks the masseuses out and hops on the table and on top of AH! Bold move Ty! That night AH is wearing a silver lame’ dress and what appears to be her dad’s black blazer. Her stylist is clearly asleep at the wheel tonight. Over Fake Dinner, AH informs Tyler that there will be no sex tonight and they need to focus on their emotional relationship. As a last ditch effort Ty tells AH he loves her but she’s adamant about just cuddling. Ok, I’m sorry but I call BS here. Have you seen his arms? His abs? His shoulders? I mean, yes he wears manpris on the daily but who could resist all that??? The next morning AH is still trying to convince America that all they did was cuddle. SURE YA DID.
Jed is up next and I’m just so sick of him I can’t stand it. His little squinched up girlfriend having face. Ugh. They spend the day drinking ouzo with a Greek family and during the meal Jed pulls AH aside to talk about….Luke! UGH. Jed’s still feeling all pouty because it came down to him and Luke last week and he can’t wrap his head around why. AH does her best to explain and they go about their day. That night AH slinks to the Fake Dinner table in a reallllly low cut black dress. They start talking about Luke again. You’re really digging a grave here Jed! Jed says it’s all coming from a place of love and AH is giving him the benefit of the doubt until he says he’s worried and when he worries it makes him retract how he feels. OUCH. AH walks away from the table and Jed scurries after her. At least he’s wearing normal pants. Back at the table Jed’s back peddling like its his job! He even throws in a few I love yous. It does the trick and he gets invited to the fantasy suite. At this point I, and all of America, am shocked that she’s seemingly planning on having sex with Jed when she supposedly left Tyler hanging.
Luke. Bleh. Luke and AH take a helicopter (!!!) to Santorini (!!!) and nobody deserves a date like that less than Luke. I can’t even talk about their day date because it was so beautiful and it was wasted on that pile of human garbage. At Fake Dinner that night they sit down and I’m all excited because I know this is THE night and Luke wastes NO time and starts out with Let’s talk about sex! The boy is flabbergasted that AH would be offended that he basically called her street trash and alluded to her whoring around but that he’s above all that because he’s been celibate for 2.5-4 years. Um, WHAT??? That’s a pretty broad range there Luke. At this point it is thundering and lightning and raining on them and AH has had it. She’s finally seeing what we have all along and wants him gone. You. Go. AH. But Luke won’t leave. He’s just sitting there with his psycho eyes while AH is standing over him saying Come on Luke, let’s go. To get him to leave she tells him “I have had sex and Jesus still loves me” and I cheer! I wasn’t crazy about AH at first but I LOVE how she will not take crap from anyone, especially this short slut shaming punk. Luke says “Can I pray over you before I leave?” NO! Get out! Don’t let the door hit ya where the good Lord split ya!
Next week is men tell all and I can’t wait!!! Also it appears that Luke will not go silently into the good night and crashes the next rose ceremony! Thick headed fool!
Until next week BBs! xo 🌹

Bachelorette Week 9- Hometowns!

Week 9- Hometowns!!! One of my favorite episodes because we get to see where these punks come from and the families never disappoint!
We start with Peter. I don’t understand why Alabama Hannah isn’t more crazy about Peter. He’s adorable. He can fly a plane. He’s sweet and drama free! Marry him!!! He takes AH flying and I’m sure he’s taken a million girls flying but it IS really hot. His family seems really sweet & lovely & I love their pre-dinner yell fest! His dad crying during their talk was so sweet! My vote is for Peter, but then again it has been since day one.
Next up we’re in Florida for Tyler’s hometown. He takes her on a boat ride and I have no idea what they talked about because I was so distracted by his abs. Holy washboard stomach!!! Ok so they walk up to this mini mansion and I’m sorry but didn’t Tyler talk about how they lost everything and had to downsize??? Oh poor thing Tyty, you live in a shack! Tyler redeems himself with how much he loves his sweet dad. I can ALMOST forgive Tyler for forever wearing too short, too tight pants! I swear if I was a nurse I could find a vein and start an IV through those things!!!
Luke is next and I can’t wait to see if the rest of his fam is as psycho as he is! He is SO short! He definitely has short man syndrome. Luke takes AH to Sunday school in some sort of cafe. He starts off the session by telling his “Jesus in the shower” story again and about how he was “Entangled in Sin” in college. Then he won’t leave AH’s side as they make their way around the room forcing everyone to say what a great guy Luke is. They go to see Luke’s family and it’s just more of them saying what a great guy he is. Me thinks they doth protest too much! Afterwards, Luke actually apologizes for the struggle and then tells AH he loves her. Too little too late psycho!!! Dump him!!!
Lastly we go to Tennessee to see Jed. AH is wearing a pretty dress with little stars all over it. I stan. OF COURSE Jed takes her to a recording studio. UGH I am so over Jed and his REAL reason for being on this show!!! They go meet the family and Jed’s dad RUNS AND JUMPS INTO JED’S ARMS and I die! SO funny!!! Oh, but also, Jed’s dad has a soul patch so that’s creepy. Jed’s family is NOT a fan of AH and seems a little shocked that Jed’s talking love and engagement. Mom is a skeptic and Sister is straight up brutal, saying Jed being in love with AH is a bad idea. The whole time Mom is on screen all I want to do is cut her bangs.
Rose Ceremony- Tyler shows up in his uniform of too tight too short pants and stands a full head and shoulders above Luke. Peter is so handsome. He gets the 1st rose and Tyler gets #2. Then it’s obvious that AH is struggling between Luke and Jed. She leaves and cries and Chris Harrison actually makes an appearance and makes a LAME attempt to comfort her while AH destroys rose petals. AH finally walks back in and gives everyone a rose. UGH!!!! Jed is not happy and dude, I feel your pain. I wouldn’t want it to be a toss up between me and a shorty psychopath either!!!
Next week Luke pulls out the slut shaming card so that should be interesting. Until then my BBs!!!! xo 🌹

Bachelorette Week 8

Week 8. We’re in the Netherlands, y’all! Next week is Hometowns so this is an important week. Meaning, Alabama Hannah had better send Luke home now!!!
Jed gets the first 1-1 date and it’s so boring I almost nod off. They just walk around Amsterdam. But at least Jed didn’t bring his dang guitar. Thank the good Lord for that! They run into an older couple at a cafe who ask where AH & Jed are from and Jed replies “English”. I die a little inside just then. That right there is a prime example of why the world thinks Americans are dumb as rocks. At Fake Dinner AH shows up wearing one of Hillary Clinton’s pantsuits in a shocking red. AH tells Jed she’s falling in love with him (for some reason) and he gets the rose.
Tyler arrives to his 1-1 wearing painted on jeans so tight it’s unsettling. HOW he manages to mount a horse in those things is beyond me!!! They are supposed to be riding their horses around The Hauge but they can’t control their horses. AH just keeps telling hers to “Go, go.” UGH. Tyler and AH try pickled herring (vomit fish) and Ty can’t handle it. That’s the highlight of their boring date. What is going on? Is the budget too tight this season for anyone to do anything fun?
Fake Dinner- AH says the word “like” so much that I might like, throw something at my, like, tv! And she’s wearing a skin tight white shirt that’s supposed to be a dress. The neckline plunges so low they had to use 4 rolls of tape just to hold her boobs in! Tyler gets the rose.
Back at the hotel Connor gets all upset because Mike gets the last 1-1 of the week and he was cheated out of his 1-1 because AH was hungover. Er, sick. Yeah, sick. So Connor takes his 12 year old self to AH’s room. AH is NOT thrilled to see Connor and she quickly sends him home. It’s kinda pitiful though when Connor’s voice quivers as he’s leaving.
Mike’s 1-1. They go bike riding then draw each other at an art studio. Mike’s all serious about it but his picture of AH depicts her with serious corn teeth!!! That night at the museum AH is snotty crying looking at all the art. She’s still crying when Mike arrives for dinner and things are NOT looking good for him. I can tell she’s about to dump him but he’s holding out hope up till the last second. MIKE FOR BACHELOR!!!
Peter, Garrett, & Luke go on a group date the next day with AH who appears to be wearing a swim shirt with her tight floral skirt. Odd choice. They, AGAIN, don’t do anything on this date but go to some old building and sit around talking and making out. Luke IMMEDIATELY starts talking to AH about all the other guys in the house and plays the victim card again. AH then talks to Garrett who goes back & gets into it with Luke. Garrett has lost all his cuteness for me because he’s such a sh!t stirrer!!! Luke explodes and gets in Garrett’s face then drops lunch meat on G’s lap. Then Luke goes outside trying to talk to Peter, who’s not having it and walks away. There are 2 roses up for grabs and Peter gets one. And we all say Hallelujah!!!
I do have to say it’s kinda funny when Garrett asks Luke “Are you licking your lips because you’re attracted to me?”
That night at Fake Dinner Luke tells AH all about finding Jesus and seeing Heaven in the shower. I love a good testimony but Luke just creeps me out so much!!! Even Jesus can’t save Luke for me! I LOATHE him and his stupid plaid, plum jacket so much!!!
Garrett tells AH he loves her. I’m not G’s biggest fan but ANYONE is better for her than Luke at this point. And then it happens, AH gives the last Hometowns rose to Luke. WHY??? WHAT could she possibly see in him?? I mean if this is producer driven then they are treading in dangerous territory. There’s fun psycho for good tv then there’s scary, real life psycho that requires a restraining order!!!
As AH walks G out, Luke laughs and grins his psycho grin and I’m just so over him. Luke then carries AH out of the room and they kiss and it’s just gross.
Next week is Hometowns and I just know the crazy will get amped up to 1000!!! Until then BBs! xo 🌹

Bachelorette Week 7

Week 7. I swear ABC, this week had better be more substantial than last week’s debacle! So we’re in Riga, Latvia (I have no idea where that is. Gotta Google!). We start with Garrett’s 1-1. They meet up in the forest and walk towards a river. Then 2 naked people fall from the sky. The naked people tell them it’s a Latvian thing to bungee jump naked from a cable car over a river. In the snow. Not the ideal situation for the guy amirite??
So Alabama Hannah and Garrett strip down and get strapped to each other and jump out of the cable car. And props to them because you would not catch me doing that! But they keep talking about trusting each other before they jump and I’m like you better trust the guys who rigged up this contraption!!! After the jump there’s a shot of AH’s bra floating down the river! Ha!
That night at Fake Dinner AH shows up wearing this horrific pink fur (better be faux) jacket and sparkly pants. She’s so up and down with her fashion choices this season! They talk and he says he’s going to be all open and vulnerable and tell her about a major hardship and get your hankies ready because he had to….give up football because he hated it. WHAT??? THAT’S the hardest thing you’ve been through?? Ugh. Miss Red Nose gives Garrett the rose and that’s that.
Next up is the group date. Production has totally checked out because they just all walk around Riga market eating weird food and doing shots of moonshine! Meanwhile, Luke is STEWING over the whole naked bungee jumping thing. How dare AH do something fun and a little risque with another man?!?
That night AH redeems herself fashion wise and arrives in this hot, slinky, silver number slit up to there! She makes quit work of jumping on and straddling Tyler while they make out.
Later Luke confronts AH about the naked 1-1 with Garrett. He calls her decision “boneheaded” and I’m FUMING. WHY is he still here??? He’s a neanderthal!!!!
Tyler gets the rose.
Peter’s 1-1 is next and it’s about time he got a 1-1! He’s the sweetest, most positive guy there besides Mike. So AH & Peter go to some mud hut spa of sorts where a Latvian couple organize their date. First they get slapped with branches and the Latvian woman sings. Then they concoct a body scrub mixture they never use. The whole thing is odd. The Latvian couple lead AH & Peter to a sauna where they shake branches at them then leave AH & P to make out. Peter gets really handsy! Who knew he had such a naughty side?? They finish up the day date in a hot tub. That night at Fake Dinner Peter gets the rose.
Peter goes back to the hotel and is telling everyone about their date when Jed slips out to serenade AH. I am so tired of Jed (who seems like a nice guy) singing. He’s really milking this opportunity to showcase his mild talent! AH invites him in and he sings some more then they make out & Jed tells her he’s falling in love with her.
Back at the hotel Garrett & Luke are arguing again and someone please shoot me if they utter the phrase “stay in your lane” one more time. Dang!!! Luke just won’t shut up with his nonsense but Garrett gets the last word with “Sweet dreams Luke”. Ha!
The next day AH comes to the guys’ room and pulls Luke out to talk to him about his toxic behavior. Luke’s talking in circles again and spouting his BS “IF I said that”. YOU SAID IT!!! UGH!!!
Luke goes back to the hotel room and gets into it with all the guys. Chris Harrison appears and tells them there’s no cocktail party tonight and to get dressed for the rose ceremony. Everyone shoots daggers at Luke.
Rose Ceremony- Why are so many of the guys wearing high water pants and no socks?? Is this a trend?? Dylan and Dustin get sent home- casualties of the whole Luke problem. AH barely spoke a word to either of them! Luke gets the last rose and I want to throw something at the tv! WHY???
Chris Harrison feels my pain and asks AH WHY?? She says she’s either falling in love with Luke or he’s driving her crazy! HOW could you fall in love with such a jackass???
I. Can’t. I just can’t with her. Until next week my bbs. xo🌹

Bachelorette Week 6

Week 6- We start out back on Luke P’s 1-1 date where Alabama Hannah has just told him she can’t give him the rose. LP says “My bad, let’s move on” and I about spit out my drink! He is such a psychopath robot I just can’t get over it! LP says he respects AH’s decision but he sooo doesn’t and just keeps talking in circles. LEAVE YOU NUT JOB!!! Finally he walks out…but then he comes back!!! Is it just me or is a restraining order in AH’s future??
Cut to the rest of the guys wishing, hoping, and praying that LP never darkens their door again, when sure enough, LP’s steroid ridden crazy ass shows back up, sans rose. AH didn’t give him the rose but she’s letting him stay until at least the next rose ceremony.
The next day is the cocktail party and rose ceremony and AH shows up wearing a white dress with a slit up to THERE and one of Liberace’s cream jackets with shoulders so big and sharp they are dangerous! Doesn’t AH, or at least ABC’s stylist, know you don’t mix white and cream?? Anyway, Garrett grabs AH to talk first and he spends his time grilling her about her 1-1 with LP. Garrett, don’t you know that’s the quickest way to splitsville is talking about the other guys?? Ugh. I swear it’s like no one has seen the show! After their talk Garrett comes back to the group and calls out LP. All the other guys jump on LP’s case like starved hyenas on steak and it gets loud. AH hears all the commotion and walks in yelling “Stop!!!”. Then she takes a mini Q & A about LP. She finishes up by chastising all the guys and good for her. AH tells them they don’t know anything about her and seriously?? We’re in week 6 and the guys STILL aren’t taking their heads out of their asses long enough to get to know the actual forking Bachelorette?? Insane!!!
AH leaves the room and the guys start back up again like they didn’t just get chewed out. It’s like LP can’t help himself. He just will not shut up!!! He talks in circles and lies and lies. AH comes back again and declares that she doesn’t want to talk to anyone. LP is STILL talking.
AH leaves the room to cry in her champagne in the hallway and Chris Harrison shows up to comfort her. CH- It’s your party. AH- The party’s over. And I guess it is because all the sudden it’s time for the rose ceremony.
Rose Ceremony- AH give Luke the last rose and I vomit a little. Going home- Grant, Kevin, and Dylan? Devin? Who knows?!?
There’s no champagne toast and announcement of where they are going to next. Just a harsh scolding from AH and good on her for giving them the what for!
Next thing you know we’re in Latvia. The guys are all walking around the city of Riga while AH & CH are chatting in a cafe. AH is crying again and is just so frustrated and I can totally understand why. Sort of. I do NOT understand what she sees in LP and why she’s keeping him around. But she’s feeling really defeated by the whole process, I mean journey.
All the sudden we’re in LA watching a segment that was clearly filmed post production. AH & CH are sitting together in the mansion and WHAT??? They start reviewing the season!!! WHY? Does ABC think I’m so wine drunk I can’t remember what happened 5 ding dang minutes ago??? And that’s it! That’s the whole show! They spend the rest of the 2 hours re-running clips from the previous 5 episodes! UGH!!! Oooh, except, CH asks AH who’s the best kisser and she says Luke! Gag!!!
The rest of the season looks good and it looks like I called it when I predicted psycho Luke was the one who slut shames AH. Why am I not surprised?!?
Until next week my BBs!!! xo 🌹

Bachelorette Week 5

Week 5- We pick up with Alabama Hannah pulling both Lukes aside to get them to talk it out. Like that’s going to go well! Oh, Han, you poor naive thing!!! So they all sit down and the Lukes are just talking over each other and AH is sitting there with this glazed look on her face. It’s all maddening to watch. She finally gets up and leaves the room and the next thing you know Chris Harrison ends the cocktail party and calls everyone in for the rose ceremony. Because of all the Luke P/S drama, most of the guys don’t get to talk to AH so they are all up in arms.
Just as AH is about to hand out the first rose, Luke S interrupts her and pulls her aside. He tells her to be careful then leaves!!! Didn’t see that coming!!! Then CH surprises me by taking a rose away from the pile! They are really trimming the fat tonight! JPJ and Matteo (who??? I had to look him up online to find out who he was cause I couldn’t place his face!!!) get sent home. Maybe now JPJ will have time to wash his hair.
I am gobsmacked that Luke P gets a rose. Either AH is insane or the producers made her do it. When they are all drinking their champagne LP tries to make a toast and it just falls FLAT because not a single guy likes him. Even AH looks over him.
AH & the guys head to Scotland where the guys are staying in this amazing estate. They are all in a pub in town having a pint when AH shows up. She declares she doesn’t want any more drama (good luck with that!) and takes Mike out for a 1-1 date. He’s all smiles and they tour the town, drink some whiskey and eat haggis (GROSS). At Fake Dinner that night, Mike says he hasn’t been in love for “half a decade”. Uh ok, that’s just 5 years. Settle down. It’s cute how nervous he is though.
Cut to the estate where the group date card is being read. Luke P isn’t on the group date card so he’s getting a 1-1. He says ” After this I’ll find out if I really want to be here or not.” Ummm, didn’t you practically profess your love on the first date??? And now you don’t know if you want to be here or not?? Upon hearing this, one of the guys calls LP a “Douche Canoe” !!!! Hilarious!!!!
Back to Fake Dinner- Mike says he can see himself proposing so of course he gets the rose.
The next day is the group date at a castle where they are competing in the classic Celtic Highland Games. The guys are all visibly relieved to be out of the house without Psycho LP. The guys are all dressed in kilts and NONE choose to keep on their undies. So there are lots of black boxes flying across my screen trying to keep the guys’ junk under wraps! Tyler wins the axe throwing competition. Then there’s a race where they have to carry milk in buckets. Jed pours the milk all over himself and AH finds that to be hot but who wants to smell like milk??? Then they all wrestle each other but Jed says he wants to wrestle AH. Just an excuse to get her on the ground where he steals a kiss. It’s announced that somehow Jed wins the whole games (which I don’t get, but ok).
That night at the after party AH is a little horndog!!! FIrst she is straddling Jed while wearing this bronze lame` skintight dress. Jed’s grabbing some serious ass. Then she’s making out with Peter (who keeps forgetting he’s MY boyfriend) on a pool table. I can’t keep count with everyone she’s playing tonsil hockey with. Jed gets the rose.
Luke P’s 1-1 is next. Before he leaves he tries to joke with the guys but they aren’t having it. Garrett tells LP to not talk about any of them on his date. LP meets up with AH and they have a fake picnic on a cliff overlooking the ocean. It’s really quite beautiful and I hate it’s wasted on the empty soulless shell that is Luke P. His blank stares just creep me out to no end!!! And he’s SUCH a liar. AH is going to KICK herself when she watches this season back. She’s trying to talk to him and get him to express his emotions but she’s saying some weird things like “do you like spaghetti or macaroni and cheese more”? WHAT???? LP tells her “everyone loves me” and he has no idea why all the guys hate him. He talks in circles with no substance. That night at Fake Dinner I can’t believe when he actually says to AH “I’m not getting the real you. I’m not trying to blame you”. Oh that’s good to know LP. Write your ticket home. AH tells him she can’t give him the rose and his dead psycho eyes just stare back at her in utter shock.
Next week AH apparently goes into the ugly cry because someone messed up big time. But who?? And why is LP still here???? So. Many. Questions!!!
Until then my BBs….xo 🌹

Ghosts

Being ghosted is no fun. Being ghosted by a BFF, dear, or close friend is even worse. I am a good friend. I’m kind and thoughtful and keep in touch. But over the last 3 years I’ve been ghosted by 2 close girlfriends. It hurts. Especially when you don’t know why.

Friend 1 and I texted almost daily and met for lunch monthly, then every 2 weeks, then once a week as our friendship grew. We met about 8 years ago when we were both working on the same team. We hit it off immediately. I even went to her husband’s milestone birthday party. Then she and her family moved about 2 hours away about 2 years ago. There were promises of meeting up in the middle and visits to both cities. But that never happened. She moved and then I just never heard from her again. It was so odd to me. How can you go from talking (via text) almost daily and seeing each other once a week to nothing? We didn’t have a falling out or argument or anything. Trust me I overanalyzed everything trying to figure out if I had done something wrong, something to offend, anything. Last December, when I posted on social media the end of our adoption effort she commented out of the blue her condolences. But nothing since then.

Friend 2 and I met just over 12 years ago at a Bunco party. We also hit it off right away. We became fast friends. She lived just around the corner from us and we started hanging out to watch movies, and tv together. We went out to eat, shopping, and even went on a couple girls trips together. She was my best friend. We talked all the time. Then she and her family moved 1200 miles away about 4 (?? I’m so bad with time) years ago. We still talked on the phone regularly and texted daily and even wrote old fashioned letters to each other. We sent care packages on birthdays. Then about a year ago she went through a divorce. It was really traumatic for her, but we stayed in touch. Until about 6 months ago. Again, nothing happened. No argument or event occurred that would end our friendship. She just stopped answering my texts, or would answer weeks later. A month or so ago I finally asked via text why are you ignoring my texts. She wrote back immediately and swore she wasn’t. That she was just busy and would forget to reply or would think she did reply when she didn’t. So I texted her back and caught her up on all the goings on in my life. I haven’t heard back.

It’s awful. I loved these women like sisters. Especially friend 2. I knew and cared about their families. It’s funny, I still keep up with an ex family member of Friend 2 on social. I miss these ladies. Especially Friend 2. I miss my best friend. I have other girlfriends, but not a BEST friend and that stings.

So if you’re reading this and are currently ghosting a girlfriend, please don’t. Please just be a grown up and tell her what’s going on. No one likes to be left hanging.