Bachelor in Paradise Week 3 Night 1

Week 3 Night 1. I binge watched both episodes this week but I’ll still post separately as there is a LOT to unpack here. First we pick up with the Jordan and Christian fight. Jordan takes Christian and body slams him down 3 stairs and onto the beach! Who knew Jordan had that in him?? Security breaks it up but Christian keeps breaking away from security and running after Jordan! They finally get the two men separated. Meanwhile Nicole’s all “I was in danger!!!” Girl, please.
Production sits Jordan and Christian down separately and tells them they are going home. No tolerance for violence, as it should be. Although I’ll miss Jordan!
Nicole runs right back to Clay’s open arms. They are making out within an hour of Christian leaving!!!
The Blake/Dylan/ Hannah G love triangle is still going on. Dylan sets up a cute candlelit picnic for HG but then Blake brings in a Mariachi band to one up him. Oy.
Finally we get to the Rose Ceremony! Chris Harrison starts talking but before he can get a sentence out, Onyeka interrupts him and says she’s going home. That’s one less rose for the boys. Here’s who picked who:Demi- Derek, Katie- Chris, Nicole- Clay, Caelynn- Dean, Tayshia- JPJ, Sydney- Mike, HG- Dylan (YAY!!! Although she doesn’t deserve him!!!) Kristina- Blake. WHY???? SO that means Cam, Kevin, and Wills go home.
The next day Demi says about Blake “He’s like a turd that just won’t flush!” Bahahahah!!!! Caitlin (WHO???) arrives. She chooses Blake for her dates. They do tantric yoga then Blake tells Caitlin all about his Bachelor shenanigans and his hookups. She takes it well and next thing you know they are making out in the pool.
Dylan gets a date card and of course asks HG. Blake’s brooding over it. For their date, HG wears a TOTALLY see through black lace dress. I mean, she wears a nude bra and black underwear but there is LITTLE left to the imagination! Dylan tells her over Fake Dinner that he’s falling in love with her (for some reason). She says she’s all in for him. Not exactly the same sentiment there, but she better mean it!!!
The next day Hannah B arrives and pulls Demi aside to talk about Demi’s girl back home. Demi’s still struggling. Then Demi talks to Derek and he’s just the best. He says he understands her struggle but he wants her in his life. Demi then calls for Chris Harrison and the show ends with Demi waiting for CH.
Ominous!!!! See you in a minute BBs!!! xo🌹

Bachelor in Paradise- Week 2 Night 2

Week 2 Night 2- Demi kicks off this episode by telling Katie that she’s been casually dating a woman back at home. Poor Demi is so conflicted! Dylan confronts Hannah G about her and Blake. HG just sits there all wide eyed and quiet like a creepy doll. Then she finally fesses up that a week prior to Paradise Blake flew to Alabama to visit her and they kissed! WHAT?? Blake was SUPER busy pre-Paradise. Gross. Tayshia then confronts HG who totally plays the innocent card. I’m not buying it HG!
Dean arrives sporting a 70s porn stache that even makes Chris Harrison crack up! Dean looks ridiculous! AND he lives in a van! A van, people!!!
Kristina is still telling everyone about the Kristina/Blake/Caelynn mess of a love triangle and Caelynn is NOT happy about that. But then Dean swoops in and asks Cae out on his date and she says yes. They go to Fake Dinner and then swim in a pool and make out. Boy, ABC is really going all out for these dates!
Back at the resort Demi is telling Tayshia about how she’s fluid and likes girls and guys. Demi is worried that if she tells Derek that he’ll give up on her.
The next day Demi and Jordan are giving a running commentary of everyone they see on the beach and it’s the funniest thing ABC has aired in quite a while! Who’s getting a rose? ABC- Anyone But Cam! Hilarious! 2 girls skipping toward the ocean- Oh look! A Forever 21 commercial! Ha!!!
Christian (WHO???) arrives. Apparently he left night one of Becca’s season. He asks Nicole on his date and she says yes which totally bums Clay out. Christian looks like a cop from an 80s telenovela! Creepy stache and all! Nicole and Christian go jet skiing then make out on the beach. Poor Clay!!! They get back to the resort and Nicole and Clay are talking. Christian walks up and says “Let me finish my date”. Nicole shuts it down saying she wants to catch up with Clay, but it gets tense for a couple minutes there!
The next night is the Rose Ceremony Cocktail Party. 4 guys are going home. Demi tells Derek about the woman back home. He takes in all the information like a champ and is v v understanding.
Mike is hanging out with Sydney since Caelynn is all about Dean now. JPJ recites a Shakespearean love poem to Tayshia and they make out! Such odd pairings this show brings!
Christian sets up a little thing for Nicole with a pinata, champagne, and chocolate covered strawberries. The two of them are talking and Clay’s watching the whole time. Clay walks over to ask to speak with Nicole. Christian says no(!!!). Clay walks away. Then Jordan runs over and pulls down the pinata! Christian jumps on Jordan and all the sudden we have a fight, ladies and gentlemen!!! And just as they start rolling around in the sand, the episode ends.
Until next week my BBs!!! xo 🌹

Bachelor in Paradise- Week 2 Night 1

Week 2 Night 1- We start off with the Rose Ceremony we should have seen last week. Here’s how it goes down: Derek gives his rose to Demi, Clay to Nicole, Wills to Katie, Kevin to Sydney, JPJ to Onyeka, Cam to Caelynn, Dylan to Hannah G, Blake to Tayshia (although he likes HG and Tayshia is OVER him), Chris to Kristina (which totally blindsides Annaliese!)
Jane, Bibiana, and Annaliese are going home. Can’t say I’m gonna miss any of them! Jane I’m not even sure was ever on a Bachelor show, and Bibi and Annaliese cry too much!
So now the women have the power! Jordan arrives and immediately pulls HG. WHAT are people seeing in her?? My desk lamp has more personality!!! Jordan hears all about Blake’s shenanigans and says “He’s putting his spoon in all of the pudding!!!” Bahahaha!!! Jordan asks HG on his date and she says yes, but then thinks about it and turns him down. Meanwhile Jordan pulls Blake aside and basically tells him to get his sh!t together man!
Jordan still needs a date so he asks Nicole, who says yes. They go meet Jorge(!!!) in the jungle and go ziplining then have a chat. I don’t see a love connection.
Back to the resort and Cam is reading Caelynn this love letter he wrote her and it is SO cringeworthy! Her face shows her utter lack of interest!!! But Cam has tunnel vision and is absolutely sure he’s going to propose to Cae at the end of Paradise. Good luck with that!
Mike arrives! Yay!!! Love Mike but I have mixed feelings. I want him to be the Bachelor! I don’t want him catching some disease in Paradise! So Cam is NOT happy Mike is here and gets worried. ALL the girls are swooning over Mike! Mike asks Caelynn on his date and Onyeka (who’s crushing on Mike) and Cam are upset. Cam’s crying even!
Jordan and Nicole get back from their date and she goes right back to Clay (who’s been pretty worried). Meanwhile Mike and Caelynn’s date is going really well. They have Fake Dinner then dance and make out. He’s WAY into her and I can’t figure out why! #disappointed
Back at the resort, Wills is trying to romance Katie. He gives this speech about how great she is and she short circuits and freaks out! It was weird to watch. She turns Wills down then goes to talk to Chris who says he’s totally into Katie and they make out. WHAT?? What happened to Kristina? Things move fast in Paradise apparently!
Blake pulls HG aside to talk. He tells her he’s got himself all figured out and he’s going to pursue her. Then he asks her to dance on the beach (in full sight of Dylan and everyone). Apparently this dance move is Blake’s signature move according to Kristina and Tayshia! Lame Blake! Blake and HG start making out and Dylan’s had enough. He walks out to try and talk to HG. HG stands there like a mute with her big eyes and is just frozen. Blake’s doing all the talking for her. Eventually Dylan gets frustrated and goes back to the bar. The episode ends with Blake and HG making out. Ugh.
Till tomorrow BBs! xo🌹

Bachelor in Paradise Week 1 Night 2

Week 1 Night 2. WOW. SO much drama and it’s just the 2nd episode of the season! And it’s messy! Ok so we begin with Caelynn STILL telling everyone about the Blake drama while Blake and Kristina are out on a date. B & K are riding in a dune buggy through mud and water and it looks like they are having a great time….until….they are talking afterwards and it is NOT going well. Kristina is all hurt about him having sex with her & Caelynn within 24 hours. Blake says he didn’t do anything wrong. UGH.
Blake and Kristina get back from their date and Caelynn immediately pulls Blake aside and lays into him for ruining her experience in Paradise. Blake is super apologetic but Cae is not having it and she’s not letting up with her teary tirade. She finally walks away crying.
Meanwhile Kristina is giving Tayshia an ear full about Blake and his transgressions. Basically at this point every woman on the beach hates Blake.
Switching gears….Wills pulls Hannah G aside and they kiss! But she’s been spending all her time with Dylan! Dylan walks up right after the kiss and he and HG go off to talk. HG tells D about Wills and his kiss.
Clay- Bibi is really into him. So is Cryer Nicole. Clay gets the date card and asks Nicole. But before they can leave Annaliese confronts Clay about her friend and Clay’s ex- Angela. Clay and Angela dated for 8 months but broke up 3 months ago so in my opinion, back off Annaliese! Annaliese is CRYING about it. SO lame!!! Clay and Nicole go to a fun carnival and make out.
The next day Blake is still crying about Kristina and Caelynn. Like, literally crying. And after I read his texts with Caelynn I feel a little sorry for him. I mean, not too much because it is GROSS to be hopping from woman to woman in such a short amount of time but Caelynn isn’t coming out looking so squeaky clean here! In the texts Cae is coming on to Blake really strongly. She flat out asks for sex and he turns her down. Repeatedly. Make of that what you will!
Cocktail Party- Caelynn is STILL talking about the Blake drama and in my opinion, using it for pity. Then she goes and makes out with CAM!!! CAM!!!! I am ill. Speaking of being ill- JPJ is making out with Onyeka! She irks me. Remember the guys have the roses this week so the women are practically desperate for roses and are throwing themselves at all the guys. Jane gives JPJ a taco and he eats it then spends the rest of the night vomiting into the ocean and on the beach! GAG!!! Are there no trash cans or buckets in paradise???
Annaliese and Chris B are making out but Kristina has her eye on Chris. Bibi is crying because she hasn’t made a connection with anyone. And that means no rose. HG tells Wills she’s into Dylan. Yay!!! But then Blake steals HG away to talk and they end up making out! WHAT??? WHY do all these guys like her?? I mean, she’s cute but has the personality of a box of hair!!! And then of course HG runs and tells Dylan Chris kissed her! WHY torture the man??? And the episode ends with HG trying to decide between Dylan and Chris and me being so over her.
Until next week BBs! xo 🌹

Bachelor in Paradise Week 1 Night 1

Week 1 Night 1- First ABC starts us off with some intros and it’s a good thing because I have no idea who some of these people are! And I don’t miss an episode! Like Katie, and Jane! WHO??? So let’s get to the beach, shall we?
Hannah G is the first to arrive and I’m already sick of her as she runs around acting like she’s never seen a beach before. For those who may not remember, she was on Colton’s season and has the personality of a lukewarm tortilla. Blake arrives, then Katie, Dylan, Sydney (who??), Derek, Tayshia and her ginormous boobs, then Kevin (who?), Wills (yay!), Demi (double yay!). Onyeka arrives blaring an air horn and if you didn’t know, that’s the quickest way to get me to want you bounced off the show. Cam (VOMIT) shows up wearing a leopard print shirt and I just can’t. John Paul Jones comes tearing down the stairs in a tiny little speedo. Chris B is back for some reason. He gives me the creeps. Jane, Annaliese, Bibiana, Nicole the cryer, and Clay are next to arrive. Wells is back as bartender (LOVE him!). Then Caelynn gets there and Blake freaks out. I’ll explain later.
Men hand out the roses this week. Blake gets the first date card. Everyone thinks he’s going to ask Hannah G because they’ve been talking and flirting. Even HG gets all bright eyed when he announces his pick. BUT….he chooses Tayshia. Their date (while in a pretty setting) is boring. They just go to fake dinner amongst all these millions of fairy lights and then make out in a hot tub.
Meanwhile back at the resort, Demi and Derek are making out in the hot tub while Dylan is going on and on about how great HG is. I just don’t see it! But Dylan and HG make out in the treehouse and he’s about to burst with excitement! I guess HG is over Blake already!
It’s the next day and Caelynn is spilling the Blake tea to Onyeka. And here it is: Blake and Cae “dated” for a couple months. Then at a music festival called StageCoach they had sex. But the night before he had sex with Kristina the Russian from Kentucky. That’s just gross. Not Kristina, but having sex with 2 different women in a 24 hour period. THEN Blake told Caelynn to lie to everyone in Paradise about their relationship and keep it a secret. This does not sit well with Cae. NO woman wants to be your dirty little secret Blake! Gah! Now, Caelynn has already told Wells all about the Blake drama and Wells said she needed to share the info. So then Cae goes and tells Sydney. And who arrives next? Kristina. And Blake looks like he’d rather have a colonoscopy on that beach than deal with these 2 women right now. Kristina has a date card and asks Blake to go. She then tells the camera she’s about to make Blake her bitch! Can’t wait to see how all this shakes out tomorrow BBs!!! xo 🌹

Bachelorette Finale Part 2

Finale Part 2. This “journey” has exhausted me! I’m so excited for the end of this! But Chris Harrison is saying there’s betrayal. MEN ARE TRASH. Let’s get started, shall we?We’re back in Greece and it’s proposal day. Alabama Hannah looks beautiful and I actually like her dress. She’s in the car on the way to get engaged and says “I can’t do this” over and over. They stop the car and it appears that she’s trying to pull a Colton and run from production. But in a gown and heels and down a hilly street on an island in Greece. She takes a tumble and scrapes up her elbows and just sits in the road. I feel badly for her as she tells a producer “I really can’t do this”. AH rallies and gets back in the car and goes to the gorgeous proposal spot. The first car arrives and it’s…..Tyler. SOB!!!!! Noooooo!!!! WHY are you so stupid AH??? Ok, so Tyler is finally wearing pants loose enough to let his junk breathe a bit and he looks so handsome. This show is so cruel! Why let him launch into his proposal speech?? Mercifully, AH stops him, but can’t seem to utter a word. Poor Tyler. “So it’s a no?” You deserve better Ty!!! AH finally croaks out that she loves someone else. Tyler is such a gentleman about the whole thing. My heart breaks for him, especially in the car as he leaves.
Jed shows up with his ding dang guitar and I’ve never wanted to beat someone about the neck and head so much!!! I hate him. Ugh. He starts his proposal speech then starts singing. ABC why do you torture me so??? They get engaged and it’s really pretty lackluster. Where are the big declarations of love Jed? Oh yeah, back with your girlfriend. Bleh.
Back in LA we have to suffer through a few minutes of a montage of the “happy couple” then we find out that THE DAY AFTER THEY GET ENGAGED Jed fessed up (partly) and tells AH he had been “hanging out” with a girl before the show. Then someone sends AH a People magazine article detailing Jed’s relationship with this girl. And it’s WAY more than just hanging out!!! Jed arrives to talk to AH and does the shave and a haircut door knock like he’s arriving to a barbecue not to crush his fiancee’s heart!!! No jaunty knocks Jed! Not the time!!!
AH sits J down and his story about his GF is SO full of balogna I can’t stand it!!! Basically he’s saying he was super casual with the GF but he also admits that they went on trips! And they had sex! They even had sex the night before he left for the show! And he told her he loved her multiple times! But she wasn’t my girlfriend, alright?!? Again, men are trash!!! Well, not all of them, but the ones on this show major in trash in college apparently!!! J keeps even today, sitting in front of AH, saying “I didn’t have a girlfriend”. UGH!!! Oh, and he also told people he “WON” the show. Classy. He is all about Jed. I, I, I. He’s only concerned about his singing career and his exposure. He has no concept that his actions affect AH in any way. TRASH!!!
Back to the LA studio and AH comes out to resounding applause looking fierce!!! She announces she is not with Jed anymore and I can finally breathe again. Thank the good Lord in Heaven that she didn’t give him a second chance! Jed walks out to ONE person clapping and I guarantee that’s his mom. He apologizes and squeaks out “I still love you” but AH is not having it. She is still visibly upset but handles it all with such grace. And at only 24 years of age!
Jed slinks away to backstage and Tyler comes out to a standing ovation. He looks good! Still not wearing socks though. AH admits she still has feelings for him and asks Ty out for a drink. He says yes but I don’t see them getting serious again. She broke his heart for a piece of trash punk. Ah well!
The good news is Bachelor in Paradise starts soon!!!! See you then BBs!!! xo 🌹

Bachelorette Week 12

Week 12- We begin back at the Rose Ceremony that was interrupted by Luke P(sycho). We’re down to Jed (UGH), Tyler, and Peter (swoon! can’t help it! don’t @ me). Alabama Hannah is still in that horrible Forever 21 formal cut out prom dress. She gives Jed the first rose! JED!!!! Who has a girlfriend at home! UGH. Peter is going home. He’s such a gentleman. AH is crying and he’s crying and I’m just trying to figure out how to slide into Peter’s DMs. Pete- call me! I’m sure CSP won’t mind!
We cut to LA and Chris Harrison in the studio with Peter. Peter’s parents are there and his mom is crying like he was lost at sea, not like he just got dumped on a nationally televised dating show. AH comes out and says hi to Peter’s parents like she’s going steady with Peter instead of having just broken his heart! Don’t be so cheery with them Missy! You chose to let Peter go! Oh, and AH’s dress is getting on my nerves. It’s got one long sleeve that’s hanging off her shoulder and the other arm is bare and it’s skin tight and cobalt blue and it just looks like this is a poorly thought out superhero ice dancing costume, especially those earrings- they look like bedazzled dust bunnies!
So AH is doing a LOT of flirting with Peter considering she’s supposedly ENGAGED at this point, right?? And then it comes out that they had sex not once, not twice, but 4, count em, 4 times in that windmill!!! Whoa!!! Then there’s some whispering. There’s more to this story, mark my words.
Back to Greece. We get to meet AH’s family. OMG what a treat this is for me!!! Dad looks like a Cracker Barrel Santa with his gray goatee and long, gray hair. And his eyes. SO tiny! Meanwhile Mom is rocking some major black eyeliner. Like WAY too much. She’s got GLITTER ON HER CHEST that you can spot just below her Forever 21 choker. Now I see where AH gets her fashion sense! Tyler comes in in his tight manpris and meets the family first. Mom’s bosom visibly heaves when she lays eyes on Tyty. Both parents are noticeably impressed by Tyler (and really, who wouldn’t be)? He’s tall, good looking, gainfully employed, truly woke. OK wait, who are these other people in the room? They are obvs relatives of AH but we never find out the relation or their names. I have questions ABC!!!
Next up to meet the fam is Jed. Today AH is wearing this odd blue caftan. She looks pretty but I can’t figure out the dress. Dime Eyes Dad sits Jed down and grills him about how is he going to support AH with his crappy singing career. Jed then drops this bombshell…he wrote a dog food jingle!!! I DIE. I googled it immediately and found out it’s for a company called Better Bowl (never heard of it) and the song sounds just like a sad country ditty (I wouldn’t expect less from Jed). Back to the parents. Now Mom is crying rivers through her many layers of foundation and eyeliner. AH: What do you think of Jed? Mom: He has qualities. Bahahahahaha!!!! He has qualities!!! So does Charles Manson!!! AH is NOT happy about how critical her parents are of Jed, but come on, can you blame them??? I just know there are multiple “Live, Laugh, Love” plaques in the Brown family home, but you gotta love them for putting their daughter first.
Afterwards AH & Jed are outside talking and you can see straight through her muumuu to her thong! AH is pouring her heart out to Jed and he looks as about affected as if she was trying to sell him a timeshare in Wichita.
Next up is Tyler’s last 1-1. AH and Ty are wearing painted on jeans so tight that when they go to get on a couple horses to ride around I’m just waiting for a giant rip! AH’s off the shoulder shirt looks like the old uniforms the waitresses used to wear at Lizard’s Thicket! And Ty’s jeans are rolled! That night AH shows up to Tyler’s hotel suite in a hooded midriff baring sweater that’s totally giving me middle school vibes. She and Tyler are doing some serious “straddling and mounting” as the camera cuts away.
Jed’s last 1-1 date is next and they take a catamaran out to sea. It would be a beautiful date if not for 2 things: 1. Jed is not wearing a shirt but he IS wearing a leather belt with his shorts. I can also tell he shaves his chest!!! And 2. AH is violently sea sick and puking over the side of the boat.
That night AH shows up in the most bizarre outfit of the season (and that’s saying something!) – a pink pleather jacket, a black lace cami, and WIDE leg lace trimmed crop pants with SLITS. Her wardrobe choices wear me out!!! Anyway, she and Jed have a talk and it doesn’t go so well. There is no mounting or straddling in Jed’s room tonight people!
And that’s it for today! We find out tonight who she picks (FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY, PLEASE PICK TYLER!!!). I’ll watch tomorrow and report back my BBS! xo 🌹