Month: August 2019

Week 4 Night 2 picks up right after the Rose Ceremony when Dean is pulling Caelynn away from the group to talk. Dean tells Cae he won’t be able to get where she wants him to be. Says their lifestyles just aren’t compatible and that he should leave and she should stay and explore options. Dean leaves. Caelynn goes back to the group in tears.
The next day JPJ is crying over Tayshia liking Derek. Says he’s in love with her. He’s SOBBING and blowing his nose like a fog horn. Blake is trying to comfort him but is visibly uncomfortable!
Tayshia finds a beautiful box for everyone. It’s an invitation to Breathy Krystal and Chris the Goose’s wedding! They met last year in paradise. Everyone’s all excited about the wedding except Caelynn, who’s still upset over Dean. Everyone goes to the wedding and JPJ decides to try and talk to Tayshia about their situation while they are seated waiting for the ceremony to start. Not good timing JPJ!!! Angela is a bridesmaid and she used to date Clay, who’s now there with Nicole. Krystal looks beautiful and it’s a sweet, gorgeous ceremony.
At the reception JPJ is running around talking to anyone who will listen about Derek being a creepy womanizer. Finally JPJ pulls Derek aside to “talk”. But JPJ gets LOUD and makes a scene. NOT COOL. Plus he won’t let Derek get a word in edgewise. Tayshia sees what’s going on and is crying.
Chris (the groom) invites only some of the current Paradise residents to the after party. At the after party Caelynn and Connor talk then make out. Guess she’s over Dean! Clay asks Angela to talk. She looks gorgeous! He says he still really cares for her.
Back at the resort, JPJ walks up to Derek at the bar and starts back in on him about Tayshia. Derek keeps trying to get JPJ to have a civilized conversation but JPJ is getting belligerent. I tell ya. I have been a huge JPJ fan up until this moment. I don’t know if what he’s saying about Derek is true or false but I don’t like the way JPJ is handling himself!
The next day Connor arrives with a date card. He asks Caelynn and all the girls cheer! All but Kristina who’s jealous because she’s interested in Connor too. Connor and Cae paint with their bodies and make out on their date.
Clay and Nicole talk about Angela. Clay tries to assure Nicole that she has nothing to worry about, but she’s worried.
Angela arrives! Because of course she does. And that’s it until next week BBs!!! xo 🌹

Week 4 Night 1. Tahzjuan (who???) arrives. She has a date card and asks JPJ out. He says yes, but only because Tayshia told him to go out on a date if he’s asked out. That night at Fake Dinner JPJ cuts into the food while Tahz is telling him over and over you’re not supposed to eat the food! It’s this congealed chicken looking lump but WHO KNOWS what it really is. He takes a bite! And instantly regrets his decision. After dinner they dance for a bit and I swear I could watch JPJ all day. He is hilarious!!! Then they jump into a river and make out.
Back at the resort Tayshia declares she’s into Derek. And Caelynn is worried about Dean long term.
The next day Caelynn sits Dean down for a talk. He says he figures they’ll just last through Paradise and not beyond and that Cae would be miserable as his girlfriend. That is SO not what Cae wants to hear.
Haley arrives and asks JPJ out on her date. He agrees to go and they leave. Tahz starts FREAKING out. Like the medics come she’s freaking out so much!!! One of the medics asks for Gatorade for Tahz and she asks for GUACAMOLE!!! Then she gets in the pool and eats a bowl of spaghetti. BIZARRE.
Meanwhile JPJ and Haley go horseback riding then hang on the beach and make out. They come back from their date and Tahz is STILL freaking out. Tahz tells Haley she wants to spit in Haley’s wine! And calls Haley a pigeon!!!
The next night is the pre-Rose Ceremony Cocktail Party. This week the guys have the roses. Blake and Caitlin are talking and kissing when Kristina walks up and asks to talk to Blake. Caitlin walks away and Kristina puts doubt in Blake’s head about his connection with Caitlin. Kristina is a master manipulator!!!
Derek and Tayshia are talking and they kiss. Yay! I want Derek to be happy. He’s such a good guy!!!
Dean gathers everyone to sing Happy Birthday to Caelynn who turns 24. SO young to want to settle down and get married! Dean gives her a cake and everything seems fine with them.
Chris and Jen are talking when Katie interrupts. Katie pours her heart out to Chris telling him she really likes him and made a mistake when she said he should go out on dates. It may be too little too late though because he may be over her.
The Rose Ceremony- Chris Harrison has Demi hand out the first rose. It goes to Kristian. Dylan- Hannah G, Clay- Nicole, Mike- Sydney, Dean- Caelynn, Blake- Kristina (UGH), Derek- Tayshia (yay!), JPJ- Haley, and Chris to Katie (YAY!!!). Tahzjuan, Caitlin, and Jen go home. Everyone’s standing around just after the ceremony having champagne when Dean tells Caelynn he wants to go somewhere and talk. He’s pulling her away from the group and she’s protesting. They sit down and he’s just about to talk when BOOM- it’s the end of the episode! ABC you jerks!!!
Until tomorrow my BBs! xo🌹

Week 3 Night 2: Starts with Chris Harrison and Demi talking. Everyone’s on edge wondering what’s going on. Demi tells CH that she can’t imagine not having the girl, Kristian, in her life. She’s very conflicted.
The men have the roses this week. Kristina wants Blake’s “friendship” rose so she can wait and see who may show up for her. Caitlin asks Kristina to talk after seeing Kristina and Blake being v chummy. Caitlin asks if Kristina has a motive here and why’s she so chummy with Blake? Kristina does not take this well and gets v defensive, basically telling Caitlin to mind her own business. Meanwhile Blake is skulking about behind a tree watching and listening to them talk. #creeper
Next day- Katie tells Chris he can go on dates if he wants. This is NOT what Chris wanted to hear. He’s really into Katie and ready for a wife. And now he’s worried they aren’t on the same page.
Jen (WHO???) arrives and all the guys think she’s super gorgeous. All the girls are sweating. Jen asks Chris to go on her date and he agrees. Stupid Katie!!! Katie’s crying as they leave. Jen and Chris go on a catamaran and all is well until they hit choppy water. Chris then spends the rest of their time throwing up over the side. So they continue their date back at the resort. They get in the hot tub and make out.
Nicole sings Clay the goofiest song I’ve ever heard. And I’ve heard Baby Shark. But he loves it!
Chris and Katie talk and he says there’s something missing.
The next day Chris H appears. He asks Demi to talk and then sends her upstairs. And there’s the girl from back home! Kristian! Kristian is not from Bachelor Nation. They embrace and kiss and then sit down for a talk. Demi tells Kristian all about Derek. Demi says it’s Kristian she wants to be with. Demi leaves K to go talk to Derek. She tells Derek her heart is with Kristian and my heart just breaks for Derek. He’s SO torn up over it. Saying he just wants to be enough for someone. Poor thing! Derek goes to meet and talk with Kristian then Demi takes her poolside to introduce K to the group. Everyone is so supportive and happy for them!!! I’m not crying, YOU’RE crying!!! Demi gets a date card and they go out to Fake Dinner where Demi declares she’s ready to commit and they profess their love for each other.
And that’s where this week ends my BBs. xo🌹

Week 3 Night 1. I binge watched both episodes this week but I’ll still post separately as there is a LOT to unpack here. First we pick up with the Jordan and Christian fight. Jordan takes Christian and body slams him down 3 stairs and onto the beach! Who knew Jordan had that in him?? Security breaks it up but Christian keeps breaking away from security and running after Jordan! They finally get the two men separated. Meanwhile Nicole’s all “I was in danger!!!” Girl, please.
Production sits Jordan and Christian down separately and tells them they are going home. No tolerance for violence, as it should be. Although I’ll miss Jordan!
Nicole runs right back to Clay’s open arms. They are making out within an hour of Christian leaving!!!
The Blake/Dylan/ Hannah G love triangle is still going on. Dylan sets up a cute candlelit picnic for HG but then Blake brings in a Mariachi band to one up him. Oy.
Finally we get to the Rose Ceremony! Chris Harrison starts talking but before he can get a sentence out, Onyeka interrupts him and says she’s going home. That’s one less rose for the boys. Here’s who picked who:Demi- Derek, Katie- Chris, Nicole- Clay, Caelynn- Dean, Tayshia- JPJ, Sydney- Mike, HG- Dylan (YAY!!! Although she doesn’t deserve him!!!) Kristina- Blake. WHY???? SO that means Cam, Kevin, and Wills go home.
The next day Demi says about Blake “He’s like a turd that just won’t flush!” Bahahahah!!!! Caitlin (WHO???) arrives. She chooses Blake for her dates. They do tantric yoga then Blake tells Caitlin all about his Bachelor shenanigans and his hookups. She takes it well and next thing you know they are making out in the pool.
Dylan gets a date card and of course asks HG. Blake’s brooding over it. For their date, HG wears a TOTALLY see through black lace dress. I mean, she wears a nude bra and black underwear but there is LITTLE left to the imagination! Dylan tells her over Fake Dinner that he’s falling in love with her (for some reason). She says she’s all in for him. Not exactly the same sentiment there, but she better mean it!!!
The next day Hannah B arrives and pulls Demi aside to talk about Demi’s girl back home. Demi’s still struggling. Then Demi talks to Derek and he’s just the best. He says he understands her struggle but he wants her in his life. Demi then calls for Chris Harrison and the show ends with Demi waiting for CH.
Ominous!!!! See you in a minute BBs!!! xo🌹

Week 2 Night 2- Demi kicks off this episode by telling Katie that she’s been casually dating a woman back at home. Poor Demi is so conflicted! Dylan confronts Hannah G about her and Blake. HG just sits there all wide eyed and quiet like a creepy doll. Then she finally fesses up that a week prior to Paradise Blake flew to Alabama to visit her and they kissed! WHAT?? Blake was SUPER busy pre-Paradise. Gross. Tayshia then confronts HG who totally plays the innocent card. I’m not buying it HG!
Dean arrives sporting a 70s porn stache that even makes Chris Harrison crack up! Dean looks ridiculous! AND he lives in a van! A van, people!!!
Kristina is still telling everyone about the Kristina/Blake/Caelynn mess of a love triangle and Caelynn is NOT happy about that. But then Dean swoops in and asks Cae out on his date and she says yes. They go to Fake Dinner and then swim in a pool and make out. Boy, ABC is really going all out for these dates!
Back at the resort Demi is telling Tayshia about how she’s fluid and likes girls and guys. Demi is worried that if she tells Derek that he’ll give up on her.
The next day Demi and Jordan are giving a running commentary of everyone they see on the beach and it’s the funniest thing ABC has aired in quite a while! Who’s getting a rose? ABC- Anyone But Cam! Hilarious! 2 girls skipping toward the ocean- Oh look! A Forever 21 commercial! Ha!!!
Christian (WHO???) arrives. Apparently he left night one of Becca’s season. He asks Nicole on his date and she says yes which totally bums Clay out. Christian looks like a cop from an 80s telenovela! Creepy stache and all! Nicole and Christian go jet skiing then make out on the beach. Poor Clay!!! They get back to the resort and Nicole and Clay are talking. Christian walks up and says “Let me finish my date”. Nicole shuts it down saying she wants to catch up with Clay, but it gets tense for a couple minutes there!
The next night is the Rose Ceremony Cocktail Party. 4 guys are going home. Demi tells Derek about the woman back home. He takes in all the information like a champ and is v v understanding.
Mike is hanging out with Sydney since Caelynn is all about Dean now. JPJ recites a Shakespearean love poem to Tayshia and they make out! Such odd pairings this show brings!
Christian sets up a little thing for Nicole with a pinata, champagne, and chocolate covered strawberries. The two of them are talking and Clay’s watching the whole time. Clay walks over to ask to speak with Nicole. Christian says no(!!!). Clay walks away. Then Jordan runs over and pulls down the pinata! Christian jumps on Jordan and all the sudden we have a fight, ladies and gentlemen!!! And just as they start rolling around in the sand, the episode ends.
Until next week my BBs!!! xo 🌹

Week 2 Night 1- We start off with the Rose Ceremony we should have seen last week. Here’s how it goes down: Derek gives his rose to Demi, Clay to Nicole, Wills to Katie, Kevin to Sydney, JPJ to Onyeka, Cam to Caelynn, Dylan to Hannah G, Blake to Tayshia (although he likes HG and Tayshia is OVER him), Chris to Kristina (which totally blindsides Annaliese!)
Jane, Bibiana, and Annaliese are going home. Can’t say I’m gonna miss any of them! Jane I’m not even sure was ever on a Bachelor show, and Bibi and Annaliese cry too much!
So now the women have the power! Jordan arrives and immediately pulls HG. WHAT are people seeing in her?? My desk lamp has more personality!!! Jordan hears all about Blake’s shenanigans and says “He’s putting his spoon in all of the pudding!!!” Bahahaha!!! Jordan asks HG on his date and she says yes, but then thinks about it and turns him down. Meanwhile Jordan pulls Blake aside and basically tells him to get his sh!t together man!
Jordan still needs a date so he asks Nicole, who says yes. They go meet Jorge(!!!) in the jungle and go ziplining then have a chat. I don’t see a love connection.
Back to the resort and Cam is reading Caelynn this love letter he wrote her and it is SO cringeworthy! Her face shows her utter lack of interest!!! But Cam has tunnel vision and is absolutely sure he’s going to propose to Cae at the end of Paradise. Good luck with that!
Mike arrives! Yay!!! Love Mike but I have mixed feelings. I want him to be the Bachelor! I don’t want him catching some disease in Paradise! So Cam is NOT happy Mike is here and gets worried. ALL the girls are swooning over Mike! Mike asks Caelynn on his date and Onyeka (who’s crushing on Mike) and Cam are upset. Cam’s crying even!
Jordan and Nicole get back from their date and she goes right back to Clay (who’s been pretty worried). Meanwhile Mike and Caelynn’s date is going really well. They have Fake Dinner then dance and make out. He’s WAY into her and I can’t figure out why! #disappointed
Back at the resort, Wills is trying to romance Katie. He gives this speech about how great she is and she short circuits and freaks out! It was weird to watch. She turns Wills down then goes to talk to Chris who says he’s totally into Katie and they make out. WHAT?? What happened to Kristina? Things move fast in Paradise apparently!
Blake pulls HG aside to talk. He tells her he’s got himself all figured out and he’s going to pursue her. Then he asks her to dance on the beach (in full sight of Dylan and everyone). Apparently this dance move is Blake’s signature move according to Kristina and Tayshia! Lame Blake! Blake and HG start making out and Dylan’s had enough. He walks out to try and talk to HG. HG stands there like a mute with her big eyes and is just frozen. Blake’s doing all the talking for her. Eventually Dylan gets frustrated and goes back to the bar. The episode ends with Blake and HG making out. Ugh.
Till tomorrow BBs! xo🌹

Week 1 Night 2. WOW. SO much drama and it’s just the 2nd episode of the season! And it’s messy! Ok so we begin with Caelynn STILL telling everyone about the Blake drama while Blake and Kristina are out on a date. B & K are riding in a dune buggy through mud and water and it looks like they are having a great time….until….they are talking afterwards and it is NOT going well. Kristina is all hurt about him having sex with her & Caelynn within 24 hours. Blake says he didn’t do anything wrong. UGH.
Blake and Kristina get back from their date and Caelynn immediately pulls Blake aside and lays into him for ruining her experience in Paradise. Blake is super apologetic but Cae is not having it and she’s not letting up with her teary tirade. She finally walks away crying.
Meanwhile Kristina is giving Tayshia an ear full about Blake and his transgressions. Basically at this point every woman on the beach hates Blake.
Switching gears….Wills pulls Hannah G aside and they kiss! But she’s been spending all her time with Dylan! Dylan walks up right after the kiss and he and HG go off to talk. HG tells D about Wills and his kiss.
Clay- Bibi is really into him. So is Cryer Nicole. Clay gets the date card and asks Nicole. But before they can leave Annaliese confronts Clay about her friend and Clay’s ex- Angela. Clay and Angela dated for 8 months but broke up 3 months ago so in my opinion, back off Annaliese! Annaliese is CRYING about it. SO lame!!! Clay and Nicole go to a fun carnival and make out.
The next day Blake is still crying about Kristina and Caelynn. Like, literally crying. And after I read his texts with Caelynn I feel a little sorry for him. I mean, not too much because it is GROSS to be hopping from woman to woman in such a short amount of time but Caelynn isn’t coming out looking so squeaky clean here! In the texts Cae is coming on to Blake really strongly. She flat out asks for sex and he turns her down. Repeatedly. Make of that what you will!
Cocktail Party- Caelynn is STILL talking about the Blake drama and in my opinion, using it for pity. Then she goes and makes out with CAM!!! CAM!!!! I am ill. Speaking of being ill- JPJ is making out with Onyeka! She irks me. Remember the guys have the roses this week so the women are practically desperate for roses and are throwing themselves at all the guys. Jane gives JPJ a taco and he eats it then spends the rest of the night vomiting into the ocean and on the beach! GAG!!! Are there no trash cans or buckets in paradise???
Annaliese and Chris B are making out but Kristina has her eye on Chris. Bibi is crying because she hasn’t made a connection with anyone. And that means no rose. HG tells Wills she’s into Dylan. Yay!!! But then Blake steals HG away to talk and they end up making out! WHAT??? WHY do all these guys like her?? I mean, she’s cute but has the personality of a box of hair!!! And then of course HG runs and tells Dylan Chris kissed her! WHY torture the man??? And the episode ends with HG trying to decide between Dylan and Chris and me being so over her.
Until next week BBs! xo 🌹

Week 1 Night 1- First ABC starts us off with some intros and it’s a good thing because I have no idea who some of these people are! And I don’t miss an episode! Like Katie, and Jane! WHO??? So let’s get to the beach, shall we?
Hannah G is the first to arrive and I’m already sick of her as she runs around acting like she’s never seen a beach before. For those who may not remember, she was on Colton’s season and has the personality of a lukewarm tortilla. Blake arrives, then Katie, Dylan, Sydney (who??), Derek, Tayshia and her ginormous boobs, then Kevin (who?), Wills (yay!), Demi (double yay!). Onyeka arrives blaring an air horn and if you didn’t know, that’s the quickest way to get me to want you bounced off the show. Cam (VOMIT) shows up wearing a leopard print shirt and I just can’t. John Paul Jones comes tearing down the stairs in a tiny little speedo. Chris B is back for some reason. He gives me the creeps. Jane, Annaliese, Bibiana, Nicole the cryer, and Clay are next to arrive. Wells is back as bartender (LOVE him!). Then Caelynn gets there and Blake freaks out. I’ll explain later.
Men hand out the roses this week. Blake gets the first date card. Everyone thinks he’s going to ask Hannah G because they’ve been talking and flirting. Even HG gets all bright eyed when he announces his pick. BUT….he chooses Tayshia. Their date (while in a pretty setting) is boring. They just go to fake dinner amongst all these millions of fairy lights and then make out in a hot tub.
Meanwhile back at the resort, Demi and Derek are making out in the hot tub while Dylan is going on and on about how great HG is. I just don’t see it! But Dylan and HG make out in the treehouse and he’s about to burst with excitement! I guess HG is over Blake already!
It’s the next day and Caelynn is spilling the Blake tea to Onyeka. And here it is: Blake and Cae “dated” for a couple months. Then at a music festival called StageCoach they had sex. But the night before he had sex with Kristina the Russian from Kentucky. That’s just gross. Not Kristina, but having sex with 2 different women in a 24 hour period. THEN Blake told Caelynn to lie to everyone in Paradise about their relationship and keep it a secret. This does not sit well with Cae. NO woman wants to be your dirty little secret Blake! Gah! Now, Caelynn has already told Wells all about the Blake drama and Wells said she needed to share the info. So then Cae goes and tells Sydney. And who arrives next? Kristina. And Blake looks like he’d rather have a colonoscopy on that beach than deal with these 2 women right now. Kristina has a date card and asks Blake to go. She then tells the camera she’s about to make Blake her bitch! Can’t wait to see how all this shakes out tomorrow BBs!!! xo 🌹