I am thankful to have been born when I was. Not only because had I been born in another era I wouldn’t have met CSP & all my friends etc, but because of modern day luxuries. God bless those people who lived in pioneer days and even before. I wouldn’t have done well with no deodorant, hair product, mascara, lip gloss, moisturizer, you get the picture. Not to mention medical advancements. I surely would have died in my early thirties had I been born 100 years ago! When my fallopian tube twisted and became engorged it got the doctors excited at the hospital- and that was in the mid 2000s! They surely wouldn’t have known what to do with me in the 1800s! And that was just the start of my surgical adventures!
I am thankful I have a good sense of humor. I can find the humor in most anything and I can laugh at myself. I’ve met plenty of people who just seem miserable, with no discernible sense of humor. Life is just more fun if you laugh every day!
There are some things I just can not do. Or, at least can not do well.
- Sing. Sure, I can physically sing a song, but it won’t be in any key you’ve ever heard, although your dog might join in.
- Dance. I have no rhythm. None. Even when I’ve had a couple grown up drinks and think I do? I do not.
- Back up in a car. Just ask my recycle bins, shrubbery, and neighborhood children.
- Cut things. I can not chop, slice, dice, or Julienne. I mean I can do it, but my knife skills rival that of a blind 2 year old. Once at my birthday dinner my MIL wanted me to cut the cake, which was a beautiful cheesecake she made from scratch. I made one erratic, sloppy slice that took considerable effort on my part (and I thought looked pretty good for me) and my MIL quickly gathered everything up and ran back to the kitchen to cut the cake herself.
- Stay still. I’m a fidgeter. I have tons of nervous energy. I just can’t be still. Waiting in a line quietly is full on TORTURE.
- Watch a movie without saying a word, laughing out loud, crying out loud, or screaming. I can’t help myself, I get into movies. Don’t believe me? Ask my sisters why they fight about who HAS to sit next to me, not who GETS to.
Last summer I was outfitted with glasses. I’m still not used to them! I forget they’re on all the time. I try to scratch my eye and poke myself right in the glasses. I can’t tell you how often I’ve gotten in the shower with them on and it’s very awkward when I try to put my CPAP mask on my head and my glasses are in the way! I do like the way they help me see though. I only have to wear them for task related things but isn’t everything you do a task? In an unrelated note, I’m back to wearing bangs. I asked CSP if he liked me better with or without bangs and he said “Oh God WITH!” Okaaaay…who knew for the last 8 or so years I’ve been running around with no bangs that he’s been secretly wishing and hoping for some hair to cover my five-head?
I may be the only person in the Carolinas who’s not looking forward to Summer. I sometimes wish we lived in Canada or Alaska so it would stay cool all year. Mainly because I don’t like wearing shorter sleeves. Not because of the sleeves themselves, but the people. Recently I was out and about and ran into a woman I’ve met maybe 3 times. I was wearing a shirt with 3/4 length sleeves. Actually it was the Penelope shirt! The woman looked at me and instead of the normal Hello greeting she said “Girl, what the hell is going on with your arms???” I was mortified. I have severe eczema and it really affects my forearms. I don’t know why I don’t have it on places no one can see. I’m used to people looking at me funny, esp at drive thrus or other places where I’m exchanging money for goods. People look at my arms like I’ve been a victim of an acid attack. And frankly, that is what it looks like. During the winter (when I get to wear long sleeves, natch) my eczema is better. When it starts to get warm out the heat flares it up and the patches look really red and angry. But that DOES NOT give anyone the right to embarrass me like that! And in front of people! I would never look back at her and say anything like “Girl, what is UP with your hair?”
If you are unfamiliar with eczema and what it looks like, my arms look very similar to this: It’s not fun. Luckily I have pretty good self esteem and a husband who thinks I’m beautiful even with my spots. Now, before you start listing all the “cures” for eczema, please know that while I appreciate it, I’ve heard – and tried- them all before. I’ve been dealing with this for 20 years. I’ve tried every bath, cream, pill, spray, balm that you could think of. Bottom line is that there is no cure, only temporary remedies. Just do me this favor- please teach your children to not stare. That eczema and psoriasis and the like are not contagious. That unwanted comments are just that- unwanted. That the only license you could have to make comments would be a medical license. And if you weren’t aware of this, now you know. I really don’t want to go through another summer having to educate the ignorant in how to be polite.
The Daily Post offers up topics about which to write when you’re looking for inspiration for your daily blog posts. One struck my fancy a few days ago.
If you could go back in time and have a 5 minute conversation with yourself ten years ago, what would you say?
- Hire a videographer for the wedding. I know you think you can’t afford it but you’ll regret it years from now that you didn’t.
- Push that piece of hair out of your face. It’s caught on your eyebrow and drives you nuts every time you look at your wedding pictures.
- Tuck some lip gloss in your bra. You get a little stressed at the reception because you can’t find any.
- Take that wedding gift money and buy stock in Apple. They are going to invent the iPod and it’s going to change the way the world listens to music.
- In a few years you’re going to be tempted to build a house by CP Morgan. RUN from this company. They are the devil and will cause you nothing but stress.
- One day you’re going to meet a girl who you think will be a great friend. She’s not. Don’t waste your time investing in this friendship.
- Take some more of that wedding money and buy into the Walt Disney Vacation Club. You’re going to fall in love with their cruise ships and the club will save you money.
- Spend a little extra time over the next year with Jade and Melissa. They will both pass away at a young age.
- Moisturize. Moisturize even when you think you’ve moisturized plenty.
- Wear SPF at all times.
- When you’re selling the house in Fort Mill, don’t run through the kitchen. There’s water on the floor and you slip causing you to tear your meniscus. This results in surgery. Might as well avoid it!
- Don’t color your hair with box color at home. You end up with hooker hair.
- When you’re in Las Vegas next week on your honeymoon, get up a little earlier on your planned Grand Canyon day. It’s a heck of a lot farther away than you thought!
- Don’t spend even one second being nervous. Soak in every second of this week’s wedding activities and next week’s honeymoon. You’re marrying the best man you’ve ever known. He’ll make you happy forever. The best thing you’ve ever done was saying yes.
On Jimmy Fallon the other night they talked about the worst date you’ve ever been on via hash tags on Twitter. He received some hilarious responses. Got me thinking about some of my terrible dates. I kissed a LOT of frogs before I found CSP!
- One guy took me to dinner at Olive Garden then to a movie. He kept burping up his dinner all throughout the movie. Stunk SO bad! I had to go out for air so I wouldn’t throw up!
- One guy told me we were going out for Mexican for dinner on our first date. He took me to Taco Bell.
- Another guy used a coupon for dinner, stopped at a vending machine and told me I’d better get my movie beverage and snacks at the machine, then I had to pay for my own movie. I’m all for being frugal but come on!
- The same guy (I can’t believe I gave him another chance!) and I went to a friend’s house for a barbeque. Before we all sat down to eat Mr. CheapSkate made himself a sandwich to go, put it in a ziploc bag and put it by the door! He said he was preparing for work the next day. I broke up with him there and had someone else take me home!
Tell me about your worst date!