pop culture, tv

Bachelor Week 9 Fantasy Suites

BBs- this week is Fantasy Suites, or as Khaki Zach calls it, SEX WEEK!!! Bahahaha! At least we are able to see some stunning views of Thailand while we watch!

Us lucky, lucky viewers are treated to yet another soapless shower scene with Khaki Zach. Then Z tells Jesse he’s decided any and all sex is off the table this week. Good luck with that Z! Even Jesse tells Z he’s going to be tempted.

First lady to date sexless Zach this week is Ariel. They have the best date of the week and go to a Night Market where they eat all manner of bugs and worms and crickets. At Fake Dinner Z tells Ariel there will be no sex and she’s visibly disappointed, but at this point she’s already spilled to Z that she’s falling in love with him so she’s stuck with him for the night. The next morning they look happy and talk about their cuddle sesh the night before. So that’s one down, 2 to go!

Next up is Gabi and before she even meets up with Khaki Zach she’s spiraling. Gabi is ALL in her head about being chosen second and being cheated on in the past, etc. So after G & Z take a cool pirate ship to a private island G gets super emotional and starts crying about looking ugly and crusty and feeling gross in front of Z. Z reassures G that she’s beautiful and she feels better. Over Fake Dinner, Z tells Gabi there will be no sex and she’s shocked, especially because she just told the man she’s falling in love with him. G says “I won’t seduce you”. They go to their v cool suite over the water where…..they have sex! So Z’s iron resolve didn’t stand a chance against G and her wiles!

The next day Z tells J he had sex with G and he’s feeling all this guilt now and wants to tell the other girls. Uh, NOT a good idea there Zach! But Z goes and tells G that he wants to tell the other girls and G is NOT happy about this turn of events at all. She feels like it’s their personal business and it shouldn’t be shared. Z tells G he’s falling in love with her.

Kaity’s date is next. They paddle around in a jungle river in a kayak in the rain for a while. Sexy! Then they sit on this rando bench in the jungle river to talk. That’s where Zach spills the beans to K that’s he’s had sex this week. K gets understandably V V upset at this news. She knew it was a possibility but why spell it out for her Z? What did he expect? A fist bump?? K wants to go home. That night Kaity shows up for Fake Dinner even though she was NOT happy, but she somehow manages to rally and has a great attitude! We don’t get a morning after shot so who knows what happened, or didn’t.

Rose Ceremony

Kaity & Ariel look stunning in their brightly colored dresses, but Gabi’s dress looks kinda cheaply made. Shame, because she’s a gorgeous girl. Kaity, the obvious favorite, gets the first rose. Then Gabi. That means Ariel is going home. And just to rub salt in the wound, Zach for some reason, feels the need to talk about how he said he was going to abstain this week and failed. So Ariel knows he knocked boots with at least one of the other girls! UGH Did Zach learn NOTHING from stupid, stupid Clayton??

Z walks Ariel out and while A says she’s deeply hurt, our girl doesn’t shed a single tear! He’s not worth it anyway Ariel!!! He’s khaki pants come to life!

While Z is attending to Ariel, Kaity turns to Gabi and says I know you are the only one. Gabi says she feels like she’s wearing the Scarlett Letter. Nice reference!

Next week- the finale BBs!!! Until then! xo 🌹

pop culture, tv

Bachelor Women Tell All

BBs- it’s time for one of my favorite episodes! All of the season’s drama condensed into one episode. But this season has been a bit of a yawn fest, so am I expecting too much??

We start with Jesse and Zach gate crashing Bachelor viewing parties, which does not bode well for the Women Tell All part of the evening. Finally Jesse introduces the women and I swear there are ladies there I’ve never seen before! Night one girls who were sent home before we could learn their names I suppose.

They show a montage of all the drama that took place this season, then the ladies just start in on each other! Everyone is talking over everyone else and it’s pure chaos. Also, there is so much highlighter, bronzer, and fake tanner on that stage it looks like a herd of oompa loompas exploded!

The first subject of the ladies’ ire is Christina Mandrell. Cracks me up how she’s the only woman allowed a last name. We GET it. You’re famous adjacent! Anyway, the girls are talking about how mean Christina was on the show and she’s just sitting there with her orange hands (you gotta wear gloves when you apply the fake tanner, sweetie) not saying a word. Finally she says she isn’t used to people saying she makes others feel uncomfortable and she just needs to learn to shut up. And BBs, that’s the last we hear from her all episode!

Jess takes the hot seat and Jesse makes sure to mention her body glitter! Bahaha!!! It WAS blinding, but you do you Jess!

Greer is next and Jesse says we have to address the controversy surrounding Greer’s tweets defending a friend who wore blackface. Jesse notes that the show hasn’t done a good job in the past addressing racist behaviors and boy is he right! Greer apologizes and says all the right things so let’s hope she (and others) have learned.

Kat & Charity follow Greer’s turn in the hot seat (separately) and their interviews about their journeys are v emotional but otherwise unremarkable.

Then it’s time for some deleted scenes and finally here’s the content I’m looking for! A twerking lesson! A tortilla slap fight! SO funny!

Zach comes on stage and the girls address him and their heartbreak and he’s just so blah. He offers some generic platitudes and we move on to bloopers. Zach is apparently a V sweaty man!

Next week is Fantasy Suites, or as Jesse delights in saying, SEX WEEK. Apparently Z decides there will be no sex but fails to hold up his end of the bargain so many, many tears ensue. Honestly, will he please just go ahead and pick Kaity and let’s be done with it? Why put Ariel and Gabi through all the heartache?

Finally, after hinting all night that he’s going to change one lady’s life, Jesse tells Charity that she’s the next Bachelorette! Yay! I called it! She’s so poised and beautiful, the Disney princess of Bachelor Nation.

Until next week BBs, xo 🌹

pop culture, tv

Bachelor Week 8 Hometowns

BBs it is Hometowns week!!! I love this episode because we get to see where these people come from and their families AND we get to watch the Bachelor squirm a bit!

Gabi- Vermont

Gabi’s hometown is up first and it’s all v LL Bean with flannel shirts and crunchy leaves and tapping a tree for maple syrup. OF COURSE the sexual innuendos are flying whilst Zach and Gabi are boring a hole into a tree, trying to get syrup. “Is it sticky?” “It’s kind of warm.” Lord help us all! Later they meet up with Gabi’s family, including her look alike older sister Chloe. Everyone is super nice to Z and no one is hard on him or too skeptical about the whole deal. Gabi tells Z she’s falling in love with him, natch.

Ariel – NYC

Zach and Ariel take a food tour around the city, stopping for pizza, and a cow tongue sandwich. Then later A & Z meet up with A’s family at what looks like a restaurant. We find out that Ariel’s parents escaped religious persecution in the Soviet Union. But it is A’s brother Bobby who’s the toughest on Zach. “Why should Ariel pick you? When’s her birthday? What’s her middle name?” And of course Z doesn’t know the answers to these basic questions because he’s only spent a cumulative 45 minutes with Ariel and 39 of those minutes were spent making out!!! Z says he’s looking at the bigger picture and they’ll have years to learn all the “small details”. Hmmmm. Ariel also tells Zach that she’s falling in love with him.

Charity – Columbus, GA

BIG family gathering. Like 20 people big. Charity’s family is SUPER nice to Zach, even though they are all scared she’s going to be hurt again. Later Z & C go line dancing and Charity tells him she’s falling in love. Z, ever the silver tongued devil, responds with “Wild. I know, it’s crazy.” Which is totally Z code for “You’re going home”.

Kaity- Austin, TX

I bet you that Z & Kaity knew of each other before the show. I’ll also bet she’s been his favorite since day 1 and will be his pick. Z tells K he missed her when they reunite. They have a gasp!, normal, date. They go grocery shopping then back to her place to put together an IKEA bookcase. Later they go see her family. By this part of the show, K has mentioned numerous times that she’s been let down by men in the past. But even K tells Z she’s falling in love with him and his smile looks the most genuine.

Back in LA, Sean Lowe shows up to counsel our man Z again! Does Z not have any other friends??

Rose Ceremony

Ariel gets the first rose. Then Kaity, then Gabi. What did I tell you??? Charity is going home. She’s instantly in tears and Z walks her out, spitting out a bunch of platitudes like “I’ve been sick to my stomach all day over this”. Z says he can’t give her the love she deserves. Once in the car, Charity repeats this and says “I don’t even know what that freaking means”. I do! I bet it means she’s the next bachelorette!!!

Next up is the Women Tell All. Let’s hope it’s more exciting and far less formulaic than this entire season has been!!! Until then BBs. xo 🌹

tv

Bachelor Week 7

Hello my BBs! It is week 7- the week before Hometowns! We are in gorgeous Budapest, Hungary this week.

Kaity 1-1

Kaity & Zach tour the city and eventually happen upon a random typewriter where they write each other little love notes. That night they have Fake Dinner at a bath house where K reveals to Z that she’s lost 2 father figures in her life. Her biological father left the family when she was really young and her stepdad left when she was in 8th grade. She’s in tears and is super emotional and Z is tripping over his words then finally just kisses her. She gets the rose.

Group Date

The ladies arrive at a theatre where there’s a magician/mentalist there with Zach. He does some trickery on all the girls and exposes their biggest insecurities. Ariel is too guarded! Charity was cheated on! Etc. By the end of it all the girls are in tears. Fun times! The tears continue at the after party. Except for Ariel who hilariously tells Z (and us) that her dad thinks the Bachelor is nothing but orgies! Bahahaha!!! Gabi gets the rose. Kat gets really upset that Gabi gets the rose.

The next day Greer is back! Back from her 6 day quarantine because of Covid. She’s all excited and giddy to see Z. She goes to his room and he does not beat around the bush at all. She’s barely sat down on the sofa before he tells her he doesn’t see a future with her. Greer is in TEARS y’all. Like messy, black rivulets of tears streaming down her wee face. They flew her to Hungary to get dumped on national television! Savage! And you know she’s got to sit in coach all the way back home now!

Brooklyn 1-1

Brooklyn and Zach ride bikes around the city. Then they go up in a balloon, and go to yet another giant bath house. Is there NOTHING else to do in Budapest other than bathe??? My skin’s all prunie just thinking about it!

That night over Fake Dinner Brooklyn shares that her grandpa raised her. He stepped in when her father stepped out. Z feels it getting heavy so he steps out for a moment to think. He comes back & says Brooklyn deserves love that he can’t give. She breaks down into tears and Z walks her out. At this point they are both crying while Brooklyn tells Z what a great guy he is and thank you (!!!) for everything. Really?? Why are these women so easy on him when he dumps them?? I’d pay for someone to smack him across the face or insult the man or at least get a bit salty! I apologize for inciting violence, I don’t really want anyone to slap him, but this is ridiculous!!!

Rose Ceremony

There’s no cocktail party because there’s only 1 girl to send home since everyone else was dumped throughout the week! Kat does not get a rose, therefore she is going home.

Next week is Hometowns & Women Tell All! Woot!!! Until then BBs! xo 🌹

tv

Bachelor Week 6

Bbs- we’re in Estonia this week! Let’s dive right in!

Charity 1-1

Charity finally gets her 1-1 since Zach’s Covid cancelled it last week. Z comes to pick Charity up for their date but then Kat steals him away for a make out sesh in the hallway. RUDE. The other girls DO NOT LIKE this at all and are vocal about it to Kat after Charity leaves with Zach. Kat is so clueless she legit sees nothing wrong with what she did. Charity and Z take a horse drawn carriage around town then compete in a Wife Carrying Contest! At Fake Dinner Charity reveals that her last relationship was emotionally abusive. It must be weird to sit down to Fake Dinner and have like 4-6 minutes to dive right in to all of your past trauma. Maybe Fake Dinner lasts longer in real life and it’s all just editing but it feels like hurry up and verbally vomit all over this man so you can get the rose. Speaking of, Charity gets the rose.

The next day Brooklyn verbally jumps all over Kat about how Kat stole Charity’s moment. B tells K to get her head out of her ass! Girl’s not wrong! Charity says she had to block the incident out to enjoy her date. Kat is still clueless to her wrongdoing. Sigh.

Group Date

The girls and Z go visit an Estonian Healing Witch who is going to help Z find out if love is in his future with these women. Jess has been in her head and worried all day about still not having a 1-1 date. When Z and Jess have to hold on to a candle and look into each other’s eyes through the flame the wind blows their candle out! FORESHADOWING! At the After Party, Jess is an emotional wreck and is crying during her time with Z. She’s complaining about not having a 1-1 and he’s trying to reassure her but they just aren’t connecting. The conversation escalates quickly. She says “I’m not going to beg for you” through her tears and Z walks her out. He goes back to the group and tells them Jess is gone and no one is getting a rose tonight.

Ariel 1-1

ABC, who plans these dates?? Drunks?? Ariel and Zach go to a sauna and they find out it is a nudist sauna. They sit down in a sauna room in their bathing suits and a nakey couple joins them. Then A & Z go to a hot tub later and the nakey couple follows them and joins them in the hot tub too. Later they have Fake Dinner, make out, and Ariel gets the rose but I honestly can’t recall anything notable about the rest of their date. Z seems really into her though.

Cocktail Party

Charity pulls Kat aside to chat, presumably about how Kat stole Char’s moment. But then Brooklyn walks up just as Kat is saying she stands by what she did. So Kat storms off in a huff, refusing to talk.

Rose Ceremony

Kat gets the last rose and Ally gets sent home. BTW, Greer is absent this week because she has Covid.

And that’s it until next week Bbs! xo🌹

tv

Bachelor Week 5

BBs! I was on a cruise last week so today I caught up on the last 2 episodes! This week we’re in London! There was much pip pipping and tally ho-ing going on.

Gabi 1-1

Gabi and Zach go to a 300 year old perfumery and make their own fragrance called Zabi. They have their own butler, play with corgis, have high tea, try on ball gowns, and do a bunch of shopping. Gabi goes back to the hotel and shows everything to the other v jealous girls. Greer gets so upset she gets up and leaves the room in tears. She is crying in the hallway when Gabi comes by trying to get to her room with her shopping bags and ball gown in tow. AWKWARD.

Fake Dinner

Gabi puts on the beautiful ball gown and Jimmy Choos (yet doesn’t do anything special with her hair, hmmm). She shares that in her past relationships she wasn’t made to feel seen or beautiful or special. Then UB40 (!) performs and Gabi gets the rose.

Group Date

Before the girls can leave for the date they receive a note from Zach that he’s under the weather and won’t be joining them. The girls are all upset but still go out on a double decker bus tour. The girls are all moping about and then it starts to rain on them. Once the rain stops though, they have a change of heart and try to make the best of the situation and start to have fun touring London.

After Party

The ladies get all dressed up but a butler appears with a message from Z saying he’s still not feeling well enough to join them. Tears all around!

Charity 1-1

Welp, Z tests positive for Covid! So no date for Charity. She’s visibly upset by the news.

Virtual Cocktail Party

Z has the Covid but the show must go on so each girl files into a separate room and is able to have some 1-1 time with Zach virtually- via FaceTime and an iPad. Greer makes an odd comparison while speaking to Z about his Covid compared to when she had Covid at the end of a sales quarter. Z doesn’t like his quest for love being compared to sales quotas and expresses this to Greer. Greer gets all upset and cries thinking she has ruined her chances with him. Meanwhile, Z is upset and emotional over having to do everything virtually, but that’s show biz, baby!

Virtual Rose Ceremony

Greer gets the last rose and is in tears. Kylee and Mercedes (honestly forgot who she was before this episode) go home.

And that’s all she wrote for week 5 my BBs! xo 🌹