What they said

Having your 86 year old Irish grandmother visit, along with your insane bio father, provides much entertainment.  Add in a surprise visit from your 77 year old Irish great uncle, keep your 6 and 4 yr old nephews around, and your sides ache from laughing after a few days.  Here are my favorite quotes from the last week: (and I use the word quote loosely.  While I try to document each phrase as accurately as I can, I’m only human and not a tape recorder).

  • Exchange that occurred just before dinner between my great uncle and bio father:  BF- When Molly (Nanny’s pomeranian) dies she’s gonna leave me her hair in her will so I can have a full head of hair again.  GU- Wait, didn’t you have some new hair sewn into your head a few years ago? BF- Yeah, I did.  GU- Where did it go?  Guess they didn’t tie the knots tight enough!
  • BF to Nanny:  Don’t you remember when i was almost decapitated and my scalp was laying on the hood of that woman’s car?
  • Nanny:  “….like Oprah and Al Bama.”  My grandmother thinks our president’s name is Al Bama.
  • Visiting teenager to me about Molly, my pug. –  Why do her eyes bug out so much more than the others’?
  • BF describing a snorkeling experience from a trip in January-  And that seal swam right up to me.  Got an inch away from my face, looked me right in the eye.  He was afraid I was going to steal his women, you see.
  • Cousin’s 4 year old son describing his pets- I got 2 good dogs and 1 bad dog. I got a red dog.  Me- What’s his name?  Cody- Rayud.  (Red stretched out into 2 syllables with a serious Southern accent. CUTEST thing!)
  • Nephew Jacob to my sister (his mom) when she told him she was cooking lasagna for dinner- Can’t we go to Aunt Shanny’s and eat her lasagna?  Sara- You’ll like my lasagna.  Jacob- Yeah, but I KNOW I like Aunt Shanny’s.
  • Nephew Joey while admiring cousin’s 2 month old baby’s chubby arms- That baby’s got MUSCLES.
  • Jacob & Joey standing in the bath tub.  BF walks by- Why aren’t you taking your bath?  Jacob- It’s too hot.  Daddy’s trying to cook us!
  • Nanny told us her favorite Irish joke-  This nice Irish girl is dating a Scotsman.  She asked him “What do you wear up under your kilt?”  He said “Why don’t you put your hand up there and see for yourself?”  She did, pulled her hand back and exclaimed “That’s gruesome!”  He said “Put your hand up there again and it’ll gruesome more!”