pop culture, tv

Bachelor Week 7

BBs it is week 7 of Clayton’s journey to find love, or at least a girlfriend for 6 months.

Sarah is back from her 2nd 1-1 and is on a mission to find out who ratted her out to Clayton about her not being ready for marriage. Sarah confronts the group and Mara fesses up. The next night at the pre- Rose Ceremony Cocktail Party, Mara pulls Sarah aside so they can fuss at each other some more. The other girls trying to listen in is the funniest part.

Rose Ceremony: Going home- Mara (shocker! I told you!) and cutie Eliza. We hardly knew ye, Eliza.

This episode feels like I’m watching it on hyper speed because next thing you know we are in Vienna, Austria. So beautiful!

Susie’s 1-1

Susie gets the Cinderella shopping trip date that they do on every season of the Bachelor. They go to these posh boutiques and Susie gets to pick out all kinds of fancy clothes and she acts like it was Clayton’s idea and he’s footing the bill! Susie and Clayton wind up at a designer’s private gallery and Susie tries on all sorts of haute couture gowns. Oh, and she gets some Christian Louboutins!!! Shoot, I’d make out with ol’ Clay for some red bottoms! Susie changes into a haute couture gown for Fake Dinner and gets the rose.

Group Date

The theme of today’s group date is couples’ therapy! Bizarre, as each of the couples are BARELY couples. So each lady has to sit down with Clayton and a psychoanalyst. Poor Genevieve looks like a deer in headlights during her session. She can barely open her mouth she’s so nervous. And instead of offering support or encouragement, Clay’s all “you gotta open up to me or we can’t work”. DUDE, she’s spent a total of 30 minutes with you! I can’t even tell you his birthday and I’ve been watching all season!!! He tells Genevieve they’ve run out of time and sends her home. Trust me when I tell you that you’ve dodged a bullet there Gene! Meanwhile, Sarah is SUPER cocky and sucks up to the psychoanalyst who sees right through her and declares to Clayton and the ladies at the end that one woman was “performative”. 3 guesses who!

After Party

Rachel tells Clayton that Sarah told the group he cried on his 1-1 with Sarah. Gabby and Teddi confirm this information and big boy C is NOT having it! How dare Sarah imply that Clay showed weakness or feelings or emotion?!?! Sarah, of course, denies all this to Clayton but he says I don’t believe you. He tells her he thinks she’s fake crying and Sarah says “I’ve run out of tears” (!!!) chef’s kiss!!! This is the kind of petty I want to see!!! Clayton sends Sarah home and does not give out the Group Date rose.

Serene 1-1

Serene’s 1-1 goes by so fast all I can tell you about it is that they toured the city, had Fake Dinner at a palace and she got the rose! Seriously, I know their date lasted all day but on tv it lasted one hot minute!

Rose Ceremony

Teddi goes home. Noooooo!!! I really liked Teddi!!! I was rooting for you girl!!!

Next up is Hometowns! One of my favorite episodes! Until then, xo. šŸŒ¹

pop culture, tv

Bachelor Week 6

Week 6 BBs picks back up with the 2-1 with Shanae and Genevieve at Niagra Falls. This really isn’t a date at all but just 2 separate conversations, then a decision. Shanae tells Clayton that Genevieve is an actress who said she wanted to go home! This, of course, couldn’t be farther from the truth. But Shanae turns on the tears and she and Clay make out. Meanwhile, back at the hotel, the other girls are all on suitcase watch, waiting to find out which suitcase will be taken away- signifying who is going home. Genevieve cries when she’s with Clayton too. Then Clay sits both ladies down and asks Genevieve RIGHT IN FRONT OF Shanae (!!!) if Genevieve is an actress and wants to go home! I swear, he’s dumb as a box of hair! Genevieve is shook and denies it and Clay decides he needs to step away and think. He takes a few moments to himself then comes back to the ladies and gives…..Genevieve the rose! Genevieve looks visibly shocked! I am visibly shocked! Shanae is visibly shocked! Then, in classic 2-1 fashion, Clay and Genevieve leave Shanae there alone on the bench while they go off to makeout by the falls. Now, I have to give Genevieve some props because if some dude accused me of being an actress then tried to stick his big, meaty tongue down my throat—I would NOT be in the mood! Back at the hotel, the PA comes and gets Shanae’s suitcase and the other girls all cheer and scream. One even yells “Ding dong the shrimp is dead!” Bahahahaha!!!!

Cocktail Party

Mara is dressed in a knock off Olympic figure skater’s dress tonight and I can’t take my eyes off the gross skin colored mesh! Bleh! Mara gets literally like 2 minutes with Clayton before Serene interrupts, and this sends her off in frustrated tears.

Rose Ceremony

Going home: Hunter and Marlena

After the rose ceremony Clayton tells the women they are all taking off to Hvar, Croatia and they all scream but you can see on their faces they are trying to figure out what Hvar is! Bless!

Teddi gets the first 1-1 in Hvar and yay! It’s about time! Mara, is NOT nearly as thrilled as I am for old Teds though. Teddi and Clay walk around the town in the rain.

Fake Dinner

Teddi tells Clayton that not only has she never been in love, but that she’s a virgin. Clay’s face instantly goes beet red and he’s stuttering and sputtering! Get yourself together man! She’s a virgin, not an alien! Teddi gets the rose.

Group Date

The ladies have to dress up as Croatian knights and go through a series of quests. There’s push her out of the circle feat of strength, then the eating of liver and fish eyes, then the knight’s creed where the ladies have to tell Clayton how they feel about him. Serene wins the knight challenge.

Night

Clayton shows up to the after party in a zip up shirt under his sport jacket. His stylist is making some really questionable choices.

Mara sits Clay down and unloads on him. WHOA. She basically says that he’s acting like he wants a wife and maturity but he’s choosing all these young girls. Specifically Sarah. Then Mara tells Clay that Sarah said she’s not ready to be engaged. Not true. ****NEW VILLAIN ALERT**** Girl, have you NOT seen the show??? The women who talk smack about the other girls do not make it to the end! Shanae had a 6 week run, something I’ve never seen before, but that girl was GOOD at being bad!!! Sure enough, Rachel gets the rose.

Later that night, Clayton gets a note under his door. Meet me at the clock tower. He goes and Susie is waiting for him. They climb the tower and chat and she tells him she’s falling in love with him.

Sarah’s 2nd 1-1

This is a pitiful date. There’s no activity. No real dinner. Just Clayton confronting Sarah at Fake Dinner about whether or not she’s ready for marriage at 23 years of age. Clay tells Sarah it’s been brought to his attention that she can’t see herself engaged and she instantly starts crying. Clay has to step away for a bit to think again. Girl, you’re only 23!!! Don’t hitch your wagon to this lump so soon! Live your life!!! Clay comes back and gives her the rose.

And that’s it until next week BBs! xo šŸŒ¹

pop culture, tv

Bachelor Week 5

Welcome back to the Shanae Show BBs!!! Oh you thought you were tuning in to the Bachelor? That’s before Clayton put on blinders and fell for Shanae! But before we get to that…

Serene 1-1

Clayton and Serene (who is SO TINY) go to an amusement park on a beach pier in Galveston. They have all the rides and games to themselves and appear to have a great time. At Fake Dinner, Serene tells Clay about how her cousin she was really close to passed away and that it really affected her. Clay gives Serene the rose.

Cocktail Party

Clay takes the winning team from last week’s Group Date aside and asks them what happened with Shanae. They tell him about her hurling expletives and hurling their trophy into a pond. He says that that behavior is unacceptable. Clay pulls Shanae aside and she actually tells the truth! She’s all “I said what I said, you heard me!” Clay makes her go back out to the ladies and apologize. So Shanae stands in front of the ladies and releases a flood of crocodile tears with a truly heartfelt apology. Yeah right. As soon as she’s back with Clayton there are no tears and once she’s talking one on one with the producers she says “Sorry NOT SORRY you HOS”!!! Keeping it Klassy!

A few of the ladies actually accept her apology but come on. It’s Shanae the she devil! She is faking it!! Shanae goes back and reports to Clay that she apologized and they make out. UGH. What kind of hold does she have over him?? Does he owe her money???

Rose Ceremony

Obviously all the girls are chomping at the bit for Shanae to go home, but she gets the last rose again!!! At this point I’m not even surprised! Shanae even tells the camera “My vagina is sweating”. She makes my skin crawl. Such a lady!!!

Going home: Sierra, Jill, and Lyndsey (who looks like she could be Britney Spears’ sister).

Next we are told we are taking it international! Where to, you ask?? Toronto!!! That’s just Canada! International! Bahahaha!!!

Gabby 1-1

Gabby and Clayton take a helicopter tour of Toronto, then walk around the city. Every. Single. Thing. this girl does… Clayton acts like it’s the funniest thing he’s ever witnessed! I mean, she’s cute and can act silly but he’s not dating Jim Carrey!!! Gabby gets the rose at Fake Dinner.

Group Date

The ladies are tasked with performing a roast in front of an audience. They are to roast each other and Clayton. They DO NOT hold back while roasting Shanae, who isn’t there. One girl compares Shanae with herpes! And one blasts that Hunter has IBS! Dude! Below the belt!!! Rachel gets the group date rose at the after party.

Shanae/ Genevieve 2-1

Shanae, Genevieve, and Clayton go to Niagra Falls for their date. Shanae does some trash talking to the camera about Gene, comparing her to a chihuahua!!! But as for the date, we’ll have to wait for next week!!!

Until then BBs, xoxo šŸŒ¹

pop culture, tv

Bachelor Week 4

More nonsense this week BBs! Week 4 begins with Clayton taking Shanae and Elizabeth aside to hash out their shrimp differences. Yes loves, ABC has subjected us to 2 solid weeks of what the ladies in the house are referring to as “Shrimpgate”. LORD HELP ME!!! As you can imagine, Eliz and Shanae just verbally assault each other while Clayton looks like he’d rather be anywhere else on Earth right now. He finally gets up and walks away and the ladies don’t miss a beat. They keep on harping on each other. Eliz rejoins the other ladies and Shanae follows, eating a plate of shrimp! Bahahaha!!! Clayton cancels the cocktail party and all the women blame Shanae, with good reason! Shanae gets the last rose and going home are Elizabeth, Melina, and Kira (who???)! HOW is Clayton so blind and dumb??


Jesse Palmer comes in the next morning to announce that the ladies are going on a world wide trip! Yay! To Houston!!! What??? The women try and look excited to be hopping a 3 hour flight to Texas instead of, well, anywhere else!


Rachel’s 1-1


Rachel (who’s wearing so much lip gloss I’m afraid she’s going to asphyxiate) and Clayton go horseback riding and “come upon” some random family’s barbeque. They crash the bbq and ask if they can stay and eat. They apparently spend the afternoon eating these poor people’s food and drinking their beer. It’s the first real food I’ve seen eaten on this show since 1887! Later they go to Fake Dinner and Rachel gets the rose.


Group Date


All the girls arrive to the Houston football stadium where there are lots of grills plugged into Hyundai cars. Odd product placement but ok. Everyone tailgates for a while until they are told they will be playing tackle football today. Not flag, not touch, but full on tackle to the ground football. There will be MUCH bloodshed today folks, because Shanae is a part of this group date and the other women are seething over her!


Winners of the game get to go to the after party with Clayton. Of course, Marlena the Olympian’s team wins. Sierra and Marlena basically ran all over those other poor girls. Guess who’s not on the winning team?? Shanae. Whomp whomp!


Afterparty


Sierra and Genevieve tell Clayton that Shanae is the cause of all the strife in the house when they have their separate time with him. Then, surprise! Shanae crashes the after party, saying “I deserve to be here.” NO YOU DO NOT!!! Clayton tells Shanae what the other girls have said and she comes back with “Yeah but they were plotting against me!” so Clayton puts Shanae up on a bar and they make out, as you do. WHY IS HE SO BLIND???? UGH.


After, Shanae goes out to the group of women and grabs their football trophy and hurls it into the bushes. She says “This isn’t the Bachelor, it’s the Shanae show!” And folks, we’ll have to deal with her for yet another week because that is the end of the episode!


Until next week, xoxo šŸŒ¹