Week 10- Fantasy Suites! This week we are in Crete, Greece. A place with beauty that knows no bounds and far better of a locale than Alabama Hannah’s creeps deserve!
We start with Peter. OH PETER!!!! You were my favorite from night one and now I’m so disappointed with you! Because you are (allegedly) a lying, cheating, jerk. Sigh. Peter and AH go sailing and he shows up to the boat…in jeans! Could he not pack a pair of shorts? Or borrow a pair of manpris from Tyler? Such an odd fashion choice! That night Peter hems and haws for soooo long while trying to tell AH that he loves her that I practically scream at my tv- just say it already!!!! He finally gets it out and they retire to a real live windmill. FINALLY, the infamous windmill we’ve been hearing about for weeks! It’s actually pretty cute! The next morning AH wakes up with a red nose and in fact, her whole face is red! Peter seems pretty pleased with himself.
Next up is Tyler. AH arrives to their spa date wearing Daisy Dukes and high heeled sandals. It’s an odd combo. They get a couples massage and halfway through Ty kicks the masseuses out and hops on the table and on top of AH! Bold move Ty! That night AH is wearing a silver lame’ dress and what appears to be her dad’s black blazer. Her stylist is clearly asleep at the wheel tonight. Over Fake Dinner, AH informs Tyler that there will be no sex tonight and they need to focus on their emotional relationship. As a last ditch effort Ty tells AH he loves her but she’s adamant about just cuddling. Ok, I’m sorry but I call BS here. Have you seen his arms? His abs? His shoulders? I mean, yes he wears manpris on the daily but who could resist all that??? The next morning AH is still trying to convince America that all they did was cuddle. SURE YA DID.
Jed is up next and I’m just so sick of him I can’t stand it. His little squinched up girlfriend having face. Ugh. They spend the day drinking ouzo with a Greek family and during the meal Jed pulls AH aside to talk about….Luke! UGH. Jed’s still feeling all pouty because it came down to him and Luke last week and he can’t wrap his head around why. AH does her best to explain and they go about their day. That night AH slinks to the Fake Dinner table in a reallllly low cut black dress. They start talking about Luke again. You’re really digging a grave here Jed! Jed says it’s all coming from a place of love and AH is giving him the benefit of the doubt until he says he’s worried and when he worries it makes him retract how he feels. OUCH. AH walks away from the table and Jed scurries after her. At least he’s wearing normal pants. Back at the table Jed’s back peddling like its his job! He even throws in a few I love yous. It does the trick and he gets invited to the fantasy suite. At this point I, and all of America, am shocked that she’s seemingly planning on having sex with Jed when she supposedly left Tyler hanging.
Luke. Bleh. Luke and AH take a helicopter (!!!) to Santorini (!!!) and nobody deserves a date like that less than Luke. I can’t even talk about their day date because it was so beautiful and it was wasted on that pile of human garbage. At Fake Dinner that night they sit down and I’m all excited because I know this is THE night and Luke wastes NO time and starts out with Let’s talk about sex! The boy is flabbergasted that AH would be offended that he basically called her street trash and alluded to her whoring around but that he’s above all that because he’s been celibate for 2.5-4 years. Um, WHAT??? That’s a pretty broad range there Luke. At this point it is thundering and lightning and raining on them and AH has had it. She’s finally seeing what we have all along and wants him gone. You. Go. AH. But Luke won’t leave. He’s just sitting there with his psycho eyes while AH is standing over him saying Come on Luke, let’s go. To get him to leave she tells him “I have had sex and Jesus still loves me” and I cheer! I wasn’t crazy about AH at first but I LOVE how she will not take crap from anyone, especially this short slut shaming punk. Luke says “Can I pray over you before I leave?” NO! Get out! Don’t let the door hit ya where the good Lord split ya!
Next week is men tell all and I can’t wait!!! Also it appears that Luke will not go silently into the good night and crashes the next rose ceremony! Thick headed fool!
Until next week BBs! xo 🌹
Bless Your Heart 