Week 4 is upon us and we’re down to 15 guys. Chris Harrison makes an appearance to tell the guys they are getting out of the mansion and heading to Rhode Island and you’d think CH just gave everyone first class tickets to Bali the way these guys were hooting and carrying on. It’s Rhode Island. Simmer down.
Jed gets the first 1-1 and it’s in Boston. Wait, what? Is there NOTHING to do in RI? And if so, why didn’t they just stay in Boston? Is the budget that tight ABC, that you can’t spring for a Hampton Inn in Boston? Weird. Anyway, Jed and Alabama Hannah walk around Boston and hold up. I have to say something about AH’s studded, spikey leather jacket. She’s really into leather this season. Maybe it’s just me but I would think that a studded, spikey jacket would make it hard & a wee bit painful to cuddle?? Ok, back to this date. Jed & AH tour the city with AH spouting fake historical tidbits. The poor girl didn’t even have a firm grasp on the Boston tea party! Yikes. Just when I am starting to think their entire date is just one big Halo Top commercial, they go and play basketball with a couple of the Boston Celtics. One of the players sits down with AH and gives her relationship advice, which is pretty funny considering the reputation most NBA players have for NOT being monogamous.
That night at fake dinner the food looks awfully shiny. Is it plastic? Wait a second, is Jed really saying that the show is a huge platform for his music right now??? DUDE. You can think that all you want but you don’t come right out and say it! Haven’t you seen this show? You’re supposed to be here for the “right reasons”!!! Pity, I was really liking them together. They seem to really like each other and get along great and are comfortable together. But then, AH completely surprises me and thanks Jed for his honesty!!! WHAT?!? AND he gets the rose! I’m gobsmacked.
The next day is a group date and the guys are playing rugby today at a fort. Rugby is a rough sport to say the least. No pads. No helmets. No time outs. Just a mouth guard and more brutal physical contact than these pretty boys have seen in months! The guys have all turned into insane primal animals with all the screaming and grunting. Someone is gonna get hurt. Sure enough Kevin takes a hit and dislocates his shoulder and AH is practically drooling over his pain. She’s gone equally insane- yelling for blood, sweat and tears. Luke P is playing dirty and he body slams Luke S into the ground then knees him in the face. This is the most camera time Luke S has had all season so I’m just now noticing that he reminds me a lot of Chucky from the Rugrats, minus the red hair and glasses.
That night at the cocktail party, AH shows up wearing this heinous silver satin suit with no shirt underneath so she’s clearly taped in. The big topic of conversation amongst the group is Luke v. Luke. Luke P flat out lies to AH about Luke S’s intentions, saying he’s just there to promote his liquor business. Aren’t they all though? Luke P can not keep his lies straight about the body slam and knee in the face. But even though Luke S defends himself to AH, you can tell she’s got something going for Luke P and Luke S is not long for the Bachelor world. Somehow Garrett ends up with the rose.
The next day is Tyler C’s 1-1 and he shows up to find AH weeping on a dock. Like snotty nose crying. She even tells the camera her strongest feelings are for psycho Luke P. I feel like slapping her back to reality.
Tyler gives AH a pep talk and they go out on a lobster boat. Ty keeps her laughing and it’s really sweet. That night Tyler shows up for dinner in pants so tight you can read his debit card number through them. He gets the rose.
The next night is the Rose Ceremony and cocktail party. My boyfriend Peter is just so cute I can’t stand it! He asks AH to be his girlfriend and it is so sweet that I allow it, even though I claimed Peter for myself back in week 1. Sigh. I’m so generous. AH’s hair is a hot mess tonight, all in her face and what not.
ALL the guys are hating on Luke P (and with good reason). Mike confronts LP, who has this slack jawed open mouthed psycho stare that is seriously giving me the chills and he’s sitting there with his little fist all clenched. Crazy. Eyes. And he’s SUCH a lying liar who lies to AH and the guys and America.
AH pulls both Lukes aside for a big talk and my pen is poised to take notes but we are ROBBED because it’s the end of the episode!!! Dammit ABC!!! We have to wait until next week for the Rose Ceremony. You know Luke S is going home, along with a couple randos. We shall see! Until next week BBs, xo 🌹
Bless Your Heart 