pop culture, tv

Bachelorette Week 2

Week 2 begins with Alabama Hannah spitting this weird little rap and honestly that sets the tone for the entire episode.
Group Date #1- FIrst of all, thank you ABC for cutting out all the extra floof to get right to the activities. It feels like this season is sped up a bit and I, for one, appreciate it! AH is wearing some odd mesh bootie heels and I’m already wishing I had wine instead of iced tea. The guys are informed they have to compete in a Mr. Right pageant because they are going to get a taste of AH’s world. Miss J is there! And 2 fabulous drag queens! FIrst the guys have to compete in a speedo wearing runway walk and thank the good Lord they aren’t wearing heels. It’s all pretty straightforward until Mike twerks and then it’s off the rails. JPJ makes it even creepier than it is by snapping his speedo . Luke P has abs for days people. He reminds me of a roided out Justin Timberlake.
Next up is the talent competition and these boys are skeeered! Jed plays the guitar (of course) and sings and he has a great voice. JPJ rides a unicycle, which is low key impressive! Then Luke declares that his talent is falling in love with AH! IT’S YOUR FIRST DATE!!! Slow your roll there Luke! You’ve spent a total of like 15 minutes with this girl. I’m instantly getting stalker vibes now from Luke, abs be damned! He then finishes up his “talent” by shoving his tongue down AH’s throat. Um, ok.
Somehow Luke wins the pageant and you can tell the other guys are NOT thrilled with this turn of events. Luke then wears his crown and sash to the night portion of events. The other guys question his authenticity and even AH quizzes him on how he knows he’s falling in love with her. But they still make out like they’re at prom. AH gives the group date rose to Jed, and the other guys clap for him, which I think is really sweet!
Next up is the coveted first 1-1 date. AH shows up dressed all in white and a helicopter picks up her and her date. I can’t place the guy until they finally put his name on the screen like 5 minutes later! It’s Tyler G and that information still tells me nothing about him, but he’s got pretty eyes so I’ll allow it. They ride ATVs in the mud, which looks fun but doesn’t really allow them to chat or get to know each other. I never understand why they choose dates like this. Later is Fake DInner and in response to everything AH says Tyler declares “I’m the luckiest guy in the world” and “that means the world to me” and I’m starting to wonder if Tyler would be impressed with AH just belching the alphabet at this point. She gives him the rose and for the life of me I can’t figure out why she’d want to keep him around except he’s easy on the eyes- ish.
Group Date 2- AH shows up wearing black leather shanties. Shanties: noun used to identify shorts that are so short they are panties. Today’s date is at the Roller Derby. Again- no way to properly speak to each other but whatevs. I’m in LOVE with AH’s iridescent skates but they don’t get enough camera time. OK so this date is awesome. For me. Because I can’t help but love watching all these full grown men flail about on their skates! SO many wipeouts and falls!!! Dustin even really hurts his ankle but he gets back out there. And poor Lady Face Connor can NOT stay upright! It’s downright comical!
They cut back to the mansion to see Cam, who’s v v unhappy that he did not get a date this week. He’s telling the camera that he has to ABC- Always Be Cam and I want to vomit.
That night on the group date AH is talking with Dustin and I can’t stop staring at his nose ring. Now, I have nothing against nose rings. I even have a wee “diamond” stud in my nose. But Dustin’s just doesn’t suit him or something. Anyway, Cam shows up to the group date! He’s bearing flowers and he walks in and interrupts one of the guys as he’s talking to AH. The other guys are NOT pleased that Cam has done this. Later, Cam is talking to the camera, and about himself in 3rd person (which I loathe) and a few of the guys come out to give him crap about interrupting the group date which he was not invited on! Dustin gets the group date rose and some of the guys don’t get any time to speak with AH. The whole vibe is off.
***By the way, the word of the episode is BOLD. AH keeps saying it. Then I notice the guys are all saying it too and mentioning that AH wants a BOLD man. I should have kept count and downed a shot each time someone says it this episode. But then I’d be day drunk and that’s not a good look on me. Better BOLD than Roll Tide though!!!***
The next night AH walks in to the cocktail party crying. Like, someone passes her a hankie crying. Is she drunk?? She looks good in her dress and her hair looks nice but by the end of the night she looks a bit of a drunk mess!
The other Connor grabs her to talk first, then Kevin comes out to steal her. They are talking for a good 30 seconds when Cam interrupts and says he’s got a surprise for the 3 of them. Um, ok. Cam is going to hack you into pieces Kevin, run!!! But instead Cam (who at this point has mentioned ABC- Always Be Cam 13,649 times) leads them to a candle lit heart full of rose petals and chicken nuggets (????). Cam presents a nugget and some sauce to AH and Kevin high tails it out of there. Cam comes back inside and Kevin throws nuggets at him. Real mature boys.
Tyler C gives me a stalker vibe. And he doesn’t say “you”, he says “ya”.
Luke P is giving AH a massage then they switch and AH is basically taking Luke’s shirt off. They are making out hot and heavy when poor Jed walks in! It’s V V awkward and AH is getting bleeped a LOT for a pageant girl. BTW, she has cutouts all down her sleeve and side of her dress and Luke is mauling her while they are making out so much that she almost flashes side boob. Yikes.
Rose Ceremony: Cam gets the last rose and you KNOW that’s a producer move right there. UGH. Lady Face Connor, Darren, and Matthew (who???) go home.
After the Rose Ceremony Luke sneaks into the interview room to talk to and make out with AH some more. He’s reassuring AH that his feelings are real and all I’m seeing is RED FLAGS. Cut this boy loose AH! He’s going to implode!!!
Also, has anyone else noticed that AH’s nose turns red as the night goes on? Is this an alcohol thing I wonder?? Anyway, can’t wait for next week! xo 🌹