Month: July 2022

BBs! I am SHOOK! The men this week hath shooketh me!!! The audacity! But we’ll get to that. It’s week 3 btw.

1-1 Rachel & Zach

We start out with a normal seeming 1-1. A limo picks Zach up and he joins Rachel in Hollywood. They walk into a tent where they see Karamo! Love him! K says that R & Z are going to be attending a movie premier, but first they have to get all glammed up! Z & R seem really excited and Z looks v cute in his tuxedo, but the horrible green/gold lame dress they put Rachel in is a crime against nature!!! R is a gorgeous, gorgeous woman and that dress is tacky beyond belief! Into the limo they go and they are off to the movie theatre. There’s a red carpet and a step and repeat and fake paparazzi calling their names and snapping pics. They go into the theatre and the “movie” is called Me & You and it’s basically a video montage of childhood photos and home videos, plus a message from both of their moms. By the end of it both R & Z are crying and making out and they both seem really into each other. So that’s good! Zach gets the rose.

Meanwhile, Gabby decides to drop by the guys’ house to casually hang with them during Rachel’s date. But none of the guys seem to really care that she’s there! In fact they keep on playing football and stay in their conversation groups while Gabby mills around literally looking for a bit of attention! It’s sad really! So she leaves and can you blame her?? I mean!

1-1 Erich & Gabby

Gabby arrives the next day to pick up Erich for their date and who else walks in?? Grandpa John! Yay!!! The 3 of them go to a yurt and have a sound bath. Then they go bowling and Gabby finds a Grandma to hang with Grandpa John. It’s v cute. She and Erich make out a bit at the bowling alley.

Fake Dinner

It’s just the two of them now and they are talking about their families when G tells E about how she’s estranged from her mom. Now, Gabby is already having a rough week with the failed hang at the guys’ house and she’s starting to wonder if she should even be the Bachelorette. So she breaks down into tears about her mom not loving her (which is totally heartbreaking) and Erich is just sitting there looking at his plate like “Please stop crying. Please stop crying.” G gets up from the table and walks off to collect herself and when she gets back to E, he halfheartedly consoles her. For some reason Gabby gives him the rose.

Group Date

This week’s group date they actually leave the house and there are 19 (!!!) guys on the date. They go to an outdoor photo shoot with G&R where the guys all dress up in silly costumes. There’s a baby costume, Adam (of Adam and Eve), cowboys, little kids, a pregnant man, etc. I don’t know which producer came up with this idea but they need a stern talking to! It is just so lame! BUT everyone seems to have a great time!

Afterparty

The group goes to SoFi stadium to hang out after the photo shoot. One after another, guys are telling Gabby that they are really here for Rachel. But “you’re so fun and such a great girl”. Poor G is in tears. And some of the guys take it too far. Hayden says TO GABBY’S GORGEOUS FACE, that she’s too rough around the edges to be his wife!!! Then Jacob tells G that if it were only Gabby as the Bachelorette, he’d leave. BYE then!!! What total jerks these guys are!

At the end of the night everyone gathers and Rachel gives cutie Aven the Group Date rose. All eyes turn to Gabby and she announces she’s not giving out a rose and to that I say good for you Gabby! Those jackasses don’t deserve your roses!!! Even Rachel is shocked that Gabby doesn’t give out her rose. Afterwards, G fills R in on what went down and R is horrified for G!

Cocktail Party

The next night is the pre- Rose Ceremony Cocktail Party and the guys are all sitting around trying to decide who THEY want to date. They clearly have forgotten that the women are in control here!!! Jesse comes in and tells them all that the party has been canceled. That they are going straight to the Rose Ceremony and that they will be divided into 2 groups from here on out- Gabby’s guys and Rachel’s guys. No more joint group dates AND if they accept a rose tonight they are committing to dating ONLY that woman from here on out.

Rose Ceremony

Everything is going well and normal, well, except the guys with roses are all outside calling themselves the Winners’ Circle (VOMIT). Then Termayne declines his rose from Rachel and says he is here for Gabby. Poor Rachel! To be rejected like that in front of everyone is mortifying! To make matters worse, Jesse walks in and TAKES THE ROSE AWAY saying now Termayne has to get back in line and hope for a rose from G and R loses that rose!!! UGH!!! Then Alec (with the world’s ugliest dangly earring) declines Rachel’s rose. THEN! (you know things always happen in 3s!) Meatball, MEATBALL!!!!!, declines Rachel’s rose! He’s a guy named Meatball and he’s rejecting a goddess??? I tell ya, I’m shook!!!

Going Home: Meatball, Termayne, Alec, and Jacob. Can’t say I’ll be missing any of these losers!!!

So this means Gabby has 9 guys: Michael, Erich, Nate, Johnny, Spencer, Jason, Mario, Kirk, and Quincey. Rachel has 8 left: Tino, Logan, Tyler, Ethan, Jordan, Hayden (WHY???), Aven, and Zach.

During the credits we see Meatball telling producers he made a mistake (YA THINK???), so he goes back in and grabs Rachel, who’s too gracious, and asks for a second chance. End scene. We’ll have to wait until next week to find out if Meatball comes back (LORT I hope not)!!! The balls on that guy! See what I did there??? 😂😂😂

Until next week BBs!!! xo 🌹

It is week 2 BBs! Y’all ready?? Let’s go!!! First up we have the Group Date. IF you can call it that! Remember, this season there are no rules! So Gabby & Rachel go over to the mansion and have all 29 (!!!) guys change into speedos, telling them that there will be a pageant- complete with interview and talent. It seems that NO ONE’S speedo fits because I’ve never seen so many black censor bars in my whole Earthly life!!! There are so many ding a lings trying to make a break for it everywhere you look!!! Some guys juggle, Chris sings (terribly), one guy does the worm (you KNOW that hurt), and Meatball pours marinara down his mostly naked and hairy body. I won’t eat spaghetti for a lonnnnng time! Jesse Palmer announces that the winners (6 of them) get to go to an exclusive after party at G&R’s mansion.

At the after party, Rachel is having a hard time. You can just see her spacing out as guy after guy offers up inane conversation topics like “how many US states he’s been to” and “which Harry Potter house she’d be in”. Meanwhile, Gabby seems to be having a pretty good time. Then Logan kisses BOTH girls, one after another. When G&R get together to compare notes Rachel says Logan kissed her and she likes him so Gabby keeps her Logan kiss to herself and lets R pursue him.

Rachel gives Logan her rose and Gabby gives hers to Johnny.

Jordan V’s 1-1

Rachel takes fresh faced Jordan V on a zero gravity plane. They float around and make out and no one vomits. Huzzah! I have so many questions about how a normal looking plane can get to zero gravity! But I’ll have to google that later because ABC ain’t sharing.

Fake Dinner

That night Rachel and Jordan are having Fake Dinner and Jordan is saying all the right things. They are getting along great but Rachel just isn’t feeling a spark. It could be because Jordan is cute and all but he looks about 17 years old. R talks to the producers and asks if she can send him home. They say sure. But wait! Do you have to ask G first? Again, there are no rules!!! It’s romantic mayhem up in here! So Rachel sends baby face Jordan home.

Back at the guy’s house, most of the guys are sitting around when a producer comes in and grabs Jordan’s bag. They then realize he’s been sent home and are SHOOK. Especially because it’s just the first 1-1!!! Meanwhile, Chris (the terrible singer) is chatting with a group of guys and brings up Fantasy Suites. What?!? It’s like day 4, dude. Way too soon!!! He says that when, not if, he gets to Fantasy Suites, if he finds out his girl has been intimate with another man, that’s a deal breaker and he’ll leave. But he won’t be sharing that info with G&R!!! Nice. Immediately the other guys jump to the ladies’ defense. Nate says Chris needs to have more respect, that G&R could be their loves and mothers of their children. V cool to see the guys having the ladies’ backs.

Nate’s 1-1

Nate and Gabby take a helicopter ride around LA. They make out and afterwards go in a hot tub. You have REALLY got to be a fan of hot tubs to be on this show. I notice they never have the bubbles going though, so are they really just tepid bath tubs?? Nate is wearing more jewelry than I do on any given day, including a pearl necklace, but I’m here for it. He’s giving me the villian from Black Panther meets Harry Styles vibes. That night they have fake dinner and Nate tells Gabby he has a 6 year old daughter. It’s v sweet listening to him talk about his baby girl. Gabby gives him the rose.

Pre-Rose Ceremony Cocktail Party

G&R are having a good night. The guys are attentive and everyone is kissing each other. Then, three of the guys grab Rachel and tell her about Chris’s Fantasy Suites talk. You can tell R has no idea who Chris is at first but then she gets angry. R pulls G away from her talk with some rando and fills G in on what’s going on with Chris. G&R then confront Chris who acts so bothered by these little women. He is so patronizing and condescending it’s not even funny. They send him home. He walks out then WALKS RIGHT BACK IN!!! He’s not respectful of the ladies’ decision AT ALL. Chris gathers up the guys he told about the Fantasy Suite business to confront them, but before he gets a chance, G&R spot him and kick him out. Again. What nerve he has!

Rose Ceremony

It’s announced that these roses are coming from both women. The ceremony itself is non-eventful. Going home: Ryan, Brandan (yes he spells it that way, UGH), Colin, Matt, Justin, and John. None of whom I could pick out of a lineup!!!

And that’s it for this week! Next week looks promising! I just hope at some point G&R sit down and hash out some rules before they get too far into this thing or it’s gonna get messy!!!
Until next week BBs! xo 🌹

Season Premier BBs! I’m back with my thoughts on the first week of the first season with two, count em, two bachelorettes- Gabby and Rachel!!! Let’s dive right in!

Firstly, what is this new mansion the girls are staying in?? Secondly, they both look amazing in their first night dresses! Thirdly, even Jesse Palmer has no idea how this is going to work! Did NO ONE sit down and spitball some ideas?? There are no rules here and sometimes you need a bit of structure!

Limo entrances-

I’m not going to list all the men. I think there are 417 of them. But I will note my standouts.

Zach is the first one out and both ladies agree he’s a cutie.
Matt is cute.
Logan, 26 brings two live baby chicks! They are pooping in his hands- bahahaha!!!
Quince tells G&R “I haven’t had sex in a year and a half!” Okayyyy.
Guys keep bring up Clayton. LET IT GO.
Alec brings a 4 person high school choral group to sing his praises!
One guy shows up barefoot. Gross.
One guy is called Meatball and brings a ginormous meatball sub.
Tino drives in on a forklift.
Jacob rides in shirtless and oiled on a horse. The horse is more beautiful than he is TBH.
There’s a set of twins who look to be about 9 years old.
Then there’s Erich (WHY did his parents add the H???).
And Aven. Dear LORT!!! This man is gorgeous!!!

Gabby gets the first kiss of the evening from Mario. Then Rachel gets a kiss from Tino, who turns out to be pretty cute. Erich ( it PAINS me to type that H) kisses Gabby. Good thing he’s a cutie.

Rachel gives her first impression rose to Tino and Gabby gives hers to Mario.

Rose Ceremony

All the men line up as per usual and R&G call Roby the magician (LAME) and the prepubescent twins Justin and Joey and ask to speak to them. The ladies take the men outside and send them home. I like this! Why make them sweat through an hours long rose ceremony if you’re not feeling it?? Brava!!!

The ladies walk back inside, tell the remaining guys what just went down and let them know that they are all safe from elimination and will be continuing on next week.

And that’s it for the premier! No rules! The previews for the season showcase the prerequisite teary montage, but also they go on a cruise!!! And to Paris, and it looks like Holland maybe. Way to go ABC for upping the budget finally after seasons staged in resorts because of Covid!

So, who stood out to you BBs??? Until next week!! xo 🌹