pop culture, tv

Bachelorette Week 5

Welcome to Week 5 BBs! This week we are in Michelle’s hometown of Minneapolis, MN. and there are 11 guys left vying for her affection.

Joe’s 1-1

I find it a little odd that Joe gets the first 1-1 in Minneapolis since HE’S FROM THERE. I mean, wouldn’t she want to show someone new around? Anyway, they go to Target field where the Twins play and throw some pitches. Then Michelle tours Joe around her high school. They play a little pick up basketball.

Fake Dinner

During Fake Dinner, Joe explains how sports and being Mr Basketball shaped him, but also how the injuries affected him. He had to have some MAJOR reconstructive surgery on his foot (with a bunch of screws and a metal plate) and he never played the same way again. This really affected him mentally and he dealt with depression, anxiety, and (trigger warning) suicidal thoughts. By the end of their conversation they are both in tears. Poor guy. I really feel for him. He gets the rose and they end the date on a giant ferris wheel. V romantic!

Group Date

The group meets Michelle at US Bank Stadium where the Minnesota Vikings play. I know all this because CSP is from Winona, MN and a HUGE sports fan! The guys have to compete to be the Ultimate Viking. Dressed in Viking gear (not football gear- think faux {I HOPE} furs and leathers) the guys have to eat things like fermented herring, practice their war cries, and arm wrestle. Clayton wins the horned helmet prize and I think it’s just because he’s tall and a screamer.

After Party

ALL day Chris has been moping about because he thought his big show last week would have reaped him more rewards. In case you missed it, Chris stood IN FRONT of Michelle, addressed all of the guys, and dressed them down for not paying enough attention to Michelle. In his head Michelle was soooo thankful he did this. In reality, she was perturbed. Back to the group date, Chris is quite literally shocked that Michelle hasn’t pulled him aside to chat or come check on him since he’s been acting all butthurt all day. Um, hello! YOU are supposed to be pursuing HER. Delusional I tell you! Clayton gets the group date rose.

Sidebar on Clayton: At this point it’s already been announced that Clayton (who I don’t even find attractive in any way) is the next Bachelor. I HATE when they do this. It’s like now all of his time on the Bachelorette is a big fat waste of time!!! UGH.

Nayte 1-1

Michelle picks Nayte up in a pontoon boat in Lake Minnetonka. They boat around a bit then pick up 2 of Michelle’s best girl friends. There’s the chipper, talkative one who warns Nayte that they are v protective, and then there’s the one in all black who asks Nayte “Do you have any enemies?”. I LOVE HER. The friends grill Nayte and ultimately give their seal of approval.

Fake Dinner

All the while that Michelle and Nayte are talking at Fake Dinner, the cameras keep cutting back to Chris at the hotel who’s steaming over the fact that “Nayte took my one on one”. Chris is skulking around talking about how he MUST speak to Michelle right away. Sure enough Chris CRASHES NAYTE’S ONE ON ONE!!! Is Fake Dinner not sacred to you Chris??? Michelle agrees to speak with Chris and they walk outside to a bench to talk.

Chris :”Why didn’t you seek me out to talk after I spoke up for you”. Michelle: “No, you spoke FOR me when I can speak for myself.” YES!!! Had I been sitting there with psychopath Lord Farquaad my cheeks would have been all red and I’d be stumbling over my words with rage. But Michelle ever so politely puts Chris in his place and sends him home. Huzzah!!!

When she gets back to Nayte, she apologizes for the interruption and Nayte v maturely states he doesn’t need an explanation about her decision or relationship with Chris, that he’s just focused on their relationship. See why he’s one of my favorites??? Nate gets the rose.

Cocktail Party

Martin is speaking with Michelle. Is it just me or did his hair go from Ramen Noodle Yellow to silver/white since the last episode? Either way it’s still hideous. Anyway, they are talking and Martin says most women are high maintenance, especially women in Miami. This doesn’t go over well with Michelle, who, you know, is a WOMAN. She keeps asking him to explain how women, more than men, are high maintenance and he keeps talking around an answer, without actually giving one. ALL THIS coming from a guy with bleached hair and more jewelry on his body and head than she has!

Rose Ceremony

Miraculously, Martin makes it through to see another week. UGH. Going home: Casey and Leroy (who I don’t think had a single conversation with Michelle outside of the Rose Ceremonies!).

Until next week! xo 🌹