pop culture, tv

Bachelorette Week 5

Week 5- We pick up with Alabama Hannah pulling both Lukes aside to get them to talk it out. Like that’s going to go well! Oh, Han, you poor naive thing!!! So they all sit down and the Lukes are just talking over each other and AH is sitting there with this glazed look on her face. It’s all maddening to watch. She finally gets up and leaves the room and the next thing you know Chris Harrison ends the cocktail party and calls everyone in for the rose ceremony. Because of all the Luke P/S drama, most of the guys don’t get to talk to AH so they are all up in arms.
Just as AH is about to hand out the first rose, Luke S interrupts her and pulls her aside. He tells her to be careful then leaves!!! Didn’t see that coming!!! Then CH surprises me by taking a rose away from the pile! They are really trimming the fat tonight! JPJ and Matteo (who??? I had to look him up online to find out who he was cause I couldn’t place his face!!!) get sent home. Maybe now JPJ will have time to wash his hair.
I am gobsmacked that Luke P gets a rose. Either AH is insane or the producers made her do it. When they are all drinking their champagne LP tries to make a toast and it just falls FLAT because not a single guy likes him. Even AH looks over him.
AH & the guys head to Scotland where the guys are staying in this amazing estate. They are all in a pub in town having a pint when AH shows up. She declares she doesn’t want any more drama (good luck with that!) and takes Mike out for a 1-1 date. He’s all smiles and they tour the town, drink some whiskey and eat haggis (GROSS). At Fake Dinner that night, Mike says he hasn’t been in love for “half a decade”. Uh ok, that’s just 5 years. Settle down. It’s cute how nervous he is though.
Cut to the estate where the group date card is being read. Luke P isn’t on the group date card so he’s getting a 1-1. He says ” After this I’ll find out if I really want to be here or not.” Ummm, didn’t you practically profess your love on the first date??? And now you don’t know if you want to be here or not?? Upon hearing this, one of the guys calls LP a “Douche Canoe” !!!! Hilarious!!!!
Back to Fake Dinner- Mike says he can see himself proposing so of course he gets the rose.
The next day is the group date at a castle where they are competing in the classic Celtic Highland Games. The guys are all visibly relieved to be out of the house without Psycho LP. The guys are all dressed in kilts and NONE choose to keep on their undies. So there are lots of black boxes flying across my screen trying to keep the guys’ junk under wraps! Tyler wins the axe throwing competition. Then there’s a race where they have to carry milk in buckets. Jed pours the milk all over himself and AH finds that to be hot but who wants to smell like milk??? Then they all wrestle each other but Jed says he wants to wrestle AH. Just an excuse to get her on the ground where he steals a kiss. It’s announced that somehow Jed wins the whole games (which I don’t get, but ok).
That night at the after party AH is a little horndog!!! FIrst she is straddling Jed while wearing this bronze lame` skintight dress. Jed’s grabbing some serious ass. Then she’s making out with Peter (who keeps forgetting he’s MY boyfriend) on a pool table. I can’t keep count with everyone she’s playing tonsil hockey with. Jed gets the rose.
Luke P’s 1-1 is next. Before he leaves he tries to joke with the guys but they aren’t having it. Garrett tells LP to not talk about any of them on his date. LP meets up with AH and they have a fake picnic on a cliff overlooking the ocean. It’s really quite beautiful and I hate it’s wasted on the empty soulless shell that is Luke P. His blank stares just creep me out to no end!!! And he’s SUCH a liar. AH is going to KICK herself when she watches this season back. She’s trying to talk to him and get him to express his emotions but she’s saying some weird things like “do you like spaghetti or macaroni and cheese more”? WHAT???? LP tells her “everyone loves me” and he has no idea why all the guys hate him. He talks in circles with no substance. That night at Fake Dinner I can’t believe when he actually says to AH “I’m not getting the real you. I’m not trying to blame you”. Oh that’s good to know LP. Write your ticket home. AH tells him she can’t give him the rose and his dead psycho eyes just stare back at her in utter shock.
Next week AH apparently goes into the ugly cry because someone messed up big time. But who?? And why is LP still here???? So. Many. Questions!!!
Until then my BBs….xo 🌹