Bachelorette Week 3

Week 3 starts out with a group date where the guys are going to learn all about pregnancy and childbirth! This should be good. These guys have no idea about the pains of a woman- they use more hairspray than I do! Tyler C says “the belly gets bigger and bigger and the woman gets hungrier and hungrier.” OMG I can’t with him. The guys take an anatomy quiz & Cam thinks that gestation for a HUMAN woman is 2 weeks. Sharp as a bowling ball there Cam. The guys are then hooked up to machines that simulate labor pains and it’s the best tv I’ve seen in a few days. JPJ is pretty hilarious although I can’t help but think most of his reactions are for show.


That night at the cocktail party the guys are all still mad at Cam for crashing their group date last week. Meanwhile Cam’s complaining about not getting any time with Alabama Hannah. Cam tries to interrupt Mike twice but Mike is not having it. Then Cam sits down with AH and Jonathan interrupts like 30 seconds later. Too funny. The whole time JPJ is just MONCHING on some chicken nuggets. What is with the chicken nuggets this season???


Next up is Connor’s 1-1. But it’s canceled and Chris Harrison doesn’t even bother to come tell Connor! CH can’t be bothered with this trivial stuff! So apparently AH passed out (from being so hungover is my guess!) and went to the hospital for fluids. So she invites Connor over to her hotel suite to chill out and honestly it’s about the best date ABC has orchestrated because they can actually talk! Connor brings flowers, a card, and chicken soup and it’s v sweet. They chat and make out (after AH tells Connor she’s not contagious) then AH kicks him out so she can nap. Yay for her! Later AH finds that Connor has left post it notes all over the room for her to find that list all the things he loves about her. V sweet again!


That night Connor is at the mansion with the other guys when a limo pulls up and the driver tells Connor he has 15 minutes to look sharp. Connor is taken to meet up with AH who gives him the rose then they dance to a private concert.


The next day is another group date and we find out that Tyler G (WHO???) left! But no reason is given and after some Shanny PI sleuth work I couldn’t find any info either. I HAVE QUESTIONS ABC!!!!


For this group date ABC is pimping out The Secret Life of Pets 2 (which is interesting since it’s not a Disney film and Disney owns ABC). The guys have to do a photo shoot with animals! SO fun! There’s a pig and a mini horse and lots of dogs, etc. Demi’s back to secretly watch the guys with 2 hired actors to see if anyone is shady. One of the actors is an animal handler and the other is a makeup artist. They are both super flirty but no one falls for it. Smart boys! Demi has the best line of the episode “Grant looks scared. That snake is bigger than his own.” HA!!!


So the entire photo shoot Luke P is acting like he’s never even seen the show before and is low key pissed that AH is kissing on other guys. He gets SUPER clingy and upset and is following AH all around the photo shoot. AH is not having it. She’s totally acting like a girl who made out hardcore with a dude the night before when she was drunk then sobered up and realized her mistake. Oh wait, that’s exactly what happened!


That night AH pulls Luke P aside and tells him to slow his roll. Luke then tells the camera “I’m going to act like that conversation never even happened.” Luke P- a pillar of respect for women! Not a stalker at all! And right then I know that he’s got to be the guy who slut shames her later in the season (from the previews). Back to the cocktail party- Luke keeps interrupting AH and the other guys and AH keeps sending him away. It’s SO desperate and pitiful. Bless. At one point Luke goes right up to AH and asks to talk AGAIN and she says no, AGAIN. So Luke gets all pouty and tells the guys he’s thinking about going home. Real mature.


As AH is about to give out the group date rose she pulls Luke aside and tells him one more time to straighten up and fly right. Then she gives Peter the rose. I think I’ve decided Peter is my favorite. He’s too cute and seems really genuinely sweet.


The next day CH shows up to tell them there’s no cocktail party tonight, but there will be a tailgate party today. ABC has decked out the patio areas with hay bales and AH says “it feels like home” and the Southern stereotype is shoved down our throats yet again. Sigh. Before AH arrives Cam asks all the guys to let him talk to her first because he has something super important to discuss with her. Always Be Cam is mentioned again by Cam and I’m so sick of this knucklehead right now. Cam pulls AH aside right in the middle of the party and right after she says she doesn’t want any heavy talk. Cam tells her this long winded sob story involving a leg amputation (!!!) and a puppy and a grandma dying and I’m so confused! Does the man have a peg leg?? I WANNA SEE!!!!


Mike tells AH later what Cam told all the guys and that Cam was going for the pity rose. So AH confronts the 2 flesh legged Cam and tells him it all feels slimy. Cam has the gall to look shocked and appalled!


Rose Ceremony- Ok so we all know at this point that Cam and a couple of randos are going home tonight. Sure enough, Jonathan, Joey (pity, he was kinda cute), and Cam go home, but not before Cam talks about himself in the 3rd person again! UGH take your 2 legs and get the hell out of here Cam!!!


During the credits AH waxes Garrett’s chest and it’s pretty great!
That’s all until next week my BBs! xo 🌹

Bachelorette Week 2

Week 2 begins with Alabama Hannah spitting this weird little rap and honestly that sets the tone for the entire episode.
Group Date #1- FIrst of all, thank you ABC for cutting out all the extra floof to get right to the activities. It feels like this season is sped up a bit and I, for one, appreciate it! AH is wearing some odd mesh bootie heels and I’m already wishing I had wine instead of iced tea. The guys are informed they have to compete in a Mr. Right pageant because they are going to get a taste of AH’s world. Miss J is there! And 2 fabulous drag queens! FIrst the guys have to compete in a speedo wearing runway walk and thank the good Lord they aren’t wearing heels. It’s all pretty straightforward until Mike twerks and then it’s off the rails. JPJ makes it even creepier than it is by snapping his speedo . Luke P has abs for days people. He reminds me of a roided out Justin Timberlake.
Next up is the talent competition and these boys are skeeered! Jed plays the guitar (of course) and sings and he has a great voice. JPJ rides a unicycle, which is low key impressive! Then Luke declares that his talent is falling in love with AH! IT’S YOUR FIRST DATE!!! Slow your roll there Luke! You’ve spent a total of like 15 minutes with this girl. I’m instantly getting stalker vibes now from Luke, abs be damned! He then finishes up his “talent” by shoving his tongue down AH’s throat. Um, ok.
Somehow Luke wins the pageant and you can tell the other guys are NOT thrilled with this turn of events. Luke then wears his crown and sash to the night portion of events. The other guys question his authenticity and even AH quizzes him on how he knows he’s falling in love with her. But they still make out like they’re at prom. AH gives the group date rose to Jed, and the other guys clap for him, which I think is really sweet!
Next up is the coveted first 1-1 date. AH shows up dressed all in white and a helicopter picks up her and her date. I can’t place the guy until they finally put his name on the screen like 5 minutes later! It’s Tyler G and that information still tells me nothing about him, but he’s got pretty eyes so I’ll allow it. They ride ATVs in the mud, which looks fun but doesn’t really allow them to chat or get to know each other. I never understand why they choose dates like this. Later is Fake DInner and in response to everything AH says Tyler declares “I’m the luckiest guy in the world” and “that means the world to me” and I’m starting to wonder if Tyler would be impressed with AH just belching the alphabet at this point. She gives him the rose and for the life of me I can’t figure out why she’d want to keep him around except he’s easy on the eyes- ish.
Group Date 2- AH shows up wearing black leather shanties. Shanties: noun used to identify shorts that are so short they are panties. Today’s date is at the Roller Derby. Again- no way to properly speak to each other but whatevs. I’m in LOVE with AH’s iridescent skates but they don’t get enough camera time. OK so this date is awesome. For me. Because I can’t help but love watching all these full grown men flail about on their skates! SO many wipeouts and falls!!! Dustin even really hurts his ankle but he gets back out there. And poor Lady Face Connor can NOT stay upright! It’s downright comical!
They cut back to the mansion to see Cam, who’s v v unhappy that he did not get a date this week. He’s telling the camera that he has to ABC- Always Be Cam and I want to vomit.
That night on the group date AH is talking with Dustin and I can’t stop staring at his nose ring. Now, I have nothing against nose rings. I even have a wee “diamond” stud in my nose. But Dustin’s just doesn’t suit him or something. Anyway, Cam shows up to the group date! He’s bearing flowers and he walks in and interrupts one of the guys as he’s talking to AH. The other guys are NOT pleased that Cam has done this. Later, Cam is talking to the camera, and about himself in 3rd person (which I loathe) and a few of the guys come out to give him crap about interrupting the group date which he was not invited on! Dustin gets the group date rose and some of the guys don’t get any time to speak with AH. The whole vibe is off.
***By the way, the word of the episode is BOLD. AH keeps saying it. Then I notice the guys are all saying it too and mentioning that AH wants a BOLD man. I should have kept count and downed a shot each time someone says it this episode. But then I’d be day drunk and that’s not a good look on me. Better BOLD than Roll Tide though!!!***
The next night AH walks in to the cocktail party crying. Like, someone passes her a hankie crying. Is she drunk?? She looks good in her dress and her hair looks nice but by the end of the night she looks a bit of a drunk mess!
The other Connor grabs her to talk first, then Kevin comes out to steal her. They are talking for a good 30 seconds when Cam interrupts and says he’s got a surprise for the 3 of them. Um, ok. Cam is going to hack you into pieces Kevin, run!!! But instead Cam (who at this point has mentioned ABC- Always Be Cam 13,649 times) leads them to a candle lit heart full of rose petals and chicken nuggets (????). Cam presents a nugget and some sauce to AH and Kevin high tails it out of there. Cam comes back inside and Kevin throws nuggets at him. Real mature boys.
Tyler C gives me a stalker vibe. And he doesn’t say “you”, he says “ya”.
Luke P is giving AH a massage then they switch and AH is basically taking Luke’s shirt off. They are making out hot and heavy when poor Jed walks in! It’s V V awkward and AH is getting bleeped a LOT for a pageant girl. BTW, she has cutouts all down her sleeve and side of her dress and Luke is mauling her while they are making out so much that she almost flashes side boob. Yikes.
Rose Ceremony: Cam gets the last rose and you KNOW that’s a producer move right there. UGH. Lady Face Connor, Darren, and Matthew (who???) go home.
After the Rose Ceremony Luke sneaks into the interview room to talk to and make out with AH some more. He’s reassuring AH that his feelings are real and all I’m seeing is RED FLAGS. Cut this boy loose AH! He’s going to implode!!!
Also, has anyone else noticed that AH’s nose turns red as the night goes on? Is this an alcohol thing I wonder?? Anyway, can’t wait for next week! xo 🌹

Bachelorette Week 1

And so it begins… Alabama Hannah’s season of the Bachelorette! Week 1. We begin with a montage of Alabama Hannah in a field and leaning against some poles while her voiceover laments about not being able to find love. The girl could not be more awkward! And I swear if I hear ROLL TIDE all night long I’m going to have to stab my eyes out! Of course they make a point to show AH’s pageant history, lest we forget!

Then we have the little intros to the men. The short videos in their hometowns. None of these guys ever seem to make it to the end so get a good look now my people! Mike from Dallas seems super sweet with his great grandma. Joe the Box King is on my tv for 3.8 seconds and I already can’t stand the man.

Next up are the limo entrances. I should start a ROLL TIDE tally! 
Garrett the golf pro is out of the limo first. He has a healthy head of hair on him! 
Mike is super sweet still. That’s good to see!
Jed the singer/songwriter is 100% here for his career. 
Tyler C the dancing contractor gives me the heebie jeebies and I just don’t know why.
Dylan is up next, then Connor who jumps the fence. It’s been done, bro. 
Devin tells a virgin joke and I want to punch him in the throat. I thought we left the virgin stuff behind us!!!
John Paul Jones is next and if you think I’m typing out John Paul Jones all season you’ve got another thing coming! Also, he lists his occupation as John Paul Jones. SO WEIRD.
Brian throws his head WAY back when he laughs.
Scott is so nervous I almost feel badly for him!
Matteo is just as nervous.
Daron reminds me of someone but I can’t think who.
Tyler gives INTENSE eye contact. #squirm
Thomas and Matt are up next and I honestly can’t remember a thing about them.
Then a forklift pulls up with a big box on it marked Fragile (so it must be Italian amirite???) Joe the Box King jumps out and styrofoam packing peanuts fly errrrrrywhere! They are going to be finding peanuts all season! So bad for the environment Joe the Box King!!!
Joey shows up with a baby seat for some reason.
Connor J is speaking French and I don’t know why. He has a lady face by the way.
Ryan “Roller Boy” literally rolls up yelling ROLL TIDE and I’ve never wished someone would wipe out more than I do now. Oh don’t feel badly for Ryan the Roller Boy, he’s wearing a helmet!!!
Hunter the surfer is next and following him is unemployed Grant who keeps making silly puns about how it’s a sausage party in there. Dude brought his own mustard. 
The puns keep coming as Kevin gets out of the limo with an armful of footballs that he drops everywhere. 
Luke follows that by climbing up on top of the limo and GROWLING at AH who GROWLS back. Lawd help me I may need to start drinking to get through this season!
Another Luke is next and he’s about as exciting as printer paper. 
Dustin shows up wearing giant white shoes with his suit which I don’t understand.
Cam hops out of the limo rapping. Look bruh, you rapped at After the Final Rose and it was cute. Now you’re doing it again and someone needs to pop you upside the head. Not cute anymore. 
A huge red tractor roars up the driveway and sitting atop it is Matt Donald wearing a giant hat. Sigh.
Chasen is up next and he’s a pilot and is super cute but I can’t get past his stupid name. Someone call Child Services for this poor boy! Chasen. Ugh.
Peter the Pilot steps out of the limo in his pilot uniform and hold on I’ll be right back I’m gonna go slide into his DMs. V handsome in that uniform.
Ok so there’s 30 men but I’m missing one. Whoever he is must not have made that much of an impression. #shrug

AH says a quick prayer before entering the party and I love that. She walks in and greets the guys and she is looking so good in her dress! #fireOne of the Lukes grabs her first and here we go! Lady Face Connor throws her a bachelorette party with a bunch of elementary school games, which reads a bit odd to me. 
Rapper Cam steals the first kiss of the night. 
Then out of nowhere, Demi (yay!!!) and some other girl (who?) pull up in an undercover FBI van with surveillance equipment claiming that they were told on social media that one of the guys has a girlfriend back home. Yeah, just ONE I bet! HA! I betcha half a dozen of these punks have girlfriends back home! 
Back to the party, Joe the Box King acts like he’s walking around a Bar Mitzvah with a microphone. He’s just way too “on” for me. 
Peter Pilot has a baby face under that pilot’s cap.

Ooh and Demi finally spots the dude with the girlfriend! And it’s Nervous Scott! Chris Harrison pulls AH aside and she goes to see Demi and that rando girl who tell her about Scott’s GF. Then AH does something that makes me like her a bit more. She marches into the house, points to Scott and says “We need to talk!” The other guys are shaking in their boots!

They go sit outside somewhere and AH comes for him. He is pretty dodgy about it but the truth comes out. Scott JUST broke up with his GF MONDAY!!!! The nerve!!! Then he has the gall to bring up Colton and tries to say it’s the same thing?!?! Boy, BYE. AH marches him back through the house in front of everyone and to the front door. Then she goes back outside and cries a bit about it. Luke the Growler goes out to console her, which was nice. BUT AH says a couple of times that she’s freezing and he never gives her his jacket! FAIL.

And the party is back on! Connor S gets a kiss. Everyone is eyeing the first impression rose. Growler Luke gets it and they share a BIG kiss. I swear he’s about to suck her top lip into a different dimension! GL comes on a wee bit strong for my taste.

Rose Ceremony
Turns out shortie Jonathan is the guy I missed at intros. He gets a rose. JPJ (John Paul Jones) gets the last rose and that boy just makes my skin crawl!!! 
Going home tonight are Old Matt Donald, Chasen, Joe the Box King (don’t let the door hit ya where the good Lord split ya!), Brian, Hunter (WHO???), Ryan, and Thomas. The only one I’m a little shocked by is Chasen. Yes, I hate his name. BUT he’s a stone cold fox AND a pilot (free flights!!!) so he has a respectable job! Unlike our clear villain of the season – JPJ.

Previews- Cam talks about himself in the 3rd person and that’s a straight up punchable offense.

Credits- Chris Harrison sweeping up Joe the Box King’s packing peanuts and muttering cuss words is the kind of tv content we all need right now!

Until next week…. xo🌹

Mother’s Day

I received this card the other day, just in time for Mother’s Day. For most people Mother’s Day means brunch and flowers and merriment. And that plays into my day too as I celebrate my mom and my sister (who’s a mom). But Mother’s Day is also bittersweet for me. Because I’ve always, always, as long as I can remember, wanted to be a mom. Every year since I turned 30 and the Clomid didn’t work for us I’ve sort of dreaded this day. But there was always a glimmer of hope for us to become parents so each Mother’s Day I get up and get dressed up and join my mom and my sisters and we spend the day together.

But today is different. Today my mom is out of town helping my youngest sister move. So Mother’s Day has a different sort of feel. But mostly today is different because my glimmer of hope is almost faded out. I’m 45 now and still childless. But not because we didn’t try, that’s for sure. We tried international adoption (2 different countries) and that didn’t work out for various reasons. Then we were matched up by a friend with a birthmother who, after a few months, changed her mind. We took a year off after that, to heal. Then we joined a domestic foster to adopt program. Our social worker told us “Give me a year and I’ll have you matched with a child.” EIGHT years later we still didn’t have a match. We came close a few times. Last year we even drove 8 hours to Northern Virginia to be interviewed for a child who ultimately went to another family. Then in December of last year our home study expired again and would require more money, more time, more paperwork, more effort. And by then CSP was worn out. He was over it. I was tired too, but I always finish what I start so I was willing to go through it all again. But I can’t be a married single parent. I can’t do it alone. So we let our home study expire. And my heart broke into a thousand little pieces.

I was watching a tv show the other day where a lady (we’ll call Susie) was having twins via surrogate after 8 miscarriages and 13 failed IVF trials. She was talking with another lady (we’ll call Karen) who was 35 and unmarried with no prospects and was considering freezing her eggs. Susie told Karen “If you want to be a mom, you’ll be a mom, whether it’s through biology or adoption, you’ll find a way.” That really hit home because I thought when my body failed me and I had to have a hysterectomy, that I’d found my way- through adoption. But now I don’t know anymore. I don’t know if I’ll ever be a mom. I don’t know what the future holds. I don’t know what God’s plan is for me. I do know that my heart hurts. That some days I feel useless, like my life doesn’t have much purpose or direction if I can’t be a mom. That I’ll end up all alone, forgotten in some nursing home somewhere when I’m old. So when my dear friend sent that thoughtful and sweet card that reminds me that I AM strong, brave, beautiful, cared about, and loved, it was just what I needed! I have faith and friends and family who love me and my story isn’t over.

Tomato

This is a plushy tomato toy. Last year on my birthday we stopped in at Lidl for a couple things. I stayed in the car while CSP ran in to shop. He came out with this thing that he found in the clearance bin for like $2 and proudly presented it to me. As a gift. Happy Birthday CSP exclaimed! Aw thanks, Honey! So we got home and I put the tomato on my desk. But it’s been months now and I’m not the biggest tomato fan really. So I put it with the pug toys. Keep in mind this side eye giving tomato is a good 6 inches tall, so he’s not some tiny thing I can easily find a place for on my desk. I mean, thank you, but what do I need with a giant plushy tomato?? Well fast forward to the other day when CSP was tidying up the pug toys. The pugs’ cousin Bea had been here for a week so toys were strewn everywhere. He came upon Mr. Tomato on the floor in the midst of the rest of the toys. “What’s he doing down here??? Why is he on the floor??” CSP picked him up, dusted him off and plopped him down on my printer. “I gave you this on your birthday!!!” He was low key not pleased that I’d let the tomato go to the pugs. So now he’s sitting on my printer, taking up space, eyeing me like I’m some sort of ungrateful gift traitor! Punk ass vegetable!