Last night Sara, Christina, Gigi & I went out for a girls’ night out. First we met up at the art gallery that’s currently showing Sara’s photo. 
Of course we ran into Sara’s boyfriend/stalker. He’s this wig wearing smoker that seems to show up at each gallery crawl with the sole purpose of talking Sara into a corner. Nice chap really. We had some snacks and looked around at all the art for an hour then headed out to dinner. 
We went to On The Border. Now, I am not a fan Mexican restaurants that don’t have actual Mexicans working there, but I go with the flow. There was a 30 minute wait (!!!) for a table so we went to the bar and had margaritas. We were seated and everything was going pretty well. We were having a lot of fun with each other, laughing, the margaritas were making my cheeks warm. Good times. Then we ordered.
Christina: I’ll have the fish tacos.
Waitress: Ok, so that’s 2 tacos WITH FISH IN THEM.
C: Riiiight.
Our first clue that our waitress had just gotten off the bus from Crazy Town. I ordered the chicken chimichanga with a side of sour cream. It came out as ground beef. I’d have eaten the beef one but it was so salty I could feel myself puffing up like a Macy’s parade balloon at the table. So I sent it back. And the sour cream? She kept bringing me this sauce instead. Odd.
So we’re all tucking in, eating our Fauxican dinners when we all started noticing that our food was exceptionally spicy. Like nose running, eyes tearing up spicy. And we’re not wimps. The spicy dinners meant we were really downing our drinks. Christina asked for a Coke. But it was all off. You could tell the fountain wasn’t mixing it right or something. So when the waitress came by Christina told her about it.
C: My Coke tastes funny, could I get another one please?
W: Well, just so you know, it’s going to taste different here because it comes out of a fountain. It’s not going to taste like it does in the can.
Ok, we don’t look like a bunch of wolf children that made our way to On The Border for our first night out in civilization. If anything, a fountain Coke should taste better than a can. And here’s Miss CrazyTown talking all slow and looking at each of us like we’re in pre-school. Meanwhile Sara just busted out laughing. And loud too. I at least had the decency to bow my head and shake silently in my laughter. Sara was sure that Miss CT was joking but I saw her face and that girl was serious as a heart attack.
She brought a new Coke and Christina tasted it. Still off. So she passed it around the table to make sure it wasn’t just her. It wasn’t. That stuff was gross. Miss CT stood there the whole time we all tasted it.
W: How is it?
C: It still tastes funny.
Me: Yep, there’s something off about it.
Gigi: Something’s wrong there.
W: Well you see, it’s going to taste different here because it comes out of a fountain. It’s not going to taste like it does in the can.
Like a Stepford Robot Waitress, she was! I thought for sure she was going to bust out with a flow chart and a Power Point presentation on the chemistry of fountain sodas. Now Sara’s shaking like a jackhammer she’s laughing so hard. I’m about to cry cause I’m trying to hold in my giggles. Gigi’s looking at Miss CrazyTown like she needs some serious help. Finally she walked away to get our bill. I’m suprised she didn’t leave us with helpful pamphflets on the properties of carbonation.
Meanwhile our Fauxican food was eating holes through our internal organs. By the time we were walking out the door we’d all decided we would never voluntarily step foot in that joint again!
Bless Your Heart 