pop culture, tv

Bachelorette Week 1

Photo by picjumbo.com on Pexels.com

Hello my BBs!!! I am back with you to review Katie’s season of the Bachelorette!!! Let’s dive right in, shall we?

This season is set in a gorgeous resort in New Mexico. Tayshia & Kaitlyn are the new co-hosts. Tayshia is stunning as per usual, and Kaitlyn I barely recognize from all the facial fillers and work she’s had done! I mean. I don’t know how I feel about them as hosts yet. So we have the usual montage of a few of the guys and then we move on to the limo entrances.

ABC has dressed up “sex positive” Katie in whore red for the evening, but the dress IS gorgeous and Katie looks amazing. I swear though, they are acting like Katie is the first woman from this franchise who’s had sex! And she didn’t even make it to Fantasy Suites yet! She just happened to bring a vibrator with her on Matt’s season. Give it a rest ABC! I mean, Kaitlyn actually DID have sex pre-Fantasy Suites on her season, lest we forget!

T&K watch from a window while the guys roll up. Speaking of the guys, we have:

Thomas, 28, Real Estate Broker. So tall, so cute. By the end of the episode I’ve already begun crushing on him!

Aaron, 26, Insurance Agent. Cute.

Andrew M, 31, Deputy District Attorney

David, 27, Technical Product Specialist. Cute but the man is wearing MANPRIS!!! I do not approve of this fashion choice! Also, he’s a weird hugger. Came in from the side like he was gonna get cooties if he got too close.

Michael, 36, Business Owner. I need more info. What kind of business?

Tre, 26, Software Engineer. Arrives in the bed of a pick up truck that he’d turned into a ball pit!

Greg, 27, Marketing Sales Rep. Cute, v v shy seeming.

Gabriel, 35, Entrepreneur from Charlotte! Represent!!! Gives a really weird hug but he’s interesting looking.

John, 27, Bartender. Great smile.

Garrett, 29, Software Marketing Manager

Austin, 25, Real Estate Investor.

Marty, 25, Dancer

Landon, 25, Basketball Coach

Karl, 34, Motivational Speaker

Josh, 25, IT Consultant

I have to interject here. WHY OH WHY are so many of these men not wearing socks with their suits???? And why are they wearing ugly brown shoes with their navy suits??? Wear black shoes my men! And black socks! Honestly.

Andrew S, 26, Pro Football Player. Lives in Austria. Comes out with a BAD British accent he tries to get by Katie but she isn’t buying it. Also, wearing ridiculously tight pants.

Brandon, 26, Auto Parts Manager. Drives up on a moped.

Conor C, 28, Former Baseball Player.

Kyle, 26, Technical Recruiter. The man reaches down into his pants and pulls out a pair of undies. Are these the undies he’s been wearing all day? Unclear. Either way: GROSS.

Hunter, 34, Software Strategist. Not digging this guy. Don’t know why yet.

Jeff, 31, Surgical Skin Salesman. EW. Drives up in an old Breaking Bad looking RV. Later in the night he takes Katie into the RV and starts monching on some celery. Not creepy AT ALL.

James, 30, Software Salesman. Gets pushed up to the entrance in a giant box. DOES NOT get out of said box to meet Katie. Not at the beginning, not during the toast when she greets all the guys, not during the main part of the cocktail party. The man committed to this gimmick, my friends.

Brendan, 26, Firefighter Trainee. SO good looking. Plus, I mean, come on. He’s a firefighter. Swoon.

Marcus, 30, Real Estate Broker

Mike, 31, Gym Owner. Virgin. Wears a GIANT silver crucifix around his neck. Okayyyy.

Cody, 27, Zipper Sales Manager. Cute but brings a blow up sex doll to present to Katie and I’m just so over all the sex puns by now. Gross.

Justin, 26, Investment Sales Consultant.

Christian, 26, Real Estate Agent

Quartney, 26, Nutrition Entrepreneur. Again with all the sexual innuendo. And I am mad at your mama for naming you that.

Conner B, 29, Math Teacher. Ok, this may be the most disturbing, bleach your eyes entrance ever. The man shows up in a full on furry cat suit costume complete with furry paws on his hands!!! He licks his paws to groom his hair. He has black makeup on his face to give himself a kitty nose and whiskers. He’s making a TON of cat jokes and I just want it to stop!!! BUT- and this is the most shocking part- Katie digs him!!! She’s into it!!! And that, BBs, is why they said there is a pot to every lid.

All in all it’s a fairly tame, good diverse crowd. They mostly seem like regular guys actually here to meet a woman, not to grow their Insta followers.

So the cocktail party commences and Katie speaks to the guys one on one. One guy has a pocket full of stones/crystals and tons of jewelry. Justin presents a painting of some roses to Katie that is actually v v good. He’s really talented!

Then all of the sudden the cameras cut to 2 of the guys (Cody and some other one) arguing outside. I don’t like you. I don’t like you either. They’ve known each other less than 6 hours! What’s not to like??

Finally, toward the end of the cocktail party, they wheel Box Guy into a room and he pops out in a 3 piece suit with v slick hair. He’s good looking and has a North Eastern sounding accent. I’m impressed he isn’t a wrinkled mess after being in a box all night!!!

Cat Man and Katie are chatting and they start full on making out and he’s getting black paint ALL over her face!!! Plus he’s still in that costume and it’s creeping me out!!!

Greg gets the first impression rose and a kiss.

Just as the sun is coming up they have the Rose Ceremony.

Going home: Austin, Jeff the skin selling, celery monching, RV guy (dodged a bullet there, Katie!), Brandon, Gabriel, Landon, Marcus, and Marty.

This season looks good! I wasn’t so sure I’d be thrilled by Katie and this season but it has a lot of promise and I’m sure will be….. say it with me…..the most dramatic yet!!!

Until next week BBs!!!