Bachelorette Week 3

Week 3. Hooboy! This week just devolves into a pure sh!tshow for lack of a better word. Let’s dive in shall we?


We begin back at the cocktail party. Yosef is still annoyed with the mild male nudity from last week’s strip dodgeball game. He keeps using the words “classless” and “distasteful”. Because we all know he’s a beacon of class and taste! He finds Clare and they sit down to talk. He starts off by saying he’s noticed some red flags from her. This is gonna go well!!!
Yo didn’t like it when C said “You guys are here for me”. Also, he was “absolutely appalled at the nudity. It’s so humiliating and degrading, silly and immature. A classless display. I expected more from the oldest bachelorette. You’re not setting the right example for my daughter. I’m ashamed to be associated with you.” WOW. Ok, 1. Has he not seen the show??? ABC isn’t worried about setting the class bar v high with this show! Lighten up dude!


Clare goes to say something about her mother dying and YO CUTS HER OFF. OMG.


Clare tells him to leave, natch. Yo is still shouting insults at her from across the courtyard “You’re not fit to be a mother for my child” and “I expected more from the OLDEST bachelorette”. Yikes.


All the other guys come running to her defense when they hear the hubbub but it’s Dale (of course) who comforts her. Clare then decides to end the cocktail party and go straight to the rose ceremony.


Rose Ceremony-


Dale gets the first rose (of course). You can almost hear all the other guys groan. Going home- Blake, Garin, and Tyler S.


The next day DeAnna from Bachelorette season FOUR shows up to counsel Clare. I have no idea who this woman is as I didn’t start watching until Emily’s season but could ABC not get any other Bachelorette to come talk to Clare??? Good grief! Anyway, they are sitting on the sofa chatting and from nowhere, C whips out a pair of Dale’s pants!!! And she starts sniffing them then has DeAnna sniff them and OMG I just vomited.

While Clare and DeAnna are chatting, all the guys who were picked to go on today’s group date are whiling away the hours waiting for their date to start. Finally, at dusk, C comes to the guys’ room and announces that the day portion of the date is canceled. YA THINK?!?

Cocktail Party-


Dale makes a big show of asking for a group hug after giving a big speech about how everyone needs to be respectful of each others’ time. Then Dale steals Clare away first and spends an HOUR making out in her room. SO RESPECTFUL. Clare is wearing shiny, satin shorts and a blazer and gives off a kinky real estate agent vibe tonight.

Finally Eazy goes to find Clare in her room and stands at the door long enough to hear some panting and clothes arranging. ALL the other guys are super annoyed at how little time they are getting with her and who could blame them??


Dale later has the nerve to go back for a 2nd time with Clare! After which he gets grilled by the guys. Clare comes back to the group and gives Dale the group date rose. The other guys are NOT happy to say the least!!! They continue to give Dale a hard time back at the house.

Zach J’s 1-1


It’s a spa date. YAWN. Basically they just get pedicures and facials and go swimming. The whole time C is annoyed with Zach’s energy (because he’s not Dale) and whines to the producers that she just wants to be with Dale. When C & Zach finish swimming she goes in for a kiss but then backs out and it gets really weird because Zach then grabs her forcefully trying to get that kiss. Dude, that’s not cool.


Back at the house (I know it’s a hotel suite but just go with me), some of the guys are gossipping saying that maybe Clare and Dale were communicating pre-show. Hmmmm.

Later, Zach is at Fake Dinner waiting on Clare when Chris Harrison shows up instead. NOT a good sign. CH says Clare’s not coming to dinner and Zach tries to say there was a misunderstanding but CH is like I don’t get paid enough for this, I’m going back to my margarita you fool. And Zach gets sent home.

Group Date 2-


It’s the next day and Clare is wearing some strange white spaghetti strapped shorts jumpsuit. She’s with Margaret Cho (LOVE) and they are in a small theatre of sorts. Turns out the guys are all going to roast each other. The audience will be the rest of the guys from the house. Mind you, ALL the guys have it out for Dale, saying he gets too much attention and time.

Roast-
The guys all go after Dale. Every single one of them. Especially Bennet. It’s brutal!

Cocktail Party-


Clare arrives in a sparkly banana yellow dress and I want to slap her stylist. Clare pulls Bennet aside to chat first and lest you think she’s there to get to know Bennet, I promise you it’s still all about Dale. Bennet tries to talk about anything BUT Dale but Clare keeps asking about Dale.


And the pattern continues with every. other. guy. there. It’s Dale Dale Dale. Ugh, these poor guys! She’s not even pretending to be the slightest bit interested in them!!! Then, to rub salt in the wound, she refuses to give out the group date rose!!! The guys are NOT HAPPY. AND, when Clare is walking away with a producer, C says something about her fiance! Oooooh. Are they already engaged??? If so WHAT ARE WE DOING HERE???

Next week it all blows up and I can’t wait!!! Until then my BBs!!! šŸŒ¹

Bachelorette Week 2

Week 2! Wow y’all. This episode is CRINGEWORTHY!!! Let’s dive right in, shall we?!

First we have a group date. To which Clare shows up looking like a Boy Scout’s mom! Those khaki shorts! Yikes!!! So this date is all about the Love Languages. If you’re not familiar, Google it. Basically it’s 5 ways that we express love and receive love. I’m optimistic for this date (minus Clare’s forest ranger garb) because at least it’s got some depth to it and isn’t some rando obstacle course or something. But my hopes are shattered when ABC puts Clare in a cheap high school production of Romeo and Juliet. She’s up in this Juliet tower and all the guys on the date are then forced to give her Words of Affirmation with precious little direction. Each guy wings it and says some sweet things.

Next up is Gifts. The guys all race back to their rooms to rummage around in their luggage for a gift for Clare. They give her a chess piece, a baseball, etc. She’s lucky she didn’t end up with the free shower cap from the hotel!
Last up is Physical Touch. The guys and C are blindfolded and are forced to touch each other in front of all the other guys. Cringe. Esp when it’s Dale’s turn and C is sighing like this isn’t family friendly television! Get a room! ALL the other guys are totally jealous and v uncomfortable!

The After Party-

C comes over to the group of guys and sits down and raises a toast. Then….CRICKETS!!! NO ONE pulls her aside to talk! Not even Hot Boring Dale!!! C literally has to tell them to step up. Finally Bennet puts her out of her misery and asks to speak with her.

They go off to talk but C can’t stay focused because she’s still flabbergasted that she had to beg for some attention! She leaves Bennet mid chat and goes back to the group and chastises them. Dale then steps up and takes her to talk. Nevermind poor Bennet! During their conversation C tells Dale she has feelings for him!!! They’ve known each other for 14 minutes!!! And he reciprocates!!! WOW.

Riley gets the group date rose because C has to pretend she has a modicum of interest in the other guys there.

Yo says C is hot headed and immature and that he’ll address it with her if need be. OH. WELL. That C isn’t living up to his expectations. MY MY Yo. Mighty high opinion of yourself!

Jason’s 1-1

Jason gets a note from C with instructions to write a letter to his younger self before the date. Wow. A date with homework! Ok…. They go out to a fire in the desert and scream into the sky to purge bad demons. Then C makes Jason write down things his ex’s have called him on a tile while she does the same. They then read out the qualities to each other and am I the only one seeing red flags here??? He’s been called cold, manipulative, hard to love, etc. But ok… let’s just gloss over that part! They then shatter the tile against the rocks. Excuse please, but who’s designing these dates? Dr. Phil??? Next up they read the letters to their younger selves out loud to each other. Let’s skip right past your favorite color and talk about all your heart ache and inner demons! I hope C charges Jason a co-pay for all this free therapy!!!

I notice though- no fake dinner! Jason gets the rose and they kiss. C brings out the dress she wore on the last episode of her Bachelor season with Juan Pablo and they burn it in the fire.

2nd Group Date

The guys assemble and find out they are playing Dodgeball. Guess Dr. Phil was busy today. And not just any style dodgeball but STRIP DODGEBALL!!! CRINGE. The winning team gets to go to the after party with C and the losers have to do the walk of shame home. Nakey. So clearly the stakes have never been higher. Now, I’m all for a little silly fun, but ABC could never get away with strip anything on the Bachelor so why is it ok to humiliate the guys? I hate the phrase “just saying” (so passive aggressive). But seriously, just saying. ESP because the guys all look v uncomfortable when it’s time to strip. And it doesn’t take long for the red team to obliterate the blue team. Blue team walks home nakey and Red team are off to the after party!

After Party

This party is pretty boring. Until Bearded Blake crashes the party. He was on the losing team. He’s talking with C when the Red team shows up to confront him. C sends him away and as BB is going to leave he leans in for a kiss and C GIVES HIM THE CHEEK!!! CRINGE!!! Yikes man.

C is then talking with Brandon and it is soooo awkward! C asks why did he come on the show and all Brandon can say is because “You’re so beautiful”. Seriously dude? EVERYONE knows you don’t go in for a job interview without researching the company!!! I mean, the least he could have done was watch her season and come up with a compliment. C sends him home. Brava!

For some reason Chasen gets the group date rose.

Cocktail Party

C pulls BB aside right away and gives him a rose and a kiss. So BB is safe and feels better after his big ol dish of awkward soup last night. I must say, BTW, that C looks amazing tonight! Her dress is beautiful and her boobs look great!

The rest of the episode, I KID YOU NOT, is C & Dale making out. Making out on a sofa. Dale wearing a mask and making out against a door. You get the drift. So we’ll have to wait until next week to see if C can dislodge her tongue from Dale’s throat long enough for a proper rose ceremony!!!

Until then my BBs!!! xo šŸŒ¹

Bachelorette Week 1

I’M BACK BBs!!!! It’s been 37 years since Pilot Pete’s Bachelor season ended in March. SO much has happened, like COVID!!! Ugh. But the powers that be at ABC finally got their acts together and figured out a way to entertain us with a 39 year old Clare and her 31 suitors! Here we go!!!

Ok so we start off with a bunch of backstory on Clare and her journey and (sort of) why she’s still single at 39. Then instead of showing us little bios of some of the standout contestants from this season, it’s a montage of masked faces boarding planes and what not. Instead of hanging at the Bachelor mansion they are filming at the nicest LaQuinta I’ve ever seen in Palm Springs. All the guys and Clare are quarantined and Covid tested multiple times.

Now, if you know me at all you know I despise spoilers. Even the smallest ones. I avoid them like the plague. So if you love me at all you won’t spoil any of this for me. I am going into this season knowing next to nothing about how it turns out. I know Tayshia is involved somehow but that’s it.

FINALLY it’s time to meet the guys! Clare shows up in a dress with a mirror smashed on it. It looks like they had to take it out some to accommodate her boobs in the bodice. And there’s some weird long strings in the back. BUT Clare herself looks fantastic! Not a trace of maskne to be seen!!! Way to go! Why does Chris Harrison’s hair look weird? Is it just me? Did he dye it? His part is extreme. Is that new? Hmmm. Curious. Anyway, on to the limo entrances!!! Full disclosure- my tv is smallish and my eyes are old and white font on yellow backgrounds is hard to read so I may get the spellings of names or occupations wrong.

Ben- 29 Army Ranger Vet. Cuteish. Seems nice.

Riley- 30 Attorney. Cute but seems kinda cheesy.

Zach C.- 36. Audiology Specialist. Stiff, nervous.

Jordan M.- 30. Cyber Security Engineer. NO SOCKS WITH HIS SUIT. SO tall!!!

Jason- 31 Former Pro Football Lineman. Arrives with a “pregnant” belly as a nod to Clare’s limo entrance with Juan Pablo when she arrived with a “pregnant” belly. It was tacky then and it’s even tackier now. It’s 2020 people. Get woke.

Ivan- 28. Aeronautical Engineer.

Kenny- 39. Boy Band Manager. For real?? Wearing a t-shirt with Clare’s dogs’ pictures on it. Kinda clever move.

Brendan-30. Commercial Roofer. SO nervous.

Mike- 38. Digital Media Adviser. Brings her sparkly flip flops for when her feet will inevitably hurt later. So thoughtful!!!

Jeremy-40. Banker. Sounds boring.

Blake Monar- 31. Male Grooming Specialist. I need more details about your occupation Blake!!!

Tyler C.- 27. Lawyer. Pulls up in an old woody station wagon.

Bennet- 36. Wealth Management Consultant because OF COURSE he is. He rolls up in a Rolls Royce wearing a black tux with white scarf. I’m shocked he’s not eating caviar on a cracker rn.

Blake Moynes- 29. Wildlife Manager. I need more details about your job too Blake! NO SOCKS. But super cute with beard and great smile.

Chris- 27. Landscape Design Salesperson. Cute.

AJ-28. Walks up in the tightest maroon suit I’ve ever laid eyes on! Then he squeezes Clare’s hands to hard and says it’s been months since I’ve touched a woman. NO ONE HERE DOUBTS THAT AJ. #creeper

Joe- 36. Anesthesiologist.

Garin- 34. Professor of Journalism. He totally looks like a professor too.

Robby-31. Insurance Broker.

Eazy (eye roll)- 29. Sports Marketing Agent. Jumps through a big banner that reads “Your Future Husband” wearing a pink suit! Pepto pink. He says his name is something else I couldn’t make out but he goes by Eazy. Ugh.

Jay-29. Fitness Director. Dude shows up in a straight jacket and doesn’t take it off to hug her! Odd duck.

Chasen-31. IT Account Executive. Walks up in a for real suit of armor over his regular suit. You know he had to smell.

Demar-26. Spin Cycling Instructor.

Ed- 36. Healthcare Salesman. Rolls up in a big plastic bubble. Clever ish.

Yosef- 30. Medical Device Salesman. Brings Moon Pies.

Jordan C.- 26 Software Account Executive. Brings popcorn.

Zach J- 37. Cleaning Service Owner. Brings a ring box that upon opening, reveals a man’s bum that farts. Keeping it Klassy!

Brandon- 28. Real Estate Agent.

Dale- 31. Former Pro Football Receiver. Hugs and picks Clare up. He’s really cute. Clare is INSTANTLY smitten. Says to CH that she thinks she just me her husband. (!!!)

Page- 37. Chef. NO SOCKS.

Tyler S- 36. Music Manager.

And that’s all 31 of them! Ok so there are lots of salesmen and lots of guys with “former” something or another as their occupation. I want to know what you’re doing now! I’m looking at you Dale and Jason etc!!! Also, why won’t men on this show wear socks with their suits and dress shoes??? Is this the fashion these days? I think it’s GROSS!!! Just think of those sweaty piggies encased in those shoes all. night. long. in the California heat! Bleh!

COCKTAIL PARTY

I love how Clare’s dogs are there with her and one of them busts into the cocktail party! SO cute.

A few of the guys ask about Clare’s mom who is in a care facility with Alzheimer’s. So sad.

Clare is TOTALLY vibing on Dale! And he seems nice and all but isn’t blowing me away or anything yet.

Jason is so positive and I’m digging him right up until he says Clare’s the most beautiful woman BESIDES HIS MOTHER. Run away Clare!!!

Yosef waits about .14 seconds before he tells Clare he has a daughter. Way to exploit!

Just then, Tyler C says he has “information” about Yo. So Ty C pulls Yo aside and confronts Yo saying that Yo DM’d a woman Ty knows. Yo says he doesn’t remember (which is totally suspect). Ty says he’s not here for high school drama JUST as he’s starting high school drama. So Yo pulls Clare aside. Clare asks Ty to join them for a chat. Clare asks Yo did you send the DM. Yo dances around the answer. Clare decides this BS isn’t worth her time so she leaves the 2 guys to sort it out. Good for you Clare!

Next she’s chatting with Bearded Blake the wildlife dude. Apparently Blake broke the rules and messaged Clare during Quar to ask about her mom who fell. He was the only one of the guys to reach out to her during Quar so that really touched her. And that’s how you get the first kiss of the night Ladies and Gents!

Clare then gives Dale the first impression rose and they kiss.

ROSE CEREMONY

Bearded Blake gets the 1st rose.

Whoa! Turns out Page has fully tatted up hands!

Clare keeps Yosef.

Going home: Tyler C ( it doesn’t pay off to be a sh!t stirrer!), Page (who then shows us his tattooed heart on his chest), Chris, AJ (sigh of relief!), Jeremy, Jordan M., Mike, and Robby (you’re too old to still go by Robby!!!).

And that’s it for the season finale! The season previews look really good!!! I can’t wait to find out who calls Clare the “Oldest Bachelorette” like it’s a bad thing!

Alright my BBs! See you next week!!! xo šŸŒ¹