family, friends

Friend Transitions

We moved around a lot while I was growing up, so I don’t have one of those lifelong friends.  I mean, I have Sara, but she’s my sister so she doesn’t count when I’m talking about non blood relative friends.  I’ve often envied people who are lucky enough to have friends they’ve known all their lives.  On the other hand, I’m glad we moved around to some extent because it taught me to be outgoing and friendly and I met all sorts of people because of it.  All this means that friends have come in and out of my life my whole life.  At first it would be devastating losing a friend.  When you’re in 3rd grade and you move and you don’t have the internet or Twitter or texting on your mobile phones then staying in touch becomes much more difficult.  Recently I reconnected with some friends from middle & high school (I went to 3 high schools) and I saw that the core group of them are still friends who get together all the time and vacation together.  I love that.

It never got easy for me to leave a friend behind, or to lose a friend, or to -in rare cases- break up with a friend. But the older I get the more I’ve come to realize that for some people friends come in and out of our lives for a reason.  And sometimes you have to let go of the old to make room for the new.  I know there’s a saying about how you can never have too many friends.  And while we’d all love to believe that’s true, sometimes it just isn’t.  We are all busy, busy people.  The internet & mobile phones make staying connected so much easier, but it’s almost impossible to have a whole bunch of solid, intimate friendships at one time.  There just aren’t enough hours in the day.

Recently I’ve been feeling a shift in my friend dynamics.  With certain friends I’ve come to the realization that I do and do and do and they don’t and I just have to let that go.  One friend has had a recent major life change.  Before it happened I could feel things changing and I told her so.  She didn’t believe me.  But since then I’ve discovered that I just don’t fit in to her plans anymore, at least not for the next few years.  And that’s ok.  Hard as it may be, it’s ok.  Our relationship will continue to shift and we’ll go from friends who make big plans to see each other as much as possible to internet/phone friends.  And I’ll still love her just the same.

There are also new friends.  I’m surprised to find that I’ve become really close to someone who’s a good deal younger than me.  But it’s evident to others that we are two peas.  We have a really great time together and we talk about all sorts of things.  We’ve been brutally honest from the start and I think that’s laid a good foundation for a wonderful friendship.  There are newish friends that I just can’t seem to gel with.  I’ve tried, but it’s not working, and I suppose I’m going to have to deal with that at some point.

And don’t even get me started on the Couple Friends.  WHY can’t CSP & I seem to find the perfect couple to hang with?  I mean, we love Lisa & Pete but they live in Baltimore.  We need a fun local couple that we both like that likes us back .  Maybe I should put out an ad.  Ha!

Through it all I have my CSP, my Mom, Sara & Momo.  They have my back, and my heart so I know that even if I never find a lifelong BFF (she better hurry cause dang, I’m 35!), I know I have them and that’s pretty dang fabulous.

8 thoughts on “Friend Transitions”

  1. I so know what you mean. I have come to realize that I need to let the “friends” go that seem to have drifted out of my life for one reason or another. I know that it isn’t anything that I did and sometimes people just grow apart. Keep the faith..your BFF is out there! *hugs*


  2. I know what you mean about the “couple” friends. B and I used to hang with this great couple for a few years until the wife became an unbearable drunk and would humiliate her husband to the point of tears (him and us!). We loved being able to have a couple to do things with and haven’t clicked with any since then, which sucks because we tended to stick to plans better and go out more.

    Your BFF is out there!


  3. I totally get the couple thing… Jeremy and i aren’t normal by any means lol… we don’t want to sit around drinking or playing board games all night either lol…

    *** See- we love to sit around drinking and playing board games! lol *** Shanny


  4. I totally understand where you are coming from Shanny! I would love to have that “one” bff but I doubt that will ever happen. I have many close friends but no one that I know has my back fully and vice versa. I have a problem with wearing my heart on my sleeve and giving my friendships everything, but in reality many have used me 😦 or just don’t seem to gel with me. I have had a few nuts, who had alot of drama. And some drama is fine but when it is constant it gets too crazy for me. Just sux sometimes and of course Jeff and I would love to find another couple to do things with but that seems almost impossible. :/ So we keep chugging on…good luck girl!


  5. I understand 100% about the couple friends…..We only have you and Jon and Edwin and Kim and you all live in differant states! I have my own friends here, but there is no couple connection! You should just move north….LOL


  6. I’ve decided to come out of lurking to comment on this one. I recently decided to let one of my friendships “go.” It was a hard choice, but to keep fighting for a friendship that was becoming more and more one-sided seems silly. Our favorite couple friends are in and out of town a lot – but every time we get together it’s like not time has passed. I hope you do find a bff – there’s nothing like a girlfriend – no matter how wonderful your hubby is!


  7. Truly good friends are hard to come by. Now, there are a lot of good people who make good friends out there, but there are very few who fall into the BFF quality category. It’s hard to see friendships wane for whatever reason. Let me tell you that I know, from personal experience, it’s a lot harder to be the waner than the wanee. There are hundreds of reasons things change and some are shared and some simply can’t be. So, while it’s hard to have a friendship change/shift/transition, the other side feels it, too.

    Just another perspective.

    ***I’ve been on both sides of the waning, and they are both hard. -Shanny ***


  8. I know for a fact if we lived closer we would be LIKE THIS()… well heck with CSP being a *EEK* ViQueen fan and from here.. and well our pugs… and just other things I know we would all have to much fun hanging out and doing things!


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