Ghosts

Being ghosted is no fun. Being ghosted by a BFF, dear, or close friend is even worse. I am a good friend. I’m kind and thoughtful and keep in touch. But over the last 3 years I’ve been ghosted by 2 close girlfriends. It hurts. Especially when you don’t know why.

Friend 1 and I texted almost daily and met for lunch monthly, then every 2 weeks, then once a week as our friendship grew. We met about 8 years ago when we were both working on the same team. We hit it off immediately. I even went to her husband’s milestone birthday party. Then she and her family moved about 2 hours away about 2 years ago. There were promises of meeting up in the middle and visits to both cities. But that never happened. She moved and then I just never heard from her again. It was so odd to me. How can you go from talking (via text) almost daily and seeing each other once a week to nothing? We didn’t have a falling out or argument or anything. Trust me I overanalyzed everything trying to figure out if I had done something wrong, something to offend, anything. Last December, when I posted on social media the end of our adoption effort she commented out of the blue her condolences. But nothing since then.

Friend 2 and I met just over 12 years ago at a Bunco party. We also hit it off right away. We became fast friends. She lived just around the corner from us and we started hanging out to watch movies, and tv together. We went out to eat, shopping, and even went on a couple girls trips together. She was my best friend. We talked all the time. Then she and her family moved 1200 miles away about 4 (?? I’m so bad with time) years ago. We still talked on the phone regularly and texted daily and even wrote old fashioned letters to each other. We sent care packages on birthdays. Then about a year ago she went through a divorce. It was really traumatic for her, but we stayed in touch. Until about 6 months ago. Again, nothing happened. No argument or event occurred that would end our friendship. She just stopped answering my texts, or would answer weeks later. A month or so ago I finally asked via text why are you ignoring my texts. She wrote back immediately and swore she wasn’t. That she was just busy and would forget to reply or would think she did reply when she didn’t. So I texted her back and caught her up on all the goings on in my life. I haven’t heard back.

It’s awful. I loved these women like sisters. Especially friend 2. I knew and cared about their families. It’s funny, I still keep up with an ex family member of Friend 2 on social. I miss these ladies. Especially Friend 2. I miss my best friend. I have other girlfriends, but not a BEST friend and that stings.

So if you’re reading this and are currently ghosting a girlfriend, please don’t. Please just be a grown up and tell her what’s going on. No one likes to be left hanging.

Mother’s Day

I received this card the other day, just in time for Mother’s Day. For most people Mother’s Day means brunch and flowers and merriment. And that plays into my day too as I celebrate my mom and my sister (who’s a mom). But Mother’s Day is also bittersweet for me. Because I’ve always, always, as long as I can remember, wanted to be a mom. Every year since I turned 30 and the Clomid didn’t work for us I’ve sort of dreaded this day. But there was always a glimmer of hope for us to become parents so each Mother’s Day I get up and get dressed up and join my mom and my sisters and we spend the day together.

But today is different. Today my mom is out of town helping my youngest sister move. So Mother’s Day has a different sort of feel. But mostly today is different because my glimmer of hope is almost faded out. I’m 45 now and still childless. But not because we didn’t try, that’s for sure. We tried international adoption (2 different countries) and that didn’t work out for various reasons. Then we were matched up by a friend with a birthmother who, after a few months, changed her mind. We took a year off after that, to heal. Then we joined a domestic foster to adopt program. Our social worker told us “Give me a year and I’ll have you matched with a child.” EIGHT years later we still didn’t have a match. We came close a few times. Last year we even drove 8 hours to Northern Virginia to be interviewed for a child who ultimately went to another family. Then in December of last year our home study expired again and would require more money, more time, more paperwork, more effort. And by then CSP was worn out. He was over it. I was tired too, but I always finish what I start so I was willing to go through it all again. But I can’t be a married single parent. I can’t do it alone. So we let our home study expire. And my heart broke into a thousand little pieces.

I was watching a tv show the other day where a lady (we’ll call Susie) was having twins via surrogate after 8 miscarriages and 13 failed IVF trials. She was talking with another lady (we’ll call Karen) who was 35 and unmarried with no prospects and was considering freezing her eggs. Susie told Karen “If you want to be a mom, you’ll be a mom, whether it’s through biology or adoption, you’ll find a way.” That really hit home because I thought when my body failed me and I had to have a hysterectomy, that I’d found my way- through adoption. But now I don’t know anymore. I don’t know if I’ll ever be a mom. I don’t know what the future holds. I don’t know what God’s plan is for me. I do know that my heart hurts. That some days I feel useless, like my life doesn’t have much purpose or direction if I can’t be a mom. That I’ll end up all alone, forgotten in some nursing home somewhere when I’m old. So when my dear friend sent that thoughtful and sweet card that reminds me that I AM strong, brave, beautiful, cared about, and loved, it was just what I needed! I have faith and friends and family who love me and my story isn’t over.

Day 14 of 30 Days of Thanks- The Internet

I’m thankful for the internet.  Not just for daily tasks (but we do rely on it for everything- I mean, when’s the last time anyone used a phone book?), but for Facebook and Twitter and blogs.  I’m on Facebook every day.  It’s how I keep in touch with so many friends and family.  It’s how I’ve reconnected with long lost friends.  And through Twitter and my blog I’ve met some of the greatest people!  I can’t imagine not being able to check in on my peeps’ lives now that I’m so used to it.  I’m also thankful for the internet for shopping!  I rarely shop at a brick and mortar store anymore for clothes, gifts, etc..  Love online shopping.  I love mail anyway so to get goodies in the mail is even better!

Disney Magic- Day 1.

Friday, January 27, 2012.

Woke up at 5 am.  We were on the road by 7.  Poor CSP had to work late the night before so I drove and he slept until around Savannah.  Then he woke up and kept me company.  It was an uneventful drive except I saw this- Look at the size of these tires!  I’ve never seen tires this big!  We arrived in Orlando an hour early.  Go me & my pro style driving!   I always love seeing this sign.   We pulled into the BoardWalk Villas and got checked in.   We met up with Lisa & Pete in their room to catch up a little before dinner.  I brought Lisa a cosmetic bag in Black Parisian Pop with her name on it in hot pink and she loved it!  Of course she loved it- it’s gorgeous, like her!

We all caught the water taxi across the pond to the Yachtsman SteakHouse.   This was my first time eating there and it was amazing!  For those who don’t know, Lisa isn’t just my friend, she’s our Disney travel agent.  She recommended that we get the Deluxe Dining Plan for our night at Disney.  It saved us a ton of money!  More on that later.  Back to the Yachtsman.

CSP had oysters with leeks, arugula, fennel, and bread crumbs as his appetizer.  Pete had the oysters as well.    Lisa & I got the shrimp & grits.  The shrimp were HUGE!  And they still had their eye balls!  Once we got the heads off they were wonderful!    Then our steaks arrived.  I got the NY strip.  CSP got the biggest steak I’ve ever seen!    If I hadn’t been there to see it I would have never believed one man could eat so much steak!  But he did!    Then came dessert.  I got the lemon cake with a tiny blueberry shake.  SO good!   CSP got what appeared to be a chocolate fudge cake.  He insisted that I taste it.  At first it was really good. Then the heat kicked in.  He failed to tell me it was a Habanero Fudge Cake!    CSP loved it!

After dinner we road the water taxi back across the water and had to say goodbye to Lisa & Pete.  We went back to our room and were treated to some fireworks outside our window.    We were asleep in bed by 10 pm.  We had a big day coming up!

Like Mary Poppins, but without the singing

I’m a working girl again!  Well, sort of.  My friend Shannon gave birth to a baby girl in May.  She’s transitioning back into work by going part time right now.  So I’m taking care of the baby on days when Shannon’s working.   Baby Colleen is super cute and super sweet and pretty low key.  Newborns don’t do much other than eat, poop, and sleep, but she’s starting to smile more and that’s really sweet!

6 or 16?

Yesterday I had the pleasure of watching Susan’s daughter Olivia for a few hours.  She is 6 years old and smart as a whip.  She said the FUNNIEST things!  I wanted to make sure to save them for posterity.

  • She was playing with the pugs when she said “I wish I could teach them to roll over.  Then you could win one of those pet talent contests on tv.  You’d win a 4 night cruise.  I hope you don’t get seasick.  You don’t do you?”
  • At Grand Asia Market where she tried bubble tea for the first time – “Yours tastes like chocolate mixed with disgusting.”
  • At my house – “I have the best idea for our vacation next year.”  Me- Who’s vacation?  Yours and your parents?  O- “No, mine and yours.  We’ll go on a 4 night cruise and go to Atlantis.”  Me- Atlantis??  O- “Yeah, you know, the resort in the Bahamas.  You know it.  I have $50 at home.  I don’t want you to spend all your money, so I think that will cover it.  We’ll go and spend time together.”
  • I was painting her nails when she said “You have the clear top coat right?  Cause I don’t want any chips.”
  • On the way to meet Susan I plugged my iPhone in to the car to charge.  O thought I was plugging in an iPod and asked if that’s what I was doing.  I said “Do you want to listen to some music?”  She replied “Why can’t we just talk?  Let’s talk about our lives.  How was your day?  Tell me about your day.  What do you think the future will be like?”

She is the cutest, most articulate, most polite little thing!  I had a blast!

Talk derby to me

Charlotte Roller Girls

Image via Wikipedia

I attended the season opener double header of the Charlotte Roller Girls.  It was a lot of fun!  Ever since I went to a bout last season with Christina, Gigi & Momo & Michelle have been wanting to go.  So I treated them for Gigi’s Mother’s Day present (Gigi & Momo- Michelle was on her own. 🙂 ).  First we met up with my friends Michelle and Lynda at the wonderful Crepe Cellar in NoDa.  Lynda’s cousins are the chef and pastry chef there!  They were so sweet and sent out an order of their Brie Pesto Fries  and Chili Shrimp  as appetizers.  SO YUMMY!  We noshed on those then ordered our dessert crepes.  Gigi and I both ordered the mascarpone and berries crepe and Momo ordered the Bananas Foster crepe. O.M.G.    I can’t even tell you how good they are.  I want one now.  I want one every single day.   We all had a great time enjoying our meal then we set out to the Grady Cole Center for the Derby!

Even with getting there right after they opened the doors it was still a challenge finding seats together.  It’s just so popular and sells out right away!  It really is a good entertainment value.  Only $10 a ticket for 4 hours of derby!  You pay $10 to see a 2 hour movie!  We got in and found seats and the action began.    Click to enlarge.  I love their cute little outfits.  Frilly skirts, fishnets, etc.    The halftime entertainment was this adorable band called School of Rock.  They were all teenagers and they could jam!  At one point one of the singers was this 17 year old boy.  His mom was sitting next to me.  He said “This one’s for the ladies” and sang “Let’s Get it On”!  In front of his mom!  So funny!  He was great though.

We all had a really fun time.  Michelle and Lynda left a little early to beat the traffic but that meant they missed the proposal!  I wish I’d still had my camera out!  One of the referees proposed to one of the skaters.  So sweet!   We left after that and stopped by IHOP for some late night grub before heading home.  You should check in your city and see if you have a roller derby!   Those girls are tough.  Like Nascar with no cars.  And on skates.  And girl in skirts.  Just go.

Part 3 of Momo’s 21st Birthday Extravaganza!

Ok, so now you’ve read about dinner and pre-club drinks.  Now it’s time for the main event!  We were the first to be let in to Howl at the Moon when they opened for the public.  I ran to grab a good table and snagged one right up front.  If you’ve never been to Howl at the Moon you are in for a treat!  And if you have been then you understand why it’s so important to grab a good table.  By 10 pm it is standing room only.  Howl at the Moon is a rock and roll dueling piano bar.  I’m not a bar girl by any means but when I first experienced Howl I knew that’s where we needed to celebrate Morgan’s 21st for a few reasons.  1.  It’s not a stand around nursing your drink kind of bar.  You get a show.  A great show.  2. They play songs everyone knows.  From rap to country to classic rock to top 40.  3.  The people are friendly.  Not just the staff, but the patrons.  4. The musicians are really, really talented.  5.  It’s just really fun!  Click on all pics to enlarge.

So we ordered our first round of drinks and I got my camera out.  We all ordered something called a Pink Passion becauseproceeds go to breast cancer research.  What they don’t tell you is how GIANT this drink is!    Look how big that thing is!  It’s sitting next to Shirlee, my purse, for scale.  It was SO good.  We would have drank those all night except we saw the bucket drinks and we knew we needed some of those.    They come with a handful of straws so everyone gets a taste.  Don’t worry, the alcohol kills the germs.  They are yummy!  Note how normal the first few pictures of the evening are.  After a few buckets and a LOT of singing yelling along with the band, the picture quality gets a littlejanky! 

Behind the bar is a big mirrored wall and for a dollar or two you can get them to write a phrase on the mirror.  We snagged the first free phrase.   You can request songs so we put in for Brown Eyed Girl and they called Momo up on stage to dance along for her birthday.    She pulled Ian (one of her roommates) up with her.  My camera got passed around and we took over 300 pictures that night.  Most were of people drinking from the buckets.    At one point this cute girl stopped by our table.  She was wearing a hat and a cute dress and was hugging everyone.  Then she started drinking from our buckets too!  At the end of the night we found out NONE OF US KNEW HER.  We all thought she was friends with one of us but she was just a stranger!  She hung out with us for a good while too!

  As the night went on and the crowd got bigger and drunker, more people ended up on stage.   Even Gigi got up on stage!    There were lots of characters there that night.  Quite a few bachelorette parties, birthday groups, and even some people out celebrating recent wedding engagements.

I haven’t uploaded all of the pictures for a couple reasons.  1. There are only so many pics of people sucking mixed drinks out of a bucket through neon straws that a person should have to see in their lifetime.  B.  Some of these pictures have been sworn to secrecy.  We are all fine, upstanding adults who don’t normally spend our evenings consuming large drinks via bucket.

I will share with you some of my favorites from that night.  First let me tell you, we learned some things about each other that night.  For one, after a couple cocktails Gigi goes from hugging you to ripping your face off.  Exhibit A.  Poor Sara!   Exhibit B.  Poor Allison!   What can I say?  We’re a very affectionate family.  I also learned that our self portraits tend to suffer the later in the evening it gets. Early on:    Post bucket drinking:   Another thing I learned is that we all have some dance moves that we should probably be ashamed of, especially me.   But we all had a BLAST and that’s what counts!  

You can see more pics here.  Coming soon…part 4.  Oh yeah, there’s more.

Part 2 of Momo’s 21st birthday bonanza

I had our evening planned down to 15 minute increments.  We were behind schedule from the get go but lucked out when we were  able to get seated and fed quickly.  We then headed upstairs in the Epicentre to Howl at the Moon.  A mean, tiny man with Subway sandwich breath came out and told me that we weren’t allowed in.

Me: But the website says you open at 6pm.

Shorty McSubway: We have a private event going on.

Me: Well when can we come back?

Shorty McSubway: 8pm.

Me: Can we reserve a table?

Shorty McSubway: No.

Me: When should we line up so we’ll be sure to get a table?

Shorty McSubway: Look Lady, I don’t know what to tell you.

Mind you, the events director I spoke with on the phone said they didn’t do private parties on Saturdays!  And from experience I know that you have to be at the door when the doors open to get a decent table because by 9 or 10pm it is standing room only. And there was already a small crowd gathering.  And it was almost 7 already.  Also, I’d been planning this evening for a very long time.  Momo is extremely special to me and I wanted it to go off without a hitch.  Shorty McSubway did not care about any of this. UGH.

So we decided to pass the time by grabbing a pre-game drink at Mez.  It looked pretty funky from the outside and it was just a moment’s walk from Howl.  We walked in and knew right away that we were totally not cool enough to be there.  The decor is super modern and moody.  We sat down near the bar.  It was semi-crowded.  Members of the waitstaff came near us multiple times but no one took our order.  Speaking of the waitstaff- the men were wearing all black- shirts and pants.  Pretty normal.  The women were also wearing all black.  But they appeared to be wearing swimsuits, jog bras, ice skating skirts, fishnets, panties on top of fishnets- all very Lady Gaga gone goth.  At one point a waiter came over with a big bowl and said “Shrimp penne?”  to which Sara replied “No, thank you.  We just ate.”  Bahaha!  He wasn’t asking if she’d like a sample, he was trying to deliver an entree!

Finally we were able to flag down a waitress.  They have some really cool sounding cocktails.  I chose the Lotus Blossom  and won the award for prettiest drink of the night.  It was very yummy!  And very strong.  Those people do not skimp on the booze!  We all had to nurse our drinks as they were super strong.  Everyone tried to make me eat the flower.  I ate one petal and it just tasted like bitter lettuce.  We had a really good time laughing at Gigi when she got a serious case of the giggles. I still don’t know exactly what was so funny!  When it was closer to 8 pm we settled our tab and headed over to Howl.

On the way there I snapped this picture of Morgan: Next up: our evening at Howl At The Moon!

Momo is 21!!! Part 1 of the celebration extravaganza

I can’t believe she is all grown up!   She is a junior at USC (University of South Carolina) so she celebrated her 21st birthday with her friends in Columbia on Friday night then came home to celebrate with us Saturday night.   We all met up at Courtyard by Marriott City Center.  By we I mean me, Christina, Sara, Gigi, Morgan/Momo & Ian (Momo’s roommate).  We went up to the room and Momo opened her presents then we all miraculously piled into Christina’s car to go to dinner.  I chose BlackFinn for dinner because I wanted a restaurant in the same building as our next stop as well as a varied and affordable menu.  We were seated right away and our waiter was just great.  I love a waiter with a good personality!  Dinner was really fun and yummy. (click to enlarge pics) We all tasted each other’s meals and agreed everything was really good.  Quite a few of us chose flatbread pizzas (I got the blackened chicken version and we all agreed that Christina’s margherita pizza was the best.  Super fresh tomatoes and mozzarella. 

During dinner it occurred to me that Christina had never seen Morgan’s tongue tricks.  Momo has a freakishly long tongue and she can do a variety of sideshow tricks with it!  She had just started demonstrating when our waiter came back to the table.  He jumped about 3 feet when she rolled that thing out!  Christina snapped a couple of pics on her phone:  She can even lick her elbow!  Go ahead and try it, you can’t!  Eric the waiter reappeared a few minutes later with the restaurant manager in tow.  Eric had run to get him when he saw Momo’s tongue!  She had to put on a repeat performance.  I told Eric as soon as we were seated that it was  Momo’s 21st birthday and as a prize he brought out a birthday cake shot.  Then once dinner was over he brought us a huge, delicious brownie sundae for us all to share!  The manager even brought out a big stack of VIP passes to area bars.   Who knew a circus tongue could get you so many perks?!?  It was a really fun start to a REALLY fun night!