Ghosts

Being ghosted is no fun. Being ghosted by a BFF, dear, or close friend is even worse. I am a good friend. I’m kind and thoughtful and keep in touch. But over the last 3 years I’ve been ghosted by 2 close girlfriends. It hurts. Especially when you don’t know why.

Friend 1 and I texted almost daily and met for lunch monthly, then every 2 weeks, then once a week as our friendship grew. We met about 8 years ago when we were both working on the same team. We hit it off immediately. I even went to her husband’s milestone birthday party. Then she and her family moved about 2 hours away about 2 years ago. There were promises of meeting up in the middle and visits to both cities. But that never happened. She moved and then I just never heard from her again. It was so odd to me. How can you go from talking (via text) almost daily and seeing each other once a week to nothing? We didn’t have a falling out or argument or anything. Trust me I overanalyzed everything trying to figure out if I had done something wrong, something to offend, anything. Last December, when I posted on social media the end of our adoption effort she commented out of the blue her condolences. But nothing since then.

Friend 2 and I met just over 12 years ago at a Bunco party. We also hit it off right away. We became fast friends. She lived just around the corner from us and we started hanging out to watch movies, and tv together. We went out to eat, shopping, and even went on a couple girls trips together. She was my best friend. We talked all the time. Then she and her family moved 1200 miles away about 4 (?? I’m so bad with time) years ago. We still talked on the phone regularly and texted daily and even wrote old fashioned letters to each other. We sent care packages on birthdays. Then about a year ago she went through a divorce. It was really traumatic for her, but we stayed in touch. Until about 6 months ago. Again, nothing happened. No argument or event occurred that would end our friendship. She just stopped answering my texts, or would answer weeks later. A month or so ago I finally asked via text why are you ignoring my texts. She wrote back immediately and swore she wasn’t. That she was just busy and would forget to reply or would think she did reply when she didn’t. So I texted her back and caught her up on all the goings on in my life. I haven’t heard back.

It’s awful. I loved these women like sisters. Especially friend 2. I knew and cared about their families. It’s funny, I still keep up with an ex family member of Friend 2 on social. I miss these ladies. Especially Friend 2. I miss my best friend. I have other girlfriends, but not a BEST friend and that stings.

So if you’re reading this and are currently ghosting a girlfriend, please don’t. Please just be a grown up and tell her what’s going on. No one likes to be left hanging.

Mother’s Day

I received this card the other day, just in time for Mother’s Day. For most people Mother’s Day means brunch and flowers and merriment. And that plays into my day too as I celebrate my mom and my sister (who’s a mom). But Mother’s Day is also bittersweet for me. Because I’ve always, always, as long as I can remember, wanted to be a mom. Every year since I turned 30 and the Clomid didn’t work for us I’ve sort of dreaded this day. But there was always a glimmer of hope for us to become parents so each Mother’s Day I get up and get dressed up and join my mom and my sisters and we spend the day together.

But today is different. Today my mom is out of town helping my youngest sister move. So Mother’s Day has a different sort of feel. But mostly today is different because my glimmer of hope is almost faded out. I’m 45 now and still childless. But not because we didn’t try, that’s for sure. We tried international adoption (2 different countries) and that didn’t work out for various reasons. Then we were matched up by a friend with a birthmother who, after a few months, changed her mind. We took a year off after that, to heal. Then we joined a domestic foster to adopt program. Our social worker told us “Give me a year and I’ll have you matched with a child.” EIGHT years later we still didn’t have a match. We came close a few times. Last year we even drove 8 hours to Northern Virginia to be interviewed for a child who ultimately went to another family. Then in December of last year our home study expired again and would require more money, more time, more paperwork, more effort. And by then CSP was worn out. He was over it. I was tired too, but I always finish what I start so I was willing to go through it all again. But I can’t be a married single parent. I can’t do it alone. So we let our home study expire. And my heart broke into a thousand little pieces.

I was watching a tv show the other day where a lady (we’ll call Susie) was having twins via surrogate after 8 miscarriages and 13 failed IVF trials. She was talking with another lady (we’ll call Karen) who was 35 and unmarried with no prospects and was considering freezing her eggs. Susie told Karen “If you want to be a mom, you’ll be a mom, whether it’s through biology or adoption, you’ll find a way.” That really hit home because I thought when my body failed me and I had to have a hysterectomy, that I’d found my way- through adoption. But now I don’t know anymore. I don’t know if I’ll ever be a mom. I don’t know what the future holds. I don’t know what God’s plan is for me. I do know that my heart hurts. That some days I feel useless, like my life doesn’t have much purpose or direction if I can’t be a mom. That I’ll end up all alone, forgotten in some nursing home somewhere when I’m old. So when my dear friend sent that thoughtful and sweet card that reminds me that I AM strong, brave, beautiful, cared about, and loved, it was just what I needed! I have faith and friends and family who love me and my story isn’t over.

Day 14 of 30 Days of Thanks- The Internet

I’m thankful for the internet.  Not just for daily tasks (but we do rely on it for everything- I mean, when’s the last time anyone used a phone book?), but for Facebook and Twitter and blogs.  I’m on Facebook every day.  It’s how I keep in touch with so many friends and family.  It’s how I’ve reconnected with long lost friends.  And through Twitter and my blog I’ve met some of the greatest people!  I can’t imagine not being able to check in on my peeps’ lives now that I’m so used to it.  I’m also thankful for the internet for shopping!  I rarely shop at a brick and mortar store anymore for clothes, gifts, etc..  Love online shopping.  I love mail anyway so to get goodies in the mail is even better!

Disney Magic- Day 1.

Friday, January 27, 2012.

Woke up at 5 am.  We were on the road by 7.  Poor CSP had to work late the night before so I drove and he slept until around Savannah.  Then he woke up and kept me company.  It was an uneventful drive except I saw this- Look at the size of these tires!  I’ve never seen tires this big!  We arrived in Orlando an hour early.  Go me & my pro style driving!   I always love seeing this sign.   We pulled into the BoardWalk Villas and got checked in.   We met up with Lisa & Pete in their room to catch up a little before dinner.  I brought Lisa a cosmetic bag in Black Parisian Pop with her name on it in hot pink and she loved it!  Of course she loved it- it’s gorgeous, like her!

We all caught the water taxi across the pond to the Yachtsman SteakHouse.   This was my first time eating there and it was amazing!  For those who don’t know, Lisa isn’t just my friend, she’s our Disney travel agent.  She recommended that we get the Deluxe Dining Plan for our night at Disney.  It saved us a ton of money!  More on that later.  Back to the Yachtsman.

CSP had oysters with leeks, arugula, fennel, and bread crumbs as his appetizer.  Pete had the oysters as well.    Lisa & I got the shrimp & grits.  The shrimp were HUGE!  And they still had their eye balls!  Once we got the heads off they were wonderful!    Then our steaks arrived.  I got the NY strip.  CSP got the biggest steak I’ve ever seen!    If I hadn’t been there to see it I would have never believed one man could eat so much steak!  But he did!    Then came dessert.  I got the lemon cake with a tiny blueberry shake.  SO good!   CSP got what appeared to be a chocolate fudge cake.  He insisted that I taste it.  At first it was really good. Then the heat kicked in.  He failed to tell me it was a Habanero Fudge Cake!    CSP loved it!

After dinner we road the water taxi back across the water and had to say goodbye to Lisa & Pete.  We went back to our room and were treated to some fireworks outside our window.    We were asleep in bed by 10 pm.  We had a big day coming up!

Like Mary Poppins, but without the singing

I’m a working girl again!  Well, sort of.  My friend Shannon gave birth to a baby girl in May.  She’s transitioning back into work by going part time right now.  So I’m taking care of the baby on days when Shannon’s working.   Baby Colleen is super cute and super sweet and pretty low key.  Newborns don’t do much other than eat, poop, and sleep, but she’s starting to smile more and that’s really sweet!

6 or 16?

Yesterday I had the pleasure of watching Susan’s daughter Olivia for a few hours.  She is 6 years old and smart as a whip.  She said the FUNNIEST things!  I wanted to make sure to save them for posterity.

  • She was playing with the pugs when she said “I wish I could teach them to roll over.  Then you could win one of those pet talent contests on tv.  You’d win a 4 night cruise.  I hope you don’t get seasick.  You don’t do you?”
  • At Grand Asia Market where she tried bubble tea for the first time – “Yours tastes like chocolate mixed with disgusting.”
  • At my house – “I have the best idea for our vacation next year.”  Me- Who’s vacation?  Yours and your parents?  O- “No, mine and yours.  We’ll go on a 4 night cruise and go to Atlantis.”  Me- Atlantis??  O- “Yeah, you know, the resort in the Bahamas.  You know it.  I have $50 at home.  I don’t want you to spend all your money, so I think that will cover it.  We’ll go and spend time together.”
  • I was painting her nails when she said “You have the clear top coat right?  Cause I don’t want any chips.”
  • On the way to meet Susan I plugged my iPhone in to the car to charge.  O thought I was plugging in an iPod and asked if that’s what I was doing.  I said “Do you want to listen to some music?”  She replied “Why can’t we just talk?  Let’s talk about our lives.  How was your day?  Tell me about your day.  What do you think the future will be like?”

She is the cutest, most articulate, most polite little thing!  I had a blast!

Talk derby to me

Charlotte Roller Girls

Image via Wikipedia

I attended the season opener double header of the Charlotte Roller Girls.  It was a lot of fun!  Ever since I went to a bout last season with Christina, Gigi & Momo & Michelle have been wanting to go.  So I treated them for Gigi’s Mother’s Day present (Gigi & Momo- Michelle was on her own. 🙂 ).  First we met up with my friends Michelle and Lynda at the wonderful Crepe Cellar in NoDa.  Lynda’s cousins are the chef and pastry chef there!  They were so sweet and sent out an order of their Brie Pesto Fries  and Chili Shrimp  as appetizers.  SO YUMMY!  We noshed on those then ordered our dessert crepes.  Gigi and I both ordered the mascarpone and berries crepe and Momo ordered the Bananas Foster crepe. O.M.G.    I can’t even tell you how good they are.  I want one now.  I want one every single day.   We all had a great time enjoying our meal then we set out to the Grady Cole Center for the Derby!

Even with getting there right after they opened the doors it was still a challenge finding seats together.  It’s just so popular and sells out right away!  It really is a good entertainment value.  Only $10 a ticket for 4 hours of derby!  You pay $10 to see a 2 hour movie!  We got in and found seats and the action began.    Click to enlarge.  I love their cute little outfits.  Frilly skirts, fishnets, etc.    The halftime entertainment was this adorable band called School of Rock.  They were all teenagers and they could jam!  At one point one of the singers was this 17 year old boy.  His mom was sitting next to me.  He said “This one’s for the ladies” and sang “Let’s Get it On”!  In front of his mom!  So funny!  He was great though.

We all had a really fun time.  Michelle and Lynda left a little early to beat the traffic but that meant they missed the proposal!  I wish I’d still had my camera out!  One of the referees proposed to one of the skaters.  So sweet!   We left after that and stopped by IHOP for some late night grub before heading home.  You should check in your city and see if you have a roller derby!   Those girls are tough.  Like Nascar with no cars.  And on skates.  And girl in skirts.  Just go.