pop culture, tv

Bachelorette Finale

It’s the finale BBs! While social media spoiled the ending for me, I still had to watch! AND Hulu didn’t have the finale for some reason so I had to sit through commercials and lost 3 hours of my life!!! So settle in folks!


It’s almost time for Michelle to pick her man, but first Nayte and Brandon have to meet her parents. Brandon’s already met them if you remember, in Minnesota. This time around he pours on the charm and they fall in love with him right before my eyes. I mean, they are ready to adopt the man!


Nayte’s meeting doesn’t go as well. In fact, it’s a dumpster fire. Dad’s hatred of Nayte is only outmatched by Mom’s. In fact, Mom tells Michelle Nayte is not open with his feelings OR ready for an engagement. Geesh LaVonne, tell us how you really feel! Michelle says she has to rethink her relationship with Nayte.


Next up are the last dates. Brandon and Michelle go on jet skis and then hang out on the beach. Later Michelle goes to Brandon’s suite. Brandon is non-stop with his gushing about how much he loves Michelle. Finally she squeaks out an I love you too, but there’s no heat. Brandon is super sweet and I don’t doubt he would kill for Michelle without a moment’s hesitation, but there’s no spark, no chemistry between them.


Nayte’s last date with Michelle involves a shaman. N & M are supposed to burn sage and say their wishes for each other but Nayte can’t seem to string together a coherent sentence. Michelle is less than impressed. That night in Nayte’s suite they talk and Nayte opens up and Michelle says all her doubts and fears are resolved. When Michelle gets back to her room there’s a sweet letter from Brandon waiting for her. I don’t think it’s going to be enough to save him though. Plus, IMO Brandon’s pants are always way too short!


Sure enough, Brandon is the first man to meet up with Michelle on the beach. And we all know what that means. ABC still makes the poor guy recite his I love you so much speech before they’ll let Michelle break up with him. She’s still saying I love you though! Poor Brandon is BROKEN UP. He’s crying, she’s crying. It’s v v sad. Man’s gonna need a good therapist. He’s a total gentleman about the whole thing though.


Nayte comes out and is looking so v cute in his suit. He proposes, the ring is gorgeous, she says yes then calls him her SoulNayte and I die a little inside.


After The Final Rose


Brandon comes out and we’re forced to watch his heartbreak all over again with him. It’s pitiful! Then Michelle comes out and their outfits match! Bless.


Nayte comes out and joins Michelle. They show M & N’s moms in the audience and they are BFFs now. So cute! Then ABC gives Michelle and Nayte $200k toward their first house! OMG! ABC has mad faith that this will work out!!!


Later, Clayton comes out and they make him read hate tweets about himself. Bless again! It’s funny though. They show a sneak peek of his season but it’s basically the whole season! They’ve left NOTHING to look forward to! But you know I’ll be watching.


See y’all in 2 weeks BBs!!! xo ๐ŸŒน

pop culture, tv

Bachelorette Week 9 Recap

It’s Fantasy Suite time BBs!!! For this momentous occasion, ABC flies everyone to Mexico! I find this interesting because why couldn’t they fly to their respective hometowns but Mexico is ok? Hmmmm. Curious.


First up is Brandon. Brandon and Michelle go horseback riding in the jungle then on the beach. I can’t take Brandon seriously. He professes his love for Michelle every 30 seconds. EVERYTHING they do is the MOST ROMANTIC thing he’s ever done. It’s just all so over the top. Case in point, the man literally says “I canโ€™t wait to literally rip my heart out, throw it on the table, and just say, do what you want with it, because it only beats for you at this point.” I MEAN. So the next morning comes and they are fully clothed. Like, he’s in a HOODIE. It’s so G rated it’s almost funny!


Joe is next. Joe’s been agonizing over these Fantasy Suite dates. They go zip lining and Joe screams Michelle’s name over and over! Save it for tonight Joe!!! ๐Ÿ˜‚ Later, Michelle commends Joe on being vulnerable and open and I’m just not seeing that. You can barely hear the man speak! They spend the night together (I mean, what man is turning down the Fantasy Suite?) and that’s about it. Joe is super cute but BORING.


Finally, Nayte is up. Nayte’s been the most relaxed about these dates, saying he focuses on his own connection, which is a smart idea…but he also is just now realizing 2 other guys are in serious relationships with his girlfriend. Yikes. Nayte and Michelle go out on a catamaran on the ocean. Their physical chemistry is palpable. AND Michelle says she has never felt like she does when she kisses Nayte. Uh, Brandon and Joe? Might wanna pack your bags. Nayte and Michelle spend the night together only after Michelle leads Nayte into telling her he loves her over Fake DInner. Mind you he JUST last week told his stepdad who raised him that he loves him FOR THE FIRST TIME!!! The next morning they look like something big went down last night. Michelle says she’s in love with Nayte but I don’t think he’s ready for an engagement, despite what he says. He is still talking about how he’s never been in love until now. Not that you can’t marry your first love but when you’ve only spent a total of 72 hours with someone, it may not work out in the end.


The Rose Ceremony


Nayte gets the first rose, natch. But before that can happen, Brandon pulls Michelle aside to gush about how much he loves her and he’ll be here for her even if she sends him home. Again, it’s just too much!!! BTW, Michelle looks amazing in a sparkly dress that’s giving me mermaid vibes. Brandon gets the last rose. And here is where I predict Michelle is going to pick Nayte at the end. She hasn’t told Brandon she’s in love with him, just Nayte. With Brandon she throws around words like “best friend”. Anyway, Joe goes home crying in the car and I feel badly for him. But he’ll do alright back in Minneapolis I’m sure!!!


Until next week’s 3 hour (LORD HELP ME) finale BBs!!! xo๐ŸŒน

pop culture, tv

Bachelorette Men Tell All

Men Tell All! The Men Tell Alls have been lame the last few seasons so the bar is low ABC. Do your worst! ๐Ÿ˜‚


The show starts out reliving Will (WHO?) and Peter’s (pizza boy) feud. The animosity is high. Then Peter “serves” Will with a defamation of character suit. But it’s so obviously a producer skit. Then they revisit Ryan and his notes from the first night.


It comes out that apparently Martin had a girlfriend while on the show, which is remarkable to me because of his hair and jewelry choices. Also his teeth look like they are fighting for space in his mouth. But I suppose every pot has a lid! They talked to Chris about his speaking for Michelle and all he had to say was that “Maybe I came on a little strong”. Okaaaaay.


Jamie then comes out and is still so sleazy and STILL can’t give a straight answer! Then Rick is up and they bring out the creepiest looking cake that’s supposed to be Rick’s head. Shudder! Rodney is up next and a plant in the audience “streaks” through the crowd yelling “We love you Rodney!”.


Michelle comes out next. All the guys basically line up to apologize to her. Even Jamie gives a pitiful non apology “IF anyone’s feelings were hurt then I’m sorry.” Michelle stays so poised and puts all the jerks on blast.


The bloopers are pretty funny!


Sneak peek of Clayton’s Bachelor season is shown at the end of the show and I’m super annoyed. They literally spoil the whole show! Way to go ABC!!! They show Clayton say he’s falling in love with 2 women and IS in love with one and they’re talking about the final 3! Come on! AND Clayton admits to being intimate with 2 of them. Oy. WHY watch now???


That’s it until next week BBs!!! xo ๐ŸŒน

pop culture, tv

Bachelorette Week 7

Hometowns BBs!!! One of my favorite episodes! I love taking a peek at the families who raised these guys! Of course we aren’t actually going to any home towns because of Covid. Just some rando living room. Whomp whomp.


Brandon


For their day date Brandon takes Michelle to a … skate park. WHUT??? Are they 12?? So confused! And there’s a pink box that keeps appearing in shots but they never open the box. WHAT is in the box???


That night they go to meet Brandon’s mom, dad (or stepdad?), and brother Noah. The brother DELAYED GOING INTO THE NAVY to come on the Bachelorette!!! Also, Noah has some serious style. Are those glasses prescription? Hmmm. Noah gives Michelle the 3rd degree, rapid firing questions. The whole family is cute as can be and I adore them.


My problem with Brandon is that I think he’s romanticized this whole thing to the Nth degree and he’s in love with the idea of it all, not Michelle herself. I mean, he’s professing his love for her and they’ve spent 15 minutes together!


Rodney


I’ve always liked Rodney but he leveled up today. They go apple picking for their day date and he’s just so attentive and sweet and funny.


That night Michelle meets Rodney’s mom and dad/stepdad. They are also adorable. BUT I think Michelle has put Rodney in the friend zone to stay. When Mom of Rodney asks them about each other Rodney gushes about Michelle and Michelle just says “Yeah, it’s been fun.” Whomp whomp again!


Joe


Today’s date is at Joe’s high school. YAWN. We were JUST at Michelle’s high school! Joe throws Michelle a prom and it’s a mixture of sweet (he remembered she was picked last for prom) and sad (it is a prom for just the 2 of them). Michelle is over the moon about the prom and Joe and the whole thing.


Michelle meets Joe’s family and it’s clear where he gets his silent tendencies from. I mean, the man has spoken 4 words all season!!! His dad and brother are practically mute! The most talkative person in his family is his sister in law. She’s funny too. SIL says “I hope this works out because we’ll probably see her at the grocery store” since they live close to each other.


Nayte


Nayte and Michelle go paddle boarding for their day date and we get another look at Nayte’s many, many tattoos. I want to read them!


Michelle meets Nayte’s mom and stepdad. Michelle is the very FIRST woman Nayte has ever introduced to his parents!!! In fact he’s never even been in love. AND his family doesn’t talk about emotions AT ALL. I come from a family that’s pretty emo so this is strange to me. Also, during their talk tonight Nayte tells his stepdad he loves him for the very first time ever! It’s a LOT. All this tells me I don’t think Nayte is ready for a marriage. As cute and tall and funny as he is, he’s just not ready.


Rose Ceremony


Just as I thought, Rodney gets sent home. I hope he finds a good girl out there.

Men Tell All is next week BBs!!! Until then!!! xo ๐ŸŒน