Month: January 2021

Week 4 picks up dealing with the aftermath of Sarah’s departure. The remaining girls, and especially Vic are trash talking Sarah. Katie steps in and tells Vic to stop the bad mouthing and Vic straight up says No I will do whatever the fork I want. UGH. I loathe Victoria. She’s clearly only here for drama and the producers are keeping her around. Vomit.

So we have to finish up a group date. Chelsea (who I really like) is trying to talk about her hair and the impact it has in a white world, but all Matt’s trying to do is make out. At least he has the decency to give Chelsea the group date rose.

Rose Ceremony and Cocktail Party

Vic shows up to the cocktail party looking like a drunk raccoon again. But this time she’s sporting a (hopefully faux) GIANT fur coat. I mean, I get it’s chilly up there in PA but you’re indoors! Vic is talking to Matt when Chris Harrison interrupts them (HA!!!) and takes Matt to the front of the resort at the end of the red carpet. All the girls notice this and are speculating that Sarah’s back. But no! It’s 5 new women! WHY??? Why add 5 new women to the pot when there are still 18 left and NO ONE is getting time with Matt because of drama?!?

The new ladies are:

Brittany, 23, model. The moment she walks up to Matt she shoves her tongue down his throat!!!

Michelle, 27, teacher.

Ryan, 26, Dancer/Choreographer.

Kim, 28, ICU nurse.

Catalina, 29, Former Miss Puerto Rico.

Of course the OG women are PISSED at this new development! Like, FUMING. Catalina walks into the room where all the women are and Vic straight up snatches Catalina’s crown right off her head! RUDE. BTW, why does Anna always look like she’s smelling rotted squirrel??

Rose Ceremony

Vic gets a rose and it’s not even the last one! Matt always looks so pained when he has to give Vic a rose! Going home are Khaylah (boooo- love her!!!), Kaili, and new girl Kim.

The next day Ben Higgins arrives to give Matt advice. WHY??? Ben is not a success story on the Bachelor! I mean, he’s engaged now but he slid into his fiancee’s DMs. Whatever.

Group Date

The girls will have to go through an Autumn themed obstacle course complete with rowing across a lake in a giant pumpkin, donning a squirrel suit to hunt for “acorns” in a leaf pile, and a foot race. Poor Magi gets stuck in out on the lake until the whole thing is over. Mari wins and she’s supposed to get a great prize but I never see what that is!

After Party

Anna and Matt are talking for literally 3 minutes when Brittany interrupts. This does not sit well with Anna. Nothing else of note happens during the after party, and Bri gets the rose. After Matt leaves Anna decides to ask Brittany in front of the group, and all of America, if Brittany is an escort!!! Anna swears people in Chicago told her to watch out for Brittany and that Britt entertains men for money. This rumor doesn’t appear to hold any water and Britt denies it right away.

Michelle’s 1-1

Michelle and Matt are tasked to complete an extreme scavenger hunt where they zip line and ride in a tethered hot air balloon. The most fun part of this date is watching the balloon operator (I’m guessing) scrunch himself down in the basket so as to not be in the make out shot!!!

Fake Dinner

Michelle quotes Maya Angelou and Matt picks up on it right away. Good thing because it seemed like Michelle was going to try and claim that quote as her own. She gets the rose.

Group Date

CH & Wells (!!! LOVE HIM) are there and they announce they will be overseeing a boxing match between the girls on the group date while the other girls of the house watch in a mix of horror and delight. The women go THUNDER DOME on each other!!! There’s more bloodlust in this boxing ring than in an MMA cage on a Saturday night! Matt finally stops the beatings and they all move on to the after party.

After Party

Our boy Matt LOVES to rock a mock. Turtleneck, that is! All the OG girls are being so mean to the new girls and Katie is trying to stand up for the newbies but the OGs are NOT having it. So Katie tells Matt about the bullying and name calling. She is v mature about it and doesn’t name names, just tells him to address it.

And that’s it my BBs!!! Until next week!!! 🌹 xo

Week 3-This week picks up at the last Rose Ceremony where Sarah just faux fainted. Matt takes her outside and her claims of not being able to see suddenly go away with his jacket on her shoulders and his tongue in her mouth!

The Rose Ceremony continues! Victoria gets the final rose AGAIN! And again Matt looks pained handing it to her. Come on producers, let him send her home! Vic straight up looks like she did the walk of shame off a 3 night bender to get to the rose ceremony! Going home: Marylynn, Alana (who??), Illeana, Kristin, and Sydney. Honestly, apart from Marylynn, who knew these ladies were even still here???

Before the night ends Vic sets her sights on Sarah as her new nemesis.

Group Date

The girls walk into a dark lounge area where Ashley I is reading from Chris Harrison’s erotic romance novel! Who knew CH was such a steamy writer??? So for today’s date all the girls have to write a scene from a romance novel about Matt and read it in front of a group.

Yes, it’s as awkward as you think. The girls read their scenes one by one and some of them have to get bleeped! Vic gets bleeped the most (of course)! The other girls from the house are in the audience and Sarah is having a really hard time wrapping her head around the fact that Matt is dating multiple people. HELLO??? Have you seen the show???

After party

Ok so last week one of you BBs told me Matt kisses with his eyes open. This week I paid attention and you’re right! WHAT is he looking at??? SO odd!!!

During the after party, Sulky Sarah leaves the house and crashes the group date! Matt is talking with Katie when Sarah interrupts. She says she has to talk to Matt about an urgent matter. Katie rejoins the group to give Sarah time. This news does NOT sit well with the rest of the girls on the group date. The urgent matter: Um, like, I don’t like you dating other women. This is hard for me. UGH!!! It’s hard for ALL the girls Sarah!

Katie goes back to Matt & Sarah and totally sits down on the sofa with them! SO FUNNY and YAY Katie!!! Sarah is all put out like she’s supposed to be there! UGH. Matt walks Sarah out. BTW, Vic is wearing another interesting dress. It’s all tan with ragged strips of fabric like Janna of the jungle.

Matt comes back from walking Sarah out and ENDS the group date! Even though he hasn’t spoken to more than half the women! They are NOT HAPPY. Rachael gets the group date rose.

Serena P’s 1-1

Matt comes to pick up Serena from the group and starts to apologize to the group about last night’s group date debacle. But then he notices Sulky Sarah isn’t there because she refuses to come out of her room. So instead of apologizing he GOES TO SARAH’S ROOM!!! Which just validates her behavior.

Finally he makes it back to the group and he and Serena leave for their date. They ride horses to a picnic. While making out, a donkey comes up to them. Then a few more donkeys come over! Serena is loving it, but Matt’s not thrilled. As a donkey lover myself, I think it’s super cute!!!

Fake Dinner

Serena says she’s falling in like with Matt. He gives her the rose and they get in a hot tub.

Back at the house, Sulky Sarah rejoins the group. She apologizes to Katie then the rest of the women but they are NOT having it. Vic especially is throwing out vicious verbal barbs at Sarah. Such a mean girl!

The next day Sarah is still in her room crying. Katie comes in and talks to her. Sarah says she’s going to leave and tells Katie about her dad’s ALS. Katie tells her she supports Sarah going home to be with her family. Katie then goes back to the group and updates them on Sarah’s situation and tells them all to keep it classy.

Sarah packs up and goes to Matt’s little house to tell him she’s leaving. But instead of citing her dad’s health as her reason to leave she tells him she’s been attacked by the cruel and malicious women of the house. He walks her out and she leaves in tears.

And that’s it until next week when apparently 5 new women show up for some reason and it brings loads of drama!!! Until then my BBs! 🌹xo

Week 2! Finally we get to the dates and thanks to Victoria….the drama!!!

Bri gets the first 1-1 date and she is wearing a sleeveless turtleneck with another shirt tied over it diagonally, separating her boobs. It’s an odd styling choice, but I like Bri. She and Matt mount 4 wheelers and tool through the forest. At one point Bri gets on Matt’s 4 wheeler and he promptly wrecks it, throwing them both into the mud! Her poor hair!!! They ride to a hot tub in the middle of the woods and chat and make out.

Back at the house (resort), Victoria is NOT trying to make friends. She’s left to talk to producers because the other girls are quickly becoming tired of her!

Fake Dinner- Matt and Bri talk about how they grew up with absent fathers. Bri tells Matt her mom was just 13 years old when she was born. And now their relationship is strained because her mom is pregnant and starting a whole new family. Bri seems real and down to earth and gets the rose. They view some fireworks and make out.

At the house, the other girls are watching the fireworks too. Meanwhile Vic is making enemies. She decides she doesn’t want to room with Marylynn and would rather sleep on the sofa in the common area.

Group Date-

There are 18 (!!!) women on this date! 18!! How on earth is this supposed to work??? The women are told they are going to have a wedding day photo shoot (natch). Come on ABC, come up with some fresh date ideas please! So all the girls change into wedding dresses and stand in line to have their photos taken with Matt. While Mari is up for her turn, Vic interrupts her shoot and says it’s time for the Royal Wedding. UGH. She makes Matt take a garter off her leg and kiss her and his face is PRICELESS! He would clearly rather be anywhere else kissing his own brother than Victoria!!!

Thankfully Chris Harrison comes and interrupts saying now the girls will be playing Capture the Heart. A game with no real rules. Vic says “I think my team is a bunch of queens and their team is a bunch of GESTURES!” Bahahaha!!!! Girl, get your royal vocabulary in line!!!

The game is a free for all. Girls falling down, getting slapped in the face with paint laden strips of fabric, flowers, and purses. The ref is totally just napping! At some point CH announces the Red Team has won and the carnage is over. The gold team now has to walk home, but the red team gets to go to an after party with Matt.

At the after party, Vic is sitting down with Matt just saying the word like over and over. He finally interrupts to say “Can I walk you back upstairs?” I’m DYING! They weren’t even together long enough to get interrupted! Vic asks for a kiss and mauls his face with her mouth and I die a little inside.

Lauren gets the group date rose.

Sarah’s 1-1

The first part of their date is a ride in a US Mail open air biplane! They don’t even look strapped in!!! I was so anxious for them! They land and go to a picnic and fire in the woods. Matt asks about her family and Sarah doesn’t tell him about her dad’s sickness.

Fake Dinner

They are talking and Sarah decides to tell Matt all about her dad’s ALS and how she quit her job in TV news to move home to be a caretaker for him. My heart! I just can’t imagine. ALS is SO very devastating. Matt is equally touched and asks how he can be a better partner for her (!!!). Love that! She gets the rose and they kiss but I don’t feel any electricity between them.

Cocktail Party

Victoria is dressed in a poofy sleeve ruched number that totally looks like Strawberry Shortcake’s recycled bridesmaid dress!!! My eyes!!! And her black bra is hanging out the back! Girl is a hot mess. She’s wearing thick gold chains around her neck. Her eye makeup is all smeared and she looks at the beginning of the party like she’s been on a 3 day bender!

Marylynn tells Matt she’s been struggling with this process. GIRL. It is week 2. This is going to eat you alive. Matt gives Marylynn some orchids and she is beaming.

Vic talks to Matt next and tells him Marylynn caused her to sleep on the sofa! Lies!!! Matt now thinks Marylynn is a bully! He pulls Marylynn aside to talk and soft spoken M defends herself. Marylynn then tries to talk and smooth things over with Vic who is having none of it. “I don’t want to sit next to you”. M says “I think we can come to and understanding.” V: “I don’t care to.” NIIIIIICE. Meanwhile ALL the girls are mad that Vic started drama that robbed at least half of them of Matt time.

Rose Ceremony

Pieper gets the first rose. About 10 roses in to the ceremony Sarah stumbles off the stage and says she’s blacking out and can’t see and is seeing stars. Matt goes to her as does a medic.

And that’s it! To be continued…. Until next week BBs!!! 🌹 xo

The Bachelor, Week 1. I know it feels like I was JUST here talking about the Bachelorette 15 minutes ago, yet here we are with an all new Bachelor!

Matt James is the new Bachelor and he is a tall drink of water! 6’5″ to be exact. Matt is new to the Bachelor franchise. He’s from NC (represent!!!) although now he lives in NYC and works in real estate. Matt also works with kids. How exactly is he still single??? His dad is African-American and his mom is white. She visits him at his little house on the show and is it just me or does she look a LOT like Celine Dion??? My heart will go on!!!

Speaking of the show’s location this season, they are at the Chateau at Nemacolin resort in PA. Clearly the budget for the Bachelor is MUCH higher than the budget for the Bachelorette because this resort makes the La Quinta resort in Palm Springs look like a janky Motel 6 on the wide stretch of the highway!!!

So, we’re almost ready for Matt to meet the ladies but he asks Chris Harrison for some sit down advice time first. Matt’s height makes CH look like a wee elf!!! Matt says he’s never been in love and they talk about the significance of him being the first black Bachelor (ABOUT TIME!!!).

Limo entrances and first impressions-

1. Bri, 24, Communications Manager.

2. Racheal, 24, Graphic Designer. Stunning in her dark green dress!

3. Sarah, 24, Broadcast Journalist.

4. Jessenia, 27, Social Media Marketer.

5. Chelsea, 28, Runway Model. Wearing a V V strappy black dress and looking amazing! Even Matt says “she is WEARING that dress”.

6. Mari, 24, Marketing Director. Lots of marketing peeps tonight.

7. Magi, 32, Pharmacist from Ethiopia. STUNNING AND smart! Life is so unfair!!!

8. Carolyn, 30, Journalist.

9. Sydney, 28, Marketing Specialist.

10. Kristin, 27, Attorney.

11. Anna, 24, Copywriter. Gives Matt a cute Bachelor survival kit.

12. Khaylah, 28, Healthcare Advocate. Has too many Hs in her name. From NC (yay!). Pulls up in a vintage pick up truck. A stick shift at that! Kudos! And she’s drop dead gorgeous!

13. Serena C., 24, Flight Attendant.

14. Serena P., 22, Publicist. Brings with her a step stool since she’s just 5’2″. Cute!

15. Alicia, 24, Professional Ballerina.

16. Saneh, 25, IT Consultant. Wearing Goat shoes. Like cloven hoofed goat shoes.

17. Alana, 26, Photographer. Wearing the same red, strappy dress as Anna. Presents Matt with a bowl of spaghetti so they can have a Lady and the Tramp moment.

18. Kaili, 26, Hostess. Walks up in lingerie! Just an open robe, bra, panties, and stilettos! She’s pulling a garment rack with 2 dresses hanging on it. Asks Matt to pick her dress for the evening. She’s smoking hot and clearly confident!

19. Abigail, 25, Client Financial Manager. She was born deaf.

20. Corrinne, 22, Marketing Manager. See what I mean about all the marketing??

21. Marylynn, 28, Event Coordinator.

22. Emani, 25, Realtor.

23. Lauren, 23, Corporate Attorney.

24. Peiper, 23, Grad Student.

25. MJ, 23, Hair Stylist. Drives up in a beat up pizza delivery car. Gives Matt a pizza.

26. Katie, 29, Bank Marketing Manager. Brings a VIBRATOR with her. It lights up and buzzes. This girl is a whole vibe.

27. Amber, 30, Nursing Student. Rides up on tandem bicycle.

28. Kimberly, 28, Airline Recruiter. Inexplicably throws a GIANT fake fish at Matt.

29. Casandra, 25, Social Worker. Arrives wearing a football jersey with Mrs. James on the back.

30. Illeana, 25, Health Food Developer. Asks Matt “Can I put my balls in your mouth?”. Meatballs. GROAN.

31. Kit 21, Fashion Entrepreneur. Whatever that means. She’s wearing the only short dress of the evening.

32. Victoria, 27, Queen. UGH. She arrives by being carried by 4 men on a throne. Wearing a tiara, brought a crown for Matt.

I have to say, this is the most beautiful group of women I’ve ever seen! Most of the dresses are gorgeous too.
The women are all gathered when Matt arrives. He LEADS THEM IN PRAYER!!!! Then he gives a wee speech. You can tell he’s nervous.

The cocktail party is pretty standard and uneventful. Until Mari and Matt are talking about how she’s from Puerto Rico. Matt asks some empathetic questions about her family and all of the natural disasters there. JUST as Mari is about to respond, Katie TAPS HER ON THE SHOULDER with that vibrator!!!! GAG!!!! In the age of Covid you’d think people would be more sanitary!!!

Then Kit has JUST sat down to talk with Matt when Victoria walks up and says “Excuse me princess, but the queen is here.” GROAN. I already loathe this girl. And it’s not because she’s clearly drunk.

CH brings in the First Impression rose and all the girls go wild with speculation.

Victoria interrupts yet another girl to talk to Matt a second time. This does not go over well with the other ladies, especially because almost half of them have yet to talk to him!

Matt and Abigail are talking and I already love her. She’s got a personality! And she’s not ashamed of the fact that she’s deaf. Then….Matt kisses her! Yay!!! He comes back a few moments later and gives her the 1st Impression Rose. Yay some more!!!

Rose Ceremony-

Bri gets the first rose. Victoria gets the last rose and it’s CLEAR that she’s a producer save because Matt does not look happy handing her that rose.

Going home: Alicia, Amber, Carolyn, Casandra, Corrinne, Emani, Kimberly, and Saneh.

SO Matt still has approximately 417 ladies left. 24 really. But this is a record amount to start with. Apparently women swarmed ABC with applications when it was announced that Matt would be the Bachelor.

Be sure to watch the credits scenes. This one is hilarious!!! CH drives the pick up truck away and he’s so proud of himself for knowing how to drive a stick!

And that’s it until next week BBs!!! xo🌹