Where I find out definitively that I would be NO good in a hostage situation

The last time I was visiting Shannon, Em, & Mustachio something horrible happened on the way home.  When I pulled into their neighborhood my gas light came on.  As I was leaving I asked Shannon where was the closest gas station.  She gave me directions and I was on my way.  It was about 10:30 pm.  The gas station was new and well lit.  Lots of people were doing business.  I filled up the truck and went inside for a drink.  I was in line behind one other customer when the bad thing happened.  The double doors to the gas station flew open.  A man walked in with his t-shirt pulled up over his nose, concealing his face.  He had his arms in the air and was flashing the finger guns.  He yelled “EVERYBODY ON THE FLOOR!  THIS IS A ROBBERY!”. Then time stopped.  The next 5 seconds went by really slowly.  These are the things that went through my mind:  “I am NOT getting on that floor. That floor is nasty.  You’re gonna have to kill me where I stand.  OMG is he gonna take my wedding rings? Not my wedding rings!  And he’s gonna take my iPhone! I love  my iPhone.  Ooh but if he takes it then I can get the new iPhone. Oh no he’s gonna take my purse. I love this purse.  It’s my favorite. Is he gonna take the truck?  Surely there’s a cooler car out there than the truck!  O.M.G. I’m the only girl in here.  He’s gonna rape me before me kills me. And I don’t have any panties on!  (laundry situation I’ll explain in a minute) The cops are gonna find me sans panties and think the killer took them as a trophy. And I bet none of these guys in here will come to my rescue. I’m gonna die in an Exxon. AN EXXON!!!”

Then the man said “Ahhh, just kidding.  Just trying to lighten the mood!”  WHAT??  Lighten the mood?  It’s not a funeral!  Did he expect to walk into a gas station store and find us all dancing the Macarena?  Then he got in line to buy cigarettes or something! The mood in there could NOT have been any more tense.  No one seemed to breathe.  I got out of there as fast as I could.  But then I had to go through the car wash!  I had bought a car wash at the pump and the truck really needed it.  I was shaking the entire time I sat in that car wash, and all the way home too.  CSP got SO mad when I told him what happened.  Not at me of course, but at the would be robber jokester asshat.  I asked my judge FIL if that was a crime and apparently it is a felony- inciting terror in the public.  Too bad I didn’t have my wits about me or I could have called 911.

Oh, and where were my panties?  I’m a panty wearing girl.  I have some on right now as a matter of fact.  But we are dealing with a big leak situation in our bedroom & closet.  We had to clear out both of everything so the worker guys could get to the leak area.  So all of my clothes are in the guest room.  I had done laundry that day and thought I had some panties on the coffee table downstairs along with the outfit I was planning on wearing.  Sadly that was not the case.  But I was running late and my arthritic knees were hurting so I decided to skip the panties and just put on my pants.  Who would know?  Apparently Charlotte’s CSI would know when they inspected my bloody corpse on the dirty floor of a convenience store.  That’s who.