it's all about me

My alternative lifestyle

It seems that the way I live my life is really bothering people.  And that is really bothering me.The word “you” is used throughout this post as a collective you.  I’m not pointing fingers at any one person.

I can’t tell you how many people over the last few months have told me to get a job.  Or asked me if I’m working yet with a look on their face.  Or asked if I have plans to get a job.  Why do you people care?  I don’t owe you money.  We pay our bills on time.  My husband makes enough money to support us.  We don’t make public nusainces of ourselves.  I don’t show up at your job and bother you.  I can’t figure it out.  I guarantee you that if I had a child at home people wouldn’t ask me this. And if I did have a child at home we’d need more money so perhaps I would need a job.  It doesn’t make sense.  And here’s the thing, it’s nobody’s business. I don’t owe anyone an explanation or excuse or reason.  Ask my husband right now and he’d say he doesn’t want me to go to work.  Ask the economy right now and it would say it doesn’t have any jobs for me anyway.  I mean, this new hotel that’s about to open in our area is holding their job fair at the Nascar speedway.  It’s like American Idol for minimum wage work!  THOUSANDS of people showed up for hundreds of jobs.  If I wanted a job right now I couldn’t get one.

When I was 13 I started working at my uncle’s skating rink for cash under the table.  At 15 I rode my bike to work at my first W2 producing job.  I was steadily employed until 4 years ago when I stopped working full time.  3 years ago I stopped working altogether.  The reasons why I am not working now are NOBODY’S business.  But I will tell you this.  I stopped working for medical reasons.  Let me remind you that over the last 5 years I’ve endured 8 surgeries.  How do you think I could be working between all those surgeries, recoveries, and let’s not forget the reasons for the surgeries.  They don’t just do surgery because they feel like it.  And I didn’t end up with bigger boobs or a perky nose.  These were all medically necessary surgeries, the biggest one being a hysterectomy.  That’s a huge deal, physically and emotionally.  At one point, before the hysterectomy, I was not able to leave my house unassisted for MONTHS due to the medical problems I was having.

And for some reason people feel like they can just ask me flat out why I’m not working.  Like I owe them something.  I don’t go to your house and ask why you don’t have a bigger house or a nicer car or a better job.  These are all personal things.  Mind your own business.  You don’t know what my plans are.  You don’t know that I’m still dealing with some health issues and that maybe I can’t go to work right now because another surgery may be in my future.  You. Don’t. Know.

The other aspect of my life that seems to really bother people is that CSP and I are not on a traditional schedule.  We are night owls.  He works a lot at night.  He’s going in at midnight tonight as a matter of fact.  His schedule changes all the time.  If I want to see him then my schedule needs to change too.  If I want to spend time with my husband then I stay up late and sleep late.  This does not mean we are not on a “normal” schedule.  It’s normal for us.  But it drives people nuts.  My closest friends and family understand that if they email me at 8 am they might not get an answer til 2.  That doesn’t mean I stay in bed til 2, but if it did, SO WHAT?  It’s NOBODY’s business.  We are a very happily married couple.  We are productive members of society.  If there is a family function or an appointment that requires us to be somewhere in the AM hours then we are there with smiles.  I don’t call your house and get mad when you’re asleep at 2 am.  So don’t call mine and get mad if I’m not awake at 9 am.

Quit telling me I’m not on a “normal” schedule.  Quit telling me to get a job.  Don’t pass judgement on me.  Don’t look at me and wonder why I’m not working outside the house, or why I’m not up with the sun.  Mind your own business and I’ll continue to mind mine.

21 thoughts on “My alternative lifestyle”

  1. I bet your husband is so happy that you try and get on his schedule even when it means staying up at night. That is really great for you guys. And your marriage should come first, so GOOD FOR YOU.

  2. what is wrong with being a stay at home wife… I was for a while… it was awesome… I wish that Jeremy made more so I could just be a SAHM again… but it didn’t work that way for us… but you are right it isn’t anyones business but yours and CSP… screw the others… and hugs…

  3. you tell em!! its nobody’s business and you can bet those that are asking are just JEALOUS!!

  4. I got to stay home with Steven for a month during his illness and I LOVED it. (staying home and hanging with him.. not the illness) If I hadnt had to keep up with the girl’s schedule Id have completely adapted my schedule to his.

  5. Just had to chime in here and tell you that my husband works nights and keeps so-called “weird” hours. We make it work for our family and for some reason it drives people, especially my coworkers, crazy. Huh? Why do they care? So yeah, there are jerks everywhere.

  6. For goodness sake… Why do people feel the need to butt into something that is really none of their business? Unless you are asking these folks to pay your bills, they really don’t have the right to voice an opinion. If you guys are financially okay without you working, then more power to you! You can bet that I would be at home if I didn’t HAVE to work.

    Oh, and don’t feel too bad about the night-owl thing. I’m an early bird — early riser, early to work, etc — and that also drives people crazy. Go figure.

  7. Oh, that kind of attitude really would make me mad. You should start questioning them when they do this to you….why do you care? This is how we live here at our house…we’re not at yours! Sure would be nice if those people could read what you wrote today because that says it all. I remember all the physical problems you were having and you needed to be able to stay home. What a blessing it is to be able to do that.

  8. The personal decisions any one of us make is nobody’s business.
    I think that people assume since you’re sharing your life with them that that gives them some kind of entitlement to it.

    Most people (women) are just jealous of others who are able to stay at home.
    I remember quitting my part-time job when we brought Lili home and getting all kinds of “what are you going to DO all day” questions. When I worked part-time, it was the same thing. They just COULD NOT understand why I didn’t want to work all day everyday.

    Everyone of us is entitled to do what is best for us. No questions.

    Good for you for being there for your hubby. Work on your marriage, your health and DO NOT worry about what some uninformed people may think.

    You are blessed. And I thank you for sharing any part of your life with us. You are one fantastic chick! 🙂

  9. Aww!! I know how it goes! My hubby travels ALL the time. Sometimes for a week, other times up to 3 months. We get all sorts of judgement passed on us. We are happy, we get along WAY better then some of our other married couple friends do.
    Then there are the comments about the animals, you have two cats and 2 dogs??? Sigh….

    I totally hear ya and the best thing to do is ignore it. They are passing judgement because they are jealous. So when they ask, just raise your eyebrows and say nothing. :p Or turn around and ask them something equally private.

  10. Amen to that. I can’t tell you how much unsolicited advice I get on my blog, especially regarding financial matters. Just because it seems like I pour my life out on the internet doesn’t mean that share evertyhing. There is so much more that I don’t put out there. So much. You should never assume anything about anyone. Ever.

    And yeah, mind your own business! 🙂

  11. So sorry that people treat you like that. If I could, I would totally be up all night and sleep all day. I think that most people are probally just jealous if they’re passing an (unkind) judgement of you. Seriously, you’re right. It isn’t anyone’s business and those people can kiss your ass. 🙂

  12. My favorite quote from this entry, “I don’t owe you money.” LOL! I hope the guilty parties read this post, and I hope you know that your blogger friends don’t think this about you. One of my Software Engineer friends was so proud that his wife was able to quit her job and enjoy the lifestyle he is able to provide for her. They have no kids and don’t plan to have kids. She is a housewife, and loves it. I always loved the way he phrased that, “enjoy the lifestyle I can provide for her.” Maybe CSP should adopt that phrase for himself 🙂

  13. There is a list of people who are bugging me about this. Who ask me flat out “when are you going to get a job?” Who tell me often that I “need to get on a normal schedule”. I’m not going to name names or anything. But I just needed to get it out. It’s easier to write it out here than be in a confrontation.

  14. I know how it feels when others do that. Ever since my dad died, my sister (6 years older) have always complained on things I would do or not do. She thinks it is her duty to plan and control my mom’s and my life to make it better. I was in my 20’s and, of course, would always do the opposite (not always to my benefit, but I preferred that than to be a toy of another person). For years we barely talked – we live in different countries. But lately things have changed, only because I started talking to her and speaking my mind, but what worked best was to email. No shouting or answering back. Just plain thoughts and she understood my point. Now we try to see each other as often as we can, and sometimes she still annoys me but I just ignore her because I know that she tries very hard to not do that. I think it was great that you let this out.

  15. that whole post was like my life!!

    i’m the exact same way! i don’t work…nor do i want to!!!! and people are up my ass all the time about that……..

    bobby works nights too and we stay up till 3 or 4 in the morning…i love it! ive been like that forever! i just love staying up late and sleeping in! i always lie to my mom when she calls me in the morning and she asks me if i was sleeping i always tell her no! b/c she’ll bitch me out!

    so just ignore them! when you want a job you’ll get a job!

  16. How odd, who on earth would ask about something like that? Why would they care? People are so dang weird. Pffff! Dismiss them, ignore them, and continue to live your beautiful life exactly as you want to. Big hugs.

  17. Dear lord people can certainly be pains in the arses!
    If people ask you why you don’t have a job you should just say “I don’t want one.”
    or “I don’t need one; i’m independently wealthy you know…”
    If they ask why you don’t work just say “oh believe me I work just fine.”
    eff ’em.
    “oh, isn’t that nice of you to worry about me – but you don’t have to…i’m (we’re) all set thanks”
    you could say that too…
    Good luck – and you really do have a tremendous attitude!

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