Thank you so much for your kind words and support regarding our adoption. It means so much to me.
At this point our options are:
Stay with our agency and switch countries or Leave our agency (and the thousands of dollars we’ve given them) and start fresh. Our agency doesn’t do domestic.
Switching countries isn’t that easy, especially when your heart is in one. After months of research we were convinced China was the place for us to find our children. We told our families and friends we were adopting from China. I started learning Mandarin via iPod, Ni Hao. We have boxes FULL of Chinese toys and dolls and books for our child that was not meant to be. It was devastating when we had to switch. I prayed and prayed and finally was sent some signs (long story) that Guatemala was the way to go. We redid all the paperwork (not cheap as each country requires different forms). We redid our physicals. I started re-learning Spanish (Hola, I took it in high school). We filled her room with clothing and picked out furniture. I took care not to go too overboard with Guatemalan things, not to get too attached.
We told our families and friends. We’ve endured months and months of waiting and answering “Nope, nothing yet. Still on the list!” when asked about the adoption. And now we’re back to square one. I’m turning 35 years old in a few weeks. When I turned 30 I cried for days because I knew 30 meant decreased chances of getting pregnant and we’d been trying for 2 years. We then went through infertility treatments that didn’t work. Then I started having major issues with bleeding and couldn’t work. That resulted in multiple surgeries costing us thousands of dollars of our adoption savings. I never thought I’d be in the same childless situation 5 [b]long, hard[/b] years later.
What about the other countries our agency offers? They only have programs in 8 countries. China, Guatemala, & 6 others. One other country is closed, and the rest we can’t adopt from for various reasons (cost, amount of time required to spend in country- some you have to stay over a month!- etc.) or the program just isn’t for us (one program the youngest you can get is 6!). We want to raise children. We understand we’ll probably never have that newborn experience, and we’ve become ok with that. But please, let me have a baby. A toddler at least. She has a closet full of clothes from 6 mos- 3T and I can’t bare to give those away until she’s worn them.
This has been a hard, hard week. We’re just kind of talking things out and trying to figure out the financial part of things. Our agency has over $6000 of our money. That’s not a small sum of money to us and it’s hard to think we might have to walk away from it to become parents, mainly because we don’t know how we’ll be able to replace that amount to start over. We don’t have to make the decision today or anything, but we want to have a plan soon.
So please, if you can find it in your heart, say a prayer for us. We want a family so badly. I ache to be a mother. But I feel like it’s a dream that’s slipping away.