OK, so a few things to tell you. First of all we had the exterminator come out to deal with the ant situation I told you guys about. And while the bug man was here he told me that cornstarch doesn’t kill ants, it just feeds them. The internets lied to me! But now the ants are gone and I’m not having nightmares about ants swarming me in my sleep.
Secondly, I made a big hair mistake recently and I feel like it is my duty as a responsible blogger to warn you so you do not suffer as I have. So I’ve always wondered what I’d look like with dark hair. I’ve been blonde pretty much my whole life, save a strawberry blonde spell as a little girl. But I didn’t really want to pay a professional to do it and spend lots of $$ on something I might not like. So a recent trip to T@rget found me on the hair color aisle and I came home with Light Amber Brown. The girl on the box looked cute and so happy. I went home with my purchase but didn’t have time to take the plunge. Finally I had an afternoon free, just a few days before my weekend with Olivia. I mixed up the solution and went to town. My head burned like the fires of hell (darn sensitive skin!) but I suffered for the full 25 minutes of processing time. I showered and washed it all out, stepped out of the shower and about stroked out right in my bathroom. My hair was not Light Amber Brown. It was Hot Hooker Reddish Pub Wench Dark Brown Almost Gasp Black! I thought, maybe it just looks dark cause it’s wet. Silly girl. I dried it and gazed in horror as the blood ran from my face but left the color in my hair. Light Amber Brown my ass! I looked nothing, NOTHING, like the girl on the box. Not happy, not carefree! I’m too pale for that kind of hair! My skin is too pink! Holy Hell what was I thinking? I looked like I was wearing a helmet made of blood and clay. And despair.
I called my hair girl immediately. She’s from London and her accent helps to calm me.
Hey, um, so I need to make an appointment.
Ok darling, let me get my calendar.
Ok. So you might really have your work cut out for you. And can my appointment be soon? Really soon?
What. Did. You. Do?
Awkward, guilty pause.
Oh no. You tried to go dark didn’t you?
Yes?
Did you use permanent color?
Yes. Please don’t kill me.
You are so lucky I can fix you.
CSP came home that night from work, kissed me hello, chatted with me about our days and went a full 15 minutes without noticing. I finally said “Are you going to say anything?”
What? About your hair?
Yeah. What do you think?
Um…..No.
He’s a man of few words, CSP.
Friday I went to my hair girl’s house and as promised she fixed me. I pulled out my camera on the way there and snapped a picture. Please just look at my hair as I have no makeup on and am still shocked an appalled at my own reflection. Also my hair had lightened a bit after a week with shampooing with as close to turpentine as I could find in my shower. I went from this: 
to this:
Thank the Lord for my wonderful, amazing hair girl Sarah. I am not all the way back to blonde, more of a brond, as it will take a few more weeks before Light Amber Brown My Ass fades all the way out of my head. It will take much, much longer before it fades from my memories and nightmares.
Bless Your Heart 
15 responses to “Lies and deception”
You’re a brave, brave girl. I’ve never had the guts to dye my own hair and now I think I never will. I’ll leave it to the professionals.
Did she have to strip your hair? What does it feel like now?
She just put a TON of foils in. It actually feels fine. She always conditions it really well for me, so it’s nice and soft and healthy feeling. Thank goodness.
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I don’t think your color (in that picture) looks too dark. Maybe because I don’t know you in real life and I’m not used to seeing your very blonde hair? One time I decided to go darker and I about had a heart attack because I looked in the mirror and saw my mother looking back at me…not a sight a college student wants to see…even if I was a 26 year old college student at the time.
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It doesn’t look bad…but you are cuter as a blond. I’m too scared to buy the over-the-counter hair colouring products. I once knew a girl who tried to go blond and she ended up gray. Because she did it herself. So at least you didn’t end up gray =) That’s a silver lining. Get it? Silver? Gray? Okay, I’ll just shut up now.
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Hey you took a chance!
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HA HA HA…I can laugh, because I once dyed my hair red. Only I didn’t use enough, so it only took on the roots and the tips, leaving a blonde strip in the middle. I looked like a flag. That was…hmmm 8 years ago. I’ve been paying professionals ever since. Really, it’s for the best. HA HA HA HA
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I actually like it! It doesn’t look half bad!
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hmmm. you know. I kind of like it too. It brings out your eyes and actually works pretty well.
I love what your sylist said
what. did. you. do.
hah hah. I love that
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Wow! I’m so sorry that it didn’t turn out how you were expecting! I tried to highlight my hair one time when I was pregnant, but it didn’t take! How weird is that? I’m glad that your hair lady was able to fix it … but I don’t think that it looked bad at all!
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Dude… that second hair color looks pretty good… or is this the hairdresser fixed hair??? Or is your camera really forgiving of the Light Amber Brown My Ass product? Or are you just so used to the blonde any darker color was freaky deaky for you?
And while we’re asking lots of questions, why does THERAPIST spell THE RAPIST. Hahahahahaha…
well, some therapy can feel like rape, huh? Why did I bring this up? Never noticed it before until work today, and it just POPPED.
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yeah… i said “before until” … got a problem with my english? i type really fast, what can i say…
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I could of told you not to do it lol… should of asked me lol… blonds do not go dark… it NEVER works out lol…
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I’m so sorry I’m giggling at your expense. It almost doesn’t look like you! Best wishes as you return to the light side.
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Hmmm… I do think I like you better as a blonde, but I don’t think the brown is really all that awful. Glad you’re back to liking your hair though … that’s the most important bit.
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Oh my goodness…you made me laugh. You look so good as a blonde. Your face says it all in that picture with the darker hair color. I’m glad she could fix that. It is amazing how the girls on those boxes look so happy!
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I just went brond, a mix of brunette and blond. I’ve got medium brown hair. It’s not dark nor is it light. But my hair colorist did an amazing job!
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