March Madness

March Madness in my house equals my husband standing 2 feet from the tv yelling very creative combinations of expletives for the entirety of the tournament.  He gets so involved in games that showcase schools he’s never even heard of.  I don’t understand it.  How can you get so mad at people you’ll never meet?  And the yelling.  Oh, the yelling.  It’s like the dad from A Christmas Story moves into my house for a month.  Pray for me.

Little person

I was cooking dinner the other night while CSP was surfing the web.  All the sudden he says to me ” Do you have any dwarfism in your family?”

What?!?

“Well, it would explain so much.  Like your short little legs and arms.”

I told my mom about it the next day and as soon as I said “he asked if there was any dwarfism in our family” she said “Because of your legs!”

I’m 5’7″ by the way!

 

Safety Pants Lexicon

I think it’s a mixture of growing up in Minnesota with a pinch of family sayings.  Or maybe it’s just him.  Either way, he says some funny things.

  • He pronounces ROOF like ROUGH.
  • ROOT beer is RUTT beer.
  • If something is pricey, in his opinion, he says “Boy, they sure know what to charge for that don’t they?”  I always think “Of course they do, Silly, they are the store that sells the things!”
  • If he’s had enough of something he’ll say he’s “Had great plenty”
  • If there’s a lot of something there’s a “sh!t ton” of it.

That’s all I can think of right now.  I’m sure I say a sh!t ton of things that he thinks sounds funny since he’s all MidWestern and I’m all Southern!

Making an example

We’ve been having a problem lately with those ginormous mosquitoes getting into the house and dive bombing us.  That leads to me having horrible dreams of them crawling into my mouth and ears.  So CSP has been waging his own personal war against them.  The other night I heard him fighting with one then came in to see this up near where the vaulted ceiling begins (too high for me to get to).   So I said What the hell is that?

He’s an example to the others. 

I’m pretty sure these are simple creatures.  I don’t think they are out there basing their decision to enter our home on their friend’s death.

I’m not taking any chances. 

CSP goes green again. And not in the way that helps the Earth.

CSP & I have been enjoying this tv show called How the States Got Their Shapes on the History Channel.  It is hosted by Brian Unger.  Brian Unger is really funny and charming and very handsome.  Not unlike my dear CSP.  Brian Unger is on Twitter.  You can follow him at @bungerla.  I am also on Twitter.  You can follow me at @heyshanny.  A few questions creeped into my brain while we’ve been watching the show as I am of a curious nature.  So I tweeted Mr. Unger.  He tweeted me back.  I told CSP about the exchange and this is what happened:

Me:  So guess who I’ve been tweeting with?

CSP:  Who?

Brian Unger, the host of How the States Got Their Shapes.  (I explained that I had a couple questions).

Do you think he’s hot or something?

No! (YES!)

And he wrote you back?  Great.  Just great. 

What?  Why are you acting jealous?  It’s not like I’m going to run off with a tv host.  He just answered a couple of tweets.

Yeah, well how do I know for sure?  I mean, this IS THE AGE OF THE SMART PHONE! 

 

Those of you who are long time readers may remember that this happened before a few years ago when CSP turned suspicious of the internet.  Apparently every good looking man on tv is just one tweet away from sweeping me off my feet.  You know they all dream of hooking up with a Southern housewife and now that all the Hollywood hotties have smart phones it’s only a matter of time.

 

Stoned all up in my head

You know that thing under your tongue?  Well mine has been swelling up and hurting a good bit lately.  I asked my dentist about it and she poked around in there and told me that I have a salivary gland disorder.  Wha?  She said I may notice that thing under my tongue turn white.  If that’s the case to go in because that means there’s a stone stuck in my salivary gland that needs to come out.  Why can’t I have a normal dentist appointment?

A few nights later I was getting ready for bed.  My under tongue area was all swollen and hurting again.  I took a look at it in my makeup mirror and noticed a part of it had indeed turned white from its standard angry swollen red.  Well, I’m Southern and us Southern folks are known for some self surgery.  It was late at night and I couldn’t wait until morning to find out what was growing in my mouth.  So I grabbed my tweezers and out popped what looked like a giant sesame seed.  I ran into the bedroom and tried to show CSP but he’d have none of it.  I should have taken a picture but I was too busy playing with it. I tried to cut it in half and it shot across the bathroom, never to be seen or heard from again.  It was rock hard!  I guess that’s why they call it a stone!