March Madness in my house equals my husband standing 2 feet from the tv yelling very creative combinations of expletives for the entirety of the tournament. He gets so involved in games that showcase schools he’s never even heard of. I don’t understand it. How can you get so mad at people you’ll never meet? And the yelling. Oh, the yelling. It’s like the dad from A Christmas Story moves into my house for a month. Pray for me.
Category: married life
Little person
I was cooking dinner the other night while CSP was surfing the web. All the sudden he says to me ” Do you have any dwarfism in your family?”
What?!?
“Well, it would explain so much. Like your short little legs and arms.”
I told my mom about it the next day and as soon as I said “he asked if there was any dwarfism in our family” she said “Because of your legs!”
I’m 5’7″ by the way!
Safety Pants Lexicon 2.0
I forgot a couple sayings that CSP says.
- “Well that’s a great way to blow a tire/ruin a shirt/ wreck a car.” Good thing, I was worried I only knew all the bad ways to do that.
- He pronounces RUIN like RUNE.
Safety Pants Lexicon
I think it’s a mixture of growing up in Minnesota with a pinch of family sayings. Or maybe it’s just him. Either way, he says some funny things.
- He pronounces ROOF like ROUGH.
- ROOT beer is RUTT beer.
- If something is pricey, in his opinion, he says “Boy, they sure know what to charge for that don’t they?” I always think “Of course they do, Silly, they are the store that sells the things!”
- If he’s had enough of something he’ll say he’s “Had great plenty”
- If there’s a lot of something there’s a “sh!t ton” of it.
That’s all I can think of right now. I’m sure I say a sh!t ton of things that he thinks sounds funny since he’s all MidWestern and I’m all Southern!
Making an example
We’ve been having a problem lately with those ginormous mosquitoes getting into the house and dive bombing us. That leads to me having horrible dreams of them crawling into my mouth and ears. So CSP has been waging his own personal war against them. The other night I heard him fighting with one then came in to see this up near where the vaulted ceiling begins (too high for me to get to). So I said What the hell is that?
He’s an example to the others.
I’m pretty sure these are simple creatures. I don’t think they are out there basing their decision to enter our home on their friend’s death.
I’m not taking any chances.
CSP goes green again. And not in the way that helps the Earth.
CSP & I have been enjoying this tv show called How the States Got Their Shapes on the History Channel. It is hosted by Brian Unger. Brian Unger is really funny and charming and very handsome. Not unlike my dear CSP. Brian Unger is on Twitter. You can follow him at @bungerla. I am also on Twitter. You can follow me at @heyshanny. A few questions creeped into my brain while we’ve been watching the show as I am of a curious nature. So I tweeted Mr. Unger. He tweeted me back. I told CSP about the exchange and this is what happened:
Me: So guess who I’ve been tweeting with?
CSP: Who?
Brian Unger, the host of How the States Got Their Shapes. (I explained that I had a couple questions).
Do you think he’s hot or something?
No! (YES!)
And he wrote you back? Great. Just great.
What? Why are you acting jealous? It’s not like I’m going to run off with a tv host. He just answered a couple of tweets.
Yeah, well how do I know for sure? I mean, this IS THE AGE OF THE SMART PHONE!
Those of you who are long time readers may remember that this happened before a few years ago when CSP turned suspicious of the internet. Apparently every good looking man on tv is just one tweet away from sweeping me off my feet. You know they all dream of hooking up with a Southern housewife and now that all the Hollywood hotties have smart phones it’s only a matter of time.
Stoned all up in my head
You know that thing under your tongue? Well mine has been swelling up and hurting a good bit lately. I asked my dentist about it and she poked around in there and told me that I have a salivary gland disorder. Wha? She said I may notice that thing under my tongue turn white. If that’s the case to go in because that means there’s a stone stuck in my salivary gland that needs to come out. Why can’t I have a normal dentist appointment?
A few nights later I was getting ready for bed. My under tongue area was all swollen and hurting again. I took a look at it in my makeup mirror and noticed a part of it had indeed turned white from its standard angry swollen red. Well, I’m Southern and us Southern folks are known for some self surgery. It was late at night and I couldn’t wait until morning to find out what was growing in my mouth. So I grabbed my tweezers and out popped what looked like a giant sesame seed. I ran into the bedroom and tried to show CSP but he’d have none of it. I should have taken a picture but I was too busy playing with it. I tried to cut it in half and it shot across the bathroom, never to be seen or heard from again. It was rock hard! I guess that’s why they call it a stone!
How I married the Captain
CSP & I were reminiscing about our wedding day, all the things that stand out in our memories. He stayed at his parents house the night before while I stayed with my Mom & sisters at the Hilton where our reception would be held after the wedding. We woke up and took our time getting ready. The day started out fairly clear but it ended up raining. I was bummed about that because there are beautiful spots at the church outside where I wanted pictures, but they say rain on your wedding day is good luck. I thought I was going to be fine when it came to walking down the aisle but as soon as those doors opened I went right into the ugly cry. Emotion just washed over me like a tidal wave! The ceremony was beautiful and just flew by. My friend Priscilla sang The Lord’s Prayer and it was so amazing it gave me chills. 
We were married before digital cameras were a thing so I took a picture of this picture. That’s why Sara & Morgan’s dresses are blown out by the flash. They were all a gorgeous periwinkle. Look how young Morgan was! Only 10 years old! Well, 1 month away from 11.
After the ceremony we went to the Hilton for the reception. It was nice to have a little alone time with CSP in the limo on the way over. 
We LOVED how the Hilton took care of us. When the wedding party arrived we were taken to a private room where we were able to spend a half hour or so having some hors d’oeuvres and catching our breath while the guests mingled and had their hors d’oeuvres. Then they announced us and the big party started. We had a great time. We stayed up so late and it was such a long day that by the time we were able to go to bed I was so exhausted I almost slept in my tiara and veil rather than wrestle with the 900 bobby pins holding it on my head! The next morning we had breakfast with everyone who stayed the night then it was off to the airport for our honeymoon in Vegas!
Decade
Ten years ago today I became Mrs. Captain Safety Pants. It’s been better than I could have ever hoped or dreamed. We still laugh and have the best time. I love my Cap’n!
5 minutes with myself 10 years ago
The Daily Post offers up topics about which to write when you’re looking for inspiration for your daily blog posts. One struck my fancy a few days ago.
If you could go back in time and have a 5 minute conversation with yourself ten years ago, what would you say?
I thought this was pretty interesting because we are coming up on our 10th wedding anniversary, so if I were to go back in time right now to 10 years ago I’d find myself in the final countdown to the wedding. This is some of what I’d say to myself:
- Hire a videographer for the wedding. I know you think you can’t afford it but you’ll regret it years from now that you didn’t.
- Push that piece of hair out of your face. It’s caught on your eyebrow and drives you nuts every time you look at your wedding pictures.
- Tuck some lip gloss in your bra. You get a little stressed at the reception because you can’t find any.
- Take that wedding gift money and buy stock in Apple. They are going to invent the iPod and it’s going to change the way the world listens to music.
- In a few years you’re going to be tempted to build a house by CP Morgan. RUN from this company. They are the devil and will cause you nothing but stress.
- One day you’re going to meet a girl who you think will be a great friend. She’s not. Don’t waste your time investing in this friendship.
- Take some more of that wedding money and buy into the Walt Disney Vacation Club. You’re going to fall in love with their cruise ships and the club will save you money.
- Spend a little extra time over the next year with Jade and Melissa. They will both pass away at a young age.
- Moisturize. Moisturize even when you think you’ve moisturized plenty.
- Wear SPF at all times.
- When you’re selling the house in Fort Mill, don’t run through the kitchen. There’s water on the floor and you slip causing you to tear your meniscus. This results in surgery. Might as well avoid it!
- Don’t color your hair with box color at home. You end up with hooker hair.
- When you’re in Las Vegas next week on your honeymoon, get up a little earlier on your planned Grand Canyon day. It’s a heck of a lot farther away than you thought!
- Don’t spend even one second being nervous. Soak in every second of this week’s wedding activities and next week’s honeymoon. You’re marrying the best man you’ve ever known. He’ll make you happy forever. The best thing you’ve ever done was saying yes.
When I was thinking about this list I thought about maybe warning myself against getting into the China adoption or Guatemala adoption because neither of them worked out. But so much good came out of all of them. Friendships were made that would have never been made otherwise and they’ve lasted. Plus, we are a sum of our experiences and even though it would save some pain and a lot of money and stress, I wouldn’t change anything in regard to the adoptions . I’m exactly where and who I’m supposed to be now because of all I’ve been through.
What would you tell yourself 10 years ago?
Bless Your Heart 