adoption

Big news, people!

Shanny

I have some news for y’all!  I have been a little hesitant in sharing this because I don’t want to jinx it….but first and foremost this blog is my journal and I don’t want to leave out such a big chunk.  This is a long post so grab snacks!

Ok, so do y’all remember how in November 2008 when we lost the baby?  Well after that we decided to take a baby break.  For an indefinite amount of time.  I just couldn’t get my heart broken again.  For those of you who are new here, CSP and I have been trying to adopt for YEARS.  First we were with the China program.  ThenChina changed their rules.  Briefly we thought about going through Kyrgyzstan, but their trip requirements were not something CSP’s job would be happy with.  Then we switched to Guatemala.  And things were great!  More money was spent!  Fingerprints were taken!  Homestudy was updated! Social workers visited!  Then Guatemala closed!

Yeah.  So things were bad.  But then, almost the moment Guat closed we were paired with a birth mom in another state through a friend.  Everything was great again.  I met with the birth mom and we began a relationship.  I wrote and called her.  Things were good.  Until November 1st when we were driving down to Florida to Lisa’s rehearsal dinner and wedding cruise.  I thought I’d put in a call to the BM since I’d be out of touch for a few days.  I knew as soon as she answered the phone.  She changed her mind.  I cried through Georgia and greater Florida.  Then I pasted a smile on my face and celebrated my dear friend’s wedding on a Disney cruise surrounded by children.  It took all I had not to throw myself off the ship.  But we made it through, we made it home, and we made ourselves take a break.

Fast forward to the end of May 2009.  I was painting faces for a school festival. And I was really having a great time.  It was the first time in months I could be around children (with the exception of family and close friends) and not want to burst into tears or stab people.  I went home and told CSP that I thought I was ready to get into the game again.  He said he was too.  We discussed our options.  At this point our agency, who has thousands of our dollars, had removed Guatemala & Kyrgyzstan from their program list.  That left China (out), Ethiopia (out), and three Eastern European countries (out, out, and out).  The European countries make you stay in  country for weeks at a time and you have to make two trips.  All of the countries with programs there are super strict now about medications.  I am on medication for depression & anxiety and that is a huge red flag.  Yeah, cause half of the US isn’t on Prozac.  Ugh.  But I digress.

We talked about domestic adoption.  But through a private agency we’d still be spending close to $30k that we don’t have and we’d be dealing with two HUGE risks (at least to us). 1. We could sit on a shelf in a Prospective Family book for years until we were picked by a birth mom.  2. She could change her mind.  Neither of those risks are we willing to take.

So now what?  I approached CSP about foster children.  Not fostering and giving back, but foster to adopt.  He said he was game so I called our county Department of Social Services.  They said they don’t have a foster to adopt program because there are just too many families in our county and not enough children.  And we can’t go through another county’s DSS foster program. We could foster a few kids and then if one or more comes up for adoption we could be considered but we’d have to be prepared to give back some children because, as she said, in NC the goal is to always reunite biological families.  I understand that to a certain extent but in my mind, blood isn’t always best. Then she said  she’d be happy to refer me to some private agencies.  Yeah, well so can Google, lady.

I took down the numbers she gave me (around a dozen), hung up the phone, and was very frustrated.  We just couldn’t catch a break!  But I’m all about due diligence so I called all the numbers.  One agency called me back.

I will link to our agency once all is said and done but I don’t want to risk anything.  The case worker, let’s call her Jen, and I played phone tag for weeks.  Then in mid July 2009 I was driving up to the mountain house to meet up with the fam for a few days when Jen called.  I was so excited to finally talk to her.  She explained the program to me and I had to pull off the road I was so excited.  It’s just perfect for us!  She promised to mail me a packet and we hung up after I asked her a million questions.  Then I called CSP and squealed.  He said “Why didn’t we do this years ago??”  Dude, had I known about this program years ago I’d have been all up in it.  But who knew?  Over the next few weeks I talked to a few of my friends in the adoption community and none of them had heard about this either.  WHY is it such a secret???  Well, part of it, I think, is the name.  The program name is the Special Needs Adoption Program.  Now, if I had happened upon their site and read Special Needs I would have just kept going.  More power to you if you are in a position to adopt special needs.  We aren’t.Apparently this agency, or maybe it’s NC, or maybe it’s both, who knows, they consider foster kids to be special needs. Hence the name of the program.

The deal is is that we will be certified as foster parents.  We had our orientation Tuesday night and our classes start Saturday barring a winter storm.  Then we’ll have a home study.  Then Jen will search through all the available foster children in NC and see if she can match us up with one.  We’re asking for a child of either gender under the age of 3 years.  We’re open to different races.  Those of you who’ve known me, or read this blog for a long time might be wondering why the switch to either gender from straight up girl.  Well, when we signed on with this agency CSP piped up and said he’s always wanted a boy.  So we decided with the first child to let fate decide.  Then we’ll specify the opposite sex with the second child.

Why has it taken from July to January to take the classes?  There was a round of classes in the Fall but that’s CSP’s busiest time at work and he could not get the time off.  You can’t miss any classes so we decided to wait til now.  So, what if Jen can’t find us a match for a child in NC?  Then they search throughout the country.  Our child might come from 3 blocks down or 3 states away.  Who knows.

Our child will come to us free and clear for adoption.  So why do we have to be certified as foster parents?  That way our child can live with us until the adoption is final.  Jen says it can take up to a year from orientation class to placement of the child.

Then she explained the fees to me.  Let me just say that this program is WAY more affordable than any other I’ve heard of. There could still be substantial fees involved, but it’s a drop in the bucket compared to the $30,000 number we’re used to hearing.

Orientation went well.  In the days leading up to it CSP started to get really nervous.  I had to assure him that they don’t hand out babies with the sign in sheet.  On the way home it was a whole other story.  We’re both so excited now.  We’re motivated to get the child’s room set up again.  We have untouched boxes full of baby stuff from our last house that I just haven’t been able to deal with.

It seems like this is really, FINALLY, happening for us!  Now, I’m sure that there’s something that could go wrong.  But we know a couple who have adopted two children through New Jersey’s version of this program and couldn’t be happier.  And this program just feels right to us.  But I still say a little prayer every night.  That it goes well, that we’ll be good parents, and that our child will finally come home.

Published by Shanny

I am a married mom to a pughuahua, a French bulldog, & a feist. I'm a Color Street stylist, a major planner, loud talking, and big laughing. I started this blog in August 2001.

45 thoughts on “Big news, people!”

  2. I’ve got my fingers and toes crossed for you guys – anyone as passionate and tenacious and persistent and FABULOUS as y’all are will make fantastic parents!! I’m pulling for you!!!!

    Best,
    Shannon

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  5. This brings me joy! I am betond happy for you guys. Will pray you’re cjild will quickly be in your arms.

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  6. This brings me joy! I am beyond happy for you guys. Will pray your child will quickly be in your arms.

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  11. So excited for you guys! I’m glad you found a program that you feel comfortable with. It sounds great. I can’t wait to follow along.

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  14. Oh Shannon. This is wonderful news and totally made my day! I’m so happy I checked in with your blog (it’s been awhile). You and CSP are both such warming and loving people- you will make wonderful parents!

    Emily (from CT)

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  16. Yippee! I have been waiting for you to put it out there since we were there in Oct and Susan told me about the program.

    Hurry home little one, hurry home.

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  17. Very exciting!! Keeping everything crossed and sending lots of good wishes that all proceeds smoothly & easily and that very soon your child will be home with you.

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  19. Shannon, how exciting! I’m keeping my fingers, toes and eyes crossed for you. Here’s sending you {{{ great vibes }}}. What a lucky child yours will be . . . . just to know how loved and wanted he/she is. Your love comes through even in your writing. I can only imagine how loved your baby is going to feel. Congratulations! I am giddy with the anticipation of all the good things that will come to you and your hubby.

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  20. I just wanted to delurk to say that I am so happy for you – I have tears in my eyes thinking about you being a mom – this program sounds great. Keeping everything crossed that this goes well for you. Can’t wait to tell you congratulations one day down the road :o)

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  25. Even though I’ve known this for a while, my excitement for you two hasn’t waned at all! STOKED! Can’t wait for you two to be mama and papa!

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  27. Ohh, I’m SOOOO excited for you & CSP!!!! I ‘found’ you (during one of my post-surgery insomnia nights puttering around on the ‘net looking at anything related to Crocs no less, LOL!) I figured by a few posts that you were trying to adopt, but didn’t know about all of your heartbreak. I am praying praying praying that all goes beautifully for you & CSP this time & you two get to add that 3rd (human) member to the family real soon!! You two are going to be AWESOME parents!! *hugs*

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  32. Congrats!!! Susan explained the program to me and gave me the number. Will be contacting her to get an information packet. Very excited for you and keep us updated 🙂

    xxoo

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  36. Oh Shanny – I saw the update on FB and just KNEW it was something to do with a baby! I was on the iPhone and go running into REI where DH is shopping and find him while trying not to cry. Of course, he thinks somebody has died LOL! I make him sit in the shoe department while I read your post to him. We are elated. Saying lots of prayers and sending wonderful wishes your way!!!

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  40. I am behind on my blog reading and late to the party, but I am EXTREMELY happy for you!! This is wonderful news and I will keep you in my prayers. Can’t wait to ‘meet’ your new little one. That will be one very loved baby!!

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  41. I’ve been off the computer for awhile but I’ve been DYING to hear what was going on since you hinted to your orientation on FB.

    Shanny, I could NOT be happier for you!! I’ve been ‘with’ you through your China, Guatamala, birth mother heartaches and I’ve been praying that God would see his way to make you parents!!

    CONGRATULATIONS! I am so excited for you and CSP and I cannot wait for more good news!

    God Bless-
    Nikki

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  42. Just catching up on your great news!!! I’m so happy for you. I’ve been checking your blog since I was in line for China in ’05. Wishing you great happiness!

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  43. Whooohoooohoooo!! Holy crap! I go out of town for a week and you announce this huge news. Wow. Extremely excited for you guys!

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  44. *tearing up* I’m so excited for you, Shannypants!!!!!! ***HUUGS & KISSES*** I hope everything goes well for you! I’m so, so, so, so, so excited!

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