Thelma & Louise ain’t got nothing on Gigi

Yesterday I went down to Columbia with my Mom.  She had to take care of some things regarding Gmommy.  For those of you new to this blog, my grandmother- Gmommy- has Alzheimers & is in a nursing home.  So we had to go to the bank & the funeral home (Gmommy’s still alive, just checking on whether she has a pre-purchased plot), etc.  Well, I was running a bit late, and Papa didn’t print something for Gigi that she needed for the trip.  We had an appointment with the bank manager at 11 am and Columbia is 2 hours away.  So Gigi wasn’t in the best of moods. We hit the road just after 9 and Gigi put the pedal to the metal.  We were in her 1998 Lexus and I was just thinking about how the car was still such a smooth riding car when all hell broke loose.  I was in charge of reading directions.  We used to live in Cola but it’s been 19 years since we were there and we never used Gmommy’s bank.  Anyway, we had just passed a big rig on my right when we realized we were about to miss our exit.  And we were in the far left lane.  Now, let me just say that we are proper Southern girls.  We don’t curse much AT ALL.  Strictly PG13.  Keep that in mind when you read what happened next.

Gigi: Oh Shit!

Me: You can make it!  You can make it!

Gigi then CUT the wheel hard to the right and zipped right in front of the 18 wheeler!  Who knows what traffic was on the other side of that big truck.  We couldn’t see.  Well we’d totally missed the off ramp so now we’re bouncing over the triangle part of ground between the highway & the off ramp.  In front of us I can see this HUGE hole in the ground next to the off ramp.  Everything was going so fast & in slow motion at the same time.  The hole was full of water but I could still see the estimated 18 inch wall of asphalt on the far side of the hole.  I couldn’t breathe.  I couldn’t tear my eyes away from the hole so I have no idea what Gigi was doing but I could tell she was on the verge of screaming.

Then we were airborne.

We’d hit the hole.  And we were flying.  And I apparently Gigi started channeling Samuel L. Jackson because I hear her yell “MOTHERFUCKER!!!”

If I hadn’t been so sure I was about to die I would have been laughing SO hard at that one.

Then BAM we were slammed back on the ground.  We bounced and were in the air again.  Then, miraculously, we were driving on the off ramp.  Gigi was still doing about 75 mph.  Amazingly we managed not to hit the big rig, or anyone else for that matter.

Me:  We’re ok.  We’re ok.

Gigi: YOU DON’T KNOW IF A WHEEL’S GOING TO FLY OFF!

But a wheel didn’t fly off.  We kept driving and I could breathe again.  Man, I wish I could see a tape of that.  We got to the bank and surveyed the car.  We didn’t pop a tire.  We didn’t lose a hubcap.  There are some scratches on the underside of the front bumper.  Gigi hit her head on the ceiling of the car.  I slammed into the door.  But we’re alive.  We didn’t kill anyone.  Jesus took the wheel!  Just like Carrie Underwood said he would!

We told Papa what happened later that night at dinner.  His eyes were HUGE and he was worried but we were able to laugh.  THANK THE LORD.  CSP’s favorite part of the story of course is Mom yelling MOTHERFUCKER!!!  That’s my favorite part too!