Because I’m a woman of my word

Here’s the promised adoption update.  And I won’t even make you type in the password.

I literally have anxiety about writing this out.  Because it makes it true.  Ugh.  Here we go.  So  you know we switched to the Kyrgyzstan program after our Guatemala people at our agency told us to switch countries.  And you know about the waiting list and how we got up to slot 3 right?  And then you know how Kyrgyzstan decided that you have to make 2 trips.  And even though our agency wasn’t making people do 2 trips they couldn’t guarantee we wouldn’t have to do 2 trips.  And we could not afford 2 trips.  Cause that extra trip was going to be at least $5,000.  And then you know I had my hysterectomy over the summer and after insurance we still had to pay almost $6,000.  That put a big dent in ye ole savings account.

Well, CSP wasn’t feeling right with the whole Kyrg thing.  He wasn’t crazy about flying all around the world for a baby.  And it just never felt “right” to him.  He just knew our child was in Guatemala.  And honestly, I felt the same way.  I don’t know if you remember but when China booted us out of the program we just felt lost.  We didn’t know what to do or where our children were.  So I prayed my little heart out and literally the next week a man walked in to my house and told me to go to Guatemala to get my children.  He & his wife were adopting from there.

Anyway, so CSP & I did a pros & cons list.  We cried and argued and I cried some more.  I was really torn.  To be 3rd in line and then step out of line?  For no new line?  It just seemed crazy.  But in the end I had to go with my husband.  Because he’s my baby daddy.  And marriage and parenting are all about compromise.  And I knew, deep down, that he was right.

So I prayed my little heart out some more.  And I called my agency and told them to take us out of the Kyrg program and put us back in the Guat line.  But Guat’s on hold cause of the whole Hague Treaty thing.

So where does that leave us?  Well, we’re 1st in line with our agency to get started with Guat again when they start doing adoptions again.  They are predicting that we will be able to finish up our dossier this spring.  If all goes well, and that’s a key phrase, then  ideally we’d get a referral by the end of summer and could meet our daughter soon after.  Of course we wouldn’t be able to bring her home for quite a few months while everything is being processed.  And who knows what process changes the Hague will bring.

I was really REALLY stressed about the whole thing for a long time.  That’s why I haven’t shared anything about it on here.  But then I just let go.  I know it’s not up to me.  I’m doing everything on my end to make us a family.  The rest is up to Guatemala, the US, & God.  Once I let go I felt a lot better about it.  More at peace.  I know I’ll be a mom someday.  It’s just taking a little  lot longer than I’d planned.  BUT that’s a good thing in the end.  It’s all about timing.  If we’d gotten our child a year ago it would have been a nightmare trying to deal with a baby AND a hysterectomy and 2 carpal tunnel surgeries.  And now a knee surgery.

I know He knows what He’s doing.  But I still remind him to please bless us with children every night when I say my prayers. 😉

29 thoughts on “Because I’m a woman of my word

  1. I applaud you for having the courage to do what’s right for your family. You both have to be on the same page when it comes to adoption or it will never work. I hope things go quickly for you!

  2. Oh Shanny, you will get there, I promise. I think it’s wonderful that you and Jon are able to know for sure what you are doing and work together. This sweet girl will have such amazing parents. I will keep praying for your baby to get here soon. Get ready, Mommy, she’s coming!!!

  3. Go with your gut – that’s what good mommies do! Just like you.

    I’m not all that religious, but I’m going to say some prayers for you. Hang in there – your baby will be with you before you know it!

  4. I think you’re right to go with your gut. If it doesn’t feel right then it won’t work. I have faith that this will all come together for you in the end. You’ll be great parents.

  5. It’s great that you are letting go of trying to control the process. That will make you much happier. I really think Guatemala will straighten things out fairly quickly. It’s in their best interest and in the best interests of their children…not to mention in your best interest!

    You’re going to be a great Mom; I hope very soon.

    Thanks for sharing.

  6. Oh my, some hard decisions, huh? When I think about you, I think, “There is a woman that ought to be a mom.” Honestly, I do. I agree with Meredith, you are going to be a great mom.

  7. Parenting is just one long long “letting go” process. From expectations to letting them grow and change. Sometimes, its vary hard. You will have some practice with it.

  8. Wow sweetie. What an ordeal. It’s heartwrenching to read this. I cannot imagine how all of this makes you feel. I don’t know what tomorrow brings but God does. Where this will take you only He knows. Go with God. He is good. And you are blessed to have such a wonderful husband.

  9. I hear you on the feeling lost. We got the boot from China this time around. And I am in the same place you were–I don’t know where our child is. Even though I consider myself a religious person, I never really did ask God where our child is. I TOLD him where I thought she was. Obviously, I was wrong. I think I’ll take a lesson from you and pray my little heart out. I’m really glad you posted this update because I never did ask for the PW. Maybe this was something I was meant to see. Thanks for sharing.

  10. wow! what an amazing story! thank you for sharing! i really hope you get a baby soon! God works in mysterious ways! 🙂

    just keep praying!

  11. Thanks for sharing. This is very interesting to read about … and so nervewracking, even this removed. I will be hoping and praying for you! 🙂

  12. Stressful decisions to have to make, my friend! Sending huge hugs — this parenting thing is hard, hard, hard, even before we meet our kids. Much love, M3

  13. I really hope and pray that everything begins to come together for you both this year! You have been through so much already! I think it’s finally your turn for something GREAT!!

  14. Good luck with everything, Shannon. I have to say, I got teary reading your blog entry ~ I really hope that it works out for you guys and that this year sometime, you’ll be holding your precious daughter. You’ll be wonderful parents. Holding good thoughts for you! Yes, you have been through *so* much.

    And OMG … I can’t believe this, but I forgot to do the photo bloggy thing this morning. I’m thinking that I’ll do it tomorrow, if that’s OK. I’m feeling anxious and going through some stuff right now, so today isn’t the best time. I’m sorry. 😦

  15. I totally agree with you about timing – it will happen when it’s right. Seriously, we got in to the China program less than a year before the new regs would have given us a big Hell No!, and even though I am frustrated with the wait, I have thanked my lucky stars for that good timing many, many times for that good timing. You’re smart to go with your gut feelings and go with what’s right for you and CSP.

    You and CSP WILL BE parents someday, and when it happens, Ling Ling is going to be one lucky little lady, because I know how much love you have to give.

    Get better, you surgery Rock Star!

  16. Oh Shannon you guys have been through sooo much. But you are so very close. I can feel it!! Feel better soon and the very best of luck with everything. Thank you for the update.

  17. Thank you so much for sharing your very personal story.
    Isn’t it amazing how you just ‘know’ where your heart is? The ONE thing in this life that is the most difficult for me is letting go and trusting in God. Adoption tests that to the hilt!
    Be thankful that you and your hubby are on the same page and sticking together through this. A strong marriage makes a strong family and you’ll be a wonderful family of 3 before too much longer!! 🙂
    I pray that Guatamela and the Hague and the US get things figured out soon.

  18. Sigh. So sorry this is taking so long. I’m in total agreement with others….. you SO will be a great mom. And you will totally appreciate your child (not that others don’t…. you know what I mean) knowing the struggles you went through to find each other.

  19. You know what is right for your family and you know where your child is. After B’s adoption, we assumed we’d go to China again for her mei mei. And then we got the info on E. And we knew she would be our daughter. Guess what? Mei mei was in Guatemala instead of China.

    Go with your gut. And be ready to go with the flow. But it sounds like you already are. 🙂

  20. I am praying for you guys. It has got to be a tough road, I can’t even imagine. You will both be blessed soon, I just know it. (((hugs))) Oh and ps. have I told you that Jeff (my wonderful boyfriend) was adopted at 2 years of age. It is amazing to me. He is from Korea.

  21. No matter what anyone says, waiting isn’t easy. We’re so used to not waiting in our society that when we truly HAVE to wait it is excruciating. While I was waiting for our daughter to come home, though, I asked myself if I could do ANYTHING to speed up the process. The only answer that came was prayer. So I prayed and I waited, and it all worked out. She hadn’t even been born when I thought I was “supposed” to get a referral, and God knows she is so perfect for our family. Peace to you while you wait!

  22. Waiting is not easy. Coming to this decision wasn’t easy either I’m sure. I really hope this year is the year for you.

  23. I know it seems like this is taking forever and all the changes can make you crazy. But *your* baby is out there. And if you are meant to get baby #20 on the list…you wouldn’t end up with the right baby had everything worked out quickly and you ended up with baby #1. God does have the perfect baby picked out for y’all. But he’s having to put up what appear to be roadblocks so that you wait for the *right* one instead of just the first one that comes along. Maybe your baby hasn’t been hatched out yet and that’s why y’all are being forced to wait even longer. 🙂 Hindsight is 20/20. In a few years from now you’ll be saying you’re so glad that you had to wait longer than expected otherwise you wouldn’t have ended up with the baby you ended up with.

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