Bless Your Heart

So we ordered Chinese take out again last night (this place not only has really great food but ridiculously cheap prices- like $4 for dinner so that’s how we can afford to budget it in, plus they often give us freebies).
We get there and I go in and Amy is back from maternity leave. She’s married to the main dude that works there, Jimshum. They just had their 2nd child, a girl named Katie- sister to Kevin. She’s all excited to see me and says “my husband told me you’re going to China to get a baby” and she had tons of questions. After we talked about that and she quizzed me on the little tiny few words of Chinese I’ve learned she asked where was my husband? I told her he was in the car waiting and asked about her husband, Jimshum. She looked at me funny then said he worked that morning and was at home. I said “Am I saying his name right? Jimshum? Jee um shuh um?” I made sure to say it loud and sound it out.
She said to me “No. His name is Jason.”
OMG. I am such an ass. I’ve been calling him Jimshum on the phone, in person, in conversation, on the internet, for a year! Before I asked his name I just called him Excuse Me. I guess I just heard Jimshum when he said his name was Jason. How easy is Jason?? How can I screw that up? I mean, his wife’s name is Amy, their kids are Kevin and Katie. WHY would he be Jimshum?? No wonder he always looked at me a little weird when I’d walk in and yell Hey Jimshum! like the jackass I am. He must think I have a major speech impediment and am not fit to raise a child from their country. Oh no, I hope he doesn’t think I was making fun of him! I’m the laughing stock of the local Chinese community. I am so embarrassed.
I’m going to go paint a scarlet C on my chest now.

Lisa challenged me to take this little quiz. 3’s my lucky number so I’ll go for it.

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1. Shannon
2. Shann.y
3. Honey

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
1. heyshann.ygirl
2. shannylj
3. prettycraftygirl

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. my hair
2. my mouth
3. my eyes

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU DON’T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. I have wide feet
2. I have short stubby legs and arms and hands
3. I have excema

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
1. Irish
2. English
3. American

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. Losing Jon, a family member, or a good friend to death
2. Being rear ended by another vehicle, esp on a highway causing a pileup. (all because of a terrible wreck I had in 2001 where I was rear ended by a Cadillac at 55 mph and I was stopped at a light in my tiny Honda Civic. It wasn’t pretty)
3. never having children

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. Lip gloss or balm
2. Lotion
3. Water

THREE THINGS YOU’RE WEARING NOW:
1. Pink satin sleep mask up on my head
2. Nightgown (I just woke up)
3. Wedding rings

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS OR MUSICAL ARTISTS
*this changes a lot but BNL and Liz are forever favorites.
1. Barenaked Ladies
2. Liz Phair
3. Aslyn

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS
* of all time or at this moment? I’ll go with a mix.
1. Baby I love you- Aretha Franklin
2. Wally- Aslyn
3. Gotta Get Up From Here- Ellie Lawson

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP:
1. Love
2. Humor
3. Trust

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE:
1. I have one tattoo and think about getting another one a lot.
2. I have no desire to travel to Europe or Africa.
3. I am scared of the dark.

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE PREFERRED SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
1. Eyes
2. Hands
3. Smile

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
1. Making Jewelry
2. Painting
3. Scrapbooking

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1. Go get Ling Ling
2. Go on a private cruise with all my family and friends
3. Win the lottery

THREE CAREERS YOU’RE CONSIDERING:
1. Mother
2. Party Planner
3. Artist and boutique owner

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
1. Alaskan cruise
2. Las Vegas
3. Atlantis

THREE KIDS NAMES YOU LIKE:
1. Aidan
2. Claire
3. Sophia

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1. Have children
2. Visit each of the 50 states
3. Be a contestant on Family Feud and The Price is Right.

THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A GIRL/BOY:
1. I love Makeup & beauty products
2. I love all things sparkly and glittery
3. I don’t like yard work or getting dirty and sweaty

THREE CELEBRITY CRUSHES
1. Brad Pitt
2. Orlando Bloom
3. Jeff Goldblum

THREE PEOPLE WHO HAVE TO TAKE THIS QUIZ NOW:
1. Shannon O.
2. Amanda
3. Bethanie

Our house is a 2 story and we have 2 heating/cooling units. The unit that cools the upstairs has decided that there is no need for cool air where we sleep, shower, use the computer, do crafts, etc. Lucky for us it’s been unseasonably cool. It’s only 79 degrees today. I’m dying people. Remember from your science class that heat rises. Sleeping upstairs lately has been like crawling into a hot bean burrito and trying to rest. The a/c man is coming today between 2 and 4 and hopefully this will be a quick fix. Pray that I don’t melt.

Hannah asked if we’d be going to China to get Ling Ling and I realized I haven’t explained the process. According to our agency this is what our lives will be like the next year or so:
-Parents apply with CWA and send Application Fee. Fees are billed as incurred and are non-refundable. Fees will wreck you financially, but it will all be worth it in the end.
-Upon acceptance, CWA provides access to the Initial Adoption Procedure (IAP) webpage.
-Parents complete and return all forms from IAP and send first half CWA Professional Service fee.
-Parents are assigned a CWA case manager. Case manager tries to maintain a straight face while determining if these two goofballs are fit to be parents.
-Parents apply with the U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services (CIS) and begin a home study with a certified investigator from their state. CWA provides home study services for parents living in NC or SC. (for another fee) Social worker walks into Parents’ home and laughs menacingly as she writes nasty things on her report. Doubts if home is safe for child while being inhabited by two bitchy cats and two insane pugs.
-Parents send their completed dossier (paperwork) to CWA along with the second half of CWA Professional Services Fee, the China Program Fee and the translation fee. Parents obsessively check with agency to make sure dossier wasn’t lost.
-CWA sends dossier to China for translation, review, and approval. A child is referred by the Chinese government. Parents receive pictures and medical information. Approximate wait time for referral is 6 months. Parents go crazy waiting for referral because there is only so much decorating you can do.
-Parents send post adoption administration fee and China travel fees to CWA within 30 days. Parents purchase international airline tickets directly from travel agent. Parents beg for first class upgrade.
-Parents travel to pick up their child. Mother goes into ugly cry when child is placed in her arms. Mother’s face must now be edited on home video as she looks like Tammy Faye after a monsoon. Parents pay adoption expenses to Chinese adoption authorities, children’s welfare center, and US Consulate.
-Child receives citizenship upon returning to the US. Hooray!
–Parents and child go home and spend next few weeks recovering from jet lag while child tries to get used to the woman with yellow hair and the giant man who are now her parents.

While we were in Baltimore last week I noticed a strange condiment being served with french fries- gravy! When the first waitress asked if I wanted gravy with my fries I was all confused and asked what kind of gravy? See, in the South we have red eye gravy, country gravy (for biscuits or country fried steak), brown gravy (for mashed potatoes), and your various sauces that could be called gravy. Plus, I know that some Northern or Italian families call the sauce you put on pasta gravy. Well, it turns out they serve brown Thanksgiving gravy with french fries! Who knew? It was good! And if you think about it it makes more sense than ketchup- you wouldn’t put ketchup on your mashed potatoes. I tried the fry gravy while we were there, but poor Jon got too much of a good thing and had quite the gravy fry overdose tummy ache by the time we got home! But now he wants to keep gravy on hand for french fry dipping. We’ll make french fry gravy popular down here so it will sweep the nation!

First, you know the drill, click on all pics to enlarge. Ok, now that we have that out of the way I can talk about this last week. Lots to tell you. First, the wedding on the 7th. Short, hot, no sign on the church so we almost blew right past it, ring bearer blew his nose through the whole ceremony. My sister yelled out “WE DO” at the wrong time- so funny. The parents were supposed to answer “we do” when asked if they’d help the couple stay holy or something and from behind me I hear Sara yell out with them. Then the minister asked the congregation if we’d help them stay holy and that was her cue. Ah well, something fun for the video. There was a little boy there who’d yell out “Yay!” throughout the ceremony- cute. The reception was next door and was really pretty. After making an appearance we went to Shealy’s for some fabulous fried chicken and barbque, then headed home. Jake and Joey did great- it was a long day and a long 3 hour one way drive for them.

Monday afternoon Jon and I took a last minute road trip up to Baltimore. He wanted to see his Minnesota Twins play and that’s the closest they come to our house. We literally did not know if we were going until right up to Monday and we had no idea how long we were staying until they released the pitching schedule. I am such a good wife. ;) We pulled in to Lisa’s house at 1am Tuesday. After a little sleep we went to lunch, a market so Jon could get some Utz chips, then to Federal Hill park. We were enjoying the gorgeous day when we noticed a camera crew setting up just a few feet away. I took some secret spy pictures as we speculated who they were interviewing. Laura went and asked (duh) and it turned out to be Miguel Tejada! Turns out he’s the short stop for the Orioles. So we got our pictures taken with him and even a few seconds of camera time. We went to the Tuesday night game with Lisa, Pete, Laura, and Brandon. It was a lot of fun and the weather was fantastic our whole trip.

Wednesday Jon and I went to the day game while everyone else worked. Again perfect weather and we had great seats. One thing we learned about the Orioles this trip is that the mascot doesn’t have a name. How can you not name the bird? Let’s go with Ollie or something! But nope, it’s just the bird. Pete named him the Sh&% Pigeon and we’re going with that.

Thursday morning we got up bright and early and headed home. We stopped at IKEA in Woodbridge for a few hours on the way. I can’t even tell you how happy it makes me that Jon loves IKEA as much as I do. He would have never let me name Ike and Kea after IKEA otherwise. We didn’t spend much, just stocked up on Jon’s coffee (only $2.49 a lb!), and some straws, napkins, and a few other odds and ends. Everything was great until my credit card was declined at the check out. I couldn’t believe it! I was so embarrassed! I had paid that Visa off last week. I called BofA from the car after paying with a Mastercard and losing my USAirways miles I would have gotten with the Visa. They had blocked our cards after noticing charges in states other that NC & SC. I appreciate the security but was still mad. The lady said “Well we called you at home.” Lotta good that does us when WE AREN’T THERE! DUH WE’RE ON VACATION TRYING TO BUY A CLOTHES HAMPER! I talked to 394 people it seems at BofA and even got a little emotional pleading for my miles and telling them that my daughter is in China in an orphanage and DO YOU WANT ME TO GO CHILDLESS BECAUSE YOU BLOCKED MY CARD? Jon was laughing so hard, but it was the principle of the thing. Call my cell for the love of Jim (I can’t say for the love of Pete anymore since I know one now)! I called IKEA and asked could they switch the purchase to the USAirways card and asked if they wanted Lingling to remain an orphan like BofA does but no one would help. I need those miles because Lord help us if we have to fly coach for over 14 hours to China! Thank the Lord IKEA is opening June 29th in Atlanta and I won’t have to shop at international adoption hating Woodbridge anymore. ;)

We ordered Chinese take out for dinner last night (shocker!) and the girl who’s filling in for the regular girl Amy while Amy’s on maternity leave now recognizes my voice. I think I sound fairly normal but I must sound like some screechy albatross or something. She’s only been working there for like a month! Anyway, Jimshun was there and he and Amy are married and they are so excited about Lingling. He had asked us if we had kids so we told him about the adoption- I don’t just run around screaming about it although I’m so excited I just may start. So each time I go in to pick up dinner we now get freebies and a mini Chinese lesson. (I’ve been trying to learn a little online). He tried to teach me the word for Good Bye last night but he’s too good and I just can’t get the pronunciation down. He said it then I said it then he says No, oadhfjoaih oaihjd, and I just said good bye in English and and added Good Bye to the list of words I need to learn. I do have hello (ni hao) and thank you (xie xie) down though! You kinda say thank you like shay shay. Easy enough. I’ve also learned mom (ma ma) and dad (ba ba). Now as long as everyone in China could just please slow it down when we get there we should be ok!

I was in line at a gas station buying water about 30 minutes South of the Virginia border Monday when I heard the following conversation between a guy in line in front of me and the clerk:
Customer: Hi I’d like 2 scratch off tickets please.
Worker: You’d have to go to Virginia for that.
C: What do you mean, I just came from there.
W: We don’t have the lottery.
C: Are you serious? You’re like the only state on the East coast without one. Not even scratch offs?
W: Nope.
C: Wow. So then what do people buy when they get gas?
W: Well, we do have pecan log rolls.

The Social Security Administration has released the top 10 most popular names given to babies in 2004. Lingling didn’t make the list. What cracks me up about this list is that both of my nephews’ names are in the top 10, Jacob and Joseph. They have been for a few years. My sister insists that they are unusual names because “I don’t know any Jacobs!”. Of course you don’t! Until you have babies you aren’t hanging out too much with the diaper crowd!

We were on our way to meet my MIL for lunch when she called Jon’s phone. Seems she stopped at Office Depot on her way to lunch and while inside someone smashed her passenger window and stole her bookbag. Just a little tote with a couple of apples on it with a couple of books inside. So we met her in the parking lot and waited with her for the cops and my FIL to come. While we were waiting many people came in and out of the parking lot and being curious asked us lots of questions. My MIL even got her first “bless your heart”. The police officer took a good hour to get there so some of the questions got repetitive. Then finally we were just laughing about them because even though they are the standard things you’d ask, people (and us) sometimes say things that sound silly as soon as they are said.
“Oh no did someone break into your car?”……no. We broke out. Thank goodness. We were getting hungry.
“Did that just happen?”…….Nah. Last Tuesday. We just like to come back and revisit the scene.
And my personal favorite:
“Did that happen here?”…..No. It happened over at the Cracker Barrel. We brought the glass and scattered it here because we wanted to relive the whole experience.
The cop finally showed up and pulled into the parking lot. We all got out of my FIL’s car (it was cold and windy) and I waved the cop over. He waved, circled around our cluster of cars, then proceeded to leave! My MIL ran after him and managed to bang on his trunk when he slowed down so finally he stopped.
What really got my attention was all the women who were shopping at Office Depot who asked about us. When we told them what happened literally every single one of them (about 5) and one man went back to their cars and got their purses (the man grabbed a bag and put it into his trunk). So every woman was leaving her purse in plain view in a parking lot! One lady hadn’t even locked her car! She even told us (wallet in hand) that she always leaves her purse in the front seat! Be careful out there ladies!