Bless Your Heart

So some of you asked how did I like the pumpkin frappy thingy from Star*bucks. It was good- rich. So rich that the little sample we got was all I’d need. I can’t imagine drinking a venti size. It was like pie in a cup.

I learn so much from reading blogs, esp about new products or things I should be using. Janet at Slice of Pink talked about using a concealer brush one day. I’d never thought to use a brush. The next time I was in Target I grabbed a $1.99 jobby and it is awesome! You use so much less product and it goes on more smoothly.

I must also take a minute to sing the praises of Dove deodorant. I know that’s a weird thing to get excited over, but I have sensitive skin. I’d been a Secret girl for most of my life, but then I got a free sample of Dove in the mail and tried it. Before I started using it I had huge excema patches all over my underarms. It itched and hurt. After using Dove for a week it cleared up! I couldn’t believe it!

Oh, and I pay attention to Carmindy on What Not to Wear when she’s talking about makeup. I learned how to use eye shadow as eye liner- use an angled brush and put it right at your lash line. It works great and doesn’t bleed all over my face. Pencil or liquid would sometimes smear. My favorite is my 99 cents Wet & Wild eyeshadow- makes a great liner!

I’ve also found that when you share your news about adopting, people get all excited and those in the service industry hook you up. I’ve gotten all kinds of free stuff and discounts just by mentioning it in conversation! I’ve read so much about people hearing negative feedback when they say they are adopting from China, but I’ve yet to encounter anything but gushing supportive and encouraging comments. And the next thing you know I hear “Oh, it’s on me.” or “I threw in a freebie and some samples for you.” Of course now my list is really growing of all the people who want to meet LL & MM when they come home. But I’m sure the girls won’t mind some mall time!

I forgot to answer some questions left in my comments last week. So here we go:
You mentioned that 8 months is how old your girls will be when you get the referal, how does that work? 8 months is an estimate. The youngest you can get is 6 months, and most of the babies being referred to people our age is around 8 months. The younger you are, the younger your baby.
When will they actually pick out babies for you? Once our dossier is sent to China (that means we are DTC), the Chinese officials will log us into the system (LID) and about 6 months from LID we’ll have a match. The Chinese officials match us to our babies.
Will you get pictures? Once they match us up to our baby or babies, they will send what is called a referral. Your referral consists of pictures of the child/children and information about them: health info, size, age, approx birthdate, characteristics.
What happens if girl girl twins aren’t available but boy girl twins are? That would be rather rare because we’re talking about adoption in a country where 95% of the children available are girls. Most families will not give up a boy for adoption in China.
Is that an option or would you prefer one girl? We just want a family. We’re pretty set on a girl or girls right now because we know that’s what you typically get from China. We would not turn away a boy at all. And as far as twins go, we’re not guaranteed twins. They are fairly rare, but not all adoptive parents request them. So there have been numerous cases of twins being split up and adopted into different homes. We would hate to see that happen. Plus, we’d love to have at least 2 children, but the reality is we may not be able to ever afford to adopt again. We can barely afford it this time. So we figure, if we can get two at once then we’ll be all set! If we don’t get two, we’ll try our hardest to make it back to China, but we can’t count on it.

Some other questions we get asked a lot:
Is it expensive? Not much more than if you have a baby biologically. The main difference is we have to pay it all in a much more compressed time period. See, our baby will be at least 8 mos old. That’s 8 months of formula and diapers and day care and doctors visits etc. that the orphanage is paying for. So when I tell people about how much it will cost- around $25,000 when all is said and done- it shocks people. But do the math. Add up maternity clothes, pre-natal dr. visits and medications, Lamaze, hospital bills, then the 8 months of expenses mentioned above and I’ll bet we’ll all come out about even. Plus, we’re paying for a service, not a child. Just like other people. They didn’t buy their kids from the hospital, they paid for services. And lots of people will go out and drop at least $25k on an suv or car without batting an eye. It’s just Ling Ling won’t come with an easy payment plan and a low interest rate! By the way, I know some of you might be shocked that I’d be that open about the financial end of it, but hey, it’s the age of the internet. I might as well tell you rather than clam up cause you could just go on google and find out yourself anyway, so it doesn’t bother me.
Will you have any information about her background? Probably not. And if so, very little. Since it is illegal to “abandon” a child in China, most are left in a public place where they are sure to be found. A few might have a note pinned to them explaining their birth dates or bearing a message from the parents, but that’s rare. The only nugget we may have is a finding ad. You can pay to have this researched. It is the ad the officials place in the local paper with a tiny photo of your child explaining that the baby was found, thereby providing an opportunity for the parents to step forward. But again, it’s illegal to “abandon” a child in China, so they don’t step forward. I use “quotes” around abandon because it is a brave and caring thing these parents do. They risk arrest to make sure their children, who they can not keep because of population control laws and longstanding customs make it financially impossible to do so, are placed in a public spot where they are sure to be found in the hopes that they will be adopted. I don’t see that as abandonment, more like doing all they can to ensure a future for their child.

**Update! New Question via comments: When will DTC happen and how long after referral ( where you see pics and have an actual child ear marked for you), will you get to go get them? Since we just had our homestudy, we still have a mountain of paperwork to do. One form that goes to the US government for approval takes at least 3 months to get back. We’re hoping to be DTC by the end of January. So then we start the 6-7 month countdown til referral. Once we get the referral you travel about 6-8 weeks later. We’ll be in China for 2 weeks or so, then we’ll be home!

So, any other questions? Ask away! I’m by no means an expert, but I’ll tell you what I know and think and feel. I want everyone to know what a wonderful thing adoption is. A positive, loving way to grow a family.

Today we went to brunch with my inlaws then headed over to my sister’s house for some football watching and family togethering. My nephew Jake was sick with a fever (a present he brought home from his first week at pre-school), but Joey was putting on the charm. He has the most expressive little face! And he’s realized that the camera means he should bring out the smiles. He’s become quite a ham!

I love things that are either huge or teeny. So I was delighted when they were passing out wee samples of some pumpkin frappucino at Star*bucks today. Complete with teeny little straw.
In stark contrast is the cake my dear husband purchased when we went grocery shopping later. He is a sucker for birthday cake and buys a full sized one just about every month to snack on. He put it in the buggy and while he was looking on another aisle I ran to the bakery to get them to personalize his cake.

Well, tropical storm Tammy won. She came ashore and beat up Wilmington pretty good. My aunt and uncle emailed saying there were flooded streets and wind damage and don’t come. So we didn’t go. We didn’t want to take the pugs down there and ride for 5 stressful hours through a monsoon just to sit around inside while it rained outside. Luckily the owner of the house we’d rented is amazingly gracious and is letting us carry over our deposit to March. So we can celebrate our 5th wedding anniversary at the beach and not lose any money. Yay!
So what’s a disappointed, soggy, rained out couple to do? We went and drowned our sorrows in lemonade, fried chicken, and bbq at Shealys. On our way back home we drove through some nasty storms and Jon had turned his music off. Well, I was blissfully unaware while I laid back in the seat with my eyes closed listening to Liz Phair on the iPod (my boss bought one last week and I talked him into letting me have it for the weekend). When I sat up I found out what a patient, dear man I’d married. He told me my singing was just horrific. I thought, now I know I’m bad but when I’m singing along with someone I can’t be that bad! So he challenged me and we taped the next song so I could hear myself. People. It was so not good. If I can figure out the audio blogger thingy I may just let you listen to it. Consider it a public service. If you’re ever feeling down you can play my little ditty and know that you’re a lucky and wonderful person because you neither sound like me nor have to listen to me. And just in case you were wondering, I sing with gusto baby.

Once upon a time we were two people with two incomes and normal expenses. We didn’t know we’d have a ginormous adoption bill to pay, or hospital bills from multiple surgeries. We didn’t know we’d have fertility drugs to buy or specialists to see. So if we wanted something, we’d usually figure out a way to get it. For our 2nd wedding anniv. Jon gave me a beautiful Coach bag. It was blue and so cool and I loved it. I carried it in the spring and summer and noticed the blue started wearing off in strange places where it shouldn’t. I put it away for winter and forgot about the wearing. Recently I stopped by the Coach store and told the people about the bag and they told me to bring it in. So I did and the other day I got a letter in the mail from Coach saying I could use that letter as a credit in the store for over $200! For a 3 year old bag! Now that’s what I call service. And here I thought my days of Coach shopping were over! Twist my arm to find something to spend $200 on!
Last winter we made reservations at this way cool cottage at the beach where we were going to celebrate our 4th anniversary. Then I got sick with girlie mess and ended up back under doctor’s care and we had to cancel the trip. But I’d already sent in a deposit. I called the owner of the rental and explained and she let us change the date to today. So today we’re going to try and make our way down to the coast while tropical storm Tammy lashes the beaches with wind and rain. And we’re taking the pugs. We are suckers for punishment! But it doesn’t make sense to lose that money and we’re being comped on our meals (gifts from family) so it really won’t cost us anything. Plus we have family there so it will be good to see them. We could really use the break after the homestudy and all the adoption paperwork we’ve been dealing with. I just feel weird going on a mini holiday when I feel like I should be home fund raising or something. But who doesn’t want to go to the beach for the weekend in the middle of a tropical storm? Watch out Tammy, here we come!

I was visiting my sister Sara Sunday and she showed me the coolest thank you gift she had just received. Sara had taken some food and goodies to her neighbor who had just given birth to her 4th child, and the neighbor brought over the cutest thing. How this woman had time to whip up this craft gift AND watch 4 kids AND recover from giving birth AND, oh I don’t know, breathe, is beyond me. What it is is a flower pot, hand painted of course, filled with flowers. But the flowers are actually pens. So cute! I was thinking this would make a great centerpiece for a bridal shower, then everyone can take a flower pen home as a favor. Maybe I’m behind in crafty news, but I’d never seen this and thought it was quite clever. Now, if only I had a shower of some sort to plan!

My nephew Jake started pre-school today. How on earth? He’s only 2 & 1/2. He’s so excited though and showed off his turtle backpack and his little lunch box on Sunday. So cute. Man, it seems like he was just born! Joey’s now 8 months old. It hit me that he’s about the age my girls will be when we get the referral. Wow. He’s tooling around in his walker now, just dying to run around if only his little legs would let him. And he makes the cutest little crooked face when you point the camera at him now. Ooh, did you see that? I said my girls. I’m trying not to get my hopes up that we’ll get referred twins, but we would just love that. Ever since our home visit we’ve both started talking more about our girls than just Ling Ling. It’s so hard not to get excited. One would be a blessing, but two? Two would complete our family and make my dreams come true.

As part of my fall cleaning pre-homestudy spree, I pulled all the slip covers off the sofa and arm chair and washed them. Ike and Kea were not thrilled. This meant I found their secret hiding place for rawhides. While I was putting the slipcovers into the machine, Kea made sure to remedy the rawhide free sofa situation and in less than 5 minutes found and brought 7 rawhides up to the sofa- back to their rightful hiding places. Ike was just mad that the back cushions were missing for a while during cleaning. Poor thing could not get comfy no matter how hard he tried!

Our Social Worker, Teresa, visited this morning and it went great. The house looks great and we got a lot of things crossed off our home project list like paint mailbox post, paint front door, transplant flowers for front porch, paint both up and downstairs hallways, the half bath etc. Teresa was so friendly and easy going. She has a great sense of humor. First thing she said when she came in was “You didn’t have to crate the pugs!”. I told her Ike could be a bit of a barker with new people and he did bark at her a little, but then she pet the pugs and they quieted down and went to sleep. We got into the den and she said to Jon “I see on your autobiography that you don’t have much experience with children as an only child, but that you think raising your pugs has prepared you somewhat for raising children. So I’ll just go ahead and mark down that you like to keep your children in cages.” She also nailed him on one of the weaknesses he put for me- that I don’t like yard work. Well, she says, what’s wrong with that? Find me a Southern woman who likes to get dirty! She was really great and easy to talk to. Jon’s very quiet with strangers and well, with everyone, but he even felt comfortable with her and opened up a good bit and was quite chatty. She told us she knows a couple like us, the man is quiet and the woman talks all the time (what?! I’m shocked! I know you are too!) and she asked the man why was he so quiet and he said because he can’t get a word in edgewise. Heh, well, that’s probably true! DaBrie turned on the charm and cuddled up with Teresa on the sofa. After going over our autobiographies and talking for a while she gave us some information and pamphlets then toured the house. And that was it! I took her picture for Ling Ling’s life book and she told me I’ll need to make 2 books. I said I know we’re asking for 2 but we don’t want to get our hopes up too much as we’ve heard twins are rare. But she said not very many people ask for twins so that ups our chances a great deal. We’re so excited! Now that this is over and we know we’re being approved for twins we feel like we’re officially paper pregnant! Up til now it’s just been paperwork and check writing, but now someone official has told us we can parent a couple of Chinese babies and we are thrilled!