Bless Your Heart

I’m alive! First of all let me say I love my doctor. He’s so laid back and has a great sense of humor. The whole time he was hacking into me like a flank steak he was telling us all about his travels in China. He spent 5 months there teaching English. So cool. Jon was in the room with me, but spent a good deal of time playing solitaire on the crackberry so he wouldn’t pass out. So Dr. numbed me up on the side and gave it a few minutes to sink in. Then he cut a little piece of skin away and cut Seymour out whole. So it looks like an iceburg. You see a little floating on top, but there’s a WHOLE lot more underneath. I could feel him pulling and tugging me, Jon said it was like watching a butcher at work. No hair or teeth in Seymour- just a bunch of chicken fat and red stuff. It wasn’t a cyst, Dr. said a cyst is like a pimple on the inside, he said mine was a lipoma. Round or oval lumps under the skin caused by fatty deposits. Lipomas are more common in women and tend to appear on the forearms, torso, and back of the neck. Lipomas are generally harmless, but if the lipoma changes shape, your physician may perform a biopsy. Treatment may include removal by surgery.
Ok so now for the gross show and tell portion of our program. Just in case I have readers who aren’t as morbidly fascinated by this stuff as I am I’ve concealed the pictures by linking to them instead of just displaying them.
This is Seymour in his jar.
This is a top view.
This is my war wound.
Jon has been so great, so worried. He’s changing my bandages for me (I can’t see them unless I look in the mirror since it’s hidden by my boob). He called a million times last night to check on me from work. Shannon has been awesome too. She brought dinner over and noticed right away that I had bled through my shirt (again boob blockage, didn’t even see it). She changed my bandage and checked it every few minutes for bleeding. I called the dr’s office and they said if I bled through another bandage to go to the ER. She stayed with me til just before Jon got home to make sure I was ok. That girl is good in a crisis!
And so, there it is, the saga of Seymour.

Ok so I’m going to have Seymour removed here in just a couple hours. I have to admit I’m nervous. They aren’t putting me to sleep or anything which seems weird. My dr says I can bring Seymour home with me though. My little sister has a biology project due soon- maybe we’ll add teeth and hair to my lump. She’ll be sure to get an A+!

Today is my FIL’s birthday. We went out to their house for dinner and cake tonight. I remember when 58 seemed so old. But they say 60 is the new 40. When I was a teenager I thought 35 was old. I thought for sure I’d be married by 25 and have babies by 30. Funny how things change and now 35 doesn’t seem so old anymore!

Speaking of parties….don’t forget I’m having an online Pampered Chef party! If you would like to purchase anything from my Pampered Chef party just click here. If you spend more than $50 you will get these fabulous heart themed kitchen towels free! In order for your order to be credited to my party you have to type in my name on the website. Leave a comment with your email address or email me for my last name if you don’t have it. If you are local click ship to host to save on shipping and I will deliver your order to you. Tell your friends, family, co-workers, cell mates. Spread the word! Thank you so much!

We’re gonna party like it’s your birthday! My nephew Joey turned 1 on the 18th and we celebrated his birthday today. Friends, family, and 147 children. Well, it seemed like there were that many! They were all so cute and had a big time. Joey had fun eating cake for the first time. The party was only about 2 hours long but it felt like it lasted about 3 days. I looked around at one point amidst all the noise and chaos and thought “This will be my life someday”. There is nothing more fun than a full crazy house full of kids having the best time. It looked like a toy store exploded in there. We taught the kids how you could rub a balloon on your head and it would stick to your head and the wall. They thought we were magic!
I absolutely can not wait to have kiddie birthday parties at my house!

I spent this afternoon with my inlaws helping them upgrade their cell phones. Their phones were so old they only had those tiny little blue screens that showed the phone number. The abacus of cell phones if you will. Anyway, we went to the cell phone store and after some back and forth with Josh the charming cell phone man and over 3 hours of explaining features they left with 2 new phones. I spent the car ride home programming speed dials and ring tones.

Then I met up with Shannon. We went to Hobby Lobby to check it out. We don’t have one on our side of town yet, but I had a gift card I needed to spend. Man, that place is ginormous! We got there an hour before closing and even with cruising the aisles at a quick pace we still didn’t have time to see everything we wanted to see. We’ll have to go back when we have aa free day to properly explore. I did find some Spiderman fleece to make a blanket for my nephew Jake. He loves Spiderman with a passion. It’s so cute, especially since this is his first big love. Thank goodness he didn’t fall for some singing lizard or anything. After Hobby Lobby we stopped by St*rbucks to get a caffiene fix then saw Fun with Dick and Jane. Cute and funnier than I expected. I would be such a terrible robber. I just don’t think I’m cut out for a life of crime. And I wouldn’t last a day in prison.

The late night guy at our Jack in the Box is Reb. He is awesome. We’re guessing Reb is short for Rebel. Click the video to see why we love him so.

*Lump update: Seymour will be removed next week. Apparently it is a cyst, my family has them and I inherited the problem. The little one on my arm and leg will stay, but Seymour has gotten too big and painful.

Check it out… Memorial Day 2005 we were having a cookout and I leaned over to the right and while doing so I scratched an itch on my left side. It was during this scratch that I noticed a lump. About 2 inches below my ribs. I felt around and it appeared to be a mass about the size of a tater tot. I sort of forgot about it after a while. Then a few weeks ago my side started feeling kind of constrictive. I felt for the tater tot and it has grown into a turnip. Well, maybe more the size of a ravioli. Why do they always compare body masses to food? Point is, it has grown. And now it hurts. I have an appointment Friday to get it checked out. My sister is having some similar masses biopsied right about now. Her doctor is pretty sure she just has a couple of benign cysts so I’m hoping for a similar diagnosis. Although knowing my luck they’ll go in and find hair and teeth and pull out my unformed twin. I had a dream about it the other night- Seymour is its name- he’s an alien that has taken residence inside me and is putting the squeeze on all my innards. In the dream they pulled him out and I instantly lost like 50 lbs and walked out of the hospital looking like a supermodel. I’ll totally take the supermodel option over the unformed hair and teeth twin any day. Of course I guess I could always name my twin Seymour too.

I have some questions.
1. Why does the UPS man lie to me? He leaves a note saying he’ll be here between 2-5 today so I made sure I was here too. He came at 11. Is the taunting necessary?
2. Why do they insist on calling them “Boneless Wings”? People, they are CHICKEN STRIPS. I can guarantee you none of the meat in those “wings” was ever even close to the flight providing limbs.
3. How is it that I can watch LOST and totally miss the clues? I had to watch the smoke scene from last week in slow mo to catch that there was anything other than lightning in the smoke. I swear they need to send out a guidebook for each episode. While we’re on that subject, why hasn’t anyone moved into the hatch? Dude, if you showed me a place with a shower, bed, radio, food, and electricity I’d never even bother to go back to my little beach hut made out of leaves and sticks with a bed made of sand. And why are the men all scruffy but the women look great? Is there a Banana Republic on the island that the women are keeping secret?

Jacob saw me knitting a scarf for a friend (the one that took over a year), and wanted one for himself. Turns out I had just enough yarn left after finishing Marsha’s scarf to make a wee one for Jakey. He loved it and wore it all day when I gave it to him yesterday. I think he looks rather dashing- especially since he paired it with the family birthday hat!

Ike had a vet appt this morning for his annual exam. He did really well, although we learned he went from 19.9 lbs to 20.5 lbs. Must have been all those Christmas treats! I was told to bring in a poop sample. Well, if you know me at all you know I’m a prissy girl. That being said, I don’t do poop. More power to ya if you can pick up warm poop with a plastic bag. Bleh. So I took a bath tissue roll and stuffed the end with tissue. Then I scooped up his morning poop- not easy as he s&!ts and spins all over the yard- in the tissue roll. I stuffed the other end with tissue so it couldn’t roll out and popped it in a bag. I gave the sample to the vet tech who laughed and told me she’d never been presented with a sample in that manner. Then she went off to test it. I was in the exam room and could hear all the vet ladies laughing about my poop aversion. One advised that “If she’s adopting babies she better get used to poop fast!” I hope what they say is true- that it is different when it is your own child’s poop. I just don’t think I’ll be able to pack a HAZ MAT kit in my diaper bag- tongs, plastic bags, oxygen mask and all!