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Bachelor Week 4

More nonsense this week BBs! Week 4 begins with Clayton taking Shanae and Elizabeth aside to hash out their shrimp differences. Yes loves, ABC has subjected us to 2 solid weeks of what the ladies in the house are referring to as “Shrimpgate”. LORD HELP ME!!! As you can imagine, Eliz and Shanae just verbally assault each other while Clayton looks like he’d rather be anywhere else on Earth right now. He finally gets up and walks away and the ladies don’t miss a beat. They keep on harping on each other. Eliz rejoins the other ladies and Shanae follows, eating a plate of shrimp! Bahahaha!!! Clayton cancels the cocktail party and all the women blame Shanae, with good reason! Shanae gets the last rose and going home are Elizabeth, Melina, and Kira (who???)! HOW is Clayton so blind and dumb??


Jesse Palmer comes in the next morning to announce that the ladies are going on a world wide trip! Yay! To Houston!!! What??? The women try and look excited to be hopping a 3 hour flight to Texas instead of, well, anywhere else!


Rachel’s 1-1


Rachel (who’s wearing so much lip gloss I’m afraid she’s going to asphyxiate) and Clayton go horseback riding and “come upon” some random family’s barbeque. They crash the bbq and ask if they can stay and eat. They apparently spend the afternoon eating these poor people’s food and drinking their beer. It’s the first real food I’ve seen eaten on this show since 1887! Later they go to Fake Dinner and Rachel gets the rose.


Group Date


All the girls arrive to the Houston football stadium where there are lots of grills plugged into Hyundai cars. Odd product placement but ok. Everyone tailgates for a while until they are told they will be playing tackle football today. Not flag, not touch, but full on tackle to the ground football. There will be MUCH bloodshed today folks, because Shanae is a part of this group date and the other women are seething over her!


Winners of the game get to go to the after party with Clayton. Of course, Marlena the Olympian’s team wins. Sierra and Marlena basically ran all over those other poor girls. Guess who’s not on the winning team?? Shanae. Whomp whomp!


Afterparty


Sierra and Genevieve tell Clayton that Shanae is the cause of all the strife in the house when they have their separate time with him. Then, surprise! Shanae crashes the after party, saying “I deserve to be here.” NO YOU DO NOT!!! Clayton tells Shanae what the other girls have said and she comes back with “Yeah but they were plotting against me!” so Clayton puts Shanae up on a bar and they make out, as you do. WHY IS HE SO BLIND???? UGH.


After, Shanae goes out to the group of women and grabs their football trophy and hurls it into the bushes. She says “This isn’t the Bachelor, it’s the Shanae show!” And folks, we’ll have to deal with her for yet another week because that is the end of the episode!


Until next week, xoxo ๐ŸŒน

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Bachelor Week 3

It’s week 3 BBs! We pick up at the rose ceremony with Cassidy and her FWB (friend with benefits) drama. Clayton asks Jesse if he can take away Cassidy’s rose & Jesse says there are no rules. So Clayton pulls Cassidy to talk and of course she denies having a relationship with anyone. Then she admits it. Clayton sends her home.


Rose Ceremony


Shanae gets the last rose. Going home: Ency, Tessa (who??), and Kate.


Group Date #1


The ladies file into a dark room then sit in a circle. Kaitlin Bristowe is there to host the date, and of course Clayton is there. Everyone has to talk about their body insecurities. Poor Hunter talks about how an ex made her wear colored contacts and dye her hair! Good grief! By the end of it everyone is crying. It’s a v supportive environment and even Clayton shares some body insecurities.


Night


Clayton shows up to the after party in another hoodie/suit combo. WHO is his stylist??? This is a horrible combo!!! Eliza gets the group date rose.


Sarah’s 1-1


All of the body positivity from yesterday is completely squashed by today’s date. C and Sarah are forced to run around LA in their underwear on an extreme scavenger hunt. GROAN. Why in their undies??? How gratuitous!!!


Fake Dinner is at the Van Gogh immersive exhibit and it is beautiful. Sarah talks about how she was adopted and how she always felt like second choice. She gets the rose.


Group Date #2


Today’s date takes place at the beach. The ladies all have to change into the iconic Baywatch red swimsuits and you’d think C’s eyes were going to pop out of his head! Again, any positive ground gained the other day is now lost. SIGH. Shanae keeps talking about how this is all a contest and how she’s gonna win.


Night


Gabby talks C into taking his shirt off so she can rub aloe on him and I am so tired of seeing his nips!


Shanae tells Clayton she’s being bullied in the house and that Elizabeth is the ring leader. This, of course, is not true. But Clayton confronts Eliz who melts into tears because every conversation she has with C is about Shanae drama. Meanwhile, Shanae tells the camera “Oh I am SO good. I even cried! He believed me!!” This girl is ballsy! I’m so excited for the women tell all episode already because of her!


Shanae and Eliz get into it about the drama, but we’ll have to wait until next week to see what happens!


Until then BBs! xo ๐ŸŒน

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Bachelor Week 2

It’s week 2 BBs and it’s time for dates and drama! First, the women move into the Bachelor mansion and they are extremely excited about it.


Group Date #1


Hilary Duff hosts the date. The ladies are tasked to set up a little girl’s birthday party. Cassidy is supposed to help set up a play house but flat out refuses. “I’m not here to hang streamers”. Instead she drags Clayton out of sight of the other ladies to the pool where they make out for a half hour. The two of them rejoin the group long enough for Cassidy to DROP THE CHILD’S BIRTHDAY CAKE ON THE GROUND!!! The same cake that Genevieve spent an hour decorating!!! None of this earns Cass any points with the women, who are currently plotting her death.


Night


Clayton arrives at the after party in a hoodie and a sports jacket and I’m so confused!!! WHO is his stylist??? Such an odd pairing. The girls confront Cassidy about her behavior that day and our girl Cass DOES. NOT. CARE. She makes it v v clear she is here for one thing only and that is not making friends. Somehow Cassidy gets the group date rose and the other ladies are LIVID.


Susie’s 1-1


Susie LUCKS OUT on her date! She and C take a helicopter to a yacht to spend the day! They hang in the hot tub, swim, and make out. It’s not really all that noteworthy TBH. Susie reminds me SO much of Hannah B! And she says “LIKE” so much my head like hurts listening to her like, talk. She gets the rose.


Group Date #2


When the group date card is read out loud and Jill’s name isn’t on it, she cries tears and complains about how she left her friends and family and CAT! Bahahaha!!! Classic.
The group enters a room where a comedian is waiting to host the date. Ziwe is her name. Elizabeth sits next to Clayton and Shanae is so upset that she didn’t think of that move. Shanae spends her time glaring at Eliz and C flirting during the whole date. The group plays Never Have I Ever and then the girls have to complete an obstacle course. At one point Shanae shoves Eliz to the ground. Sarah wins the course.


Night


Shanae decides Eliz doesn’t like her anymore so she tells Clayton that Eliz isn’t here for the right reasons. Shanae then tells the camera ” We’re in a competition and I want to win”. Nice. SO of course Clayton tells Eliz and then Eliz confronts Shanae. Shanea then tells all the girls that Eliz has ADHD. Again, how v nice of her, right? Sarah gets the Group Date rose.


Cocktail Party


Shanae & Eliz’s drama is STILL going on. UGH. Even Cassidy, who up to this point has been coaching Shanae in how to win, tells her to cut her losses. Cassidy has some drama of her own though because she apparently forgets she’s being filmed and tells another girl that she has a FWB at home!!! *Friend with benefits. AND this FWB just FaceTimed with Cass the day before filming. They spoke of plans for when she gets home. This info gets back to Clayton because OF COURSE IT DOES and Clayton goes to Jesse Palmer and asks “Has anyone ever taken back a rose??”. Meanwhile Cassidy is with the women saying “What’s he gonna do? I have a rose!” YIKES.


We have to wait 2 weeks to find out what happens BBs! Until then, xo ๐ŸŒน

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Bachelor Season Premiere

BBs!!! It’s time for another season of the Bachelor! With the most boring Bachelor ever!!! But I’m a glutton for punishment, so here we are.


We have a new host- Jesse Palmer. UGH. I wanted Wells to be the new host, but you can’t always get what you want.


We start with a twist- a big one! One of the contestants, Salley, (that e is KILLING me) was formerly engaged and was supposed to be married yesterday!!! She’s debating leaving when she decides to go to Clayton’s room to meet him and talk. And they let her!!! This is unprecedented! So Salley tells C her story and that she may leave. C excuses himself for a moment and comes back with a rose!!! He offers her the rose, she says can I think on it, leaves the room for a while, comes back and TURNS HIM DOWN!!! Then she leaves the show. I have emotional whiplash from the whole thing!!!


Limo entrances


Note- we are back at the LA mansion. I wrote down all the ladies’ names, ages, and occupations but y’all don’t need all that. Lemme just skip to the good stuff.


Kate, 32, walks up to C and whips out 2 airplane bottles of booze FROM HER BRA!!! She then forces the poor man to do a shot from one and calls the bottles her nips!!!


Melina, 27, literally JUMPS on the man in moon shoes. Girl catches air!


Jill, 26, brings an urn and says they are “the ashes of my ex-boyfriends in case you make the same mistake.” Okayyyyy.


Ivana, 31, walks up completely silent and just mimes to him a bit then walks inside. Note- her occupation? Bar Mitzvah dancer.


Kira, 32, a physician, walks up in her doctor coat and red bra and underwear. That’s it!


Gabby, 30, brings a pillow with C’s face on it and literally says on national tv “I just want to sit on your face”. DYING.


Hunter, 28, from Charlotte! Brings a giant yellow snake wrapped around her neck. Y’all, that first night is a LONG one and you know that snake had to poop at some point!


I do have to say, there’s lots of diversity among the women and that’s progress, even if the ladies are acting like they haven’t seen a man in the flesh since March 2020.


Cocktail Party


Teddi (my favorite) gets the first kiss.


Claire talks with Clayton and they play cornhole. Then another lady walks up to steal him away. Afterwards, Claire goes around the house telling everyone that her time with him was awful and she can’t marry America’s sweetheart!!! Honey, America’s sweetheart is QUITE the stretch, but I get where you’re coming from. Another girl tells C about the bad mouthing and C sends Claire home.


Teddi gets the 1st impression rose! Yay!!!


Rose Ceremony


The sun is coming up!!! I told y’all it’s a long night!!! Serene gets the first rose. She is stunning. Going home: Ivana, Daria, Hailey, Jane, Lindsay D, Rianna, and Samantha.
Then ABC does the whole “this season on the Bachelor” thing and shows the entire show again! We KNOW what’s going to happen so why watch??? UGH ABC, you don’t get it!!!


And that’s it until next week BBs!!! xo๐ŸŒน

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Bachelorette Finale

It’s the finale BBs! While social media spoiled the ending for me, I still had to watch! AND Hulu didn’t have the finale for some reason so I had to sit through commercials and lost 3 hours of my life!!! So settle in folks!


It’s almost time for Michelle to pick her man, but first Nayte and Brandon have to meet her parents. Brandon’s already met them if you remember, in Minnesota. This time around he pours on the charm and they fall in love with him right before my eyes. I mean, they are ready to adopt the man!


Nayte’s meeting doesn’t go as well. In fact, it’s a dumpster fire. Dad’s hatred of Nayte is only outmatched by Mom’s. In fact, Mom tells Michelle Nayte is not open with his feelings OR ready for an engagement. Geesh LaVonne, tell us how you really feel! Michelle says she has to rethink her relationship with Nayte.


Next up are the last dates. Brandon and Michelle go on jet skis and then hang out on the beach. Later Michelle goes to Brandon’s suite. Brandon is non-stop with his gushing about how much he loves Michelle. Finally she squeaks out an I love you too, but there’s no heat. Brandon is super sweet and I don’t doubt he would kill for Michelle without a moment’s hesitation, but there’s no spark, no chemistry between them.


Nayte’s last date with Michelle involves a shaman. N & M are supposed to burn sage and say their wishes for each other but Nayte can’t seem to string together a coherent sentence. Michelle is less than impressed. That night in Nayte’s suite they talk and Nayte opens up and Michelle says all her doubts and fears are resolved. When Michelle gets back to her room there’s a sweet letter from Brandon waiting for her. I don’t think it’s going to be enough to save him though. Plus, IMO Brandon’s pants are always way too short!


Sure enough, Brandon is the first man to meet up with Michelle on the beach. And we all know what that means. ABC still makes the poor guy recite his I love you so much speech before they’ll let Michelle break up with him. She’s still saying I love you though! Poor Brandon is BROKEN UP. He’s crying, she’s crying. It’s v v sad. Man’s gonna need a good therapist. He’s a total gentleman about the whole thing though.


Nayte comes out and is looking so v cute in his suit. He proposes, the ring is gorgeous, she says yes then calls him her SoulNayte and I die a little inside.


After The Final Rose


Brandon comes out and we’re forced to watch his heartbreak all over again with him. It’s pitiful! Then Michelle comes out and their outfits match! Bless.


Nayte comes out and joins Michelle. They show M & N’s moms in the audience and they are BFFs now. So cute! Then ABC gives Michelle and Nayte $200k toward their first house! OMG! ABC has mad faith that this will work out!!!


Later, Clayton comes out and they make him read hate tweets about himself. Bless again! It’s funny though. They show a sneak peek of his season but it’s basically the whole season! They’ve left NOTHING to look forward to! But you know I’ll be watching.


See y’all in 2 weeks BBs!!! xo ๐ŸŒน

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Bachelorette Week 9 Recap

It’s Fantasy Suite time BBs!!! For this momentous occasion, ABC flies everyone to Mexico! I find this interesting because why couldn’t they fly to their respective hometowns but Mexico is ok? Hmmmm. Curious.


First up is Brandon. Brandon and Michelle go horseback riding in the jungle then on the beach. I can’t take Brandon seriously. He professes his love for Michelle every 30 seconds. EVERYTHING they do is the MOST ROMANTIC thing he’s ever done. It’s just all so over the top. Case in point, the man literally says “I canโ€™t wait to literally rip my heart out, throw it on the table, and just say, do what you want with it, because it only beats for you at this point.” I MEAN. So the next morning comes and they are fully clothed. Like, he’s in a HOODIE. It’s so G rated it’s almost funny!


Joe is next. Joe’s been agonizing over these Fantasy Suite dates. They go zip lining and Joe screams Michelle’s name over and over! Save it for tonight Joe!!! ๐Ÿ˜‚ Later, Michelle commends Joe on being vulnerable and open and I’m just not seeing that. You can barely hear the man speak! They spend the night together (I mean, what man is turning down the Fantasy Suite?) and that’s about it. Joe is super cute but BORING.


Finally, Nayte is up. Nayte’s been the most relaxed about these dates, saying he focuses on his own connection, which is a smart idea…but he also is just now realizing 2 other guys are in serious relationships with his girlfriend. Yikes. Nayte and Michelle go out on a catamaran on the ocean. Their physical chemistry is palpable. AND Michelle says she has never felt like she does when she kisses Nayte. Uh, Brandon and Joe? Might wanna pack your bags. Nayte and Michelle spend the night together only after Michelle leads Nayte into telling her he loves her over Fake DInner. Mind you he JUST last week told his stepdad who raised him that he loves him FOR THE FIRST TIME!!! The next morning they look like something big went down last night. Michelle says she’s in love with Nayte but I don’t think he’s ready for an engagement, despite what he says. He is still talking about how he’s never been in love until now. Not that you can’t marry your first love but when you’ve only spent a total of 72 hours with someone, it may not work out in the end.


The Rose Ceremony


Nayte gets the first rose, natch. But before that can happen, Brandon pulls Michelle aside to gush about how much he loves her and he’ll be here for her even if she sends him home. Again, it’s just too much!!! BTW, Michelle looks amazing in a sparkly dress that’s giving me mermaid vibes. Brandon gets the last rose. And here is where I predict Michelle is going to pick Nayte at the end. She hasn’t told Brandon she’s in love with him, just Nayte. With Brandon she throws around words like “best friend”. Anyway, Joe goes home crying in the car and I feel badly for him. But he’ll do alright back in Minneapolis I’m sure!!!


Until next week’s 3 hour (LORD HELP ME) finale BBs!!! xo๐ŸŒน

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Bachelorette Men Tell All

Men Tell All! The Men Tell Alls have been lame the last few seasons so the bar is low ABC. Do your worst! ๐Ÿ˜‚


The show starts out reliving Will (WHO?) and Peter’s (pizza boy) feud. The animosity is high. Then Peter “serves” Will with a defamation of character suit. But it’s so obviously a producer skit. Then they revisit Ryan and his notes from the first night.


It comes out that apparently Martin had a girlfriend while on the show, which is remarkable to me because of his hair and jewelry choices. Also his teeth look like they are fighting for space in his mouth. But I suppose every pot has a lid! They talked to Chris about his speaking for Michelle and all he had to say was that “Maybe I came on a little strong”. Okaaaaay.


Jamie then comes out and is still so sleazy and STILL can’t give a straight answer! Then Rick is up and they bring out the creepiest looking cake that’s supposed to be Rick’s head. Shudder! Rodney is up next and a plant in the audience “streaks” through the crowd yelling “We love you Rodney!”.


Michelle comes out next. All the guys basically line up to apologize to her. Even Jamie gives a pitiful non apology “IF anyone’s feelings were hurt then I’m sorry.” Michelle stays so poised and puts all the jerks on blast.


The bloopers are pretty funny!


Sneak peek of Clayton’s Bachelor season is shown at the end of the show and I’m super annoyed. They literally spoil the whole show! Way to go ABC!!! They show Clayton say he’s falling in love with 2 women and IS in love with one and they’re talking about the final 3! Come on! AND Clayton admits to being intimate with 2 of them. Oy. WHY watch now???


That’s it until next week BBs!!! xo ๐ŸŒน

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Bachelorette Week 7

Hometowns BBs!!! One of my favorite episodes! I love taking a peek at the families who raised these guys! Of course we aren’t actually going to any home towns because of Covid. Just some rando living room. Whomp whomp.


Brandon


For their day date Brandon takes Michelle to a … skate park. WHUT??? Are they 12?? So confused! And there’s a pink box that keeps appearing in shots but they never open the box. WHAT is in the box???


That night they go to meet Brandon’s mom, dad (or stepdad?), and brother Noah. The brother DELAYED GOING INTO THE NAVY to come on the Bachelorette!!! Also, Noah has some serious style. Are those glasses prescription? Hmmm. Noah gives Michelle the 3rd degree, rapid firing questions. The whole family is cute as can be and I adore them.


My problem with Brandon is that I think he’s romanticized this whole thing to the Nth degree and he’s in love with the idea of it all, not Michelle herself. I mean, he’s professing his love for her and they’ve spent 15 minutes together!


Rodney


I’ve always liked Rodney but he leveled up today. They go apple picking for their day date and he’s just so attentive and sweet and funny.


That night Michelle meets Rodney’s mom and dad/stepdad. They are also adorable. BUT I think Michelle has put Rodney in the friend zone to stay. When Mom of Rodney asks them about each other Rodney gushes about Michelle and Michelle just says “Yeah, it’s been fun.” Whomp whomp again!


Joe


Today’s date is at Joe’s high school. YAWN. We were JUST at Michelle’s high school! Joe throws Michelle a prom and it’s a mixture of sweet (he remembered she was picked last for prom) and sad (it is a prom for just the 2 of them). Michelle is over the moon about the prom and Joe and the whole thing.


Michelle meets Joe’s family and it’s clear where he gets his silent tendencies from. I mean, the man has spoken 4 words all season!!! His dad and brother are practically mute! The most talkative person in his family is his sister in law. She’s funny too. SIL says “I hope this works out because we’ll probably see her at the grocery store” since they live close to each other.


Nayte


Nayte and Michelle go paddle boarding for their day date and we get another look at Nayte’s many, many tattoos. I want to read them!


Michelle meets Nayte’s mom and stepdad. Michelle is the very FIRST woman Nayte has ever introduced to his parents!!! In fact he’s never even been in love. AND his family doesn’t talk about emotions AT ALL. I come from a family that’s pretty emo so this is strange to me. Also, during their talk tonight Nayte tells his stepdad he loves him for the very first time ever! It’s a LOT. All this tells me I don’t think Nayte is ready for a marriage. As cute and tall and funny as he is, he’s just not ready.


Rose Ceremony


Just as I thought, Rodney gets sent home. I hope he finds a good girl out there.

Men Tell All is next week BBs!!! Until then!!! xo ๐ŸŒน

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Bachelorette Week 5

Welcome to Week 5 BBs! This week we are in Michelle’s hometown of Minneapolis, MN. and there are 11 guys left vying for her affection.


Joe’s 1-1


I find it a little odd that Joe gets the first 1-1 in Minneapolis since HE’S FROM THERE. I mean, wouldn’t she want to show someone new around? Anyway, they go to Target field where the Twins play and throw some pitches. Then Michelle tours Joe around her high school. They play a little pick up basketball.


Fake Dinner


During Fake Dinner, Joe explains how sports and being Mr Basketball shaped him, but also how the injuries affected him. He had to have some MAJOR reconstructive surgery on his foot (with a bunch of screws and a metal plate) and he never played the same way again. This really affected him mentally and he dealt with depression, anxiety, and (trigger warning) suicidal thoughts. By the end of their conversation they are both in tears. Poor guy. I really feel for him. He gets the rose and they end the date on a giant ferris wheel. V romantic!


Group Date


The group meets Michelle at US Bank Stadium where the Minnesota Vikings play. I know all this because CSP is from Winona, MN and a HUGE sports fan! The guys have to compete to be the Ultimate Viking. Dressed in Viking gear (not football gear- think faux {I HOPE} furs and leathers) the guys have to eat things like fermented herring, practice their war cries, and arm wrestle. Clayton wins the horned helmet prize and I think it’s just because he’s tall and a screamer.


After Party


ALL day Chris has been moping about because he thought his big show last week would have reaped him more rewards. In case you missed it, Chris stood IN FRONT of Michelle, addressed all of the guys, and dressed them down for not paying enough attention to Michelle. In his head Michelle was soooo thankful he did this. In reality, she was perturbed. Back to the group date, Chris is quite literally shocked that Michelle hasn’t pulled him aside to chat or come check on him since he’s been acting all butthurt all day. Um, hello! YOU are supposed to be pursuing HER. Delusional I tell you! Clayton gets the group date rose.


Sidebar on Clayton: At this point it’s already been announced that Clayton (who I don’t even find attractive in any way) is the next Bachelor. I HATE when they do this. It’s like now all of his time on the Bachelorette is a big fat waste of time!!! UGH.


Nayte 1-1


Michelle picks Nayte up in a pontoon boat in Lake Minnetonka. They boat around a bit then pick up 2 of Michelle’s best girl friends. There’s the chipper, talkative one who warns Nayte that they are v protective, and then there’s the one in all black who asks Nayte “Do you have any enemies?”. I LOVE HER. The friends grill Nayte and ultimately give their seal of approval.


Fake Dinner


All the while that Michelle and Nayte are talking at Fake Dinner, the cameras keep cutting back to Chris at the hotel who’s steaming over the fact that “Nayte took my one on one”. Chris is skulking around talking about how he MUST speak to Michelle right away. Sure enough Chris CRASHES NAYTE’S ONE ON ONE!!! Is Fake Dinner not sacred to you Chris??? Michelle agrees to speak with Chris and they walk outside to a bench to talk.


Chris :”Why didn’t you seek me out to talk after I spoke up for you”. Michelle: “No, you spoke FOR me when I can speak for myself.” YES!!! Had I been sitting there with psychopath Lord Farquaad my cheeks would have been all red and I’d be stumbling over my words with rage. But Michelle ever so politely puts Chris in his place and sends him home. Huzzah!!!


When she gets back to Nayte, she apologizes for the interruption and Nayte v maturely states he doesn’t need an explanation about her decision or relationship with Chris, that he’s just focused on their relationship. See why he’s one of my favorites??? Nate gets the rose.


Cocktail Party


Martin is speaking with Michelle. Is it just me or did his hair go from Ramen Noodle Yellow to silver/white since the last episode? Either way it’s still hideous. Anyway, they are talking and Martin says most women are high maintenance, especially women in Miami. This doesn’t go over well with Michelle, who, you know, is a WOMAN. She keeps asking him to explain how women, more than men, are high maintenance and he keeps talking around an answer, without actually giving one. ALL THIS coming from a guy with bleached hair and more jewelry on his body and head than she has!


Rose Ceremony


Miraculously, Martin makes it through to see another week. UGH. Going home: Casey and Leroy (who I don’t think had a single conversation with Michelle outside of the Rose Ceremonies!).

Until next week! xo ๐ŸŒน

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Bachelorette Week 4

Week 4 has come BBs!!! We start off with a 1-1 with Martin of all people. I don’t understand his appeal. The NSYNC era frosted hair, ALL the jewelry, the weird beard. But ok. He shows up for his date in a sleeveless plaid flannel shirt. WHY??? It’s an assault on my eyes!!! They go to the BMW driving school and learn how to drift while driving BMWs. Later they get in what looks to be a giant wash tub from Hee Haw and drink champagne and talk. This is when Martin starts defending Jamie and calling him a “hell of a guy”. Whoa. ๐Ÿšฉ๐Ÿšฉ๐Ÿšฉ Red flag alert!


Fake Dinner


Michelle brings up their disagreement over Jamie and Martin blames it all on poor communication skills he learned from his parents. WHAT?? Lame. For some reason Michelle gives him the rose anyway.


Group Date


This group date is sleepover themed. All the guys are given different types of jammies to wear and then they and Michelle hang out in this big room full of things like a popcorn machine and huge teddy bears. WHO thought this was a good idea for a date??? The guys are all ignoring Michelle. They are too busy playing with their teddy bears! At one point one guy even suggests “Does anyone want to play duck, duck, goose??” The Bella twins arrive and announce the guys have to battle it out by whacking each other with their teddy bears. There are 2 teams and the winning team will get to go to the after party with Michelle. Each time a head to head matchup is announced, the Bella girl ( I donโ€™t know which is which) keeps saying So and so VERSE So and so. Instead of versus. It’s driving me mad!


Kaitlyn and Tayshia can tell something is bothering Michelle so Kaitlyn takes Michelle outside and they chat. Michelle admits she’s not feeling seen since NONE of the guys made an attempt to talk to her during the sleepover. Time is of the essence so this really is surprising.


After Party


Michelle tells the guys that she is seeing a lack of effort on their parts and not feeling seen. Olu gets emotional at this because Michelle reminds him of his sisters. He gets the group date rose.


Rick 1-1


Rick and Michelle take a sky gondola (is that what they are called??) up a mountain. They spend the day portion of their date in a forest. They find a wish box filled with anonymous wishes and one mentions a deceased father. This reminds Rick of his own father who passed away 3 years ago.


Fake Dinner


Rick picks back up with the story of his parents splitting up. Rick saw a text from his dad’s mistress and told his mom about it. His parents then split up and Rick blames himself for their split and his dad’s subsequent depression and death. Poor guy. Rick tells Michelle he’s falling in love with her and she gives him the rose.


Cocktail Party


Michelle walks into the room and is about to address the group of guys when little Chris S stands up IN FRONT OF MICHELLE and turns to the group and chastises them for not making Michelle feel seen. He says there are men in the group who feel like they have it all “in the bag” and they should go home. WOW. It never ceases to amaze me how men can feel so self important. Michelle (and the guys) is clearly shocked by this speech. Michelle gives a toast, then Brandon asks to steal her away. Chris S then says he’s going to talk to her first, thank you very much. Again, WOW.


Sidebar: Olu’s beard is so sparkly!


During his talk with Michelle, Chris throws sweet Nayte under the bus and says Nayte thinks he has it in the bag. Of course Michelle tells Nayte so then Nayte pulls Chris aside to confront him. Chris says he didn’t mean to single Nayte out. WHAT??? Of course you did!!! Then Chris actually says “I came in on my white horse and saved her from the castle she was stuck in.” OMG. I just can’t even deal with this man right now.


Rose Ceremony


Chris S gets the last rose for some reason. Going home: Chris G, Romeo, and Will (who totally looks like a Backstreet Boy).


Until next week my BBs!!! xo๐ŸŒน