Bless Your Heart

Finally I have some time to sit down and tell y’all all about my trip to the Sunshine State.

This whole trip came about when my grandmother, Nanny, asked me to come spend some time with her after my grandfather, Pappy, passed away in January. Well I had to have a couple surgeries, then she went to Ireland and it wasn’t until the beginning of October that we were both free. So I decided to go down for a week. Once I was there a few days I ended up extending my trip. So I left on Oct 1st and came home Friday the 12th.

My father saw an opportunity to get a free ride home, so he flew up to Charlotte the Friday before I left and rode back to Florida with me. He stayed at my sister’s and spent time with the boys. Then I had to spend 9.5 hours in a vehicle with him. Shudder. This was my view on the way down.
As you’ve probably guessed, we don’t get along. He was a horrible father. An abusive, drug using, alcoholic, wife beating bastard. Why do I even speak to him now? My nephews. Plain and simple.
Anyway, we got a late start but finally made it down to Lakeland, where I was born and where a good bit of my family still lives. I walked in to my Nanny’s house and she had the thermostat on 77 and the tv on 439 decibels. We yelled at each other over the noise a bit until, mercifully, the Bachelor was over. The tv didn’t get turned on again the entire time I was there. And I actually didn’t miss it.
Now, I’m not going to recap each day, instead I’m just going to list some highlights. Click on all photos to enlarge. Here we go!

• Nanny takes her little Pomeranian dog, Molly, everywhere. Including Michaels, Target, & Wal-Mart.
• We spent a good bit of time with Nanny’s friend Evelyn, also a minister’s widow. I’m so thankful for Miss Evelyn, that they have each other. Ev lives just a few doors down from Nanny. They taught me how to play Rummikub & Phase 10.
• Nanny needed a new phone for her house so we went to Target, with Molly of course, and shopped for one. Nanny had first suggested we go get a new one at the phone company, but I let her know that now phones are available at mass merchandisers. She had 2 criteria: it be made by AT&T, and the buttons needed to be easy to read. I showed her a few phones at Target and let her know that for $10 more she could finally get an answering machine attached to her phone. “A what?” she said. An answering machine. “But I don’t want the phone company charging me more money every month.” Oh my. We ended up with a phone/machine combo and I programmed in all her numbers and taught her how to use it. We ended up having a mini lesson each day. She’s called me a few times since I’ve been home to let me know she can’t figure out how to call people. Oy.
• One of the main things I wanted to do while in Lakeland was to take Nanny to paint pottery at Gold Leaf. She used to take me there all the time when I was a little girl, since I was 3 years old. And they are still in business! We spent an afternoon painting and it was so much fun! Nanny painted a swan for her collection, and I painted her a spoon rest for her kitchen. She hadn’t painted in a while either, so it was a real treat for us both. Nanny did her swan in acrylics, then had them seal it. Since the spoon rest needed to be food grade I painted it with glaze and they fired it. We picked up the spoon rest a few days later. I put it in my purse and went to get out of the car. I went to loop my purse strap over my left arm and for some reason it didn’t work out. My purse just flew out the door and landed on Nanny’s driveway. And the spoon rest shattered. UGH! I’m still sick over it. My sweet Nanny tried to glue it back together, but Elmer’s wasn’t doing the trip. I’ll make her a new one up here. Nanny had such a good time painting that I snuck out one day and picked her up some brushes and paint so she can paint at home now too. She was so excited!
• The night we painted we picked up dinner from Moe’s. Nanny had never eaten Mexican! It was so cute. I ordered us both a burrito and some nachos to share (just in case she didn’t like her burrito). She unwrapped her burrito and was convinced it wasn’t cooked.

-I promise Nanny, it just looks like that. That’s the tortilla. It’s cooked.

– I should microwave it just in case.

-Do you feel better now?

–Yes. But it doesn’t look proper. It looks like a man’s ding a ling.

• She ended up liking the burrito and the nachos and declared them both “lovely”.
• We drove up to Orlando to visit my Aunt Margaret, my Nanny’s sister. Both ladies were born in Australia but raised in Ireland. They both have Irish accents, but get them together and the brogue gets thick as pea soup. On the way to Orlando Nanny told me to “call Our Margaret on your little machine”. So I put my Bluetooth headset on Nanny and let her call. She had so much fun using the headset, but didn’t know what to do with her hands. It was cute. She told everyone she talked to on my headset “I’m talking to you from a machine stuck to my ear!” So funny! Aunt Margaret took us out to lunch at Steak and Ale. I’d never been but it’s apparently a big hit for the over 60 crowd in Orlando. One lady there kept coming by our table convinced that I’d bought my shirt at Dillard’s and mad that I wouldn’t just fess up. After lunch we went back to Aunt Margaret’s where they beat me repeatedly in Phase 10. They are so cute though, they don’t use the skip cards because they think skipping people is mean. Yet every time Aunt Margaret would prepare to lay down her winning card she’d say with glee “Start counting ladies!” AM kept her thermostat on 80. EIGHTY DEGREES! I know old people are cold, but come on! She must have noticed me sweating like a stuck pig cause she asked if I was hot. Then turned the air down to 79. Gee thanks, don’t spoil me!
• One night we had dinner over at my Aunt’s house. We’ll call her DQ. DQ & her husband, Uncle Soprano, made Italian sausages for dinner, with corn on the cob and cole slaw made with grated broccoli stalks. People eat weird food down there. DQ had called Nanny earlier and asked if I liked broccoli and salad. Yes and yes. Yet there was no traditional broccoli or salad. Odd. Then one day for lunch Nanny served up beans and fruit salad. That’s it. Strange combos. Maybe it’s the heat. Anyway, back to the sausages. It was the day after the burritos. Again, maybe it’s the heat but Nanny couldn’t stop comparing her food to penises. Penii? Do you know what’s creepier (yet still kind of funny) than your 84 year old grandmother talking about men’s wienies? NOTHING. Then Uncle Soprano started making jokes about having sex with DQ. I grabbed my fork and burst my eardrums to escape. I just can’t afford the amount of therapy that will fix that kind of damage.
• Speaking of food…one night we got take out Chinese. While on the subject of Asian food Nanny was looking in her pantry and told me she found some new “Oriental” food I might like and handed me a package of Ramen Noodles. Ha!
• The Sunday I was there we met up with DQ, Uncle Soprano, Mimi (my father’s wife), and my cousin Chanel for lunch at this cool restaurant at the local airport. We had a great view of the tarmac. Ladies who lunch:
• After lunch I went down to the rink to check it out and take pics for the rink’s website (they aren’t up there yet). While there I was able to meet my cousin’s new fiance. My cousin took over operation of the rink after my Uncle Adonis passed away in May and I am so proud of her for keeping it in the family (my parents ran it first) and for doing such a good job with it. I know her dad would be proud of her too.
• When I left the rink to head back to Nanny’s I looked in the direction of the local mall and noticed that a church had taken over part of it. Then I realized the church had taken over the ENTIRE MALL. I have never in my life been in a church so big it could be a mall! They even have a website. I should have taken some pics but I was in a hurry and couldn’t stop.
• When I got back to Nanny’s we took the golf cart out for a ride. Nanny’s golf cart is an older model that they bought with the house. While out on our ride around the neighborhood this young couple (couldn’t have been more than 60 if they were a day) came up behind us, yelled out beep beep, then totally passed us! Do you know how lame it is to be lapped at 12 mph?
• Nanny lives in a fantastic golf course community for people over 55.  It’s so cute to see them all zipping around on their golf carts.  I want a golf cart.  Or some sort of electric vehicle for zooming around the neighborhood and going to the grocery store.  That’s gonna be fun when we move into one of those neighborhoods one day.  All the houses have little plaques on them with their names and their home states.  Very cute.
• Nanny’s friend Evelyn’s daughter came for a visit from Maryland while I was there.  We all went out to dinner at Smokey Bones.  I’d never been there, but apparently we have one in Charlotte.  Who knew?
• On the way out of dinner Ev’s daughter, Carol, whipped out her iPhone.  I about passed out.  I’d never seen one in real life.  I don’t go near the Apple store.  Why torture myself?  She let me play with it.  I fell in love.  Don’t worry though, I was polite and wiped all the drool off before giving it back to her.
• For my last night there I took Nanny out to dinner at Mimi’s Cafe.  Then we went home and road the golf cart out to the hot tub and pool.  We went home and played a last few rounds of Rummikub then I started packing.  I had a really good time with my Nanny and am so glad I was able to go spend so much time with her, just hanging out.  She’s a really cool lady and she means an awful lot to me.  I took a bunch of pictures, of course, and the rest of them are here.

Nanny’s coming up this way in December.  I can’t wait to see her.  I miss her already!