Bless Your Heart

I’m so far behind in telling y’all about the whole hysterectomy adventure but I’m on pills people and they are addling my brain and making me sleep a lot. So please forgive. I hate being so behind though. I thought today about how much I need to blog about including stuff that happened yesterday and today but I haven’t even finished telling you about what happened last week and I have never needed a personal servant more!
So let’s just get through this ok?
Friday June 29th we woke up and even though we didn’t have to be at the hospital until 11am we somehow managed to run late and didn’t make it until 11:30. By then I was already dying of thirst. I understand the whole no drinking after midnight rule but I sure don’t like it. And my bowel was still in active “prep” mode (i.e. exploding every half hour). Probably because I didn’t read the directions on my Magnesium Citrate bottle and drank the whole thing when it turns out I only needed 8 oz. Oops.
My surgery took place at the big downtown main campus of our hospital system. I’ve only been here to visit people so as a patient it’s a little imposing. I walked up to the information desk with CSP & MIL in tow. My FIL dropped her off and she hung out with Jon while I was under then stayed with us until 10:30 that night. A lady at the info desk looked up my info and told me to follow her, that she was Bernice our escort. She took us up an escalator then up a few floors in the elevator then into a very crowded waiting room. She told CSP & MIL to go sit in some chairs she pointed to then she walked out. We were in front of a desk with a couple of people sitting at it so I told the lady at the desk my name and we started a round of questions. Then Bernice came back in and told me to follow her and started berating me for not keeping up.
I said I was confused and didn’t know where to go and she said “No, you confused that lady cause you kept talking.” I shut up then. She took me into an area with lots of curtained off areas that looked like a patient prep area. I wish I knew another word for area. Anyway, Bernice handed me off to a nurse who took me to my own curtained area and instructed me to change into my hospital gown. I asked to go to the restroom first. I snuck a sip of water from the bathroom sink then went back and changed. Another nurse came in and told me to take off my panties. I told her I was still bleeding. She handed me a ginormous pad and this tiny pair of panties that looked like those cheep nylons from the dollar store. I went back to the restroom thinking there was no way those “panties” were gonna fit but I’d give it a shot. They magically stretched so back to my area I went.
Then started the endless stream of medical personnel coming to my bedside to ask me my name, birthdate (8/3/73), drug allergies (penicillin), what happens when I take penicillin (vomiting and swelling), did I bring my CPAP machine (yes), where is it (Jon has it), what drugs do I take daily and when was the last time I had anything to eat or drink. Over and over they asked me these same questions. Why not hang a dry erase board over my bed with my answers and just glance at that? I got my IV, then they left me for what felt like weeks. Then Jon & MIL came in to hang with me and more time dragged by. They came to tell us that there was an emergency and the OR was backed up and it would be a while still. They put these weird inflatable leg warmer things on me that clacked when I went to the restroom. Which was a lot because of the IV. My surgery was supposed to be at 1 but it didn’t happen til at least 3. My doctor came in finally and I begged him to save my uterus so I could see it. He said they couldn’t take it out of the operating room (why not? It’s mine?) but that he’d take pics. So that was good. Then it was kisses and love yous and I was rolled off to the OR. They put the sweet sweet sleepy drugs in my IV and I don’t remember anything after scooching over to the operating table.
I woke up in recovery and spent a couple hours there before finally being moved to my room. By now it’s 9:30 ish pm.
Then they moved me from the gurney to my bed. Holy cannoli the pain. I hadn’t hurt like that in a looong time. So I cried and Jon held my hand and there was a flurry of nurses and tubes and finally I was given the morphine clicker thank you Lord Jesus. That’s when we realized that apparently I’m no good on morphine as it didn’t help and just made me itchy. In the meantime I decided for some drug induced reason that it was a good time to call all my girlfriends & family and wail about how much I loved them all and how much it hurt and generally just cry into the phone while CSP was trying to get me some better drugs. Sort of like drunk dialing from a hospital bed.
Finally they put me on some better meds and I clicked the hell out of my clicker. CSP tried to get comfy on the recliner thingy and MIL went home. I wish I could say that this is when I drifted off into a lovely narcotic laced sleep but sleep never came. I was so hungry and so thirsty and so tired. And all they’d give me was ice chips and constant vitals checks or finger pricks.
Things got infinitely more interesting and more fun come morning. But I’ve typed for too long now and it’s time for another round of pain meds. So stay tuned and keep cool my babies.