Ok so the whole uterus removal process started on Thursday, June 28th. I had to stick to a clear liquid diet all day. That included clear flavored Jello, broth, and popsicles. For breakfast I had a cup of apple juice and a popsicle, then Candice and I headed out to Target. I’d been told to bring my own pjs, but nothing with a waistband because of the incisions. So I needed a new nightgown. Plus I had to buy some Magnesium Citrate for a bowel prep. Whatever that meant. I asked the lady at the pharmacy to help me find the Magnesium stuff and she directed me to a plain green bottle. Only $1.07. I picked up 2 just in case. We shopped around for some more stuff and I was just so so hungry. There’s a Jamba Juice in my Target and I tried to convince myself that a smoothie was sort of a clear liquid but Candice intervened. I eventually got so hungry I grabbed a box of popsicles and snarfed down 3 before we hit the checkout.
I ran into the Lane Bryant next door to Target while Candice loaded the car and grabbed a nightgown. All the night shirts I own are paint stained or old and ugly… not appropriate to wear in front of strangers. LB was having a big panty sale so I bought a few pair to wear post recovery. I don’t have a single pair of pretty panties left. They are all stained and holey. So I was psyched to stock up on cute panties again.
I got home and drank one of the bottles of Magnesium Citrate over ice. It wasn’t all that bad. Kind of like super sweet flat Sprite. Went down pretty easy. I sat there waiting for something amazing to happen but nothing did. So I putzed around the house packing my hospital bag and getting ready for my big day Friday. Also trying not to think about solid foods.
And then it happened. Now, this is the part of this post that my Mom will be mortified by, but she’s out of town for the next week so I think I’m safe. She hates it when I talk about bodily functions on here, but hey, it’s my blog and I usually warn y’all if it’s gonna get a little freaky. For the sake of decorum though I’ll insert the click here to read more thing…
OK so I ran to the bathroom and I swear to you the shear force of the thing that shot out my ass could have sent me flying into the next county. I spent the next few hours there. Jon came home from work and called for me. I gave him the update and he just laughed. Later as I made yet another bathroom run I yelled a reminder from the throne room.
You know we can’t have sex for like 8 weeks after tomorrow. You sure you don’t want some of this tonight??
Then from the living room came my dear husband’s voice:
Yeah, um, I’m good. Thanks.
Bless Your Heart 
15 responses to “The adventure begins”
You are hilarious!!!! I know you’ll be glad when the surgery is over.
Best wishes –
http://sassyfrass.wordpress.com
btcobb@gtcom.net
Mama to Delaynee from Fuling Chongqing
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Holy shit! (PUN intended, I think). I CANNOT STOP LAUGHING MY ASS OFF. (Pun intended again, I think).
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OMG-That is just so true! I too, drank it and thought “Okay, this is no big deal.” Until forty-five minutes later! I know exactly what you are talking about. Not fun!
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I too have experienced the joys of the little green bottle.. so I knew what was comming. Who knew your body could evoke such force huh? Imagining your expression was priceless. ;)
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What an experience – you had me laughing over my breakfast
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HA! It’s all gonna be worth it – trust me!
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Oh dear God Shanny, I can hardly choke down my coffee over here now! Hilarious! So glad you are up and doing better though, seriously!
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LOOOOL. I love your stories. Hey you have holey stainey panties too. And night gowns. LOL. My mom knows I do so for trips she makes me buy new ones. LOL! I’ve taken that stuff many a times for my stomach troubles and colenoscopys(I know I did NOT spell that right). That stuff works but tastes like crap. Did they make you drink it so you could go to the bathroom after your surgery too?
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I’m totally cracking up here! I remember having to take that stuff when I had a colonoscopy. It wasn’t fun, but at least you were able to laugh about it afterwards!
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OMG. You are hilarious. Thanks so much for sharing that story. I can’t even imagine. I am so glad that you’re making a good recovery. Thinking of you!
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That is too funny. Glad you are feeling a little better.
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OMG! Hilarious!
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omg jeremy would of said the same thing and just hump me all night so I wouldn’t sleep… men!!! and 8 weeks that is a longer wait than having a c-section… holy cow!!
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That’s some serious stuff, I’ve had it before. Arent you glad you didnt drink 2 bottles?
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Too funny. I remember the last time I couldn’t eat solids when I had a colonostomy. I was so desperate. The bullion wasn’t cutting it, so I chewed the juice out of a hotdog and spit it out. Yum, hotdog juice. I just needed to chew something. I was so worried. Next day I was told, “Oh, some people don’t follow that at all. You should see what they eat the night before. Lobster, steak.” I thought it was for the patient’s health that they make you do that. No, it’s just so it’s not so bad for them. If you get my drift. Still, I’d rather not take my chances.
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