I’m a girl of a curious nature. And if I see something I’m interested in, I’m probably gonna touch it. This drives CSP up the wall. Lately if I do something he doesn’t approve of he reminds me that when Ling Ling comes home I’m going to have some behaviors to change.
-You’re not gonna be able to spend 30 minutes on that stool in the bathroom doing your makeup.
-Sometimes you’re not going to be able to take a shower. You might need to learn to wear hats.
-You can’t go around touching everything. There are germs. And this isn’t Discovery Place.
–You’re gonna have to speed up your poops.*
*This one I’m afraid of. I heard somewhere that if you strain too much you can die on the toilet from some thing that sounds like baseball bagel. I don’t know all the details but I heard enough that the idea of someone finding me dead on the toilet scares the, well, the you know what out of me. Everyone knows Elvis was found on the crapper. Does anyone remember how Bob Hope died? No. Of course you don’t. Because he died a dignified death far away from a toilet.
Bless Your Heart 
8 responses to “Keep your hands to yourself”
This list could get longer. I look back at photos of before kids and now after and boy has my life ever changed. One day maybe I can find a way to bring a smidge of beauty back b/c they took it all.
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I’m crying I’m laughing so hard over here. You worry about the strangest things. I never, ever, not once thought, Lord I hope I don’t die on the toilet. Maybe because I don’t do drugs? It seems all those people who die on the toilet were strung out on something too.
CSP is a riot. And the funny thing is, he doesn’t know how funny he really is. HA HA HA…not discovery place. Still laughing!!!
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I been telling you that about your poops for years!
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I think Elvis died of a drug induced heart-attack that happened when he was on the toilet. I don’t think you have anything to worry about there. The only thing I’ve heard of getting from straining too hard is hemorrhoids.
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Welllllll. When you strain to have a bowel movement it is called a vagal maneuver because it stimulates the parasympathetic nervous system. One of the side effects of vagal-ing is that your heart rate can go down (bradycardia). Somtimes that can cause your blood pressure to go down also and you can pass out. That is called vaso-vagal because it affects your blood vessels (vaso-). You can pass out from vaso-vagal causes from other things too like pain, being super grossed out by the sight of blood. I have seen more than one person code on the toilet…but none of them have been even moderately healthy or young! I just couldn’t resist trying to figure out what baseball bagel was!
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Oh my god you crack me up. I’ve never heard of dying from pooping, but yeah, you can have a vasovagal episode where your pressure drops and pass out. I think you’d only die if you already had a heart condition.
And why poop fast? Just put Ling Ling in her exersaucer and take your sweet time… she plays while you read… win win.
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Or if you ate poprocks and drank diet coke while you were pooping.
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Where I used to work, there was this woman that everyday at 2 pm she’d go into the bathroom and spend forever! After the first few times of being unluckily stuck in the bathroom with her…and her horrible stench…and then all the groaning she did…well I always made sure to avoid the bathroom after 2 pm. Even if that meant using the bathroom on another floor. I always wanted to leave a bottle of metamucil on her desk when she wasn’t there. I knew that would be mean so I didn’t do it. But this woman needed help!
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