Loot & Tube Farts

My birthday is Thursday. Hooray for the birthday week! It will also be Deb’s birthday so make sure to swing by and give her a happy birthday shout.
I’ve already gotten a couple of cutie presents. My mom found me this cute pink metallic passport cover and matching travel jewelry box from this cute store Z Gallerie. And CSP got me the black pair of Crocs Mary Janes. LOVE them. And him of course.

The other night he tested that love. I was asleep, hooked up to my CPAP machine. The machine pulls air in from the room and filters it then shoots it through the tube and up my nose at approximately 90 miles an hour. I had just drifted off when I heard a muffled noise then was nasally assaulted. This horrid stench traveled from my dear husband’s ass, through the air, into my machine then swooshed at warp speed through the tube and into my nose. OMG I thought I was being gassed to death. And the worst part was I had to wait until the foul odor worked its way all the way through my machine. A fart cloud is much more difficult to get rid of when it is stuck in a tube vs. just floating around a room!

Attack of the Frankenpug

Molly can not be slowed down. You’d think she’d be all about taking it easy and chillin like Bob Dylan on the sofa, but no. She was bouncing on the bed and I was trying to get her to calm down so she wouldn’t pop a staple and the girl head butted me right in the nose! It hurt! So Jon grabbed her and I was touching my nose when I felt something wet. That little stinker broke the skin! I was bleeding! She must have caught me with a tooth. So now I have a little cut on my nose and a big honking bandaid cause CSP Jon (that’s Captain Safety Pants for you newbies) doesn’t believe in a dainty little bandage and he fixed me up like I’d just lost a limb on the battlefield, yelling “Apply pressure! You’re bleeding out!”. Then he asked did I want to go to the grocery store with him. Wha?? Do you see me?? So he’s flying solo at the grocery and Molly’s strutting around like she just kicked ass in some Pug Biker bar. Don’t let that sweet lil mug fool you- she’s one tough chick!

Girly Bits Removal

Miss Molly was spayed yesterday. I picked her up today and she’s doing great! She’s in good spirits, but a little sleepy. She has staples in her little shaved belly. They look like a zipper. If you click on the pic you can see them shining in the flash. Maybe having these staples will curb her desire for body piercings. You know how teenagers can be. 6 pierced nipples would be quite a sight! Ha!

Inside girl

I planted some flowers yesterday in two big pots out in front of my house. It was about 400 degrees and I was reminded yet again why I’m an inside girl. I also wondered, as I got dirty and sweaty in mere moments, why there wasn’t a gardener in my employ, or at least someone who could fan me and pour me some iced tea for goodness sakes. I was born a priss and will die a priss, a fact that continues to surprise my husband. He’s an only child and his mom is the no makeup, no perfume, minimal jewelry, no beauty products of any kind really ( the horror!) kind of woman so he wasn’t used to a glittery, lip glossed obsessed girl like myself. My mom told me just the other day that as a little girl, starting as soon as I could walk, I’d walk holding my hands up (think scrubbed in surgeon style but palms out) as to not get dirty. And whoa nelly if I did get dirty I’d stop in my tracks and scream “Diiiiirrrrttttyyy!!!” and wait until someone came to clean me off and preferably pick me up so I wouldn’t have to be further traumatized by the filth. I feel a wee bit sorry for Jon, for if my girls follow in my footsteps he will be surrounded by high maintenance women until the day he dies.

You know it’s hard out here for a pimp

So I decided to pimp out some of the things that are making me very happy lately (you know, besides family, friends, and the Price is Right)

~My favorite lip balm ever is this Mentha Lip Shine by CO Bigelow. You can get it at Bath & Body Works. It comes in clear and tinted shades. It smells and tastes and feels so good! My nephew Jake loves it and tries to swipe it every time I’m over there. He calls it “Shanny Lip”. I got my first tube in my Christmas stocking last year and have been addicted ever since.

~I heart Tupperware. One of my favorite products is the Flatoutcontainer. These smash flat for storage. Plus I can stash one in my bag when we go to dinner at the parents’ house for leftovers. They are forever sending us home with leftovers and this way I don’t have to keep up with other people’s storage containers. So cool.

~My other favorite Tupperware thing is the Insulated Tumber with Drip Less Seal. I scored a buy one get one free deal on the new aqua ones. These things are awesome. I use mine all the time. They work with any straw and don’t spill and will keep a drink cold for hours. Even in a hot car!

~Another favorite thing of mine is anything free and movies. So you can imagine my delight when I found out that a movie I’ve been dying to see -Little Miss Sunshine- is holding free advanced screenings! Click on the link and see if you can catch it for free in your town!

So, are there any fabulous things out there that you know of that I’m missing out on? Share!

What a charmer

Today I’m wearing my aqua terry crop pants and a black t-shirt. Jon hates these pants. (they look sorta like these:) He calls them my party pants. He’s not a fan cause they are aqua and he thinks pants should always be neutral and unassuming. So I came in from walking the pugs and I was wearing my hot pink Crocs. As I was kicking them off and closing the door, Jon walked in and I heard him say behind me: “Those shoes go great with those pants. What are you, a rodeo clown?”

Then later he treated me to another verbal gem. I had just cleaned the dickens out of my house. Like social worker visit clean. Every room. And our house is good size so that’s a big job. And it seems like every time I clean the house he (we interrupt this story to warn you readers of upcoming TMI. If you don’t like poo stories avert your eyes!) seems to have to go poo. Then he’ll come out of the bathroom announcing that I’ll have to clean that one all over again. I warned him this time that I’d kill him if he pulled that again. Well, sure enough he had to go. So he said to me “I gotta go take a $%!#. Which bathroom can I use? Or do I have to go to a rest stop or McDon@lds?”

Ah, that silver tongued devil!