Just in case you were wondering…

Why did I name this blog “bless your heart”? Well, for one, it’s hard to come up with something witty when you’re under pressure. So I just went with something I say a lot. And when you’re Southern you bless everyone’s heart all the time. Every day someone’s heart get’s blessed. It just means we love you and care!

Now, in honor of my Southern roots I’m going to quiz you fine folk on how Southern you are at heart. Emily Procter was on Ellen a little while back and quizzed Ellen with this and I thought it was so cute. So here goes. Scroll down for answers. You’re on the honor system here.

1- When you tell a child to “give me some sugar”, what do you mean?
2- Describe “yonder”.
3- If you’re driving down a 2 lane road in the South and you’re behind a car who’s blinker is on, will they be turning or not?
4- What is the plural of Ya’ll?
5- Is the word “fixin” a noun, a verb, or both?

1- Gimme a kiss!
2- Over there.
3- They are not turning.
4- All Ya’ll!
5- Both

Now I’m fixin to go ovah yonder to get me some sugar from my nephews. All Ya’ll go drink some sweet tea with all the fixins now! Mwah!

Well I Nevah!

I was born a prissy, prissy thing. Apparently as a little girl I’d walk around holding my hands up like I’d just scrubbed in for surgery as to avoid any contact with dirt. It’s no secret. I’m also more of an inside girl. Sure, I love travel and snorkeling and such, but I’m not so much into the camping or hiking. And I’m pretty laid back. Jon is too. We have our beliefs and convictions but we don’t get into bar brawls over them. So it came as quite a surprise when 2 of my relatives, who’ve known me my entire life, offered up the following suggestions for our upcoming 4th wedding anniversary mini holiday.

#1- Uncle Bobby sends an email in response to a note I sent explaining we’d be in town in a couple weeks for our anniversary and would love to see him and the kids. His email seems innocent enough. Until you get to the part where he writes: “On March 5th, we plan to go to a peace march and we would love to have you guys join us. People Educating with an Active Commitment to Equality (P.E.A.C.E) will stage a march and street party/rally against the continued occupation of Iraq and the policies of the Bush administration. March 15th marks the 2nd anniversary of the invasion of Iraq, and our rally is a local event to mark that occasion.
See you soon, bring your camera

#2- My Father calls one day from “a mountain in Alabama”. I had no idea they had mountains in Alabama. I don’t really know much about Alabama. I’m sure it’s a wonderful place, it just hasn’t crossed my mind much. My Dad told me he was hunting deer there and staying in an RV that he keeps on some land a friend of his owns. “You and Jon can come here to get away from it all. Stay a few days. Now, you have to haul your own water.

Now, people, let’s talk about these 2 insane people. First of all, sure, I voted Kerry. But I am not planning on strapping myself to a tree or yelling “Go limp! Dead weight!” as the cops drag me off from some march/rally that they are trying to disguise as a street party. Whatever Bobby. Jon and I plan on taking the pugs to the beach, doing some shopping, and chilling out. None of that involves yelling in the street about W and his policies. And I love how Uncle Bobby’s all sure that we’d go. See you soon, bring your camera. Don’t hold your breath Bob.

And Daddy, what the hell? When have you evah (sorry, had to go way down South for this one) known me to “haul my own water” anywhere? And I assume that when you haul your own water that means there’s no spa tub or functioning toilet. My idea of roughing it is when we stay at the mountain house and have to drop our trash off at the dump on the way out of town. I’m not spending our romantic weekend in Deliverance country with 2 pugs and a husband who’s probably not thrilled that since he had to haul his own water that means the chances of him getting a good, cold, draught beer anywhere close to our accommodations is pretty slim.

I swear my Daddy and my uncle have gone and lost their minds! They should really talk to Grandmommy the travel agent before they go making suggestions!

Cruisin With the Oldies

My Mom and I went to visit my Grandmommy the other day. She’s the one who lives in a rural area about an hour and a half south of here. I don’t know if you remember, but she’s the one who’s boyfriend Ray lives in the trailer on the next lot. He’s the one who fell drunk out of a tree, had a heart attack on the way down, and landed on his face where he stayed for 2 days before anyone found him. Heh. Anyway, we go down to visit with her and go out to lunch. While out at lunch she tells us about how she’s always wanted to go on a cruise, an Alaskan cruise, but the length of an Alaskan cruise is a little intimidating. So she wants to try out a shorter Caribbean cruise, and she wants to go with Ray. Oh Lord. So my Mom says why not let Shannon do some research for you on the web and get you a good deal? I said I would be happy to plan it for her. Grandmommy said “Well, I already paid some money on it.” Oh.

me- So where are you going?
G- I don’t know.
me- Ok, so when are you leaving?
G- I don’t know. I have a book on it at home.
Mom jumped in and said we’ll just look at it when we get home.
So we have lunch then drive home and I ask for the cruise book. Now, the book I got when Lisa and I cruised last explained all the details of our specific trip, including info about our cabin and shore excursions. Grandmommy’s just talked about cruising with Carnival, Royal Caribbean, and then there was a section on vacationing in Florida. I point this out and she hands me the other information that came with it.

OH MY WORD. My Grandmommy, bless her heart, has not put down a deposit on a cruise. No, she has signed up to be a travel agent. A TRAVEL AGENT! And none of the information actually tells her how to be a travel agent, or gives her any instructional information. So we took the packet so we can get it canceled and hopefully get her money back. Grandmommy needs to quit watching tv and go play shuffleboard or something!

Hot Pink Bandage- STAT!

My baby girl pug hurt herself playing. She came in from outside and a few minutes later Jon says “OK, who’s bleeding?”. There were little drops of blood all over the kitchen floor. She somehow ripped out a fingernail! Poor thing- it was all hanging there crooked. So I took her to the vet where she charmed everyone and was a big trooper. Our vet dressed her in a hot pink bandage. A girl’s gotta look good, even when injured!Hosted by Photobucket.com

*Unrelated- I’ve put some new scrapbooking supplies on eBay. Check em out!

You’ve Gotta Have Friends

Hosted by Photobucket.com We’ve been loving Netflix for almost a year now and they just keep getting better and better. Now they have a new friends feature that allows people to recommend movies to each other and see how we’ve all rated movies. Lisa and Rachel are already signed up to be my friends and it’s cool. So anyone else out there using Netflix and wanna be friends?

All trips are off!

Since my nephew Joey was born on January 18, I’ve been playing phone tag with my father and grandparents (Nanny & Pappy). They all want to come up to see the babies and I’ve been elected to organize everything since Sara’s busy with the babies. Which is fine, I’m a planner and I love planning visits. Every week since then I’ve gotten a phone call or two saying “We’re coming up this weekend!” followed by another call the next day or so, “Trip is postponed.” My Nanny and Pappy are in their 80’s and Pappy is just about as blind as he can get now (remember, he’s the one that watches his 60 inch plasma tv with binoculars) so planning a trip with them can’t be easy for my Dad. The best message came the other day:

“Sara…Marc…Jacob…Joseph…You guys wake up! Oh wait. I’m at the wrong house. Sara, I mean, Shannon… Jon…Oh well, anyway this is your Daddy and we’re coming up next weekend. Your cousin Stephanie had a baby boy, er girl. He weighed 8 lbs something and her name is Cody. We’ll be staying at a motel Friday night then coming to your house Saturday Shannon. We’ll see Stephanie’s baby on the way back south. I wanna see my grandbabies!” Ok, so apparently my cousin gave birth to a hermaphrodite, bless her heart.

Then yesterday I get this message: “All trips are off! Until further notice all trips are off. Nanny and Pappy are coming but they can’t make it this weekend. So maybe in the next couple of weeks. Plus, I need to sell some dogs.

My father leaves these messages at the crack of dawn before anyone is awake to answer the phone. Which is fine because then they provide endless entertainment as my sister and I play them for each other. None of the messages ever make sense. Sell some dogs? He’s not a dog breeder. And it’s still a mystery as to what Stephanie gave birth to since no one in our family answers the phone! And Cody could go either way. Oy. Once this visit is all planned and they actually get here I may need to video tape it because no one will believe these people actually exist!