Bless Your Heart

Disco Jesus and Ninja Angels Kick Ass

Satan’s ass that is. I know because I saw it. With Lisa, Rachel, Morgan, and my Mom last Thursday for just $12.00. Yep, Hell was unleashed right in my neighborhood. I live maybe a mile from the Broadway of Christian Entertainment: NarrowWay Productions Kings Arena. You have to enter my neighborhood to get to it. It sits right in the middle of the ruins of Jim and Tammy’s PTL Heritage USA empire.

It all started when I was touring Lisa and Rachel around the neighborhood, showing them the abandoned hotel, water park, and such.

We drove up to the King’s Arena and noticed the door was open. So we hop out thinking we’ll sneak in to check it out and take some pictures. This very nice lady greets us and tells us that they work there Mon- Fri and takes our picture in front of the huge outdoor amphitheater. I’d say it would have to seat at least 500 people, but I’m bad with numbers so it could really be 2500 and I wouldn’t know the difference. Anyway, she tells us that not only do they own a bible animal farm a scant mile away that is home to live camels (!!!) that visit the arena during the summer, but that we are just in time for the Easter Thriller. Now, I’ve had some fun Easters before, but never a Thriller.

We could barely contain ourselves and told everyone we came in contact with that on Thursday we would be witnessing Hell being unleashed. Thursday night comes and we throw on wraps and hoodies to keep us warm and jump in the car. We notice all these white robed people wandering around pre-show. We buy caramel apples and ask the vendor if that was Tammy Faye’s voice we heard as we were walking in. She emphatically replied “That woman ain’t got nothing to do with this!”. Ok, so now we know.

Just before the show starts this lady brings us a Happy Meal version of communion. A little plastic cup with a wafer in the top of it and juice in the bottom. So cute! Then the show starts and people, it was amazing. There was singing and dancing and pyrotechnics and kung fu (who knew martial arts were prevalent in Biblical times?) and wailing demons and a very hot Satan in a cool faux snakeskin suit. I know you’re not supposed to be intrigued by the bad guy, but man, we could sure see how he could lead you down the primrose path to hell. That boy was cuuute.

The crucifixion scene was amazing and moving and the singing was awesome and then came the ninja angels with their cool outfits and slick moves. By the end you’re totally in to it and clapping and saying Amen! Oh, and Jesus totally kicks Satan’s ass and ends up in a glittery robe.

Jesus and the angels were outside after the show for the meet and greet. Turns out Jesus coaches high school basketball on the north side of town. The beard and hair are real, he wears a size 14.5 shoe, and he’s really handsome and totally draws you in when he talks (a plus for prophets). We also corralled the ninja angels for a photo op, but this one was my favorite:

We’re definitely going to have to see more shows. They even have dinner theater in the winter! And one of the upcoming shows is Fishes and Loaves where they serve fish from Captain Steve’s Fish Camp! Man, I love living here.