My job requires me to spend all day on the phone with clients. In the time I’ve been working here I’ve heard some pretty ridiculous stuff. I’ve talked to a man while he spent the entire time on the toilet. I’ve talked to drunk people. (who gets drunk and calls to talk about their finances?) I’ve talked to people who went through our entire automated answering system, got connected to me, then STILL thought they were talking to the American Heart Association. Here are some of my favorite quotes:
Clients to me:
The first words out of one man’s mouth when connected with me: “What the hell is the pound sign?”
I asked a client for their social security number to access their account and she said: “Do you want me to type it in?” Sure, because I can differentiate between every phone tone. I’m like a dolphin that way.
Me: “Thank you for calling _________. Shannon ______ speaking, how may I help you?” Client: “Salmon?” Yeah, cause my parents thought it would be a great idea to name me after a fish.
Co-workers to clients:
After repeated attempts to convince a man he called the wrong number, F gets frustrated and says: “Sir- this is ______, not Fingerhut. We don’t sell no rinky tink jewelry!”
Calling out a ticker symbol but failing to get the client to understand the letter “I”, E resorts to: “You know, “I”, as in eyeball.”
A client can’t quite grasp the concept W is trying to explain and says she feels stupid. W replies: “Ma’am, you’re not stupid. You’re just uneducated!”
Bless Your Heart 