Bless Your Heart

So, I’ve been getting these weird messages lately on my cell phone. The first odd one came in the form of a text message (which is an option I didn’t think I had). I can receive text messages apparently, but I can’t send them. It said “You the mother****ing man.” Short but sweet. I didn’t recognize the number, waived it off as a wrong number & didn’t think about it again. Then last month on our way to Baltimore my phone buzzes and it’s another text message. “Have my Iverson’s ready.” Now I know that Iverson is a basketball player, but I wasn’t sure why someone would think I’d have a couple Iverson’s at my disposal. We were somewhere in Virginia though so I didn’t want to be charged roaming & long distance just to tell someone he’d have to find his Iverson’s somewhere else. Husband filled me in that Iverson’s are shoes. I didn’t think anything else of it. Now here’s the kicker. The other day my phone buzzes and says I have a picture message. Who knew I could even get those? I retrieve it and it’s a nudie picture with some icky caption that I can’t quite remember. It shows various man & woman naked bits- on my cell phone! So weird. This time I called the number and some teenage girl picks up. She said her brother had been playing with her phone and thought he was calling a friend.

I must be one number off. It seems like everyone I know is plagues with being one number off. When Marc (brother-in-law) lived in this one apartment his number was one off from Juicy’s escort service. It got to the point where they just started answering “Juicy’s!”. My mom’s house is one number off for a ride system used predominantly by Spanish speaking people. She gets calls in the middle of the night by people speaking Spanish all the time. When someone finally called that spoke a little English she quizzed them about who they thought they were calling so that’s how she finally found out. Our home number either used to belong to someone else, or we’re one off from Jacob’s parents. He’s apparently not doing well in school according to our numerous messages on the machine from his teacher. Instead of answering the phone with “Hello” we should all just switch to a “one number off” disclaimer.