Bachelor Finale Part 1

Y’all. We made it! We sat through hours and hours of a never ending train wreck of a season and we finally were rewarded with a season finale that did not disappoint!!! So let’s dive in!

Hannah Ann is the first to meet the parents. She arrives all emotional and teary and to say that the family falls in love with her is the understatement of the year!!! HA is the easy choice, his family points out to him. But Pachi is torn and tears up talking to Pachi Sr. BTW, who told Barb it would be appropriate to meet your future DIL while wearing a tube top??? Fire her stylist!!!

The next day Madison comes to meet the fam. She brings her pet spiders that live in her eyelashes. They are on ALERT today! Girl! GO TO SEPHORA. They will help you!!! Madi gets there and she and P sit and mumble for the LONGEST time about how hard everything is and how she’s a fighter and Madi says “I need to like feel confident and like at peace and like I don’t”. P literally asks her what’s the issue here? I want to smack him!!! I’m just watching the show and I know what the issues are. He’s LIVING it and still can’t keep it straight!!! Come on Pachi! DO BETTER!!!

Madi finally tells P she loves him. They go in to see his parents and have apparently been keeping them waiting. P and his brother sit down to talk and even Jack can see that P & Madi have WILDLY different lifestyles. Jack- You like to party and have sex and she’s a virgin. You mean to tell me you can give that up???

Meanwhile Barb and Madi are talking and they are also hitting on the same points of their vastly different lifestyles. Barb- Don’t go changing my Pachi! Then Barb brings up the Fantasy Suite “ultimatum”. Barb CLEARLY is not a fan of this. As she’s making her points, Madi interrupts (!!!) to defend herself.

Madi’s time with the fam comes to a close and P walks her out. He returns to a sobbing Barb who says “Madi’s not here for you. HA is an angel on Earth!” Then the whole family dog piles on P talking about how much they LOVE HA and how Madi can just pack her bags and go. Finally Barb speaks the infamous line “Bring her home to us” while crying. P is visibly exhausted and tells her “You gotta stop doing this”. Hmmmm me thinks this isn’t the first time Barb has turned on the waterworks to get what she wants from her son.

Gotta say, I find it quite ironic that Barb bashes Madi for her faith and convictions then tells P that God Himself sent HA for him. #hypocrite

The next day P and Madi take a helicopter to this Uluru rock formation that is apparently super spiritual and sacred. Afterwards they are sitting on the desert floor swatting at flies and talking. Madi is talking about walking away so P can find what he’s looking for. Swat. About how different they are. Swat. She doesn’t want to SWAT change him and they may not be the SWAT best for each other. Can someone turn on a fan or something to combat these flies??? Madi decides to leave so P walks her to her car and she leaves in tears.

I have to give her credit. She’s not smart enough to watch a YouTube tutorial on mascara BUT she does know they are worlds apart when it comes to their lives. I mean, she’s a super religious small town girl and he’s a LA pilot who loves to …party… wink, wink. She’d have to move to LA and be all alone away from her family while he’s flying everywhere. It would be extremely difficult on a good day.

The next day Chris Harrison makes a rare appearance to talk to P. CH hasn’t even shaved for this! And here’s P looking like he’s lost his girl, truck, and his dog in one day!

Later, HA & P meet up and go to a kangaroo sanctuary. I hope ABC donated some money to this place! They get to hold and feed and love on some baby kangaroos and this is the ONLY time I’ve been jealous of HA this season. HA knows something is off with P. P has all the time in the world but he never mentions that Madi is gone. Interesting. That night HA gets all dressed up and lights an alarming amount of candles to set the mood. P shows up in a hoodie. Nice effort P! They talk and HA does her best to reassure P that she loves him. P just sighs a lot. He leaves and that’s it for tonight!!!

Part 2 coming up soon!!! Until then BBs!!! xo 🌹

Bachelor Week 9

Fantasy Suites Week!

We start this week back at the airplane hangar where Madison is about to tell Peter she’s saving herself for marriage. Except she doesn’t!!! Instead, Madi tells P that if he has sex with anyone else on the show she’s out! P’s all like WAIT, WHAT?? She says sex is super important to her and her faith and all but she’s leaving out the most important part!!! UGH. BTW, Peter’s scar looks terrible. I’m getting a strong Harry Potter gone wrong vibe.

The gang heads to Gold Coast, Australia and I hope ABC made a HUGE donation to the wildfire relief efforts in Australia. Don’t film all these koala and kangaroos if you’re not going to chip in for their rescue efforts! Ok, getting off my soapbox now.

Madi gets to the hotel suite first, then Hannah Ann, and Victoria arrive separately. So wait, ABC is putting all the ladies in the same suite on FS week? That’s just soo mean! Can you imagine the awkward conversations they’ll be having post sex with THE SAME DUDE??? P arrives and he looks miserable. Probably trying to decide what to do with that info Madi layed down at the hangar.

HA gets the first date and they go jet skiing then chill on the beach. HA keeps telling P she’s really ok with him having sex with the other girls and it’s starting to get weird. HA: “I like totally like understand and like I have like patience for this like journey” KILL ME NOW.

That night at Fake Dinner HA brings up her “understanding” again! Ok we get it! HA reads the FS note and is all “Oh Chris Harrison! What a lil devil!” like she hasn’t been watching this show her whole life. They go up to the hotel suite and honestly, HA seems more excited about the hot tub than making out with P. Hey, at least you’re first in line! They make out errrywhere in the suite and recreate that foggy Titanic scene with the bathroom door.

The next morning I’m expecting to see P & HA wake up together but instead we are treated to HA’s return to the girls’ suite and the AWKWARD convo that follows. OMG! You look so skinny, girl! No, YOU look so cute! #vomit And the whole time Madi is sitting there with gritted teeth trying to smile.

Victoria’s date is next and she and P tour Gold Coast by helicopter then go hiking to a waterfall. As they are talking Vic says “We haven’t even fought today…yet” and P keeps talking about the “fight” they have in them and how they are fighting for their relationship and I think ol Pachi’s head wound is worse than we could have imagined because fighting for a relationship and a relationship that ONLY consists of fighting are 2 v v different things.

At Fake Dinner P is trying to deep dive into Vic’s feelings without actually asking why she’s such an alleged homewrecker. And then here we go, Vic starts up with the I don’t know’s and the attitude and how she’s struggling and really trying here. Good LORT but I hate her so much!!! Every sentence ends on a high note like she’s constantly asking questions. Somehow she and P end up in their suite and next thing we know it’s morning and they are snuggled in the bed. Vic says she’s in love with P. WHY is he so into Vic?? He tells the camera he’s in love with all 3 and I die a little on the inside.

Vic goes back to the girls’ suite for more awkward convo. I find it interesting that at different points in this show they all wear cross necklaces. I mean, WWJD and all?

We finally get to Madi’s date. She and P suit up in harnesses and ascend by elevator to the 90th story or something of the tallest building in Gold Coast. Then they climb another few stories in the whipping wind outside of the building. The views are amazing but HELL NO would I ever!

That night at Fake Dinner Madi FINALLY tells P she’s saving herself for marriage and he visibly gulps. She then says she can’t say yes to a proposal if he’s had sex with anyone else this week and then 6 days later drops to one knee for her. P tells her that indeed, he has been intimate. But he doesn’t say if it’s with Vic (duh, of course it was) or HA, or both.

Ok so here’s the thing. In the real world, OF COURSE you wouldn’t want to know that your fiance had sex with another woman or two just last week and he’s proposing right now. That’s just gross. And ideally if you told your boyfriend that it’s super important that he keeps it in his pants this week, then he would. He would NOT have sex with the others if he really wants to be with Madi. But this isn’t the real world. This is the Bachelor. This is all about bikinis and making out and how close to soft porn ABC can get to show on the air during Prime Time. While I applaud Madi for sticking to her guns and her faith, she knew what she was signing up for. She HAD to have seen the show, right? She keeps saying “I don’t want to change” and she shouldn’t have to. But she can’t expect P to stay faithful to her on Fantasy Suite week without giving him all the pertinent information. It’s just not fair. You know that he’s been wanting to have sex with all three of them all season long! I personally think it’s gross that Fantasy Suite dates aren’t spread out over the course of a couple of weeks at the very least. But I’m not a producer for this den of inequity! Ha!

Ok, back to Madi and P’s Fake Dinner. Madi gets up from the table and walks outside to cry. P’s crying at the table then he goes after her. There’s a bunch of forehead kissing and P apologizing and begging Madi not to leave. Then she walks away from him. Is she going home? We won’t know until next week BBs!!! xo 🌹